Don’t worry little one, this will all be forgiven and forgotten I know you’re going through a lot right now and I pray that you make it through this with open eyes And a keen sense. You are on your own now
nothing more, nothing less. My information is true
and I know what you’re going to do. I know because I’m you. Don’t listen to any negativity from any one and always be yourself! I know it’s rough but it’ll get better I hope you find solace in this letter.

In his arms, the world aligns just right,
A place where heartbeats synchronize in the quiet night.
The hustle fades, the stress melts away,
In his arms, it’s easier to face the day.

Under open skies or beneath the city lights,
His embrace cuts through the coldest nights.
A gentle strength, a quiet might,
With him, even the darkest moments become light.

Time softens its relentless march,
In his arms, there’s no need to guard my heart.
A soft touch, a steady hand,
In his hold, I truly understand.

Each worry lifts, each fear retreats,
In his arms, life feels complete.
He’s the calm when life gets tough,
In his arms, I have more than enough.

No place else I’d rather be,
Than here with him, where I’m free to be me.
All that’s gentle, all that’s warm,
I find right here, safely wrapped in his arms.

In the vast silence where words once failed,
Among shadows where fears prevailed,
You, so young with steps unsure,
A silent fighter, pure and demure.

Born into a world unkind, you struggled to find your voice,
A journey not chosen, but imposed without a choice.
Nonverbal, delayed, they labeled you, placing limits they saw fit,
But even without words, your spirit refused to quit.

Taunted and teased, a playground’s cruel jest,
The bullies and mockers putting courage to the test.
Harsh boundaries crossed, a young heart betrayed,
In those silent battles, your resilience was displayed.

From the depths of these trials, your mission took root,
A desire to shield others from the oppressor’s boot.
With every tear shed, a resolve grew within,
To fight for those silenced, a war you could win.

Now, your voice is finding its mighty roar,
Speaking out for justice, opening new doors.
Each injustice you faced fuels your fervent plea,
Advocating for change, setting the silenced free.

The pain once endured now powers your cause,
Championing rights without a pause.
With each step forward, you reclaim your might,
Turning darkness encountered into future bright.

So march on, unbroken, with your head held high,
Proud of the battles fought, under life’s gray sky.
Creating a world kinder, just, and true,
From the ashes of your past, the best of you anew.

With courage and love, stronger than ever before,
Your journey from silence has opened the door.
You’re not just surviving; you are setting the pace,
For a world that sees all, beyond any disability’s trace.

With love and pride,
Your older self, unbroken and proud.

Look at you go, man. You know, it wasn’t all that long ago that the only thing you could thin about was drugs and how miserable life was. You blamed everything on others, and couldn’t figure out why nothing ever seemed to go your way. Then, when things wouldn’t go your way, or you faced an instance of adversity, or even just a new experience, you would hide from it, and seek temporary pleasure.

On a much brighter note, throughout all of this, you kept the best attitude you could, and still made it a point to do your best to be a giver to those around you. Hey, we live and we learn.

I’m not writing this to you to beat you down or shame you (you used to do that to the extent of causing yourself to completely shutdown), in fact, it’s quite the opposite. I want to write to you about what I’m loving about this current chapter of my life.

Every now and again, you get a little overwhelmed, and that’s okay. You get overwhelmed with the seemingly daunting tasks you’re taking on while telling nobody. You’re courageously advancing yourself toward crushing all these new experiences as they come. You’ve been doing this for quite some time now, helping you incrementally build your self confidence. I’m here to tell you that you may feel overwhelmed because you have everything you’ve ever wanted and you’re just unsure as to handle it. Nonetheless, you’re handling it.

You’ve built yourself to the point you’re miles above where you first started this journey. I say this with humility and seriousness all at once: I’m beyond proud of you.

You’ve met and partnered with a young lady who believes in you (maybe even more than you believe in yourself, which is quite a bit) and pushes you to succeed. She enjoys the small things you do. She enjoys the way you make her laugh. She admires you for the things you’ve been through and came out on top. Best of all, you enjoy these very same things, as she does them for you also.

You are way less sad than you have been in a long, long time. You’re able to just be yourself, more so than ever, and she loves this about you. It’s also good for you. She actually cares to understand all the ideas you run by her. She doesn’t mind the noise you make when you fill the air with your words. She doesn’t even mind it when you practice your guitar or drums. You gotta admit, that’s pretty cool.

Anyway, I can’t discuss in full detail all the great things you’re doing and continue to accomplish. You’re happier in this chapter because you’ve finally made it a point to push yourself and those around you to do great things, and it feels RIGHT. You love yourself again, and you’ve realized that even though you may be alone, you’re not ALONE.

I hope as the chapters continue for you, you’ll find your way closer and closer to where you’re headed. Keep moving with love. It looks good on you.

October 17th 2006…
Gave up on the old life-it just could not exist.

I was using, drinking, abusing-Trying self to die
But though I was overblown-was some thinking in mind.
At the end of the night-substance and alcohol gone
Came this thinking of life stinking-maybe I was wrong.

Wait a minute here-I should be crumped,
These gasoline fumes just may be dumb.
Tomorrow, my only daughter…turns five-
And I’m not wanting to be alive?

How could one steal a life to others real?
When this world came to life-was it a flip deal?
Had not my best friend-escaped again,
To the hospital room from my hole-sunk tomb?
Emergency fair-I’ll wait…Have not my best friend there.

Then like God spoke:
Put the gas can down-may new life, have wrote…
So, I went next days’ recovery-
Burned out and bent; but God had reality!
…And this could all be good?
Wherefore means the little engine that could?

Therefore I obeyed that very next day,
And glory halleluiah-God had better/No, the best Way!!!
And no-have not had there-street life goodbye
Along with witchcraft involved in drugs…
I was simply chasing the wrong place/wrong love.
God, I thought You hated me-so I hated You too,
I for all along had been deceived-I’ll not type what needs You.
But thank You later for taking me, to the alter of grace…
God, once again-You were on time, because You’re never late!!!

8:41PM
4/15/2024
Monday

Mornings are that rough snooze I barely miss. It’s the
huge stretch after knees crack to remind me age is but a
loose sound of movement. It’s a dragging feeling, a
reminder to when my laughter teased Father Time.
It is peaceful, knowing my mental foundation wasn’t a pretty
make over but these years of painful lessons I massage into
my seasons, and when I fall, I’m quick to spring back to my
youthful visage. I mean, winter brings pain, the death of
beauty and the crystallization of movement. Yet summer can
always be seen stretching my soul like it’s uplifted. One
moment I hyperventilate the other I’m free falling to the
bottom of freedoms pool of love. A love for the sensation of
old age being the companion I’ve wanted since my youth.
These astral phases become astral projections of the peace that
I recall seeing. This Growth is the key to my happiness, it’s
the years which times before turned the sun dial and I became
the time father dreamed of.

Dear Unsealers,
Life has a peculiar way of guiding us through its most unexpected corridors, turning missteps into milestones. This truth crystallized for me back in 2017, a year that marked the beginning of a profound transformation. It was during a period of desperation, a time when the idea of working from home seemed like a distant dream, that I stumbled upon what appeared to be just another online scam—a course promising answers, peace, and a new path for just $7. Little did I know, this seemingly inconsequential investment would dramatically alter the course of my life.

The course, unconventional in every sense, forced me to view life through a different lens. It was an awakening to the possibility that what I had perceived as life’s cruel jest—the foreclosure that threatened my stability—was, in fact, a veiled opportunity. It nudged me toward a path I had never considered: writing a book. This venture was not just about putting words on a page; it was an excavation of my inner world and an invitation to others to explore their own.

The journey of writing that book opened doors to worlds I had never imagined stepping foot in. It was the bridge that connected me to Lauren Brill and the remarkable “Family of the Unsealed.” This connection was more than a simple network; it was a lifeline to a community that embraced me, flaws and all. Their acceptance and support have been a source of daily gratitude, a constant reminder that even the most unlikely choices can lead to extraordinary places.

Beyond the personal fulfillment of finding my tribe, this $7 gamble introduced me to a vast network of professionals across various industries. I found myself welcomed with open arms, my voice amplified in spaces I had once thought unreachable. From speaking on radio shows to campaigning for local elected officials, the opportunities that unfolded before me were as diverse as they were enriching. Each new experience served not only as a platform for growth but also as a testament to the power of embracing the unconventional.

Perhaps the most invaluable gift this journey has bestowed upon me is the realization that I am not alone in my quest. The knowledge and skills I gained along the way illuminated the collective struggle and resilience of those fighting similar battles. It’s a powerful reminder that our most significant growth often comes from our greatest challenges.

In reflecting on how a $7 scam course irrevocably changed my life for the better, I am reminded of the unpredictable beauty of life’s journey. It is a narrative of transformation, a testament to the unpredictable paths that lead us to our true calling. For every door that closed, a window opened, guiding me towards a life of purpose, connection, and unanticipated joy. The lesson was clear: sometimes, the best investments are the ones we least expect.

Dear Unsealed Family,

It would be off-putting if I didn’t stress that I’m not a overly intelligent
person when it comes to relationships with a divine creator. It is of the most
importance to me that I find something, something that was written or
spoken to help me define this world. This world that for most of my
existence I’ve experienced envelopes of deeply rooted detachments to my
own soul. I was lost, expecting the world to bend to the truth that a
melanated child like myself had some special qualities or traits which only I
have to make me aware of the sudden effects of this particular butterfly that
I’am. I found myself being classified as aberrant, corpulent and numerous
other adjectives one as Juvenile as myself would find Detrimental. It broke
my will to live being that my father’s side of the family and classmates
made me feel that I was impotent, a mundane atom of wasted potential.
It wasn’t just with words used but non-verbal cues that emptied my belief in
myself and this world. It felt as if I was a Homicide not to gang wars but
between family and Societal estrangement. The only peace I had was the
way silence had my back. It was in those moments of silence that
volunteered violence creeped into my mind. These thoughts started to
become folklore to my young mind and harmony with harm became my
only friend. A forever companion that I couldn’t forget, and I walked the
streets of depression alone. When going to school the subway became my
way to ensure a quite exit from this world. I would every day press my face
near the edge of deaths door and at a split second pull back to feel a bit of
what death was like. At the time I didn’t know what a suicidal thought was
or that I had for most of my childhood been a threat to myself. I was
fighting the thought of my being and the anxiety of the words of external
pressures, their shadows slowly stalking my mind. But it was one thing that
made me realize a rather strange feeling I been longing for like the love of
Eros to the desire desperately to feel noticed. I was in my 7th grade art class
and we was creating pottery and could etch anything into the sides of our
clay pots. I stumbled upon images that reflected my interest in my culture. I
picked up Egyptian hieroglyphs and in the process something drew me
towards those pieces of paper. It was if I’ve resonated with those images
that they were a part of my soul and have been for quite a long time. So I
used them on my mug and ashtray, but it didn’t stop there. When computer
class started I would research these hieroglyphs in an attempt to further my
understanding of why these things had such a profound impact on my
young mind. This is when my eyes began opening, looking like a full moon
juxtaposed to the dark mood-less sky. I saw melanated individuals who took
the wind from me. I always wondered why I never saw anybody that looked
like me on the television and if I did, they were mostly athletes or
musicians. it wasn’t until the day that I saw the Egyptians that I knew that
there was more to my people and my heritage. I had the biggest smile on
my face, my shoulders relaxed and my soul, my soul felt whole. I always
believed that my history began and ended at slavery, that I was and always
will be just a N-Word to my self, my people and to other cultures that knew
their story, but now I knew mines as well. It was when I learned that piece
of time not explained to us in the history books that I made a decision to
father study my own history. So to this day I reach for further guidance
from my ancestors and look at them to show self pride in myself. I know
that when I’m down or have thoughts to do harm or anything else I can
meditate on the matter with them and they will find an answers. I’am not a
N-word or any other label someone could describe me as,I’am called Negus
now which is Ethiopian royal title that was historically used to refer to the
monarch or ruler of Ethiopia. I’am happy, I’am love, I’am whole and I’am
grateful to be a melanated soul on this earth.

Always grateful,
Rashan Speller