Heaven has gain another angel….

A few months ago, Mitsu was diagnosed with anemia, which resulted in a low count of white and red blood cells. He was prescribed medicine to take every day to help his blood cells function properly, and it worked for a short period of time. However, a new diagnosis was given on May 2nd, 2024, when he was found to be suffering from cancer, kidney failure, and a high temperature. Unfortunately, the doctor informed us that there is nothing more they can do to help him. My family and I are taking care of him every day, feeding him through a tube since he has lost the ability to eat and drink water. We are doing everything in our power to help him, spending as much time with him as we can. He is a fighter and has been holding on for almost a week now. May 5th,2024 at 5:00 pm my baby has passed away and joined GOD I’m happy you’re in a better place and not suffering anymore inshallah we will meet again meri jaan. We will miss you, you may not be here physically but emotionally and mentally you are. May Allah bless you always my baby we love you. You were treated by the best doctors I know because the minute they saw you they got ready to put ultrasound, heartbeat mintor in 2.5 seconds they knew tried their best to save you. Me and your grandma were willingly to pay whatever amount to give you the best treatment but you picked your head up and called out mama whenever we were talking to the doctors you knew it your time. Heart beat going up and down and temperature going higher, lower and then GOD called you, me and your grandma screamed I’m sure you heard our screams and cries saying, “not him not now,” I told you to let go whispered in your ear who knew you listened and let go. The doctors took you to another room and we saw tears coming out your eyes and the door opening up wide we knew you were leaving. The house will be empty without your meows. Me and our family will miss you babyboy youll always be our baby and never replaced by another. Your ashes will be here with us forever. I’ll always remember you calling out mama, following me to the bathroom always, bumping your head on my hand for cuddles, always stealing food. Your bird and fish siblings will miss you too, tell mitu your bird sister hello for me tell her even after many years I still miss her your my baby always and forever my black cat. Your cat siblings annie, milo, selena have lost their brother but promise me to look out for them from up in the clouds, stars, sun, moon never stop looking after us either we will miss you meri jaan always and forever never ever forgotten. Hope you visit in my dreams and thoughts always. Thank you for all the smiles, laughs, meows, you cured so much in our household anxiety, depression, sadness you made it all happy who knew cats were a miracle and my black cat was our lucky clover. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to take care of you and giving you all the love and care and even after your gone ill still be your cat mom. O Allah, ease upon him his matters, and make light for him whatever comes hereafter, and honor him with your meeting and make that which he has gone to better than that which he came out from.

Bismillah

May Jannah be a safe place for you

Dear Uncle Eric,
I’ve talked to you a lot the past few years. Your picture hangs up above my electric junction box; my boyfriend and I split custody of your comic book collection.

Sometimes I flash back to those summers when I was kid when you’d walk up the street toward my grandmother’s house, sporting that toothy smile and that dingy Superman shirt.

Ironically, in some ways I feel closer to you now than when you were alive. If I had to choose, though, I’d have you back beside me in a second.

I want to start off by saying, I’m sorry. When you got sick, you tried to reach out. You tried to call. I kept avoiding those calls, and you probably died thinking I didn’t want to speak to you. Or maybe you knew, on some level, that I loved you with all my heart, that I’ve always thought of you as a father. I’ll never know either way, and it breaks my heart and part of me hates myself for not picking up the damn phone.

I don’t hate myself all the time for that–I want you to know that. Only sometimes, and not for very long. Regret is ultimately a waste of time.

I could bemoan the fleeting time we had together, regret never calling you Dad… or I could feel blessed. I do feel blessed. You gave me a whole world, Eric. You gave me comic books and superheroes, Peter Parker and Clark Kent. You gave me Smallville, you gave me X-Men, you gave me all those summers of adventures in Boston, seeing Spiderman in theaters together. You gave me thirty years of listening, empathizing, without any judgment whatsoever. I say this without a hint of doubt–other adults in my life clothed me, fed me, paid for a decent chunk of my college education… but you gave me more than those adults ever did.

For one thing, you didn’t beat me, or scream at me, or throw things at me, or blame me for the family being broken. You didn’t steal from me, call me a faggot when I came out, or tell me I was an evil person.

You saw me. You saw the real me. You saw the light in me, and you nurtured it. That light shines now, bright as the sun, because of YOU.

You taught me how to be a hero, just by being one yourself. You taught me how to be kind to others, even when the world is nothing but cruel. You taught me to show forgiveness where a lesser man might show retribution. Most of all you taught me that those who cause pain, are weak. Those who love and protect others, are the strongest of us, the very best of us.

For that, and so much more, you are, and always will be

My hero.

I need you, I’m scared
The man who I thought was my father
Was only my Dad.
I knew too-right from wrong
But God is my Father,
And He is strong!
He’s not like my Dad though,
Yet, some similarities you know?
How is your Mom?
Is she still alive?
I wish to your place again
I could run and hide.
As kids and friends
Billy I was never perverted
Some scary stranger…
Wrecked my life.
And then he laughed about it
40 years later
How’s that a joke?
I don’t know.
But I’m better now,
I’m a child of the King!
And in 4 trillion more years…
I’ll still be!
Like prejudiced people used to say in school,
Calling some a wanna’ be
Except my wants changed.
I want to be a man of God,
I want to be good
I sure wish I could.
But I’m gonna try to learn how!
I miss you so bad
You were the first best friend I had.
My best friend now-since “1996”
Is the coolest!
His name is Mike
He’s from Cleveland
I’ve even prayed and cried over him.
I want him to go to heaven!
You better be there when I get home,
I want you to meet him.
I wish I had not
Brought you smoke.
I want to be buried under it.
You were like an exception
Dad would let me out.
He must had liked you too.
Sometimes I think
I haven’t changed much inside…
But I have! Hey,
I know you remember Scoot,
He told me what happened, at the bar
When he cried. Billy, I wish you never died!

Everyone has that friend. The one you who walks into your house without knocking or calling first. The one who invites herself over for dinner. The one who answers every text within seconds because she understands your anxiety. The one who sends you birthday cards in the mail even though they see you every day in person but they know it will be more special that way. I remember the last time I saw you. I remember driving in your car and stopping at the store, I remember you sneaking me a cigarette even though I wasn’t supposed to be smoking. I remember sitting outside your apartment laughing and planning what to do to celebrate both of our birthdays because they fell so close together. I remember your birthday. You should be 36 now. Instead you’re forever 33. No one ever tells you that losing a friend forever is one of the hardest things you’ll have to go through in life. Losing the person you tell every detail about your day to is like losing your dominant hand. it’s kind of hard to do everything without it. It’s kind of hard to do everything we used to do now, without you. No one ever tells you how hard it is to lose that friend because no one is supposed to lose that friend.

Hi my name is
Nah that’s way too formal.

Hey wassup it’s ya girl
What am I a radio personality?

Hi. I’m LaShae.

Wait. Yeah that
That feels comfortable.

Hi. I’m LaShae.
La like the note
Shae like the butter.
And I’m
. . .
Blank

God says,
I am that I am
But if I said it
Would it be blasphemous?
Even if I am?
Because I am that I am
And
I am Joy.
I am Smile.
Brittany said it was creepy
That I smiled so much
But Brittany didn’t know
I hurt the same ways she did.
She didn’t know my smile
Was as much a resistance
As it was for her to get out of bed some mornings
She didn’t know
I kept my smile because
Tracy loved my smile.
Tracy loved my smile!
She said it was the most genuine smile she’s ever seen
Which is the best compliment
Because her smile
Was the most genuine I’ve ever seen.

I am peace
Except when I am hungry
And I am always hungry
Beware of Junior’s warning
You better feed that gal;
I am gal.
As sister says,
When hungry,
I am Hulk;
I am pitbull.
Ya girl just likes to eat
But when I am fed,
I promise
I will be peace
Like Mable taught me to be
Peace:
Not the absence of violence,
But the presence of Justice.
So if no Justice
No peace.
I am starving
Pitbull for peace
Ready to Hulk smash oppression
See, Mable
Mable was a child
When Newark went up in flames
See
You don’t watch your home go ablaze
And end up staying the same
No
You arm yourself
Yes, with the whole armor of God
Like your mother taught you
But also
With a thicker skin
That none of this heat can penetrate
And with a weapon
She chose a pen
Much mightier than a sword
Her ink writing for peace
Not the absence of violence
But the presence of Justice
Her ink filled with the blood spilled in her streets
And then she would come to teach
All the little children, and yes, even me
That the power is in connections
That is what Mable taught to me.

Barbara taught me to hold my own.
Pete told me Fret Not
But Pray if you feel alone
Latierra and Ricky
Both taught me to wonder
And Serena taught me
That dancing is greater than pain
Ali taught me God will find you
Even if you’re in the dark.
I never met Maurice,
But his love is always in my heart.
Ulysses taught me always learn first
And Davey taught me to dress my best
Even when they do their worst
Ron & Vette taught me to be loud
Lisa and Al taught me love knows no bounds
Dog taught me to keep my friends close
Mo taught me that royalty
Can come from a crack that bloomed a rose
And Holis, God rest his soul,
May not be blood
But taught me what a man ought to be

I know you asked about me
But I am an unfinished story
The moral of my life
Isn’t complete
But I am that I am
And I am pieces of
Every person I ever lost
A puzzle
Amassing to one lone thought:
Love.

GRIEF
By. Kristina Gregson
Grief is a hard feeling to explain.
One does not truly know what to expect, until they are actually going through the pain.
The pain in the pit of your inner being.
The ache in your heart, feels like it could stop beating.
Your whole body aches with pain, leaving one feeling so drained.
Right down to the blood that flows through your veins.
A hurt, an ache, that can only be described as deep deep sorrow.
One that you know you will still have when you wake tomorrow.
The feeling of loss, the wish I would haves,
The wish I could haves, the wish I should haves,
That feeling of so much wasted time, that could have been spent with better rhythm and rhyme.
More smilies, more hugs, more laughter, more love.
More calls, more talks, maybe even a walk,
More dinners together, more special times.
That is what you wish when your loved one has ran out of time.

Dear Grandpa,
It’s been 11 years snice you’ve gone. I can still remember the night being so peaceful, so still, and so cold. I remember the day we laid you to rest. The snowflakes that fell that day were the biggest ones I’ve ever seen. I wanted to be one of the few who go to carry you to your final resting place, but I watched instead as my brother, cousin, brother in law, and a few others carried you instead.

I’ll never forget when my 18th birthday rolled around and I eagerly went to the gas station and bought a can of your grizzly wintergreen chewing tobacco. I took it to you grave and had lunch with you. The sun was shining and I was happy enough even though you weren’t with me anymore.

You were my best friend. The amount of days I skipped school just to hang out with you nearly cost me my graduation. The people at school frowned upon the week I missed when you passed. Said I shouldn’t have been gone that long and that I needed to be there from then on. What was I supposed to say? Grief has no time limit and I wasn’t capable of dragging myself out of bed to go be around people who never understood me. You always did though.

I wonder what you would think of me now. Would you still be proud of me? Would you still be able to sit in silence with me and just watch the tv? Would you still be able to look me in the eyes and tell me everything was going to be ok? You were my safe place in this world and even though it has been 11 years my heart still hurts. I yearn to hear your laugh, see your smile, and feel the warmth of your hugs.

I love and miss you so much, Grandpa.

Mikaela Lauren Tick,

March 7th is your birthday. I was planning to post this on the 6th, as it would fit the theme… premature, or just because this is so hard to get through that I wanted to do it early.

Then again, it is the 6th in California, where my sister lives – who is due to give birth on the 9th.

So, who knows, she can be getting contractions as I write this! .

Hello future Weber,

For future comparison, please note: the line below details what time this sentence was written:
Sentence was completed at 9:33 pm 3.6.24 (PST)

I will see you soon!

Love,

Uncle Jakey💜

Anyway, back to the premature thing.

MLT YOU💜 ME because I was born prematurely at 1lbs 13 oz, giving me cerebral palsy – It feels really weird to be talking about myself in YOUR bday card, CONVENIENTLY weird!

Your favorite thing to do was to ASK me how I was doing and there to share all the moments with me🥲

Alright, let us get back to MYSELF🤔 I think that would make everyone happy😂

In all seriousness, you ARE at your HAPPIEST when the attention is on others. I’ll take it and run!

Our relationship iS STILL as close as ever!

I may not be able to physically hug you, but I know YOU ARE STILL HERE because I see the signs:

Whether it’s with family or things that I do, I do NOT doubt that you did not have anything to do with Lexi, finding a Jeffrey, Ryan finding a Pamela (I’m a little upset with that one because there is only one Pamela Tick, but that’s ok, Pamela’s maiden name is Katz (like Nanny Sheila’s)!

Me:
The Unsealed with LAUREN, my psychologist —who has a disability, and lost a cousin, my best friend, Mack, who I met at a special Olympics event!

In these ways, YOU ARE IMPACTING EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY ME, SHOWING ME, that love can be experienced by ANYONE, ANYWHERE, disability or not!

I would say, until we see each other next time, but I see you EVERYDAY!

Until I can give you a PHYSICAL HUG, sending all of them up into HEAVEN! That and a Black & White Cookie for Papa Donald!

I pray God send you back to me
I loved you before I knew you
I still love you
Stink-stink
My boo boo
I will always love you
You would have been 7 years old
Some friends tell me Happy mothers day
I smile to cover up the pain that’s inside of me
It’s hard for me to open up to explain to others what happened
I wish I knew what you would have looked like
Still wonder if you were going to be a baby boy “Legend”
Or a “Diamond” princess
I wish I knew your favorite toy
Your favorite cartoon
favorite food
favorite fruit
favorite veggie
favorite ice cream
favorite hobby
favorite color
favorite book
I know uncle Jimmy would have been your favorite uncle
Sherice & Klanice your favorite twin aunties
All I wanted was the best for you
Lead you in the right direction
I wanted you to have a father
That knew the definition of being a father
And act on it
I was so happy when I confirmed I was due 3/30/2017
But I was scared too
So I sat down and thought everything through
I rather have a child by a real man with father experience
Even with no father experience but is ready and willing to sacrifice
And do everything he can to make sure his child is well taken care of
And I was guaranteed to have a real man that had my back one hundred percent
Then I would have never had any doubts
I still look at my ultrasound picture
My body freezes up looking at my seed I was carrying
Small thing you
Sometimes as I sit and write
But yet my kid not hugging or kissing me
Or saying, “mommy I love you”
I feel so empty inside
The sorrow is so heavy
So deep
I pray God
Bring me back my princess or prince
Beautiful
Handsome
Healthy and all.

My little angel 😇 💛

Pure determination and new promises packed along with
her black t-shirt that boldly said, “Laugh More, Bitch Less.”
She was grit, she was fierce.
She wasn’t afraid to travel in an RV with her new boyfriend,
landing in Montana mountains as a young black beautiful woman -hiking on flat trails where chokecherries partied near creeks , dealing with strong winds that chapped her cheeks, and witnessing how the snow packed and spread over the land, emphasizing the mountain tops.
She was cascading to her new dreams, her first brave trip out of the family nest.
she shimmered, she shined.
if you were lucky enough to see her smile – unforgettable like Natalee and Nat King Cole singing.
that is why WHEN she went missing –
no cellphone life, no social media snapchats, we knew something was wrong .
So, us, her siblings/besties put on the song Fugees –“ Gonna Find You”
We went.

Missing women.
Missing men.
Missing kids.
MISSING YOU.
WE FOUND YOU.
MURDERED.

Pure determination, pure promises.
Shimmer and Shine.

December 2, 2012. I remember this day all too well, and December 3, 2012, which is strange because I don’t remember most of my life. These two days however, are clear, vivid, like watching a movie in IMAX. A movie that haunts me to this very day.

Let’s start with December 2. Abby and I were at Granny’s. It was a Sunday afternoon, the phone rang. It was you. Mama was just arriving at Granny’s to pick us up and take us back home with her. I remember Granny asking if I wanted to talk to you, I did not. I was handed the phone, but I had nothing to say to you. I was hurt, angry, and sad. I told you I was mad at you. Mad because you left once again to go raise a child who wasn’t even your own. You left me. You left us. You said you’d be coming home for Christmas, I was happy about that, excited even. I have always been a Daddy’s girl, all I wanted was my Daddy home. Since I didn’t want to talk to you, you asked to talk to Mama. I walked the phone out to her and let y’all talk. I remember Mama smiling and laughing while speaking with you. I later found out you had asked her to marry you again. She loved you, and truthfully now looking back, she would have married you again in a heartbeat. After y’all got off the phone, Abby and I loaded up in the car with Mama and headed home. The entire ride home I was still mad, but also very excited because in a few short weeks I’d get to see you again. So I thought anyway.

December 3, 2012. Monday morning, I was awoken with my phone being taken away. I had no idea what I had done wrong for my phone to be taken, I was very confused. Mama looked like she had been crying all night. Her eyes were swollen and red. She couldn’t tell me why she took my phone from me, so being the teenager that I was, of course I was irritated. I asked her what was wrong, she said she had a toothache all night and didn’t get any sleep. I got ready for school like it was a normal day. I remember I was wearing hot pink pants, a black shirt, and black boots. We left home, the same time as usual, like we were headed to school. I would have never guessed the horrors that awaited us. We stopped at Nana’s, this was unusual, especially since we were going to be late for school at this point. I remember being so agitated because not only do I not have my phone, now I’m going to be late for school. After Nana’s, we stopped at Granny’s. Immediately I knew something was wrong. Aunt Sam’s car was in the driveway, she lived in Kentucky at this time so why was she there? Granny was sitting on the porch in her pajamas, housecoat, and slippers. We got out of the car, and Granny’s face looked just like Mama’s. Eyes red and swollen like she’d been crying all night. Now I am aware this is not another toothache. It was never a toothache.

Granny tells us to go in and sit on her bed. Abby and I do as were told, we sit on the end of her bed. Granny then proceeds to kneel down in front of us, touching the both of us with her hands, and says, “Your Daddy was in an accident, and he didn’t make it.” I finally understand why my phone was taken, why everyone’s eyes were red and swollen, why everything that morning was a bit off. My world just went black. My heart shattered. Everything inside me died that day. That is the first time I ever had thoughts of suicide. Fourteen years old, and my Daddy had died. I didn’t even get to tell him goodbye. He died thinking that I hated him. I did not get to tell him I loved him, I missed him, I just wanted him to come home. I refused to speak to him when I had the chance just hours before he departed from this world. He died not knowing how much he meant to me. After we were told of the tragedy that occurred, we had to go home and pack our bags. We were going to Illinois. The bags were packed and we headed back to Granny’s, but now Papa was home too. A sound that I will never forget, is the sound of a grown man I have never seen shed one single tear, screaming, sobbing, and wailing. The sound of him mourning his son was loud enough to hear from outside of the house. To this day I can still hear his cries.

The week following your death is a blur. I remember key moments. I remember Aunt Sam nearly killing us trying to drive to the court house. You were actually going to court to see if the child you left Tennessee for was yours. I remember staying at Silly Willy’s and everyone went to view your body, but we were not allowed to go. I remember them talking about your body being “mangled”. I remember sitting at Silly Willy’s kitchen table trying to help pick songs to play at your funeral. I remember going to pick out your casket. I remember picking out your favorite cologne to spray on you. I remember when we had your visitation in Illinois and we were the first to view you. I remember not being able to walk down the aisle, nearly falling to my knees, sobbing my eyes out. That could not be MY Daddy laying in this casket. No. Not mine. But it was. Thankfully, Aunt Sam was there to pick me up and help me walk. I remember finally leaving, and Mama was the last person to say goodbye to you. We all gave her privacy. I remember going out to eat with everyone afterward and we all took a picture with the signature Billy Gray middle finger.

We brought you back home to Tennessee, in the bed of Papa’s truck. I remember riding behind it and still not believing that you were in that casket, you were really gone. I remember burying you, six feet in the ground. You were home for Christmas that year, just not the way I had expected. I remember everything, and sometimes, I wish I didn’t.

Since you’ve been gone, it does feel like the world has stopped spinning. I died that day and I don’t think I have ever come back to life yet. In fact, everyone died. A piece of every single one of us died on December 2, 2012. Some have handled your death better than others, but nonetheless, not one of us is okay. You do not expect to bury your father as a teenager. A parent does not expect to bury their child. Siblings do not expect to bury their sibling at such a young age. Especially, when you’re completely blindsided by it.

I always sit and wonder about the “what if’s”. What if you were still alive? Would things be as bad as they are? Would I be the way that I am? Would our family be as dysfunctional as it is now? The “what if’s” and “why’s” will eat you alive if you’re not careful. I have had my fair share of being eaten alive by them. I have had to accept that I cannot change what has happened, I cannot go back in time. I just have to believe you’re still here with me, believe that you know I love you and I always have, believe that you are in a better place.

You turned the last page of your book here on earth. I will cherish that book forever, hold it tightly in my soul. This December will mark 11 years, and I miss you more than I could ever put into words. I am still my Daddy’s little girl. I always will be. You were the first man I loved, and the first to break my heart. Unfortunately, grief never goes away, time does not fade the emotions and feelings. However, it is how you deal with the grief that is the key. Truth be told, I have not handled it very well. I have cursed God’s name, lost faith in everything, spiraled into destructive habits. Lots of times just HOPING it would in some sense bring me closer to you. I am now hoping one day my world will begin to spin again, maybe life will form in the parts of me that died. I will keep trying down here on earth, remember your legacy, for I am just as hard headed and stubborn as you. In the meantime, it is what it is. I will take it day by day until we meet again. When that day comes, be prepared for a fight because you left me down here without you, tears, laughter, and most of all an abundance of love. I will never let you go.

Your little girl,

Have you ever had the pleasure of falling in love with someone you’ve never met?

It’s almost as if you have an immediate connection,
Your souls are fused together.
The pull of uncertain, certainty.
You feel everything all at once.
Your soul is content and full.
You’ve become a glutton for the love
It feels so good!
Theres butterflies signifying this spectacular moment in the timeline.

Have you ever had the pleasure of a heartbreak over someone you’ve never met?

They say the worst withdrawal is of a person.
I must say, “I agree.”
It’s almost as if you have lost a real piece of your soul
You have no autonomy over your
heart.
You crave, cry, and hate all within a
minute.
You mourn someone you’ve never even
met.

Have you ever had the pleasure of healing after a heartbreak over someone you’ve you’ve never met?

It’s almost as if you are whole again.
You carefully put each piece of your
shattered heart together
Hand gluing, welding, stitching,
and crafting it into your newest
artistry.
Looking at your newest master piece
You’re feel of all of the happy, joyful
memories you chose to keep
You’re reminded of the pain and
mourning that led to
You, whole,new & ready to love.

I dedicate this poem to Gary and Morgan, loving partners for over 40 beautiful years. This month Gary passed away after a year long struggle with cancer, days before Morgan’s birthday and their anniversary. During his final moments, Gary only had the strength to whisper priceless words of encouragement and love to Morgan. This is a poem of hope that we will all meet again, someday, somewhere beyond this life. But in the meantime, we’ll find each other in…

WHISPERS

You’ll come to me in whispers

And you’ll visit me in dreams

I’ll awaken from your kisses

Softly lit by radiant beams

In the echos of my life

I will catch your sweetest voice

I will hear our love’s pure song

And my heart will then rejoice

I will strain my tired ear

For each whisper that you gift

As I listen most intently

In our memories I will drift

And one day your gentle whispers

Will be louder and quite clear

We’ll be standing face to face

And our love song all will hear

Dear Unsealers,

Today I held the hand of a dying friend. We looked into each other’s eyes and I said the only thing I could say at that moment…”I love you”. Too weak to speak, he closed his eyes, puckered his tired lips, and blew me a kiss. I caught it and will carry it with me for the rest of my life.