In his arms, the world aligns just right,
A place where heartbeats synchronize in the quiet night.
The hustle fades, the stress melts away,
In his arms, it’s easier to face the day.

Under open skies or beneath the city lights,
His embrace cuts through the coldest nights.
A gentle strength, a quiet might,
With him, even the darkest moments become light.

Time softens its relentless march,
In his arms, there’s no need to guard my heart.
A soft touch, a steady hand,
In his hold, I truly understand.

Each worry lifts, each fear retreats,
In his arms, life feels complete.
He’s the calm when life gets tough,
In his arms, I have more than enough.

No place else I’d rather be,
Than here with him, where I’m free to be me.
All that’s gentle, all that’s warm,
I find right here, safely wrapped in his arms.

In the vast silence where words once failed,
Among shadows where fears prevailed,
You, so young with steps unsure,
A silent fighter, pure and demure.

Born into a world unkind, you struggled to find your voice,
A journey not chosen, but imposed without a choice.
Nonverbal, delayed, they labeled you, placing limits they saw fit,
But even without words, your spirit refused to quit.

Taunted and teased, a playground’s cruel jest,
The bullies and mockers putting courage to the test.
Harsh boundaries crossed, a young heart betrayed,
In those silent battles, your resilience was displayed.

From the depths of these trials, your mission took root,
A desire to shield others from the oppressor’s boot.
With every tear shed, a resolve grew within,
To fight for those silenced, a war you could win.

Now, your voice is finding its mighty roar,
Speaking out for justice, opening new doors.
Each injustice you faced fuels your fervent plea,
Advocating for change, setting the silenced free.

The pain once endured now powers your cause,
Championing rights without a pause.
With each step forward, you reclaim your might,
Turning darkness encountered into future bright.

So march on, unbroken, with your head held high,
Proud of the battles fought, under life’s gray sky.
Creating a world kinder, just, and true,
From the ashes of your past, the best of you anew.

With courage and love, stronger than ever before,
Your journey from silence has opened the door.
You’re not just surviving; you are setting the pace,
For a world that sees all, beyond any disability’s trace.

With love and pride,
Your older self, unbroken and proud.

Dear Unsealers,

This is my answer to the question in the challenge…

When and where do I feel most at peace?

As the sun rises over the Canyon of Heroes
It’s the start of the work week

But before I arrive at the office
There’s something that I need to do
The Monday morning ritual

As I take my seat in the cafe at 4 Liberty Street
I see the heart in my Matcha Latte

At the first sip, the world stands still
Only the daylight can be seen

None of the world’s troubles matter
With each extra sip, I feel warmed bliss

When the bottom of the cup is reached
I can take on the slings and arrows of the day

Hello world, I know you are probably wondering how’s life, what’s going on, what has been happening to me. We are beauty, We are one with ourselves without a doubt. Let’s begin to be in a world surrounded with true loving inspirational humans. To go through this chapter with no regret. I’m living life as time goes by with ambition, and conquering fears. I can be myself with no judgement. No fear or care of judgement from strangers who mean so little. I stand up for myself not so timid. Eighteen year old me was not ready for who i am today. I’m a published author now who knew that would be happen, I accomplished I’m very gratefully eccentric . I love myself finally after 22 years of not. I sang karaoke with the love of my life in front of an audience. I was confident I’m proud of that. I’m joyful, in love, and all i see are the beauty of everything around me. I met the most beautiful woman I’m spending the rest of my life with, She’s my always and forever & I couldn’t ask for anyone better than her. She’s my person, whom i can be vulnerable with always. To Mi Amor, the New job, The New opportunities , The New Special Memories I adore you. I’m looking forward to chapter 23!!! As we continue the journey, we now embrace life no longer dread it. I feel it, the wind from the trees everything so beautiful from the rustle of leaves, feel the ground beneath my fee ,the clouds moving slowly but surely, the stars shining brighter than ever before, to finally just get in touch with mother nature herself has truly been Exceptional. Who i am today & Who i was before i see the change ,the growth just to make it here. I know now that all the struggle & obstacles I’ve been through had to happen for me to be the beautiful, strong intelligent woman i am now & now i know that i have always been strong, I just couldn’t see the strength in me till now & for that i smile at this twenty-second chapter of my life.

Chapter 29

What can I say about this chapter of my life & what I love

This chapter — as many others — has tought me — so so much

Most of all—

It’s taught me to step outside — my comfort zone

Into an — unfamiliar place
Into the — complete — unknown

It’s allowed me to — crawl my way out of
— the abyss

& To open my self up — to the world again

It’s taught me — that It’s ok for me — to let you in

& no — it’s not easy to show myself
in my most vulnerable state — it’s never been

To let you have — a sweet taste
of my most — sour days — can be unsettling

Unsettling — to say the least

Sometimes you can tell still —
when my body’s — trembling

Or when my voice — shakes

But I learned — to simply just
— trust the process

in exchange — the power — I’ve gained
Is — Courage

What I love most about this Chapter — 29 of mine

Is that I finally let go of —
“my perfect plan — & timeline”

I learned to finally — resubmit myself — to God
In a way — I hadn’t done — for so long

I learned to heal some parts of me — that took me back — to little ol’ me — at 17

Even tho for years — that girl
has been gone

I learned to finally give up — trying to be her again

— just wishing & wishing

I know now — I’ll never be that girl again
but I’m no longer tripping

I can finally be at peace — to say goodbye to her & recreate myself

Trusting that me at 29 — has already made her proud

So what do I love most about this — Chapter 29 — I ask myself ?

That — a little bit of this
& a little bit of — that

Restored the hope back in my heart — that for years — I have lacked

& that — even on the days
When I felt — most alone

I never truly was — cause God
Neverrrr — Let Me — Go

I learned that — when God promised
to make a beautiful story out of me

He in fact — did not fold

Even tho at times — it felt like
my time was being wasted

It was simply just — a beautiful story
— still — in the making

All I gotta do now — is continue to let him take the lead

& not forget — like Miley Cyrus — always said
— It’s the climb

So I’ll keep on climbing

I’ll be patient Lord 🙏🏽
I’ll let you finish writing ✍️ 🥹

Look at you go, man. You know, it wasn’t all that long ago that the only thing you could thin about was drugs and how miserable life was. You blamed everything on others, and couldn’t figure out why nothing ever seemed to go your way. Then, when things wouldn’t go your way, or you faced an instance of adversity, or even just a new experience, you would hide from it, and seek temporary pleasure.

On a much brighter note, throughout all of this, you kept the best attitude you could, and still made it a point to do your best to be a giver to those around you. Hey, we live and we learn.

I’m not writing this to you to beat you down or shame you (you used to do that to the extent of causing yourself to completely shutdown), in fact, it’s quite the opposite. I want to write to you about what I’m loving about this current chapter of my life.

Every now and again, you get a little overwhelmed, and that’s okay. You get overwhelmed with the seemingly daunting tasks you’re taking on while telling nobody. You’re courageously advancing yourself toward crushing all these new experiences as they come. You’ve been doing this for quite some time now, helping you incrementally build your self confidence. I’m here to tell you that you may feel overwhelmed because you have everything you’ve ever wanted and you’re just unsure as to handle it. Nonetheless, you’re handling it.

You’ve built yourself to the point you’re miles above where you first started this journey. I say this with humility and seriousness all at once: I’m beyond proud of you.

You’ve met and partnered with a young lady who believes in you (maybe even more than you believe in yourself, which is quite a bit) and pushes you to succeed. She enjoys the small things you do. She enjoys the way you make her laugh. She admires you for the things you’ve been through and came out on top. Best of all, you enjoy these very same things, as she does them for you also.

You are way less sad than you have been in a long, long time. You’re able to just be yourself, more so than ever, and she loves this about you. It’s also good for you. She actually cares to understand all the ideas you run by her. She doesn’t mind the noise you make when you fill the air with your words. She doesn’t even mind it when you practice your guitar or drums. You gotta admit, that’s pretty cool.

Anyway, I can’t discuss in full detail all the great things you’re doing and continue to accomplish. You’re happier in this chapter because you’ve finally made it a point to push yourself and those around you to do great things, and it feels RIGHT. You love yourself again, and you’ve realized that even though you may be alone, you’re not ALONE.

I hope as the chapters continue for you, you’ll find your way closer and closer to where you’re headed. Keep moving with love. It looks good on you.

Hurt and broken
I could not see.
No more taking
only giving.
I’m now the king
loved and adored.
Patient, obscured.
Like a driftwood
Now found ashore.
I’ve left behind
bad parts of me.
Rising above
so found and free.
At a stalemate
I fought myself
at rock bottom.
Now, at the top
we always say,
“Don’t you worry,
yeah we got ’em”.
Experience
built, never bought.
lessons they’ve taught.
From good to bad
and bad to good.
On second thought
although I should,
a favorite
experience
I have not got.
Learn from them all,
That’s what I’s taught.

Mornings are that rough snooze I barely miss. It’s the
huge stretch after knees crack to remind me age is but a
loose sound of movement. It’s a dragging feeling, a
reminder to when my laughter teased Father Time.
It is peaceful, knowing my mental foundation wasn’t a pretty
make over but these years of painful lessons I massage into
my seasons, and when I fall, I’m quick to spring back to my
youthful visage. I mean, winter brings pain, the death of
beauty and the crystallization of movement. Yet summer can
always be seen stretching my soul like it’s uplifted. One
moment I hyperventilate the other I’m free falling to the
bottom of freedoms pool of love. A love for the sensation of
old age being the companion I’ve wanted since my youth.
These astral phases become astral projections of the peace that
I recall seeing. This Growth is the key to my happiness, it’s
the years which times before turned the sun dial and I became
the time father dreamed of.

Dear Unsealers,
Life has a peculiar way of guiding us through its most unexpected corridors, turning missteps into milestones. This truth crystallized for me back in 2017, a year that marked the beginning of a profound transformation. It was during a period of desperation, a time when the idea of working from home seemed like a distant dream, that I stumbled upon what appeared to be just another online scam—a course promising answers, peace, and a new path for just $7. Little did I know, this seemingly inconsequential investment would dramatically alter the course of my life.

The course, unconventional in every sense, forced me to view life through a different lens. It was an awakening to the possibility that what I had perceived as life’s cruel jest—the foreclosure that threatened my stability—was, in fact, a veiled opportunity. It nudged me toward a path I had never considered: writing a book. This venture was not just about putting words on a page; it was an excavation of my inner world and an invitation to others to explore their own.

The journey of writing that book opened doors to worlds I had never imagined stepping foot in. It was the bridge that connected me to Lauren Brill and the remarkable “Family of the Unsealed.” This connection was more than a simple network; it was a lifeline to a community that embraced me, flaws and all. Their acceptance and support have been a source of daily gratitude, a constant reminder that even the most unlikely choices can lead to extraordinary places.

Beyond the personal fulfillment of finding my tribe, this $7 gamble introduced me to a vast network of professionals across various industries. I found myself welcomed with open arms, my voice amplified in spaces I had once thought unreachable. From speaking on radio shows to campaigning for local elected officials, the opportunities that unfolded before me were as diverse as they were enriching. Each new experience served not only as a platform for growth but also as a testament to the power of embracing the unconventional.

Perhaps the most invaluable gift this journey has bestowed upon me is the realization that I am not alone in my quest. The knowledge and skills I gained along the way illuminated the collective struggle and resilience of those fighting similar battles. It’s a powerful reminder that our most significant growth often comes from our greatest challenges.

In reflecting on how a $7 scam course irrevocably changed my life for the better, I am reminded of the unpredictable beauty of life’s journey. It is a narrative of transformation, a testament to the unpredictable paths that lead us to our true calling. For every door that closed, a window opened, guiding me towards a life of purpose, connection, and unanticipated joy. The lesson was clear: sometimes, the best investments are the ones we least expect.

Dear Unsealed Family,

It would be off-putting if I didn’t stress that I’m not a overly intelligent
person when it comes to relationships with a divine creator. It is of the most
importance to me that I find something, something that was written or
spoken to help me define this world. This world that for most of my
existence I’ve experienced envelopes of deeply rooted detachments to my
own soul. I was lost, expecting the world to bend to the truth that a
melanated child like myself had some special qualities or traits which only I
have to make me aware of the sudden effects of this particular butterfly that
I’am. I found myself being classified as aberrant, corpulent and numerous
other adjectives one as Juvenile as myself would find Detrimental. It broke
my will to live being that my father’s side of the family and classmates
made me feel that I was impotent, a mundane atom of wasted potential.
It wasn’t just with words used but non-verbal cues that emptied my belief in
myself and this world. It felt as if I was a Homicide not to gang wars but
between family and Societal estrangement. The only peace I had was the
way silence had my back. It was in those moments of silence that
volunteered violence creeped into my mind. These thoughts started to
become folklore to my young mind and harmony with harm became my
only friend. A forever companion that I couldn’t forget, and I walked the
streets of depression alone. When going to school the subway became my
way to ensure a quite exit from this world. I would every day press my face
near the edge of deaths door and at a split second pull back to feel a bit of
what death was like. At the time I didn’t know what a suicidal thought was
or that I had for most of my childhood been a threat to myself. I was
fighting the thought of my being and the anxiety of the words of external
pressures, their shadows slowly stalking my mind. But it was one thing that
made me realize a rather strange feeling I been longing for like the love of
Eros to the desire desperately to feel noticed. I was in my 7th grade art class
and we was creating pottery and could etch anything into the sides of our
clay pots. I stumbled upon images that reflected my interest in my culture. I
picked up Egyptian hieroglyphs and in the process something drew me
towards those pieces of paper. It was if I’ve resonated with those images
that they were a part of my soul and have been for quite a long time. So I
used them on my mug and ashtray, but it didn’t stop there. When computer
class started I would research these hieroglyphs in an attempt to further my
understanding of why these things had such a profound impact on my
young mind. This is when my eyes began opening, looking like a full moon
juxtaposed to the dark mood-less sky. I saw melanated individuals who took
the wind from me. I always wondered why I never saw anybody that looked
like me on the television and if I did, they were mostly athletes or
musicians. it wasn’t until the day that I saw the Egyptians that I knew that
there was more to my people and my heritage. I had the biggest smile on
my face, my shoulders relaxed and my soul, my soul felt whole. I always
believed that my history began and ended at slavery, that I was and always
will be just a N-Word to my self, my people and to other cultures that knew
their story, but now I knew mines as well. It was when I learned that piece
of time not explained to us in the history books that I made a decision to
father study my own history. So to this day I reach for further guidance
from my ancestors and look at them to show self pride in myself. I know
that when I’m down or have thoughts to do harm or anything else I can
meditate on the matter with them and they will find an answers. I’am not a
N-word or any other label someone could describe me as,I’am called Negus
now which is Ethiopian royal title that was historically used to refer to the
monarch or ruler of Ethiopia. I’am happy, I’am love, I’am whole and I’am
grateful to be a melanated soul on this earth.

Always grateful,
Rashan Speller

I bleed rainbows and cry stars

I find community in bars

I was sorrow, I was sin

I denied myself to win

I was lonely and unsure

But no longer immature

I am love and I am strong

I am fearless in my song

I don’t care what others think

And I’ll raise another drink

To brave souls that came before

And blew the locks upon the doors

I am free and I run wild

Like the art made by a child

No remorse and no regret

What you see is what you get

Walk with me and feel my pride

And you will enjoy the ride

Of vibrant life and color burst

Without hunger, without thirst

I am technicolor smile

It just took me but a while

Now I am “alternative”

Let me love and let me live

I think a question that a lot of us ask in the post break-up mess is

Why do they get to move on so quickly when they hurt me? Why is it so easy for them to find someone new as if nothing even happened?

I’ve realized that the answer is present inside the question.

They.
Hurt.
You.

You were the one left traumatized by their action or inaction. Their manipulation and abuse. You are the one left with the healing to do and the pieces to put back together again.

To them, the new girl is just another caught in their path. They’re not moving on, they’re just moving along toward the next source of energy they can drain. The next pretty thing that can make them feel okay bc looking for external validation is always easier for the unhealed, uncaring, and unbothered than just taking time to look inside. They don’t care, and they never will, until the day comes where she gives him that stare.

Manipulation and codependency are not on your registry. They’re not a part of your energy and are far off your radar. It’s not taking you “too long” to move on. You’ve been drug through the depth of hell and have clawed your way back out tooth and nail. So why wouldn’t you take precarious caution and detailed attention into your next ‘mate’?

They’re just moving on to the next,
we are building our future.
We are laying down our foundations to success & prosperity in all fields.

Anything that doesn’t bring us peace
Is a liability that we cannot afford
because we’ve already gambled away too much of our time, too much of our spirit, and too much of our love to only end here.
We are looking for partners and plans.
(…and the occasional one night stand bc we’re all human here 😉)

But we don’t dare waste our time with another who only intends to use us to fill the voids they refuse to heal themselves. We heal ourselves so we never become them and never put anyone else through what they put us though. We are walking illustrations of selflessness, patience, and unconditional love.

Deep down inside, we know this time is meant to love ourselves unconditionally. So when the right one comes along, their love will only add to the self-love that’s already strong inside of us. It won’t need to complete us, because we are complete on one own. We aren’t 1/2, we are the whole and we are all the better for it too.

So my love,
Please know that true love
Genuine love
Unconditionally
Healthy love
Is already abundant inside of you
And when the time is just right,
He’ll come along and add his share too. <3

Dear, Unsealers:

The following poem is a flashback to November 2015…

In the early morning hours
I stepped off the plane in Madrid
After a long, turbulent flight across the Atlantic

As I see the window ahead of me
I’m on the other side, en el Aeropuerto Barajas
With daylight yet to break

It doesn’t look like I’m in Spain
But indeed I am!

All the waiting and anticipation led here
To these eight days, my first trip away from home
Madrid, Toledo, Granada, Sevila & Cordoba await

To think, this wouldn’t have happened
If I wasn’t told months earlier, “no”.

I didn’t know it then….
I would learn to love traveling solo, joining group trips

This was a celebration of turning thirty!

It’s March. Spring is starting to peek through the clouds.
I’m trying to move slow. I’m trying to be easy.
I’m working hard just to breathe.
I’m pining for control over my own body,
My autonomy feels out of reach.

I am reminded how I felt at sixteen, when I made the choice to starve.
Then I am reminded of the Palestinian children and men and women,
Dark eyes pleading while they wither away,
Bombs reflected back into our view.
I am humbled.

I am not the same as I once was.
Gratitude exists, albeit forced at times.
Growth and healing is an active choice.
I let myself transform.

Chapter 327
Today i turned 33.
Happy birthday to me!
Though those challenges through those dark visions i seen in my dreams last night was an attack to my esteem.
Waking up to clouded skies and high winds this morning shifted my perception thinking “ maybe its the heavens blowing in the winds of change for me?
I decided to walk.
First I headed to the barber shop for a fresh cut, now Im feeling myself.
With my head phones on out the door. Taking a trip to the coffee house down the road for a hot cup of Black Seal .
A soiree of Happiness filled my heart , through the first sip with a bone chilling scent of sweet almond, reminiscent to the decadent amaretto with notes of decanter liqueur twirling in the mix .
Big smiles from the coffee house barista with a full house of beings bantering amongst themselves, listening to the constant bells of the door opening and closing to those coming and going in.
Finishing my cup i swift my way out the door, “Its time to go to the art store.”
I purchased some spray paint for my project so eager to rush home and pour my heart onto the canvas before its time to go pick up my daughter. For a number of days leading up til today, Ive reflected on how far Ive came.
“I always viewed my life as a book filled with riddles, altered dimensions blended with moments of joy and memories of a journey convulsing with supernatural happenings as most would deem as some of the more stranger things”.
None the less, indeed it is a new chapter, my life has consisted of many chapters left with cliff hangers and some unsolved mysteries all that lead to this new book as i stand at the edge of the mountains ready to plummet into my next book of life leaving karmic ties of the past behind.
At this very moment i cant help but to smile, as the sun shines finally beaming in Gods love and light upon my face typing this letter about my excitement for the best things to come.
As it just dawned on me of how today itself is like a metaphor, “ Waking up to gloomy clouds and high winds. Like the swirl of a storm coming in, to cleanse but by days end, the sun will shine again”.
Typically i would over indulge in sweet cakes , red wine and a side of cajun wings and fries for my birthday but im on a slight fast for the weekend as i prepare for the gift to take a trip swaying in earths sacred medicine.
Im so excited for the venture, for i know it’ll open the roads out of my mind with hidden text in this next book like a sacred scripture etched in peruvian mountains, or hieroglyphs upon the cave walls like the Grand Canyon perhaps?
For there is a burning desire and deep love to further find myself as I thread on, with expanded wings into the unknown.
This chapter is just a binacular scope to getting closer to my dreams as i further on to slay the minifibers of fear nestling on the hairs of my skin.
“Its like beating the finally boss at the end of the game and the credits roll in”
327 is like a code to my inner matrix that im breaking similar to a complex rubix cube of suduko written in hebrew language.
And though to the outer world my inner being is in fact complex, i see it as a hidden passage way to a secret garden no man has had a hand in creating.
A chapter within a chapter… except i am the creator of my story that was already written.
“Speaking now from the thoughts of my Higher Self, the future self”
Doctor Strange disguised as the thinking woman, whose peering into the multiverse of self, reading the foot prints like a sand dune of sanskrit , eyes zoomed in like a magnifying glass.
Its interesting how vivid the imagination is within my mind but then again its sightings of truth that my memory has stored from millions of generations I have lived through out time.
“Im ready to get started and re-remember this chapter of 327, only this time, i am sure to live far beyond the age of 33 this lifetime.