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Carlie Beth responded to a letter in topic Write a poem or letter to the world about an experience that changed you or your life for the better 1 months, 4 weeks ago
Thank you so much! Really means a lot to me!!! 💕
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A must-have for soccer players, Nike Kylian Mbappé collection helps you dominate the field in style. These top-tier boots, including the Vapor and Superfly models, offer a precision fit and traction that keeps you agile on the pitch. Don’t just play the game—own it!Shop Here -
Carlie Beth responded to a letter in topic Write a poem or letter to the world about an experience that changed you or your life for the better 1 months, 4 weeks ago
Thank you so much for your kind words!!! 💕
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A must-have for soccer players, Nike Kylian Mbappé collection helps you dominate the field in style. These top-tier boots, including the Vapor and Superfly models, offer a precision fit and traction that keeps you agile on the pitch. Don’t just play the game—own it!Shop Here -
snikliw88 submitted a contest entry to Write a poem or letter to the world about an experience that changed you or your life for the better 7 months, 3 weeks ago
Get Up
To whom it may concern,
I was on day three of my binge. By binge, I mean combining: weed, Jack Daniel’s, chocolate bars infused with mushrooms, and sleeping pills. It was an odd combination, but it did the trick. After nine years of drugs and alcohol everyday, my tolerance was higher than I could ever be. In those days I chased that high, that happiness. Everyday I added new ways to make me feel better. If someone approached me with a harder drug, like meth or coke, I’m positive I would’ve done it without question.
I was just fired from a job I loved, being a high functioning addict and alcoholic wasn’t something they signed up for. I was morning a loss when I got fired, which helped fuel the three day binge.
I was living with roommates. I slept in the garage when it was nice. During the binge I stayed in the house because it was winter. I liked the garage at the time, it was my own space. I wasn’t judged for how much I smoked or drank. I got in my roommates way a lot. My problems got in the way a lot.
Day three was New Years Eve. I started early that day, and by night I was drunk and high. Then I ate more of those shroom bars until I was disconnected from reality. But for the first time in nine years, instead of a wave of relief, euphoria, and happiness – I was engulfed with fear, dread, and paranoia. Everything felt wrong. It felt like something bad was about to happen. I was terrified. I thought I was going to die. I ran to the living room panicking, shaking, and screaming, “something is wrong! something is wrong!” But no one was there. My roommates weren’t home. I was alone.
Next thing I knew I was on the ground shaking and convulsing uncontrollably. I felt fear and death weighing me down. I kept my eyes wide open because I was scared of the darkness when I closed them. I didn’t wanna get lost in the dark.
I heard a thousand voices in my head, scary and screaming like demons. I wanted it to stop, begged in my head for them to stop. Only in my head because I couldn’t talk aloud. I couldn’t utter a word. I stayed on the floor internally begging for it all to stop. It kept going. I saw dark shadow figures dancing around me. It made me feel even more sick and scared.
They eventually disappeared and I was still on the floor. I didn’t know what was real and what was a hallucination. The voices were still swirling around me. I felt stuck in this nightmare for eternity, I thought it was never going to end. Then, like a crack of sunlight on a dark and cloudy day, a familiar voice screamed, “STOP. GET UP!” The convulsions stopped.
The command drowned out the demon voices. It shouted again, “GET UP!” I obeyed. I got to my feet and felt for the wall. The room was spinning while I felt my way to the kitchen. I remember drinking some water. I remember throwing up in the sink.
I don’t remember how I got to the couch.
The next thing I do remember was waking up, feeling a wave of relief that I was alive and the dread was gone. The feeling of death holding me down was gone. I felt sick to my stomach but relieved.
In that moment, I thought about everything going on in my life. My personal losses, my friends, the job I lost (didn’t seem too important anymore), my family, the things I’ve done but didn’t want to talk about, I thought about everything. I ultimately decided I never want to feel that kind of fear again. The drugs and alcohol are going to kill me. I decided I didn’t want to die. I decided I didn’t want to live like that anymore.
The days that followed were rough, paranoia laid on me like a weighted blanket. I still felt a demon on me. I moved out of the house and had a mental breakdown because of other traumas and withdraws. I felt low, but I eventually got better.
I think back on the voice that told me to get up. I’m not sure if it was God, a guardian angel, or a version of me I lost years ago; because, the voice sounded like a better version of me. Instead of chasing a high, I started chasing that voice. I wanted to be that person. I wanted to be strong.
A year sober now, I can say I am a lot stronger. Fear can be a motivator. It was the kickstart I needed, but the strength I heard in that voice is what kept me going. The voice that told me to get up.
This is my life, the only person in this world that can really help me is myself.
Listen to that little voice inside your head that warns you, before it’s too late and it’s no longer a whisper but a scream telling you to get up.
It warns, guides, and protects you for a reason. That voice loves you.
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A must-have for soccer players, Nike Kylian Mbappé collection helps you dominate the field in style. These top-tier boots, including the Vapor and Superfly models, offer a precision fit and traction that keeps you agile on the pitch. Don’t just play the game—own it!Shop Here-
I really love the way you wrapped this story up. Saying, “I’m not sure if it was God, a guardian angel, or a version of me I lost years ago,” adds a lot of light to your journey. Chasing your own voice and getting closer to yourself is a really beautiful gift to get from so many years of darkness. Congratulations and thank you for sharing 🙂
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Thank you so much! Really means a lot to me!!! 💕
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I love this line, “. Instead of chasing a high, I started chasing that voice.” This is so good. I am sorry for all you went through, but I am so inspired by where you are now! Thank you for sharing!
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Thank you so much for your kind words!!! 💕
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Carlie Beth responded to a letter in topic Why do you love yourself? 7 months, 3 weeks ago
Wow! Thank you so much for your kind words and feedback! This really made my day! I appreciate everything you shared and reading my piece, you are the best! Thank you for everything you said, I love being part of this Family ❤️ Thank you again for reading, commenting, and sharing your thoughts – it really means a lot to me – we are all badass and strong here ❤️
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A must-have for soccer players, Nike Kylian Mbappé collection helps you dominate the field in style. These top-tier boots, including the Vapor and Superfly models, offer a precision fit and traction that keeps you agile on the pitch. Don’t just play the game—own it!Shop Here -
Carlie Beth responded to a letter in topic Why do you love yourself? 8 months, 1 weeks ago
Hi Timothy!
You can absolutely share it on Facebook! Thank you for your kind words! Thank you so much for sharing about yourself and your struggles!! You’re extremely brave!! Life is hard and you should be proud by how far you’ve come! Keep up the great work!!
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A must-have for soccer players, Nike Kylian Mbappé collection helps you dominate the field in style. These top-tier boots, including the Vapor and Superfly models, offer a precision fit and traction that keeps you agile on the pitch. Don’t just play the game—own it!Shop Here -
Carlie Beth responded to a letter in topic Why do you love yourself? 8 months, 1 weeks ago
Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️ You’re never alone in your struggles, we are all here sharing different battles and surviving ❤️ thank you again for your response, you are the best ❤️
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A must-have for soccer players, Nike Kylian Mbappé collection helps you dominate the field in style. These top-tier boots, including the Vapor and Superfly models, offer a precision fit and traction that keeps you agile on the pitch. Don’t just play the game—own it!Shop Here -
snikliw88 submitted a contest entry to Why do you love yourself? 10 months ago
Dear Past You
Dear Past You,
I will always remember how much you suffered last year: October’s final kiss, November’s shock, December’s loss, January’s drama and denial. I will never forget February’s paralyzing fear and tragedy, March’s withdrawal and relapse, April’s diagnosed PTSD, May’s guilt, and June’s regret.
You fell into July’s numbness. You were numb and broken. You were lying at the bottom of your grave looking up at the distant sky. You watched the slow, gray clouds painfully moving on, with rainstorm after rainstorm sinking you deeper.
Then August came, right when you thought you were going to drown, you let the rainwater float you up a little bit. You started to slowly climb. You started clawing at the dirt, inch by inch, climbing yourself out of the grave. At one point, you slipped and fell downwards. You didn’t fall all the way back down, but it was enough to make you cry. Your tears fell with the rain. Miraculously, you wiped your face, took a deep breath, and climbed some more.
When you made it to September, you got closer to the surface and a crack of sunlight shined down on you. When you were finally close to the top, the sun shined a little brighter. The climbing got a little easier.
September ended, and it was October again. Flashbacks and nightmares ricocheted in your brain; panic and memories flooded like the rain. A few dark clouds returned and you fell back down. But only a little bit. And that’s okay, because despite all of that you kept climbing until you reached the top. The sun came back from hiding behind the cloud. You stood on the surface different, stained, tired, but free and a survivor.
Thinking back, I don’t know how you did it. Even though you are a version of me, a part of me, I don’t know how you did it. But you did. You turned that grave into a wishing well.
You stood back up and I am so grateful for you. Your survival changed the way I look at everything. You gave me unimaginable strength. Having you in my life means everything will be okay; because, I am never alone when the clouds and rain appear. And they will, they always do.
I will always remember how much you suffered, and how much you survived. I would not be here if it wasn’t for you; I would not have this freedom. I will never forget how lucky I am to have you.
You survived last year changing past you, into present me, leading to the future us.
I adore you. I love you. You will always be in my heart.
Thank you for everything.With all the love,
Present Me.Voting is closed
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A must-have for soccer players, Nike Kylian Mbappé collection helps you dominate the field in style. These top-tier boots, including the Vapor and Superfly models, offer a precision fit and traction that keeps you agile on the pitch. Don’t just play the game—own it!Shop Here-
Carlie, Your journey of resilience and survival is truly inspiring. I admire your strength and determination to climb out of the darkness and find the light. You are a true survivor. Your story reminds me that I am never alone in my own struggles. Thank you for sharing your journey and for being an inspiration to me.
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Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️ You’re never alone in your struggles, we are all here sharing different battles and surviving ❤️ thank you again for your response, you are the best ❤️
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Thank you so much for your beautiful poem the passed me. Do you mind if I share it on facebook? I am trying in my life to be an encourager and inspirer and helper, Just having a very difficult time. I’m 44 years old.
But it hurt little boy inside. This makes absolutely no sense.
But i’ve got schizophrenia and I take meds that help me deal with…read moreWrite me back Subscribe  or  log in to reply
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Hi Timothy!
You can absolutely share it on Facebook! Thank you for your kind words! Thank you so much for sharing about yourself and your struggles!! You’re extremely brave!! Life is hard and you should be proud by how far you’ve come! Keep up the great work!!
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Carlie! This piece is incredible. I too am a trauma survivor and I had my fair share of PTSD. And I truly believe persevering through all that made me realize how strong I am. And going through life knowing how strong you are is super powerful. You know you can do anything! So now that you know badass and strong you are, I hope you use your power…read more
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Wow! Thank you so much for your kind words and feedback! This really made my day! I appreciate everything you shared and reading my piece, you are the best! Thank you for everything you said, I love being part of this Family ❤️ Thank you again for reading, commenting, and sharing your thoughts – it really means a lot to me – we are all badass and…read more
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