For Lauren

Dancing across the stage of Life

The Real Goal is to start a flame of Passion

To Ignite another’s Soul to move the mountains

You wished you could

To Inspire is the greatest gift

You will ever be given.

Real Beauty and Wisdom that come with Age

Should always be celebrated and cherished

by the World

Thank you Lauren! Happy Birthday!

I fell in love with Emily when I was 10.
Her take on love and death made me long to explain it as well as she could.
She made me fall in love with words.
Their power

Every night after I received her poetry
I would sink into dreams of what love and life meant.
What it all could mean

30 years later I am ready to not just read the truth.
I am ready to be the truth.
I am ready to be Emily.
To have my words ring true
To inspire the next Emily.
The next Sarah

I have always wanted to belong.
With my heritage split down the middle,
one foot on each side of the divide.
I was lucky to experience both sides of life

Looking like a descendent of Sacagawea
Sounding like a Valley Girl I learned quickly that there was not yet a place for me
So I made one.

I will forever be the one who stands out
Wishing for anyominity at every step
but finding my voice rising more and more.
For the women who didn’t have a choice
The women that left this life too soon.

I will speak and leave the shadows for you.
I will stand and be counted, my voice will rise for the ones without an outlet.

I won’t quit until our stories are heard and become a part of the fabric of our collective

Love has taken me many places and taught me so many important lessons. I truly believe that love is the best teacher in the world. Love is vast and can change your life. This is what love has taught me over the years and is what motivates me to make it through the dark days and to celebrate the beautiful ones.
The Greeks had seven words for the emotion of love. I have always loved this fact since I learned it when I was younger. The form of love that always stood out to me was Agape, which is the word for empathetic, universal love. My younger self was drawn to that because I realized that this type of love I felt in my bones, a love that connects the world.
This idea of love that can exist between anyone on earth was very moving to me when I was very ill with a Bipolar disorder and a Neurological condition. This condition was caused by the medication I was taking for my Bipolar disorder and ended up having to have multiple brain surgeries. Not only did the idea of Agape help me to survive this very dark time in my life, but love in general gave me strength to always move forward. I was in the hospital for two months with a brain infection. My parents love, love from friends, love in any form, was what pushed me through.
I worked hard to get better not only physically, but emotionally as well. Learning to lead with love has been such a gift to my life. I finally feel healthy both physically and emotionally. This is something I quite honestly believed might not ever happen for me.
Love changed my mind. Love saved me and has motivated me to be the best version of myself.

The Bartender is Beautiful

When she told me how she cried when her kids ate her ice cream
I realized how beautiful she was.
The sadness that spoke from her eyes
When she spoke of her missed bowl of ice cream it made me realize how much she loves
And doesn’t get loved

She works day in and day out to give her kids the world and at the end of the day, all she wants is a bowl of ice cream and to feel safe
To be a mother must be the loneliest

Her smile could light up a room if given half the chance.
But some women look more stunning sad
To see her proud, strong, and secure would be a joy.
Would she still have her sad beauty though?
Confidence is sold as a crime in this country
I wish I could give her some of mine

Mija

It is tattooed on my soul,
this word.

Upon hearing it, I knew only
love
protection
acceptance

That word could stop my in my tracks.
Make me rethink my plans, my motives.
The soft sound coming from the lips of only people I loved, letting me know that I had a
purpose in life

To be good and love as strongly as the voices who used this term of endearment
To pass that love to others that sense of peace

Hearing that word from the lovely Guatemalan Woman at the Resturant across the street from a place where I had forgotten I was someone’s dear one.
That I deserved to be called
Mija
Again

The second time she bestowed that grace on me, I awoke.
I remembered who I am.
Remembered the laughter
the joy
the love
of being Mija.

So I returned to be Mija.

Dear America,
The news that the Supreme Court overturned Roe vs. Wade deeply saddens me and fills me with guilt. This decision is very personal to me. In 2008 at the age of 25 I got pregnant, while using two forms of birth control. I have never wanted children and I decided to have an abortion. Only problem was that I have so many medical conditions, including a neurological condition called Increased Intracranial Hypertension. I had to have a medical device implanted in me in 2005 to treat the condition by draining the fluid off my brain and depositing it in my abdomen. The condition was caused by the medication used to treat my Bipolar DIsorder. I knew all the consequences of what pregnancy would do to my body, I had been well informed by all my Specialists. I am on disability so I went to my primary care doctor when I found out. She worked at a federally funded clinic that I went to as at that point, I only had Medicaid. When I explained the situation, all my medical history, my wishes for my life, my concerns. I had contacted Planned Parenthood and they said to safely to have the abortion I would need medical clearance, the okay, that I was healthy enough to have the procedure. My doctor refused. She said no one in her office would agree to give me the medical clearance for the abortion, even though I was healthy enough to have. I was devastated. What was I ever going to do? I was on disability for a very severe chronic illness and the pregnancy could kill me, I didn’t want a child. I could not understand why my wishes and concerns were not even being considered. I contacted Planned Parenthood again and they said it could be a clearance from any medical doctor I had seen recently. Luckily I have a really good neurologist I had recently seen and he gave the clearance.
So, now for the reason I feel guilt about the Supreme Court’s decision. When I went to have the abortion the doctor pulled me aside and informed me that she heard of my situation and talked to a friend of hers that was a lawyer, she gave me their number and said that I should contact them because what that federally funded clinic did to me was illegal.
That floored me. I held on to that number for almost a year hoping I would be brave enough to call. I was in such a bad place in my life at that point that I couldn’t imagine the stress of a court case about this. As the years passed I grew stronger and more confident in myself, but I still felt guilty that I hadn’t spoke up. That I gave into fear and shame that I never should have had to experience from having a necessary medical procedure. Hearing that Roe vs. Wade was overturned, the guilt just cascaded over me. I let myself and all the women I love and all the women without the opportunity to use their voice down. It was rough. The only way I know how to combat this guilt is to never let myself be silenced again. To never let fear take over when there is Right to be done. That is why I am writing this. I want every woman to know her voice matters and that I will fight and stand up right along side of her. America, this isn’t over. We must stand up and use our voices, it is the most important thing to do in this country right now.