Who am I? A mere mortal; a body of flesh and bones that moves amongst earth until it’s buried beneath it? Am I more than the blood in my veins or the organs within my vessel?

Who am I? A glistening sphere of light; a soul that brings joy and peace to others lives? Am I more than my empathy or the love within my heart?

Who am I? A deck of cards; the many faces that bring luck and abundance to some, but fateful defeat to others? Am I more than the value that others put on me?

Who am I? The Earth’s moon; the phases of darkness and illumination that pierce the cracks of my shadow? Am I more than the waves and chaos that I create?

Who am I? What is my purpose? To accept the fact that everything is temporary and attachments are unnecessary? To bring a sense of comfort and calmness to my inner and outer world? To show others that they all have a bright light within them, even if it may have been dimmed or distorted along the journey?

Who am I to judge anyone, including myself, when I am just a human being like you? Who am I to shame anyone, including myself, when we’re all guessing and learning along the way? Who am I to know what’s best for anyone, when the only shoes I’ve walked in are my own?

Who am I?

I am me. I am a person full of anger and sadness that weighs heavy on my body. I am a human full of flaws and imperfections that make me unique. I am a woman full of strength and kindness that pours from within. I am a soul full of empathy and compassion that overflows from the depths of my heart.

I am light, even with the shadow.
I am love, even with the heaviness.
I am peace, even with the chaos.

Last night, I didn’t sleep well, as I had several nightmares. I was haunted by the endless images I saw in the news: A young woman’s naked, lifeless, unconscious (possibly deceased) body being paraded around as a trophy after Hamas attacked young people at a music festival in Israel, a 25-year-old woman begging for her life as she was taken as a hostage and babies whose faces were covered in dust and blood from the bombs thrown near their homes.

When I awoke this morning, I immediately read the news to see the latest. And while the horror continues on the other side of the world, I was also disheartened to learn that hate was just outside my doorstep.

People at rallies down the street from where I slept last night are wearing, holding, and celebrating images of swastikas and promoting anti-semitic rhetoric. For the first time in my life, I was and am scared to be Jewish.

While I have been doing my best to educate myself through the news, friends, and online resources, I am not going to sit here and pretend I fully understand the conflict between Palestine and Israel – because I don’t. And I know that it’s natural and easy to see the world through the lens of my own experiences and identity.

However, we all, myself included, should see and feel our humanity reflected in every person on this planet. And act accordingly.

As I try to process these last few days, the violence happening in the Middle East is not just about me, or any one group of people or politics. This cruel attack on innocent people is about all of us. It is a threat to all of humanity.

No child, no person, whether they share my background or not, whether Palestinian or Israeli (or any other culture, race, or religion), deserves to live or die in such an inhumane way.

There are a lot of issues we can’t and won’t agree on in this world. But we universally should believe in and tirelessly advocate for love, compassion, and peace for all people.

And sadly, right now, that’s not the case.

I am scared and heartbroken as I pray for the victims of violence, our world, and humanity.

I’m all alone walking and I’m stoned feel the night rise behind my back I’ve got a flashlight but it’s still black
I think it’s lack of comprehension but I’m not sure there’s no simple way that I can cure the tension
Intervention, still alone hanging by a thread on the edge of the world
Oh, did I forget to mention
My dear you’ve gone to far
It was a slight intention by
Regression, back to basics
Stay to listen to my submission
While I revise my inclination.

My mind is mine, I love it so.
My time is timed, wish it would go slow
The bind is tight though I see the light
Intervening capsules of life defy the integrity of thought.
Insignificance has brought a rapture upon all that is lost.

To a local bar we went with the intention of having a drink and blowing off some steam. at this point in time I was at the end of a bad relationship, and could have never imagined what lye await that night.
We walked in took a left and sat down. As we watched the bar stools like hawks, I noticed this good looking man out of the corner of my eye. At the time I didn’t pay much attention to him, just a good looking guy right? Except there was something,
Some seats finally opened up at the bar and Michelle and I took our rightful seats, ordered a drink and the night began… Getting up to use the bathroom after two or three drinks, I came back to take my seat once again, low and behold he (The good looking guy from earlier) had the nerve to take my seat. Me feeling a little tipsy and ballsy decided to tap on his shoulder and give him a peace of mind because at that point I was not in the mood to play this game, I couldn’t believe this guy
He turned to me and with a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face, he exclaimed he was sorry and gave me my seat back like a gentleman. I was impressed to say the least, But still just chalked it up to some bar banter. I’m not going to lie though my heart did begin to race a little, it was that feeling again But why was I feeling this with someone I just met we hadn’t even really talked what was I thinking, so we talk some more and suddenly we began kissing… God it was awesome I couldn’t stop myself it was like I released my body into his and everything fell into place exactly how it should have, it was like a storybook it felt amazing.
So here I am in a bar with my friend kissing a man I never met before, but it felt so right, so good. This kissing went on for a good hour and a half, this was in front of everyone in the bar and I could have given a shit less…then
it was time to go like someone blowing out of flame when it gets too tall, so we exchanged numbers and I left simple as that you say? (Oh no no no) certainly not. I Get in the car and knew I made a huge mistake, I needed to have him with me. If I didn’t act fast I might never see him again I told my friend this, she told me “go get him!”… so I ran back in as fast as I could. Was I wrong? was I making a mistake? was this a bad move? was he going to turn me down? who knows… I’m just going to do it. So I get up the nerve to run back in I spot him and I grab his arm and lead him to my car, he came! holy crap! he went with it! thank God!
What was I supposed to do now I had no idea, so I just went with it. We dropped Michelle off and went back to get his car, he asked me if I smoked I said I did, so we engaged in a bowl. It was awesome I finally had someone to smoke with. It was so relaxing and mellow to be hanging out with him He’s amazing, how did this happen?

Nowadays he’s the love of my life, I couldn’t have asked for anything more out of that one night at the bar.

I am just me,
D aring
A ccommodating
N eoteric
I nspiring
E empathetic
L evel headed
L oyal
E clectic

These are My attributes as well as my faults

Hello all!
My name is Danielle and I’ve been writing since I was 10 yrs old “not professionally” But for me, for my sanity for me to understand me! for me to understand other people and for me to make sense of the world. It’s something that always came natural when there was trauma in my life. somewhere I could hide from everything and hear myself out loud.
I think it’s the people who have a hard time getting their emotions out verbally in the presence of others, that make the best writers!
I’ve been inside out and upside down in my own head, It can be really scary sometimes and it can be very endearing at others.
I will end it with one of my favorite quotes from One of my favorite authors,
“I was not proud of what I had learned, but I never doubted that it was worth knowing.”
Hunter s. Thompson

When we talk about those we have lost it doesn’t have to mean someone has died physically, rather someone you have lost connection with or someone that decided to leave you mentally.
I chose this topic because this relationship that I no longer have with my mother has impacted me greatly in my life,
This was not my decision by any means but people have different reasons for things that they do.
I have not seen heard or talked to my mother in 27 years it seems like a travesty but in actuality it’s probably a good thing.
A little backstory:
My mother has always been into hard drugs as long as I can remember I remember crawling on the floor through needles in my diapers and I remember the (tax man) she called him coming to her house a couple times a week with a briefcase. God only knows what was in that briefcase. As I grew up I remember my mother getting taken out on a stretcher by the ambulance and police for what I have no idea I was probably about 6 years old, My mother had a lot of mental health issues along with the drug use, My grandmother ended up sectioning her a few times I can remember bringing her to the hospital and watching her fight, kick, punch and bite The orderlies it took five to assist in getting hurt tied down in the bed so she wouldn’t hurt anyone for herself anymore. Know that I’m grown and I look back at these instances on baffled at how a mother can let her child see and hear and witness all of these things at such a young age it breaks my heart but I’ve learned to cope. I don’t think you can ever cope fully to a situation like this flashbacks always happen for me I have PTSD and night terrors about things that used to happen I remember being woken up at 2:00 in the morning when I was 5 to be told that we had to get out of the house and go live somewhere else (We were living with my mother’s boyfriend at the time)
This happened on a number of occasions with different men. I went to a new school every year back and forth to my mom and dad’s never had a stable place.
I do feel bad for her she missed out on so much of her life as well as mine But I do not feel bad taking my sanity back and getting myself well. Like they say when you’re at the bottom of the barrel there’s no where else to go but up so you just got to keep trucking everybody has their own faults and decisions that they have to make. I do believe drugs obviously have a hand in all of this but I don’t believe that she didn’t have the option not to get involved with it those are our own decisions to make and the path we choose does impact others and to not think of it that way is selfish. For my sake in my kids sake I chose to break the ties with her she scares me And I don’t want my kids to ever feel like I did around her so they also have never met her. I feel like I want to miss her but I also feel like that’s letting my guard down and I’m so hyper-sensitive to not becoming her I know I’m not her and I know I don’t make these decisions that she makes and I know that I love my children and would never put them in harm’s way I just can’t wrap my head around The situation still I’m 41 years old now and I’m not involved in heavy drugs I do what I need to do to survive and I’ve got a pretty level-head on my shoulders so I guess I can thank her for that, but as for showing me how to be a mother I will take the credit for that
With all this in mind I guess the lesson learned is no one to walk away when you’re getting into deep your mental health is not worth it and the detrimental aftermath it does to everybody else
So again I’d like to say goodbye to my mother. that part of my life is over thank God.

The night’s fading darkness
Is illuminated by filaments that glimmers
With piercing reddish hues
Into a horizon of fading darkened blues.

With each touch of brilliant, glinting light
The scenery is transformed, bright
As a white pigeon in heightened flight,
Soaring, like Icarus, too near the sun’s slight

Heat that tenderly caresses its feathery
Wings across all living things, bravely
Broaching the new day optimistically,
Knowing that man’s destruction will invariably

Alter the breathtaking beauty of sunrise,
Twisting its vibrancy into shades
Of tenebrous grey, colorless, and lifeless,
As everything becomes hopeless.

Let each new day be your oath
To be stronger than the sun’s breadth,
As you emulate its depth
Of strength, that reigns above all in stealth.

©️Malak kalmoni chehab ©️

Dear Mr. —

Did you know the NFL’s Ryan Grant also participated in basketball and track and field during his time at Don Bosco Prep School in New Jersey? Did you know the NBA’s Adonal Foyle still holds the record in New York for most points in a high school tournament game? Did you know former Suffern High School girls’ lacrosse star Crysti Foote is a member of the Canadian National Team and is recognized as one of the best female players in the world? Inspired by the commitment and passion all great athletes demonstrate, I know both the technicalities of sports and interesting facts about the athletes themselves, which is why I believe if I become a reporter for MSG Varsity I will be a powerful conduit between the athletes and the tri-state community. I will ask questions the viewers want to know and receive honest answers from athletes who respect my knowledge.

My confidence in my future success is based on the achievements of my past as well as my present occupation. As a young 21-year-old college graduate, I began writing for NBA.com and WNBA.com. With my own swagger, I entered NBA and WNBA locker rooms to interview athletes double my size among journalists twice my age. Publishing hundreds of articles and blogs on NBA.com, WNBA.com, D-league.com, NikeWomen.com, and WomensProSoccer.com, I have also had my fair share of on-air opportunities. Currently, I am a co-host for On the Mike With Mike Sherman, a weekly entertainment, lifestyle, and sports show that airs on a CBS affiliate (My33) in South Florida. Last season, when the 49ers took on the Giants in New Jersey, I was there to interview athletes and report back on the night’s events for CBS’ San Francisco affiliate. I have reported local news on Long Island and worked as a sports reporter for Artsis Media, where I shot, edited, wrote, and produced all my own stories.

Throughout my tenure at Columbia University, I majored in sociology and focused on the sociological impact of sports. Through my 40-plus page senior thesis, I discovered that to have longevity and acceptance as a female sports reporter, you must be a sports connoisseur yourself. Voted biggest jock in my high school senior superlatives, I have lived, breathed, and loved sports throughout my life. I believe if given a chance I will be recognized and respected by the sports world for telling compelling stories and conducting in-depth thought-provoking interviews. In other words, I’m a talented young recruit with an All-American future and would love to help the MSG Varsity team work its way to the top of the game.

Sincerely,

The lion lays quietly atop an overhanging hill.
He waits, watches in the vain fervor that his prey
Will come to him in deadly night like a diet pill
That will stop his hunger and permit his teeth to stay
Sharp, glistening white, creating a shiver of fear
Of their ferocity and ability to tear apart an arm,
Or important extremities that flash their spear
Of speed trying to outrun the King.

The atmosphere of fear is so authentic
That I can feel the lion’s eyes shifting silently,
Watching guardedly, waiting patiently to pounce happily
On his unsuspecting prey. His jaws are cave like
In their imposing strength and force of bite.

Never fear the lion, for you know he attacks
To survive, not for pleasure.
Fear those who appear like sheep, but are
More serpent or fox, for their poisons
Attack the soul and destroy lives as if doing you favors.
©️Malak kalmoni chehab ©️

It never occurred to me that I was considered mentally ill or sick I never thought of myself like that I guess I am I’ve come to terms with that It’s a hard pill to swallow literally taking them everyday to feel normal feel like my life has been taken away from me. It’s like living in someone else’s shoes It’s not really you until it really is I have bipolar disorder and anxiety as well as depression just imagine how many pills it takes six for me a day I feel like my life is not mine anymore there’s a pill to keep you happy there’s a pill to calm me down there’s a pill to put you to sleep there’s a pill to wake you up in the morning It’s like you’re living by someone else’s standards I hate it I struggle with it everyday I don’t tell people I’m sick because it’s embarrassing I know what they think of me It’s like I have a disease but it’s like the diseases made up to people because mental issues are not seen as a “real”problem unless you could physically see it it’s a cop out it’s a crutch some people say.
If I could only make these feelings and this hurt gone I would. I hate feeling like this I hate feeling caged in with nowhere to run No one to talk to who understands, sometimes it’s hard to put it in words sometimes I wish I could telepathically communicate my feelings to people without having to say or find the words.

I wanted to write an introduction to this piece because this is not about one, it’s about a few of my family members that have passed.

To the lost and the lonely:
When I think of you I think of all of the obstacles that you’ve overcome in Your short life and the inspiration and sadness you left behind. Every one of you have inspired me whether it be suicide or a drug overdose I wonder, You checked out early. the Saddened reality of life starts to wash over your emotions, comes in slowly but fiercely Your conscience tells you no, but your mental state overpowers, give me one good reason why I had to stay here when you all took the easy way out and were able to let yourself be free finally. It’s not an honor to live anymore, You are honored in death they’ll whisper at your funeral, “how could she do that to her own children” “why didn’t anybody say anything”The blame, the grief, the sadness, the regret what could have been and what actually was.
Did it feel freeing at the bridge where you decided to take the inevitable dive? Did all your memories come flashing before your eyes like they say? Or was it just a jump into nice cold water letting go of everything you couldn’t stop?
Did you choke on all the pills that you took? were you able to feel any remorse before it took you over? did you think about your family before the inevitable? were you able to realize what you You couldn’t before? did you feel safe? were you cold?
Did you ever think that someone would be writing this about you thinking about you wondering you’re feelings maybe you thought no one wondered before I can only imagine what courage it took for you to take the final jump or injest the last pill that did you in. Do you feel the same about things now that you’ve passed do you have any regrets where do you think this was the best thing for you. Sometimes I contemplate doing the same but suicide and overdoses are made for people who are scared to face their problems maybe I am afraid Would anybody stop me? Would anybody care? Or would people just say they already knew that this was going to happen to me, because of the turmoil I grew up with Time does carry on when we don’t I guess it’s stronger than us It’s the only thing that keeps going when everything else stops.

I’m all alone walking and I’m stoned feel the night rise behind my back I’ve got a flashlight but it’s still black
I think it’s lack of comprehension but I’m not sure there’s no simple way that I can cure the tension
Intervention, still alone hanging by a thread on the edge of the world
Oh, did I forget to mention
My dear you’ve gone to far
It was a slight intention by
Regression, back to basics
Stay to listen to my submission
While I revise my inclination.