Each accidental splotch of paint
creates a living masterpiece
discreetly layered in pain and joy–
choice contrasts for arousing art.

The darker strokes of greens and blues
stress hues of gold and bubblegum;
they sculpt perspective, hone your mind,
and prime you for the perfect life.

Deprive the whole of any piece,
you’ll cease to recognize its form–
unborn I’d be in every way,
betrayed by needless worrying

so fling your colors, live it up
rub bristles through the newest parts,
regard today with certainty–
you’re free to paint this masterpiece.

Whenever feelings overwhelm my breath,
I seek the strength of flannel’s stalwart plush
to drink up overflow that runs unchecked
down cheeks afire with life’s enduring flush,
reviving smoky tiparillo tang
as giant, blue-roped hands skim chestnut hair
to baritonal mumblings that hang
like sanctuary sigils in the air.

His everlasting warmth embraces me
with patience and a gentle iron will
as echos swirling on an astral breeze
until my inner turbulence is still–
for thirty years I’ve felt Dad’s quiet peace
upon this verdant cemetery hill.

You wish to be small
Slight and petite
Not round like a ball
Atop two chubby feet

You want to fit in
With those in your school
To be popular, thin
Not solely uncool

Why can’t you be skinny
Like others your grade
Dress in skirts mini-
Not big and homemade

But hold it, I say
To big little you
Soon comes the day
Adolescence is through

At age twenty-nine
With determination and grit
I promise you’re fine
Keep at it, don’t quit

Realizing long last
Being strong is what’s best
Leaving diets in the past
You pass the qualifying test

Now, a personal trainer
Group fitness leader
Sometimes entertainer
Always positivity feeder

The joy you’ll discover
In this health career choice
Will help your recover
And find your own voice

So, please don’t you fear
Dear big, little you
Your future is near
Your dream will come true

I find my peace in pieces
A little here and there
Chaos never ceases
Peace is often rare

But,
I feel it in raindrops
Dry, falling leaves
Carefree belly flops
A humorous sneeze

In,
Pine needle covered trails
A brilliant sunrise
Stylish manicured nails
Crisp sweet potato fries

At,
Book clubs with friends
Pride parades in June
Multicolored pens
Naps in the afternoon

I find my peace in pieces
Wherever there is spare
Gather then release it
Peace is meant to share

Dear unsealers,

My open letter to you is to share where I feel most at peace, where I feel at home. I guess I could be cliche and tell you I feel most at peace in my husband’s arms, or with my family; but the truth is I feel most at home with the trees in the woods. I love hiking. I love trails in the woods among the trees and the twigs, the dirt, the pinecones and the leaves. Trees don’t judge. I can walk and talk about anything on my mind and the trees do not judge me. The birds do not eavesdrop, they just fly and sing amongst themselves. Nature is home because I never feel stressed out in the presence of the trees and leaves. I never have to worry about making someone upset, or saying the wrong thing. I never have to worry about being on time or being late; because when I am among the trees I have no where else to be. I don’t look at the time, I don’t have anyone to answer to, I’m just at peace with myself and nature, the world does what it does around me but I am at home and have not a care in the world.

Hello world, I know you are probably wondering how’s life, what’s going on, what has been happening to me. We are beauty, We are one with ourselves without a doubt. Let’s begin to be in a world surrounded with true loving inspirational humans. To go through this chapter with no regret. I’m living life as time goes by with ambition, and conquering fears. I can be myself with no judgement. No fear or care of judgement from strangers who mean so little. I stand up for myself not so timid. Eighteen year old me was not ready for who i am today. I’m a published author now who knew that would be happen, I accomplished I’m very gratefully eccentric . I love myself finally after 22 years of not. I sang karaoke with the love of my life in front of an audience. I was confident I’m proud of that. I’m joyful, in love, and all i see are the beauty of everything around me. I met the most beautiful woman I’m spending the rest of my life with, She’s my always and forever & I couldn’t ask for anyone better than her. She’s my person, whom i can be vulnerable with always. To Mi Amor, the New job, The New opportunities , The New Special Memories I adore you. I’m looking forward to chapter 23!!! As we continue the journey, we now embrace life no longer dread it. I feel it, the wind from the trees everything so beautiful from the rustle of leaves, feel the ground beneath my fee ,the clouds moving slowly but surely, the stars shining brighter than ever before, to finally just get in touch with mother nature herself has truly been Exceptional. Who i am today & Who i was before i see the change ,the growth just to make it here. I know now that all the struggle & obstacles I’ve been through had to happen for me to be the beautiful, strong intelligent woman i am now & now i know that i have always been strong, I just couldn’t see the strength in me till now & for that i smile at this twenty-second chapter of my life.

Chapter 29

What can I say about this chapter of my life & what I love

This chapter — as many others — has tought me — so so much

Most of all—

It’s taught me to step outside — my comfort zone

Into an — unfamiliar place
Into the — complete — unknown

It’s allowed me to — crawl my way out of
— the abyss

& To open my self up — to the world again

It’s taught me — that It’s ok for me — to let you in

& no — it’s not easy to show myself
in my most vulnerable state — it’s never been

To let you have — a sweet taste
of my most — sour days — can be unsettling

Unsettling — to say the least

Sometimes you can tell still —
when my body’s — trembling

Or when my voice — shakes

But I learned — to simply just
— trust the process

in exchange — the power — I’ve gained
Is — Courage

What I love most about this Chapter — 29 of mine

Is that I finally let go of —
“my perfect plan — & timeline”

I learned to finally — resubmit myself — to God
In a way — I hadn’t done — for so long

I learned to heal some parts of me — that took me back — to little ol’ me — at 17

Even tho for years — that girl
has been gone

I learned to finally give up — trying to be her again

— just wishing & wishing

I know now — I’ll never be that girl again
but I’m no longer tripping

I can finally be at peace — to say goodbye to her & recreate myself

Trusting that me at 29 — has already made her proud

So what do I love most about this — Chapter 29 — I ask myself ?

That — a little bit of this
& a little bit of — that

Restored the hope back in my heart — that for years — I have lacked

& that — even on the days
When I felt — most alone

I never truly was — cause God
Neverrrr — Let Me — Go

I learned that — when God promised
to make a beautiful story out of me

He in fact — did not fold

Even tho at times — it felt like
my time was being wasted

It was simply just — a beautiful story
— still — in the making

All I gotta do now — is continue to let him take the lead

& not forget — like Miley Cyrus — always said
— It’s the climb

So I’ll keep on climbing

I’ll be patient Lord 🙏🏽
I’ll let you finish writing ✍️ 🥹

After my mom passed away in 2010
I was unsure what the future held for me
I had no idea how life would be
Without the woman I loved and adored
I was stuck
Fast forward almost 14 years later
I love my growth
I love my consistency
I love that I am not afraid to tell my story
Sharing my struggles with grief
As well as my continuous
Uphill battle with healing
From past trauma
My patience with learning
That sometimes things aren’t meant to be
God’s plan is way better
Than how I believed my life ought to be
I am amazed that I have been blessed
With opportunities
I’ve dreamt of
A love that completes me
And restores my confidence in myself
A peace that fulfills me
I will continue to live life unapologetically
‘Cause this chapter in my life
Is way better than I expected it to be!

What do I love about this part of my life?
I wonder aloud to myself.
I seem to get caught up in the riptide of the ever quickening current of life and sometimes forget that when I ride the waves rather than resisting, I end up exerting much less extra energy and receiving much more than when my attention is caught up, too.
I do love that I can put this sensation into words, something that creates something from what was once abstract.
I love that I can pause and take just 3 breaths, and remember the gift that alone is.
I love that in this moment in my life, I am able to meet the triggers and challenges I face like an old friend who is just in need of a parcel of love, not to be turned away with vengeance.
I love that I am choosing me, no matter what, in a selfishly selfless way.
Who can pour from what’s empty?
I love that I am discovering what confidence means to me, and also for my ability to give grace, especially to myself, when that confidence I discover falters, even just momentarily.
I love that I can remind myself of all the reasons I have to be confident, and for all the gratitude that I feel for the awareness I’ve cultivated of this, as this practice has at times felt as unnatural as I imagine eating soup on the moon would feel.
I love that I am meeting myself deeper and with more love than I’ve known from myself ever, and for that I rejoice as I know it will be multiplied outwards.
I love that trying new things lights me up with excitement instead of cowering in fear.
I love that I use strength with my voice, no longer one to be bulldozed with others’ words.
I love that my once thorny boundaries have turned to beautiful vines, soft yet strong, ever enduring with elegance and ease.
I love that this chapter of my life has brought me a love of life – once a place that was a barren landscape of nothingness – now a fertile garden bursting with new life and the potential of growth beyond all imagination.

I am growing in places I didn’t even know was possible. Where I am from, people often get stuck. Mentally, financially or in whatever way possible. Stuck in time so much that people that know them from five years ago and people that know them from today know the same version of them. These people often repeat the same rhetoric: I am who I am. My biggest fear is being stuck. I have an amazing corporate job working for a technology company, but I want more. I have three degrees, but I want more. I crave progression in my life to a point that these thoughts invade my dreams. I don’t aspire to work up the ladder at the same job for twenty years or to stay at a job for the benefits and 401k. I don’t care about which insurance is offered or what discounts I can get through the company. I want more. I need more. I am meant for more. I love that in this chapter of my life I am not confined by my environment. I love that I am slowly breaking out of my shell. I will not lie and say I am not terrified to take that step. But what I know for certain is that I am not alone. The person that I was five years ago was too scared to walk, with goals that didn’t align with my soul. Now I am walking with God towards my purpose, open and ready to be molded into the person that I am meant to be – the person that lives in my dreams. I have grown from where I was and I refuse to walk backwards. I am who I am, but I am constantly getting better.

While this is the 29th chapter that has been written
It’s the first of its kind.

The others
They’re full of marks and underlines

Edits from others
Rewrites from me, however everyone else wanted the character to be

I began writing my story
In 2022

I wrote and I wrote
motifs with new views

Guardedly crafting every line
I picked some new characters
Tried out some new styles

Had a litany of editors
To re-read every other line

This is chapter 29
The first of its kind

I’ve retired my editors
Publish without a reread
I’m not afraid of spelling errors
Their a part of me

If you don’t like my book
You don’t have to read
I write what I need

This chapter is meaningful
It;s authentically me.

In this chapter of my life
I love that I am learning to dance in the rain
In this chapter of my life
I love that I am learning myself again
In this chapter of my life
I love that I’m realizing I’m still fiercely brave
In this chapter of my life
I love that each day reveals to me that I am truly, uniquely and wonderfully made
In this chapter of my life
I take each day as it comes
In this chapter of my life
The chest crushing stress, I’m learning not to succumb
In this chapter of my life
I love that I let myself cry
In this chapter of my life
I love that I spend less time wondering why
In this chapter of my life
I love how God is loving and keeping me
In this chapter of my life
I love that I am free
Free to be me authentically
Free to explore
Freedom–ahhh–freedom
I’m free indeed
In this chapter of my life
I love discovering that I can and will win again
In this chapter of my life
I love re-realizing that each new beginning starts with a necessary end
In this chapter of my life
I love that I’m taking care of me
In this chapter of my life
I love the way I continue to conquer the inner-me
In this chapter of life
I love my mindset, daily habits, and surroundings
In this chapter of my life
I’m so glad that happiness has found me
In this chapter of my life
Hope and faith greets me with each new day
In this new chapter of my life
I love that I’m finding my way

This is the chapter where she sheds the guilt and shame.
Giving unconditional love to the dark, wounded parts, as that is what they craved all along.
Releasing any feelings of unworthiness or self-loathing that reside in the shadows,
Removing what was never hers to hold, and making room for the blessings that await.

This is the chapter where she loves herself deeply and unapologetically.
Embracing the flaws and recognizing the true beauty of the human body.
Sitting in the imperfections and releasing all negative thoughts and beliefs,
Refreshing her view of the miracle she is- a living vessel of life and love.

This is the chapter where she steps into her power.
Letting go of the perfectionism and fawning tendencies that once kept her imprisoned.
Instead, she steps into authenticity and embraces every inch of her mind,
Allowing herself to lean into the childlike joy that arises when she sees signs from her angels.

This is her chapter.
She writes the story and creates the reality she desires.
She prioritizes joy and rest, as she knows she is deserving of happiness.
She counts her blessings, soaks in the love around her, and expels light wherever she goes.