Dear Unsealed
I wake up each day
In the everyday way
I read my email as I do
Each day in the everyday way.
Old photos found of yesteryear,
Brought back a tear
To my eyes as I thought I lost
At such a cost
Of a long-ago broken relationship
Like a ship
On the ocean of life
I ask myself why.
Then as I scroll through the lost photos
That I now found,
Of long ago.
I remember the seagulls of at the beach
Where I lived temporarily as though
I could now reach
Out to touch the seagulls
Hear their cries of joy
At 5am as they call for me to feed their bods
Of beautiful feathers of grey & white joy,
Of walking out in my sundress to the backyard
Behind my adobe
As they cry with joy so loud.
I had another fight with my ex,
Of the complex
Relationship with Jekyll & Hyde dude.
As I sat in the chair watching the birds eat
Their treat
From kitchen so neat
I forgot about the harsh words spoken
The night before the morning light
Of the seagulls feeding frenzy flight,
My buddies, the seagulls.
My friends in flight
Take me with you tonight.
We will sit on the beach
As the sun fades into the night,
As the sunrises the next day to say,
“Girl, you ‘gonna’ be okay.”
Hear the call of the seagull in flight
To carry your sadness into to the night,
To smile,
To laugh,
To care,
To carry on,
Despite harsh words
& other verbs
Of yesterday.
The sun shines brighter today
Along the way.
I can still hear my feathered friends.
Knowing that if I stepped into the photograph for just a minute
I could smell the salty air
As my feathered friends
Say, “Girl we care.”

My bright light blinds most, no sunglasses will help
That is a fact that makes most mad
I used to not get why, but I figured it out –
My light illuminates what you run from
Illuminates all your fears and doubts
You seek the illusion of healing through drinking, smoking, sexing, popping, sniffing
Basically whatever buries your feelings
Convincing yourself that that is what cures your inside dealings
Not accepting that your running from your own war
You know the one you feel way down deep in your core
So when you see “lil ol me” you think
Who does she think she is? She acts like shes better than everyone else
Nah this is just what confidence looks like
And the truth is confidence used to feel so weird to me
Like learning how to ride a bike
But I used to wonder why not clap for me? Be happy for me? Proud of me? Why not support me? Cheer me on a little?
So I sat down and I had to figure something else out
People can only treat you as good as they treat themselves
I mean think about it, how would anyone give you more love then they give their own self?
So I can’t let what you say or portray bother me
Especially when your on a level that I used to be
One I had to train myself overtime to continuously flee
That is why you won’t understand what I do and you definitely won’t agree
You can’t see that what I’m doing is actually what makes me free
I no longer can let what you say affect me from doing me
Lil ol me is moving onto big ol lil me things
Sorry but not sorry if that makes your insides sting

Dear Sara,

I am now forty-two years old, and I’ve traveled. I went to the Vatican, and I saw the Sistine Chapel, and I thought of painting with words and maps.

I want you to know that this journey was difficult, and it’s not apparent here in the writing. You were not always happy awn this journey, and you cried, because you wanted to be married to someone who was not the right man.

“And now you are happy,” says Papa. “And now you’re at peace,” says Papa.

So read what you have written here, and believe that God was forming you even then. And you dedicated your trip to a saint who loved you and loved the theatre also, and who loved to help couples find their way.

And now, read this, what you have written awn July 8th, 2007. Here is an excerpt:

“Of all the Renaissance artists, I find Michaelangelo the most fascinating. He was not liked by his contemporaries (Leonardo da Vinci, Bramante, etc.), probably because he was better than everyone else. Mich. was primarily a sculptor. Probably the best the world has ever seen. His Statue of David in Florence and the Peter at the St. Peter’s Basilica in the Vatican are spectacular. So when Pope Julius II asked Bramante who should paint the Sistine Chapel, he replied “Mich,” for he knew Mich was not a painter, so he was setting him up to fail. Mich. proposed the Pope a series of panels depicting scenes in the book of Genesis. He hired 4 workers from outside Rome to help him. Later, he fired these helpers, because he discovered that he did indeed know how to paint. Mich’s masterpiece is so interesting because in it, you see the development of a painter. The first panels were too detailed, too small, not as stylized. Later panels are larger and you can see the mastery of the artform that Mich. obtained during this 4 year project.”

Do you think it is a masterpiece though?
Let’s go again with St. Valentine and ask this question in the ether

Because the detail may be beautiful now

And let’s not call anything a masterpiece, and that will be brave

Because here are temporary things, even the planets

They are God’s handiwork, and they are spectacular, yes

And now the scene with me is after the flood and the people are awn a rock, and some are not awn the rock, and thank God we are safe now.

I think I need to see St. Peter again, quite frankly, because it’s David awn my mind, but St. Peter would be lovely to see, and would you like to see Florence again with a dear friend who loves St. Valentine?

I’ll continue when I can, and know that so many times, you were rescued awn this trip, and so many times you acted bravely, and your backpack is still with you, and so are these words in your journal

Be well, and love well

My dear sweet friend Jen,

I do not remember the details of how we met,  however I know we met in college.  In a small college which only yields a handful of theology majors each year we were bound to meet.  I imagine we met in class and when deciding where I wanted to sit I decided to sit next to the girl with the curly brownish-blonde hair and the kind face.  From there the rest was history and we became friends very quickly.  You became like a sister to me.  When I graduated college we still kept in touch and would occasionally meet for our Panera dates. We bonded over books and boys.  Those were great but I missed seeing you on a regular basis, that’s why I was overjoyed when you got the job for the Diocese as it meant that we would see each other every day. Working with you was a blast.  I would stop by your office each day and we would talk about every little thing that came to our minds.  We joined the events committee together and were voted to be the chair and co-chair.  We complimented each other in leadership. This past year you left your job at the Diocese for a new adventure.  But our friendship has remained steady and strong.

I don’t know if you’re familiar with the Tik Tok Who’s Your Color Person trend that’s going around where people are classifying different colors to correlate with different characteristics.  But you my dear are my blue.  “A blue person is known for the comfort and peace that they bring. They are a big part of [your] support system and will never leave you (Krol).”  When I was thinking of who would be part of my support system as I started trauma therapy your name immediately came to mind.  When I told you about my mental health challenges you were surprised but you were also understanding and so gentle and kind to me.  You made me feel seen, heard, and supported and I really appreciate that.  Your calm and gentle nature helps me to regulate my dysregulated nervous system.  I trust you and I feel I can be authentically myself around you.  I can be vulnerable with you and am sure it will be met with kindness and love. You inspire me every day even if we are apart and even if you do not know it.

It has been a pleasure to watch you grow into the woman you are becoming. Your faith is unwavering and always on display which is so beautiful to see. I have watched you pursue your dreams in countless ways,  and in the past year or so I have watched you fall in love with the love of your life.  I am so excited for all that lies ahead for you.  I can’t wait to watch you marry the love of your life this summer.  I know I will be beaming with pride and with love for you that day.  And I know that one day you will stand beside me as my bridesmaid and do the same for me. 

Thank you for being my friend.  I love you beyond what words can express. 

Your friend till the end,