I know you’re thinking about who you will become & what you will do.
Little me, know that it’s all up to you.

Know that sometimes things will get rough.
People might tell you that you are not tough.
Little me, know that you’re more than enough.

I know that the future can make you worry.
Life passes so quickly that it can be blurry.
Little me, know that there’s no need to hurry.

You have time to figure out your career, 
so remember to always just let God steer.
Little me, with Him, there’s no need to fear.

There’s no need to fear the unknown,
before you know it, you’ll be all grown. 
Little me, you won’t have to do it alone.

Life will be hard, but don’t be scared.
You’re not alone, I am always right there.
Little me, I promise I’m not going anywhere.

Dear little me,
I am stopping by to say:
“You no longer have to carry the heavy stuff; I am here now.”
The things that concern you about the future, are being worked out and in favor of your purpose. Worry not! The character traits that you think are your weaknesses turn out to be your strengths and little lady you’ll develop quite a knack for playing to your strengths. Your uniqueness has been the most uncomfortable part of your childhood/adolescent years and yet will be the very thing that has a positive impact on every room you enter in your adult life. Even the parts of you that struggle with the complex nature of your emotions and being vulnerable with others, find a way to be so transparent that it’ll become your most powerful tool for growth and development. You lack the ability to see your inner beauty because you are not confident in your external appearance. However, this is soon to be counteracted by your love for individualism and fashion. Then enhanced by your spiritual practice of accepting yourself at every stage and season of your life. Falling in love with your mind will do wonders for your level of communication and understanding self. Therefore, understanding others better. The fear that you’ll be lazy or unproductive is a complete myth in the future. You hold the title of “Jill of all trades” and at a point in your life, you wear roughly three different hats a day. Every goal you set out to accomplish, you execute. Be not so hung up on deadlines. ALL happens in proper timing. No need to worry. In the future you find it in your heart to celebrate the life of your mother opposed to being consumed by the pain of her passing. You learn to be grateful for everything you have in advance and the balance of every season because you find acceptance of your favor. As the saying goes, “To whom much is given, much is required.” You grow into a conscious, accountable, wise, intentional and highly creative young woman. Worry not my love, you are a warrior!
I Love You….
Though you don’t always feel loved, know that I love you!

No one saw you stare out that window
And lose yourself in the wind-
They never noticed those blades for nails
You replaced to survive while
Replacing such horrors from your fairy tales
It is your escape now, and you’ll understand soon
Those birds that nest in your bed
Are vultures and they tear you to shreds;
Just because they are blood does not mean you owe them love,
A myth that is destroying you,
You have every right to be confused and to cry
In the arms of yourself when Mom’s not around
That animal breaks all your bones,
And while she wastes time out the house,
Your fear is his throne;

And while he cries wolf
You lick your own wounds
That doctor who should’ve protected you
Feeds on your pain-
Lovely girl, people are refusing to see all those
Horrors inside your world
Like the monsters that hide under a child’s bed when they sleep
Though it would always be a dream,
For you this is different
And people aren’t who they claim to be
The one in your closet is real
And it’s scary
And you’re anything at all but the cage of a word “crazy”
I know that your memory is hazy
Just know that doing nothing to stop it
Does not make you lazy
Oh Ellie, it makes you stronger than diamonds
And shinier than gold
And brighter than the shooting stars you wish upon
And a price that can never be sold;

You pray every night that those monsters that
People call blood are nothing but
Swordsman with the kindest of words
You make sure to name every name of these people-
Who claim that they love you,
And Baby Girl, I hate to break it to you-
But love does not mean begging for forgiveness,
And it doesn’t mean letting him have his way with you,
And it doesn’t mean accepting that maybe you’re worthless,
Because you are anything but this
Ellie, your light is so much bigger than
You dare to understand
It makes sense that you throw it away
Don’t blame yourself for feeling cold
You lose yourself in the plaster above you
Because it’s all you’ve ever known;

Ellie my dearest,
You’re a princess in shining armor
Etched in perfection
It’s not their business what lives beneath that skirt-
And please do not blame yourself for
Not knowing why this is happening
And when they tear at your gowns
Just know it is FAR from flattery
You are beautiful and chosen
The fabric of life that you’ve woven
And the seams that they’re ripping with ease
And with greed and while crying
They destroy your castle of a body
Ellie, you’re not a temptation at 8 years old
You were also never asking for it
You were just doing what you were told;

And Ellie my love,
Your lips were crafted to bring judgment
Speak poetry
Sing sonnets-
Your hands were made to paint murals
Build castles

Change planets-
Your mind has been gifted to hail justice
Fight fire
Love endless-
Ellie I promise you this:
It is going to be okay,
Someday you’ll be safe,
You’ll get it when you’re 20 years old,
And you only have the animals to blame.

Sincerely, You from The Future

Hello, 
Little girl with a dream & a hope for a better tomorrow:
I see you sitting there on the porch steps crying as your parents seem to be crashing down behind you. 

One thing that you don’t get told enough is that you are bright, you are smart & that you are beautiful but most importantly…. 
You have the rest of your life ahead of you. 

I understand that this life does seem like a strange dream indeed & that sometimes it feels like there are two strangers inside of that house fighting but I see you holding everything in your arms that you’ve held onto for all of these years so far… 

A pink rabbit, well worn at the face with so much love that you’ve carried her with you & you named her Pinky many years ago. 

When the screaming gets louder, just hold her tighter. Allow her to soak up your tears when you don’t have a shoulder to cry on. 

As you go through life you’re going to face the turbulence between your parents & you will learn what it’s like to feel the room before even stepping into it. 

Take everything for what it is but never identify with any of it because these are all just growing pains my love. 

What doesn’t kill you tonight will make you stronger tomorrow, 
I promise, Rocky. 

The day will come when you put Pinky on the shelf for the final time & you will pull out your pen & you will bleed out everything on paper that this life has inflicted upon you through pain & agony, generational curses, but only you have the power to change your own outcome oh young eager mortal who just yearns to learn more about life, God & what it all even means. 

One day, you will be able to walk through those same flames that are behind you right now & you’ll be able to acknowledge reality for what it truly is & you will look into the flaming eyes of those demons without backing down or feeling triggered.

You will find your own fire within those flames & you will find your voice to speak your own truth. 🖤🔥

When you are young
The main question is always 
What do you want to be when you grow up?
With much hope and optimism 
We strive to become
Who we very much envisioned 
Along the way 
We may get knocked down
Or disappointed 
That’s why it is truly important 
To stay in the present 
Committing ourselves to deadlines 
And timelines as to when we think
We should have accomplished 
Something in particular 
Is pure suicide
Leading one to be drained mentally 
Grow up they say
Become an adult they say
But they never say live
Live in the moment 
Be present in your youth
So that you can have a future 
A future that you don’t have to recover from
‘Cause trauma is real
Healing can be a journey 
Never worry about the future 
Though your future 
Is in your hands 
Never feel the need to be pressured 
Into planning it all out at once
Forgive yourself along the way
No one is perfect 
Give yourself credit
For always doing your best
No matter the outcome 
Again, never worry
Your future will be the story you tell 
The way it is supposed to be
Without feeling guilty!

My precious one, do not fear

If you only knew,

The greater & greater that lies ahead.

You wouldn’t take a second longer to dwell on the issues at hand

My precious one, please understand

I am protecting you

I am providing for you

I even factor in what you think you cannot do.

My precious one,

You are so much more beautiful than you realize

Oh if you could see through My eyes.

The forces trying to tear you down,

It will not last,

For there will come a day,

When you will see what I see.

That you are My masterpiece!

I behold you as my exquisite pearl

You are a rare beauty like no one else,

You are not stupid or dumb,

Those were lies wrongly spoken over you,

Oh My precious one,

One day the miry clay will be washed away,

And what will then appear,

Is the jewel, that I had hidden under My wings,

Oh My beloved,

All the lies and pain will be swept away

For when you come to Me,

And I hold you close,

It is then, that you shall clearly see,

I created you, in likeness of Me,

Therefore, there is no mistake,

Only beauty, strength and grace.

Oh precious one,

May all fear be abolished in the name of My Son,

For in His death and resurrection,

The battle was won

So all worry, all fear, and every lie that was told,

Has no power, no substance, and it can no longer have a hold

Oh My precious one,

Look ahead, and see what I see,

All lies exposed, then fear must go!

And when that happens,

The landscape awaits,

Endless opportunity before you,

You shall live in freedom,

No longer bound

Your mind completely sound

My precious one,

This right now, will soon pass,

For every facet of every day,

Has intricate purpose in all I created you to be.

These days of pain, soon will be nothing more than a memory.

So, I say to you; Have no fear,

Because I am greater than all this.

None of this is in vain,

And there will be purpose in every pain

For the plan for your life,

I know from beginning to end,

And what is ahead,

Is what I already planned.

For I knew before you even were conceived

That you are a delicate woman, yet strong and mighty,

I knew you would be strong enough,

To endure each level,

For the places I will take you and teach you to fight,

And then at the right time,

You will be ready for flight.

Higher and higher, more than you ever imagined,

I will raise you up to the mountain top

For you are My mighty warrior,

My beautiful princess bride,

Your beginnings were humble,

You were lowly and meek,

But as you passed every test,

I saw you bloom and grow,

I saw you strive and push,

I knew that you would be,

My beloved, faithful and true,

Walking in surrender, heart full of love,

My precious daughter,

You conquered all fears in the strength I gave you

I knew you would always push through,

You brought all glory back to Me,

You bowed at My feet.

I smile My daughter as I look at you.

You came through it all.

My precious one.

May 24, 2024

The Future, it’s just around the corner, it’s just beyond your reach, surely it’s something you’d very much like to breach. Though thoughts of it may cause some concern, attempt to address that with what you’ve already learned. Although the future is truly unknown, instead of fretting over it consider how well you’ve grown. You’ve reached the future many times before, and God willing you’ll reach it at least once more. Hopefully you’ll go into it with good health, genuine love and remarkable wealth, but The Future is not fully in your control, so worrying about it will only take its toll.

Here as I am, young as could be
Naive to the world
Still assuming good-heartedness in humanity
Still a hopeful child supposed to be carefree
Yet an emotional crutch is what’s seeken
To be without guidance
Facing, fighting turmoil without any alliance

As I wanted to make my parents proud
I wanted parents I could be proud of
As much as I longed for true friends
I felt loneliness in crowds
As I searched for love & acceptance
Real connections were experienced in bouts

I looked for comfort
in my providers, partners & past
Only to realize the evolution
I needed would project me fast
Into thy future self, one unrecognizable
But at the same time never more in tune with my predestined time table

Little me, little would I know
Blissful memories are but fleeting
Relationships may exist for only a season
& the happiness you feel could be so misleading
But as you evolve & become your own
This life you lead will be uplifting

Purging all vices has proven worthy
Practicing forgiveness for my misjudgment & worry
But beware, processing emotions & confrontation will deem weary

I feel just a tad depleted
Giving more than receiving
It’s being shown efforts are not being reciprocated freely
It’s time to call power back to source
Energy back to self
Focusing on my mental, emotional, & spiritual health

Trials and tribulations one’s come to know
This new person has looked in the mirror & acknowledged all we’ve done to grow
Alone but not lonely
Grounded and safe
No longer living life with the need to hesitate
Now guided by my abilities, my angels, my faith

It’s in the present moment
& awareness of self that I will concentrate
All in all, this life I live is simply just great
If there was ever a need to worry
Please let it dissipate

Oh to my younger self
Release all worry and attachment
Let your family, friends, future go
It’s not as if the future is even yours to know
Everything will fall into place
This life will be the most colorful story & Your younger self is just the preface

Counting down to proms and graduations,
Students running to and fro–
One question plagued my adolescent brain:
How could I continue when there was so much I didn’t know?

People told me I was smart,
“Just like her siblings,” they’d say.
But for all my potential and book smarts‐
I was still stuck in my own way.

Struggling to embrace myself in the present,
Always trying to appear impressive,
It felt like life was crushing me into the ground,
And so I began to recede without making a sound.

I withdrew inward, convinced no one would notice,
To disappear would have been my only wish.
I felt sure the world was swallowing me whole,
And who would really care if I happened to go?

How I wish I could put my arms around that 17 year old,
And let her know that she could be bold.
I’d tell her: the things that she worried about
Were not a checklist of choices everyone else had all figured out.

Her nerves were valid,
her feelings allowed,
And wanting to love herself
Did not make her “too” proud.

I’d hold her until she knew she didn’t have to simply survive,
Until she felt‐ truly felt- that in this life she could thrive.
That even though it seemed that she’d lost her drive,
There were still so many reasons to stay alive.

I wish I could give her a key
Some magic word that would fill life with glee.
But I think I would tell her the secret
Isn’t in some lofty work position or college leaflet.

That throughout her life it would be
The people around her that would help her feel freed
From the weight of expectations,
Of turning into someone else’s “successful” creation.

The people who would see her heart,
Who would champion her softness and art,
Who would be there for the steps between finish and start,
And would help her believe in the path only she could chart.

Time wasn’t running out, the world wasn’t ending
But she could start anew to find herself and leave behind pretending
That she had to live her life like anyone else,
Suppressing her true desires like being under a spell.

Eventually, she’ll discover a way to break the hourglass
And know that the best moments of life
Are when time stands still,
And you let yourself BE.

Dear Diana,

It’s your choice, die or live filled with patience and self love. Love yourself so much that even when you want to die, that love will save you. As you navigate through the challenges of growing up, you may feel lost and without purpose at times. In these moments, thoughts of giving up may start dancing in your head, but it’s crucial to choose positive thoughts over negative ones, go for a walk or cried as you like, this two activities will always heal you.
You shouldn’t be worried about the future, it is bright for you. I know you little stubborn, you never give up, you can be scared, you can be lost, but your strength comes from your connection with the universe, and I love it. Thank you, thank you for dreaming, thank you for being you, thank you for bringing me here today.

Dear little me,

Did you know you would go to war? No, not with guns and not with swords, the mental kind most people ignore. Even though it’s in the mind it doesn’t mean there aren’t monsters of all kinds. Although physical weapons are useless in this domain, you’ll hold your kindness like a blade against them refusing to change. You’ll hold empathy like a shield for others, but truly for yourself, because other people’s pain is more palatable than your own. You’ll learn that boundaries are armor and can be worn with love. The people who matter most won’t question their shape or where they came from. In the midst of all this learning the people you love will betray you most, and you’ll betray them too. It’s part of being human, it’s part of what we do. It’s almost never intentional, although it feels that way. Every person on this earth has a battle and it hurts just the same. The thing I hope most is when you look at me, you’re proud of who we have become. I’ve been a people pleaser all my life but my most important target is you. The little girl that dreamt in songs, storybooks and poems. Reality is very far from our imagination but I’m starting to have pride in all the things that have happened.

Love,

23-year-old you

Dear me,
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and hug you. I picture your curly hair in a tangled mess, with our favorite worn-out SpongeBob shirt on. I see your big brown eyes, rosy chubby cheeks, and smile that lights up your face. Growing up, I never realized that the things I did to my body were also affecting yours. That realization will change our perspective on what we think we deserve. If I honestly believe you deserved better, I have no choice but to accept it myself.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and tell you not to worry. To enjoy coloring the walls until mom gets mad and yells. To jump on Dad’s back with full force. To sneak candy into the room without anyone knowing. To enjoy being blissfully ignorant because you can.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and wipe away your tears. I would explain how every inch of our skin will carry a story. How sometimes those stories will show through jagged scars that will eventually fade into the palest of white, and how sometimes those stories will leave temporary marks that go unnoticed. I would tell you that we can’t change our story, but we can change the way we think about it.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and tell you that we will turn our scars into butterflies. We will give our scars permanent wings and a beautiful meaning. I will tell you how our scars are not a sign of weakness but a testament to our strength. We’ll be compassionate, kind, patient, and thoughtful because of life. Hurtful things will happen, and we will experience pain that takes residency, but it will make us stronger and more resilient.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and truly make you understand that there is nothing to worry about. Life will have a funny way of working itself out. I will emphasize how funny it is because laughing will be our way of coping even in the darkest times. We’ll learn how the future isn’t as scary as we thought but rather like a present waiting to be unwrapped.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and admire your pureness. Others will try to take that from you, but they cannot take something that never belonged to them. Over time, we realize how our light is uncontrollably infectious and spreads so effortlessly. You will give everyone around you pieces of yourself so that wherever they go, they’ll always find little reminders of you.
I write this with the wish that I could go back in time and tell you how you will find solace through fictional stories. You will experience a thousand different lives in this lifetime. Characters will become your close friends as you immerse yourself in their adventures, providing an escape from life’s chaos.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and tell you how the darkness will not last. The wall we spent years building will crumble in a matter of seconds. We’ll realize that the wall had pebble-sized cracks, but life and people will shine a light so bright that every crack will flicker with brightness and warmth unimaginable. We will experience the darkness to appreciate how amazing it feels to bask in the light. In every lifetime, you chose to be here because you saw beauty awaiting.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and talk to you about stillness. Stillness will try to creep its way in and bring its closest friend—depression—with it. If you let it, it will linger and leave no place untouched. It’ll make you forget about the things that make you, you. It’ll leave you in a place unknown, but we will overcome it. You will remember the feel of your heartbeat, the warmth from your fingertips, the texture of your skin, the sound of your laugh, how ticklish you are, your random love for ducks, how it feels to hug someone, how loved you are by your family. The list is endless, but every detail will be cherished.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and ask you to make a promise. I would ask you to enjoy being a kid without worries because there will be plenty of time for that later. It would be an unbreakable promise for both of us, a pinky promise.
Sincerely, me.

Hello Love,

How are you doing today?

I know it probably feels like you’d rather be doing anything else right now besides reading this letter. I understand. Know that I love you anyway.

Do you remember, when you were eight years old and believed you were magic? You knew that we had a superpower, we just hadn’t figured it out yet. Well, I am here to tell you that that little girl was right. Because you are magic.

And do you know what your superpower is? Love.

Now when I say love, I don’t mean it in a romantic sense, or the kind of love we have for the people that are close to us.

I mean a love that is like the sun, whose warmth shines on everything it touches. Maybe they shield from your light, maybe they bask in your glow. But you keep shining.

I mean a love that is like the rain, sometimes fiercely protective, sometimes a gentle touch. Maybe they stand under an umbrella, maybe they jump up and dance. But you keep pouring.

I mean a love that is like the wind, offering a hug when it’s most needed, blowing away the whispers of fear. Maybe they hold on to their ideas of stability, maybe they dust off the kites. But you keep flowing.

You will meet so many people who will cause you to second guess the way you express yourself. Your care will be perceived as insistence. Your words will meet sarcasm. You will wish to be different, maybe even indifferent. But no matter what anyone says or doesn’t say, don’t hide away. Because your love is the stuff of legends. It comes from a source that is as old as time itself.

And if you find yourself tired, and ready to give up, just know that you are loved. You don’t need anything. After all, you are love.

Love,
Your future self

P.S: When you meet M, say yes.

To that boy there near the school swing,
Head deep in that Dictionary,
Reading, to his Apex, new things,
Like there’s no nearby Library.
Just keep on learning new words,their feature,
Cuz they will be of use in the future.

In ten years in different country; at a loss for words,
New School, New Clothes; New Jersey with shoes on an Old Bridge,
O-hi, o-low you go through the corn state forward,
Oh crap, I’ve used too much words; lets keep it abridged,
The words you’ve read you’ll share with the rest of the world.
Don’t fret about tomorrow, just stay out of the fridge.

Hey, Young Drew: I’m you from 2024. I know that the future might be challenging for someone with autism, but I’m here to tell younger you: The future is bright.

A number of your friends who are with you will still be with you and rooting you on. Even better, you’ll make new friends. One of your buddies from college will hook you up with your first job opportunity.

You’re going to kick butt at this job because you’ll be a brilliant writer. Although there will be a pandemic in your late 20s, you won’t let it get you down because you’ll write a book.

Amazing things will happen to you. Even though people will say that you won’t amount to anything, you’ll graduate college and have a successful career– not to mention a great life.

In short, you don’t need to worry about the future, because I’m here to say that it’ll be great.

Hey, you, I can see you pacing
Feeling your world is beginning to crumble
Pulse is racing
Worried about how to stop turning into a pile of rumble

Please now sit still
Unclog your ears
Anxieties are making you ill
I have a message to you that you need to hear

You have been spending much time spiraling
Dancing to the rhythm of teenage rues and blues
Obsessions over prospects of your future are only causing unnecessary fretting
Please listen to me, I’m you but a little older and wiser

Honey, you are standing in the mirror
And pinching at your skin
Wondering if one day you will stop wishing to be thinner
One day you wake up heavier and realize that’s when your life begins

The body you keep abusing
Will undergo more battles that are not your fault
Simmer down all the silent shaming
You’ll need the extra strength to fight the wounds yet to come that are sealed in the vault

Everyone thinks you have it all together
To the outsiders, you are smiley and happy
Only you know you are holding on by a tether
Accept that is ok to feel crappy

Yes, I know it is hard to find a way to see the meaning
On why that boy that promised you forever and more
Left you with your heart-shattering
In microscopic pieces all over the floor

Right now, it feels as if your world is ending
All you want is him back
And you will get what you have been yearning
Only realized the roses had turned black

There will be more boys
Who will eventually turn into men
Some may play with like toys
And others will make you feel born again

Right now, I seem like a delusion
Of an older adult giving you unsolicited advice
Part of some sort of collusion
To control the story of your life

I cannot answer all your questions
Of whom, when, what, and how?
All I can offer is a suggestion
You aren’t supposed to know all those answers yet

Experiences will come and they will go
Some will be remarkable
Many will come with a big blow
It is up to you to keep your sparkle

Put those worries aside
Every single mistake, regret, and stinge of pain
Will eventually just become wounds you’ve been able to bind
Sunshine always follows the rain

Today, start to practice self-love
In lieu of hate because you are wasting your time
You will become a woman with the peace of a dove
And trust me, trust me you are going to be just fine.