Dear Unsealed,
Today as I lay across my queen size bed,
As though the universe led
Me supernaturally to this phenomenal sad,
But a joyful photo of me and my dad.
I am a little Vic.
My poppa was a big Vic.
The photo was from long ago,
In my reality of the 1980s highs & lows
Of experiences in Hollywood &
Beyond with my dad, big Vic.
Time goes by so quickly,
Like a bite of an avocado
As I swallow the last bite.
My pop, Victor was my hero.
Vic was always my rock to lean upon.
No matter what I said or did,
In those days of growing up singing my song,
Vic was always there to teach me right from wrong
& to work hard, study hard, smile,
While all the while
You ‘wanna’ cry,
Ask why,
Or just hug the world
As you travel the road I chose.
My poppa Vic
Passed away as he was sick
With leukemia.
I was there by his side
To hold his hand as he died.
I bent over to kiss his forehead,
Telling him thank you for always having my back.
I now look at the photo
Faded from decades of dark & light.
My poppa Vic
With his baby girl, Vicki
As we sat at the celebration dinner party in LA.
I had rented a dress from a costume shop in Hollywood,
Judi Garland’s once upon old black sequin dress.
I wore my late Grandma Carrie Soleta’s beads,
I had cut my hair so black and short with waves,
To help me smile & celebrate the event.
That was so special that night.
I look at the old, faded photo,
I smile as I remember my big Vic,
My hero always there to catch me when fell
Or celebrate me when I stood up,
When he was there to pull me up,
“Sister, everything’s gonna be okay. A hundred years from now you will forget about it.”
“Yeah dad, in a hundred years we will be dead. So, forget about it.”
That was my poppa Vic!
Now I remember those words of inspiration alert
From big Vic.
I loved my poppa Vic,
My hero
I still feel him around
To keep me sound
& so,
This letter is dedicated to my late poppa Vic,
So handsome, so sweet
To everyone he would meet.
I dreamed of my big Vic & my mom, Thelma,
One-night years ago
Before I moved back to LA
2016.
I was living on the south Texas beach
With the Jekyll & Hyde dude.
Poppa Vic knocked on my bungalow door.
I opened it, “Dad, Mom, hello, OMG!
My poppa said, “Come with us sister.”
I stepped out the door
To leave that bungalow door
Adobe behind to never go there, nevermore.
We drove over the mountains, the desert,
To LA.
Then as I stepped out to pray
To thank God to be back in LA
After a long trip
With my poppa my late mom & late poppa Vic.
They disappeared like a puff of smoke
As I awoke
To daybreak.
Three months later I was on the train to LA
Over the deserts & mountains night & day.
I stepped off the train,
Kissed the ground, so glad to be back in LA.
My poppa, big Vic was there in spirit for me
To bring me home, no more to roam.
“I love you my poppa Vic.”

DEAR UNSEALED,
My ‘comfy peace zone
Is being alone,
Or with a friend
At the beach
As to reach
Out my hand to touch the wave,
To breathe at air, catch the wave,
With my toes embedded in the sand
As I walk in the forever beach land
I breathe in the positive icons of the ocean,
as they are a magic potion
of supernatural omnipotence of life
the life
of humans and all living creatures as they crawl
and walk, sleep, produce and create,
call
out to me,
“Come out to me, Vicki Lawana!”
I regroup at the beach,
Of which
It is a quiet place for prayer, solitude and throwing out
Negative icons to the breeze,
To the wind, the universe of time and space.
This is the case
Of confessions to the sea
From many stories of love, heartache, tears, joy
And laughter of past present and future to be
I look out at the ocean blue.
Listen to the seagulls too.
Although other humans are here
I have created a tiny little sphere
Of the atmosphere
Of light around my space
I sigh a bit.
I remember my youth days,
the 2am night drives to Malibu
Parking my car feeling blue
A romance gone awry, adrift, and away,
As I step out my car
Into the parking lot
In my special spot
I sigh.
Cause now I say, “No worries!”
All thoughts of grief & heartache
Dissipate
Into the ocean blue
Throwing my cares to the waves, the salty air
Of time & space
Not a waste
But a taste of salt and minerals seeping
Through my toes radiating through my whole body
Creating a flow of the case
Of joy and time & space reality
Of no more grief
Cause I feel the ocean spray
On my face
On my body
As I sink my barefoot toes in the sand
Of this LA land.
This is still my ‘comfy zone,
As it my time alone
To pray, to say
I am okay.

Minds quiet,
Comrades at my side,
Breathing deep — I’ve never felt so alive.

Beneath my cleats,
The earth greets,
“Balls out!” echoes, as my heart beats.

Rising, falling, our rhythm like a drum,
Together we advance,
The oval ball snug.

Ahead, a wall—
Formidable, true,
Yet to the earth I’m flung, feeling anew.

Cheers swell from the sidelines, ringing,
Vibrations through the field, singing,
We surge as one, our spirits linking.

Here on this pitch,
Where triumph tastes sweet,
In the sweat of defeat, our memories meet.

Below the surface of fear,
Underneath the competitive cheer,
Amid the tumult, clarity draws near:

In the push and pull, of this day,
The beautiful chaos sway,
I find peace in this crazy game I play.

To my younger self,

There’s much ahead for you to see,
Deciding your path won’t always be easy.
You’ll face heartbreak and pain,
Moments where you’ll feel insane.
But through it all, you’ll gain strength and wisdom,
Navigating against the grain and the system.
There will be times when you’ll feel alone,
But you’ll learn to embrace and love yourself on your own.
With each challenge, you’ll gain fortitude,
Be grateful for each day, maintaining a positive attitude.

Youth swiftly comes and goes,
Treasure laughter, embrace what life bestows.
Slow down, truly live in each moment’s embrace,
Find your rhythm, your own pace.
You’re just beginning your story’s arc,
A tale filled with wonders, making your mark.
Trust in God, stay true to His plan,
Like a phoenix, rise and stand.
Your talents shine bright, like a star,
As you ascend, reaching heights near and far.

Up the mountain you’ll climb,
Love and laughter await, transcending time.
Welcome the journey, the ups and downs,
For therein lies life’s echoing sounds.
Discover yourself, love, and be true,
In this beautiful journey, continue to just be you.
You are valued, precious, and strong,
With a tenacious spirit, you’ll sing your own song.
So cherish each step, each stride,
In this magnificent, crazy ride.

Beneath the radiant sun,
Waves crash nearby,
The chilled water beckons to me,
As sand clings to my feet.

Seagulls dance and flutter about,
While dolphins playfully surface.
Sandcastles tower amidst the sand,
Children’s joyous laughter fills the air.

An oasis of tranquility,
Salt air whispers gently.
This is my favorite place,
A haven for the soul.

Sereneness,
Peacefulness,
Endless horizon,
This is pure bliss.

As the waves come and go,
Renewal washes over me,
In the vast ocean’s expanse,
All problems fade away.

Drifting with the current,
Worries are no more,
This sanctuary revives and rejuvenates,
The beach: my happy place.

Dear Unsealed
Today I look forward to my life.
This decade I am 74 years old.
Not sure but had lots of strife.
So, I have been told.
I can say today,
As I relay or dream night and day
Of younger days and love and heartache
Of give and take,
This decade of clicking the box,
That says 70 +,
Such a fuss.
I am an elder with wisdom,
About life and love,
But somehow remain strong,
With reason and rhyme
Of space and time.
This is a time when I should have respect
From kid, grandkids, but
It does not always happen as I have kept.
Moving forward with time
Books and computers all that
I read, listen to music, write and all that.
This period in my life
I look back at relationships,
Loves, marching for equality for all,
And the concept of my fight for humanity
Love, peace, and light,
Are still not understood by certain people in my life.
I thought by this time
With reason and rhyme
They would understand my strife,
To create peace and love
Blessed from up above.
However, this is not so with certain people
But now I am old
I continue to be strong and bold.
I toss specks of salt
Over my right shoulder and left shoulder
To send peace to all
As I recall
Without humanitarians as I am
To tell folks it’s okay
Today
Tomorrow
Any day
I am to adventure to say
I do it my way
You do it your way.
I live one day at a time,
One moment at a time
Of reason and rhyme.
At 74 years old
I am still for peace and love,
Despite the folks who shut me down
All around town
I am woman.
Here me roar!
I have been down there on the floor,
Still an embryo
But I will be strong, progressive,
To move forward in time
With reason and rhyme
I am considered to be an old lady.
I can dye my hair pink.
Or gold or red.
Or whatever I choose,
Its okay today

Dear Charmaine,

What you love about this chapter in your life is it is believed to be…Pruning time! Pruning is something you found out that continuously needs to happen. You get cut down, cut back, trimmed on. It can come out of nowhere or you can see it coming. You realize that when you are serving God, get ready or don’t be shocked when it happens. He will cut you with things that are going to test your faith. To see if you are spouting words or believe what He says. No matter if it is your health, people, rejection, finances or whatever. He wants you to grow back stronger and more beautiful. He wants you to say “I have a TESTimony” My God brought me through!!! People trying to take your home you worked so hard for. Your insecurities that you allowed people to give you, questioning your ministry and self. Your children’s health, your marriage. Your rare, mysterious health issues. God is bringing you through them all. He will continually bring you through them all! You are here to witness God’s Goodness, Grace and Mercy. How can you do this unless you walk through some swaps, dirt, mud, been through some terrible storms. To say you are still here, you are still standing. God has brought you through. Even though you don’t want the tornado to come your way, you don’t want things eating at you or being cut down to start again. God is able!!! He is letting you be prune, so you can stand beautifully ready to be open again, to Bloom in another Season. Trust God, It is not what you want! But God knows it is what you need! So remember it is Pruning Time Again!??!
As I would say you are actually the perfect candidate for God to use. You have no special degree in any minister, no special teacher degree or a scholar. Not the popular girl and most experienced in life. That is where God gets His Glory from the normal, mundane, not so look at, not so talk about young lady. It is funny that you are someone who seems to be doing some stuff now. Things out of your character, realm of knowledge and expertise.You don’t have a degree in that. How are you going to tell others the truth about things? Well, God is the only answer to how. If you are a believer, it is the only answer that makes sense! That God uses the simple things of the world to confuse the wise. He also is using you again in sharing His Glory by using a health problem. He allows you to have this unique, rare mysterious condition. That teams of doctors are scratching their heads over. Questions of why it came, where it came from and now how do they treat you? There are no seemingly bad habits, no drug, alcohol, or smoking in my life. You are pretty much healthy and young. No high blood pressure, diabetics, no history of cancers in the family. “So what do I have and how are the doctors going to treat it?” So here comes God showing his miracle magic miraculous all knowing power! Showing them treatment to try, but ultimately He has to heal and save!!! That job forever belongs to Him. So, He wants you to testify of his goodness and grace! How often do you and others say no you can’t do this minister thing! God says Yes You Can!!!
When the doctors, professionals and you are all confused about what is going on in your body and why. God is here to say, “I AM NOT! I know all, I see all, I knitted you in your mothers womb. I made every cell, tissue and bone. Just look at me and I will show you how and why I am the chief physician who never lost a case!!!” You have to say Hallelujah Amen to that. So, this rare, unique, mysterious flower in God’s garden is destined to bloom. No matter how many storms come to destroy and cut you down. God controls storms, they cease at His command!!! So even when you are pruned again, because you will. You know who holds the future, your tomorrow and beautifully allows you to Bloom!!!
Love you and keep pursuing your purpose. You love this chapter of your life because God has pulled you through, made you see things you never thought you could face before and show you your strength in the midst of the storms.

Blessings,
Charmaine

Is the darkness hidden well?
Or can you see its all show and tell?

How troubling is the mind-
Exploring all the broken pieces,
And crevices abused with time.

The joy and innocence of a little girl stole-
Tears and fear did she meet in her bed,
Wishing instead of life, she were dead.

Day after day,
Night after night,
Little by little,
Her light was snuffed out;
Love- a word, she began to doubt.

Wanting to fight and push on she did,
But the pain broke her and so she hid.

Not knowing who to trust,
Or where to turn,
Confusion masking lessons learned.

Abused around every corner,
Men lusted and adorned-her.

Ridiculed with guilt and shame,
No-one but herself to blame.

The pain just increased and increased,
Until all hope within her finally ceased-

Filled with such disgust and self-hate,
She began to suffocate-

Unable to accept reality,
With crippled mentality-

Only one place left to run,
Falling to her knees before the Son.

Sin at his feet-
She lay,
Begging for forgiveness-
She prays.

Wiping her slate clean like never before-
Gods love is the one and only cure.

Broken are the chains,
Alleviating the pain-

Free is she-
And mighty is Thee.

There’s a stirring within me,
a fervent desire to be seen and heard;
a dormant talent calling out,
beckoning to appear.
Countless thoughts,
endless visions.

The artist emerges,
brush in hand,
painting a scene so serene,
igniting a fire from within.

Can I unveil these parts of me?
Will I be favorably received?
Listen closely:
My voice will echo-
Recognize this, my unique sound,
for soon, favor shall be found.

In the garden of my late twenties,
Where dreams weave through realities,
I stand, a creator, a learner, a leader,
Crafting my path with the hands of a dreamer.

Each day a canvas, my career the brush,
Dipped in the hues of knowledge, a quiet hush.
With every stroke, I grow, I thrive,
In this dance of creativity, I feel alive.

Challenges rise like mountains steep,
Yet within me, a resolve so deep.
To climb, to conquer, to reach new heights,
Finding strength in the toughest of fights.

Impact is the echo of my silent roar,
Touching lives, opening a new door.
In this chapter, a rebranding so bold,
A story of transformation, waiting to be told.

As twenty-eight whispers of time well spent,
I gaze toward thirty with pure intent.
A decade looming with promises anew,
A journey of becoming, a perspective true.

In this blossoming, I find my grace,
A higher self in time and space.
Strong, unswayed by the external din,
Rooted in self, a radiance from within.

With every heartbeat, I fall deeper in love,
With the person I am, the skies above.
Pride swells like a tide, vast and wide,
In who I’ve become, I take immense pride.

“A TIME WHEN I DID NOT GIVE UP ON MY WRITING, MUSIC, AND ART”
DEAR UNSEALED,

I have many times,
In my life of 74 years of rhyme
And reason roadblocks
of people have said to me, “What?”
I struggled as a woman, born in 1949,
Of the boomer generation of time.
I was told I could not do this and that,
Tit for tat,
I proved them wrong,
As I write my songs
Of life’s journey
To eternity
And beyond the box thinking of patterns of life
As I continue my strife
At 74 years old
I have been told.
I survived many love relationships,
Time after time sailing the ships,
Across the clouds, the sea, the mountains of earth
As I tread on a new birth
Of still writing and creating art of sorts
Of time and space, of course.
I worked two or three jobs to go to college,
To obtain knowledge.
I attended a Microsoft coding class at 51.
That was my finale with that one.
Being told as a young woman I could not do that,
By certain people who did not know squat about that.
I struggled all my life with a positive attitude,
Of a subdue,
Nature of hiding my tears and feeling blue
As I walked on upon life’s path so true.
Despite my broken relationships with narcissistic pigs
I kept on walking to all my gigs.
Life moves forward along the journey,
Of many miles of this wild child.
Still eccentric, eclectic, boho hippie style
Of peace and love despite the tactics of so many trials
Of work, play, study, and broken narcissistic relationships in my life.
I still believe in me.
Let it be.
Me as a woman in the last decades of my life
And all the strife
I believe in rainbows, angels, and light,
Not to fright
The weary of treading through the jungle of the night,
But to look around at music, art, writing, and light.
I will not give up on my new goals,
Of this old soul
As I tread on with my writing, music, and art,
To make a new start
At 74
And as before
I tread through the desert, the storm,
Of life after so close to death as I was warned
After Long Covid attacked my organs and whatever it could
I survived major abdominal surgery at 72 in 2022.
I still want to live in a paint bucket of words and colors, as I should,
not give up,
Even when finances are low,
And still with health issues of dietary needs
I still drink from the cup of the mustard seed,
As my late Grandma Carrie Soleta implied,
“You are my baby girl, and you will survive.”
My faith is still strong,
As I sing life’s songs
Of blues, laughter, and survival
Of the known and unknown
Of life’s songs upon the sand to the beach
And along
It is faith in my creator and that mustard seed parable,
Teaching from my late Grandma Carrie Soleta.

Dear Unsealed,

Why do i love myself begins with why do I need to accept myself as the first step in why we are all here as human beings on Earth.

Growing up in a patriarchal society there were many times I hated myself. I grew up fast and looked like a woman at 11 years old. So, let us see that it was then 1961.

Now I am 74 years old and not sure if I would go so far to say I love myself, but I do like myself. So, I will engage in why I am my own best friend. I am learning to love myself.

The spirit of learning to accept oneself as themselves is tricky. As human beings we are always comparing ourselves to other people. We want their body shape, or their wardrobe or face and body characteristics. The first process in learning to accept oneself is to not compare oneself to another human. We are all unique in body form, speech, clothes style, food tastes and how our brains reflect upon everyday activities and our personality styles.

I like myself because I like my DNA of worldly all over the globe style. I like myself because I do not live in a boxy world of thinking. I live outside the box. I like myself because I love to wear boho flower child clothes as well as my décor must be boho. I like myself because I have a well-rounded education in different professions. I am a multi-tasker. I love music, art, writing, movies, computers, photography, and life.

I have learned to accept my empathic abilities. This was not an overnight decision, due to being an empath with high sensitivity is seen as a weakness by bullies and other controlling personalities. I love my vivid dreams that I have nightly. I dream of faraway places, new people, and environments. That is strange to many people. It is a gift from my ancestors. I love that gift that was passed down from ancestors and the Universe. I sometimes see spirits and I also have learned to relish this gift.

I love my crazy curly long hair. I just love to try new color gels on my hair. To some people it is a crazy thing to do. To me it has been normal since I was a teenager. To others it is a shame I do not act my age. Since I was told that as a young teenager, I figured out what they meant to say is do not do anything that irritates them. If we as one human being listened to every negative comment mentioned to us, we would sit in a corner just staring at nothing because that is where the haters and narcissists want everyone to be that does not think like them. However, I focus on positive critique not negative opinions. I like myself because of faith and concentration on healing and light.

I love to talk about healing, love, and light to everyone. I was told by a person who scolded me for loving the light and healing, “Oh you always want to love everyone. You will soon learn not to do that.” I did not listen to that remark. I remember that remark but considered it to be nothing.

I love myself now as I think about my resilience to bounce out of depression and illness. At 74 years old I survived long Covid and major surgery and almost dying. My philosophy of love, light, healing, and peace was expanded after the illness into another realm of living with empathic gifts.

If we as human beings learn to have a good relationship with each other instead of forcing others to walk and talk like the hater, then humanity would be at peace not war. However, that is a fairytale of sorts that we as empaths and healers must take with a grain of salt.

I have also learned that the more one listens to haters the more one will hate themselves just as much as the haters hate themselves. So, now I love myself as I complete this letter to explain why I love myself. I cannot be anyone else nor can anyone else be me.

I believe learning to love oneself can be difficult especially if one is depressed. I have a wonderful therapist who gets me.

May we as a human being species learn to love one another as we are unique, eccentric individuals who were created by the Universe to live and breathe on Earth.

I remember a song I used to sing to myself in the 70s as I marched for equal rights, “I am Woman, Watch me Roar.”

Sincerely,

In the dawn of 2024, a canvas unfurls,
With goals profound, like precious pearls.
Self-love, like a compass, guiding my way,
In the gentle embrace of a brand-new day.

Within, I seek a love so deep,
A promise to myself, a secret to keep.
Mirror reflections, it is a start,
Loving every piece of me, a work of art.

In the tapestry of dreams, a vow I weave,
To embrace imperfections and in them, believe.
Stars in my soul, twinkling bright,
I continue on this journey of self-love’s light.

Acceptance, the bridge, to hearts that care,
In 2024, love is in the air.
No fortress of doubt, no walls to build,
A dance with hearts, the space is filled.

With open arms, I welcome the tides,
Affection and warmth in love’s sweet strides.
In this chapter, I choose to receive,
Love’s symphony, in which to believe.

Nurturing my mind, a garden of thought,
Seeds of wisdom, lessons sought.
Books and knowledge, like rain on soil,
A fertile mind, a lifetime to uncoil.

Learning and growing, expanding my view,
In the vast expanse of the intellectual brew.
A sanctuary of thoughts, a haven of peace,
Nurturing my mind, the quest shall not cease.

2024, a year of growth and bloom,
A tapestry woven with lessons from the gloom.
In self-love’s embrace, I find my might,
Accepting love, like morning light.

Nurturing my mind, a scholar’s quest,
In the pages of wisdom, I am truly blessed.
The mind, a garden, thoughts take flight,
In the canvas of dreams, I find my light.

So here’s to my 2024 journey, a story to tell,
In the symphony of life, where dreams swell.
I set my intentions, a heartfelt decree,
For a year of love, growth, and wisdom, to be.

Dear Unsealed,

My favorite day in 2023.
I was still recovering from major surgery on May 2, 2023.
I remember that day so well as we
All will remember the day in Sacramento, Cali.
The early flight as early in the am as it could be.
This was my first outing since my surgery in April 2022.
I was honored to be chosen to lobby,
For women’s rights here in Cali.
We met senators, all other elected officials of the beat,
of the capital of Cali.
My first outing had to be dramatic of course,
As this was my first travel of the year
To concur I celebrate May 2, 2023
As happy as I could be,
To spread light, love and peace for equality.
It was a full day of speeches and shaking hands,
Of important peeps as well as the immediate company,
Of my sisters, who flew over with me.
We flew back to Ontario airport.
To confirm our day was complete.
I was happy I must report.
That was fun and work and play,
On my favorite on May 2, 2023
That’s all I have to say about my day.

Sincerely,
Vicki Lawana Trusselli
December 21, 2023