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  • tortured_hope shared a letter in the Group logo of Mental HealthMental Health group 5 days, 6 hours ago

    Lingering words

    I eat till I’m full
    That’s not true
    I eat till I’m half full
    Wait that’s not right either
    I take a couple bites
    There that’s the truth
    I eat for myself
    No…
    I eat to please others
    I willingly eat
    Actually I force the food down my throat into my unwilling stomach
    You’re fat
    You’re fat
    You. Are. Fat.
    I fall into spells of confusion and dizziness
    I black out
    I’m forgetting who I am
    What was it like
    Before it all
    Before the pain
    Before the tears
    Before reality set in
    Before you’re words were all I heard
    Now I can’t eat
    I can’t look at myself and be happy with who I am
    Cause your voice sits in the back of my mind reminding me
    You’re ugly
    You’re fat
    You’re worthless
    You. Are. Nothing.
    Sincerely,
    your daughter

    Tortured_hope

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    • You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are perfect the way you are. I struggled with eating issues in my teens. It was connected to anxiety, but I became so conscious of my weight. There was a quote by a blogger that hit me hard and it said, “Nothing looks as good as healthy feels.” Feeling healthy and strong will heal your mind and will help you…read more

      Write me back 

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  • Spiteful love

    It’s hard to think that just 5 years ago my mom ended her own life. Through years of battling addiction and struggling with mental health she could no longer take the pain of grasping another breath. It’s hard to look back with love when all I want to do is hate her. Pain, she caused me nothing but pain in her last years and those seem to be the most prominent memories in my mind. The joyful smile of a young girl with her loving mother is just a distant memory I’m never able to hold. Always screaming, when wasn’t she screaming, she fought demons in her mind and let them devour me with her. Abuse, fearing to see my next day, fearing death by the hands of my own mother. I still hear the echos of her voice telling me I was worthless to her something she wish she’d never had to look at, someone she’d never created. Red, shards of glass scattered across the floor, they were aimed for my head. She aimed them to hurt me. Remorse, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so so sorry, please forgive me. I didn’t mean it I promise I swear I could never hurt you. Lies, it was always a lie. Fear, pain, loss, hurt, yet so much empathy for the women who was hurt, the women who was once a little girl who was hurt so badly it changed her brain. A little girl who dreamed of growing up, a girl with aspirations and dreams, a girl who had a whole happy life ahead of her and saw no darkness in the world, a girl that was once just like me. How could I hate someone who I understand so deeply. Never will I agree with what the past holds but never will I hold the past against you. You were my mother, you were supposed to watch me grow and live a long life, but I understand the battle you faced in your mind everyday and I see how strong you were for holding on all those years.

    Torturedhope<3

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