Are you awake?
Are you happy?

Because your eyes are welled up and your mouth is sealed with fear.

Do you dream?
With your eyes open?

Because the loneliness in your heart is quite thick in the air.

Take courage, and stand up tall.
You deserve to be heard and felt.
Remember, that in this game, you’re in charge of the cards once dealt.

One step closer to who you desire to be, as the tears drip down your face.
Keep moving, steadily from the past but gracefully at your own pace.

Reflect and mediate on the journey that you’ve now come to know.
Set boundaries, burn bridges – not everyones here to watch you grow.

A smirk, and then a smile, is that teeth I’m starting to see?
Is there enjoyment in the destination that you are gradually envisioning for me?

Are you awake?
Are you happy?

No, the ride won’t always be fun.
Yes, self love and peace of mind will be signs that your job is done.

Reconstruction

Peel off my layers,
Unravel my fears,
Decode my lies,
Dispose of my tears,
Exclude my insecurities,
Arrange my “self”,
Comfort my wounds,
Aide me with health,
Please my soul with creations,
Subtract the debt,
Remind me that what’s good is currently left,
Make me good as new,
Forgive my past,
Have faith in my future,
Believe I will last,
Consider my growth,
Encourage the process,
Be my stool to newer heights,
Give me space when I’m stressed,
After all you’ve done and all you do,
I hope my reconstruction is perfect for you.

The feelings I have inside are not easy ones to let out BUT THIS IS ME!

If you asked ME what is the FIRST THING people notice when I MYSELF enter a room it would and IS my LIMB and FISTED hand because of my cerebral palsy a physical disability

Often NOT ALWAYS the FIRST THING JAKE SEES is being treated DIFFERENTLY, but THIS IS ME I do not know any differently!!!

It’s easy for me to say I should be treated the SAME as others whose differences you can NOT SEE

Unfortunately oftenbNOT ALWAYS the WORLD does NOT teach enough about SOCIETY and how WE are ALL BORN DIFFERENTLY!!!

mine is just one you SEE!

I hope that WE can keep the MAIN thing the MAIN thing and that is we ALL have a heart

So I ask ALL to please let that be the MOST IMPORTANT thing WE SEE

With Utmost LOVE & GRATITUDE

There was a war within the conversation
Eight casualties reported that leaves only one left
The gun holder hears a voice cry: what do you want from me?
The gun confidently cocks a whisper: I want everything you didn’t give to me back
You see in my head you were supposed to care
Package your love as the gift I receive every second of the day
But you were so nonchalant like the fashionable fabric that hangs off the shoulder purposely and doesn’t care about any penny pinching opinions
Personality is fashion and doesn’t have to be understood
I didn’t expect you to comprehend the inner workings, I just wanted you to try
But you would rather show more interest in other things… I’m one of the reasons you’re still alive
Funny now I got your life in my hand
And I’m taking it, out like the trash today that has been sitting for too long
Anger starts to cry as the gun holder exclaims say goodbye, say goodbye, say goodbye
Can’t do it can you
Don’t make me pull this trigger
You ain’t never been about no action it’s always talk
Neither have you, you were supposed lead me out of Egypt, but you just had me going in circles of your desert mind
You were supposed to provide, but all you did was cover your tracks with paid excuses
I know I’m not perfect and I promise I did try… I’m just still hurt, and the kaleidoscope pain made me dizzy
It’s hard to move forward when you can’t catch balance as it falls, not to mention verbal bullets trying to permanently end the conversation
What do you want from me?
I want a ring, don’t casually date me be committed
I give you a release, I am your peace, but you only tool this pleasure for your advantage, making copper from gold
I’m a grown woman not one of your little friends
I want you to understand my history and stop browsing
I want you to protect me and walk on the busy side of the street
I want to feel safe in your arms, keep all the danger locked away
I’m a queen and want to be your friend to represent our royalty
I want to be your inhale and you my exhale
I’m jealous so I want to be your heart and rib
I want you to love me the way Christ married the cross, and left little posted notes on the mirror in the form of a book for His children’[
You wanted so much from me but never invested in me, us, our relationship has been life and death, but you keep it in the same breath… As small talk
Then expect me to take our conversations seriously
Well, if that’s what it’s going to be I’ll keep your letters piled up on the corner of the desk like the mail I need to throw away
Cold steel makes me spit sweat and choke on air
Kill shot, the gun is talking, the conversation has a period in the shape of a bullet
The white light gets louder as I grow older
Now what was all that talk you was saying?
Breathing heavy, is this it, is it too late?
Breathing heavy, She has blocked me
She is Poetry and my blood is the ink
I finally understand but is it too late
Breathing heavy
Please poetry take this writers block away from me
p.s. she just wants respect…

Be still
Sweet one
When clouds cover the sun
And the breaths seem to take just a bit More effort
Be still
Beloved
When the waters of your soul seem to Break through the carefully placed Barriers of life’s wounds and pour Straight from your spirits depths
Manifest waters of emotion from the Non-physical
To here
Be still
And listen
For the whispers of your spirit in the Song of the morning dove or the soft Caress of wind on your neck
Be still
And feel the awe and love found only When you let go of you and become one With what is
The melting sherbert colors of the sky Just before the sun sets below the Horizon
A reminder that goodbyes can be Beautiful too
And aren’t always the finite things we Make them to be. . .
Be still
And rejoice
For you are alive and able to receive all These blessings and more
As your breath stills
And your being remains

She said get dressed we’re going out
Immediately my introverted thoughts tied me down to chair where I was watching a movie
She could see my hesitation breathing hard so she quickly interjected
Before you say no I took care of all the essentials, so you don’t have to worry about anything
It’s all planned out, and I know you don’t like to always get fancy so this is more of a business casual scene
She then casually walks away saying I need to go get ready
We’re leaving in 40
I leave my comfortable chair and make my way to the closet
Trying my best to closet my anxiety
Maybe my off whites will help me walk away from the dark thoughts
Today feels like a bow tie day
I usually put my cologne on last but in the rush of the moment things got mixed up
Tree sprays and she could sense the scent in the atmosphere change
Lust became a dangerous game
She ran my direction and said close your eyes before she entered the room
I don’t want you to see my outfit
She ran up behind me and her lips hugged my cheek
Then she walked in front of me, her hands covered my eyes
She asked what is that you’re wearing
As I started to speak her lips gripped mine before I could get a word out
She said is smells sweet
I replied: like candy
She answered: yes
She then proceeded to steal two more candy coated cologne kisses from me
Now finish getting ready she whispered as she left the room
p.s. I’m so in love…

Roses are blue and violets are red
When I think of you everything is backwards in my head
Like what I usually would never do I’m now thinking about times two
Every reservation turns into an invitation, so I made plans including dinner for two
Her favorite flower is a rose, and what would a rose be by any other name
If I pick a rose does it take my last name
Roses are pink and Lilys are Lilac
Lavender conversations tastes different when you know she has your back
A rose tattooed on my back is dead until your finger tips hug my thorns
A relationship embraces the pain of every fallen petal
A rose is just a star but with you holding it I can see the galaxy
Dreams aren’t that far away with you in the passenger seat
She drives me crazy and I don’t mind
What’s happiness without adversity
Is a rose still as beautiful without the barb wire
Roses are white and sunflowers are teal
In a crowded room, far away, but I can still feel
You
U without the y. o. because something is different
U and I could be different, and the world needs a change
p.s. I just want to buy you flowers…

It’s the breath I need but can’t reach
Arms extended as far as they can reach
But the superhero is late this time and can’t save me
Plan ahead they say so you can make time to smell the flower things
I’ve never been much of a gardener
However, today I’m planting mustard seeds
So, my confidence can age as grand as the canyon
I can finally picture heaven in the palm of my hands with this Canon
Camera, bombing any part of hell left in my yesterday that tries to burn my film
Hope used to be a dream then I made my dreams come true
Hope used to slip through my fingers but now I wear it as a cape
Flying over depression, fear, and regret
Debts I no longer wish to add to
Stop subtracting from you, thinking to myself
Hope is priceless, you don’t have to play tag with money
That’s why the tag looks out of place in a garden
The highest value holders are free
Plant faith and wake up in a field of dreams
Plant a rose and fall in love
Plant patience and endurance will run past any future
Harmony outlasts pains earthquake
Honor overcomes poisoned endings
And it gives me hope that tomorrow isn’t so bad after all
I don’t always feel super, but I will be my own hero
p.s. don’t forget your cape…

Based on a true story

My sibling
Her oldest child father always gave me the creeps since i was 9 years old
I always felt awkward around this creep
I was so happy when this creep got sentence threw years in prison
I did not have to see his face for a while
My sibling accused me of having a crush
This situation is one of the reasons
My sibling and I cannot ever be sisters

1998 this creep ends up getting released from prison
My parents gave him a roof over his head
Which was the biggest mistake ever
When my sibling eyes were not looking
This creep bull dog evil eyes were watching me
When my family members were not watching this creep would stimulate his own penis with his hand
Yo cause himself to ejaculated
And would have a seductive smile on his dirty ass face
He would Peek at me through the bedroom closet door that was connected to the bathroom
This creep would watch me undress
Or when he heard the shower water turn off
And I would step out of the shower
His eyes were staring at me
I felt so violated
My freshman year in high school
I still remember
I was attending Crawford High
Living on Streamview Street
I was so afraid of going home after school
Because both of parents were working at the same time
My brother would be out running the streets with his friends
My older sibling hateful sibling would be at work or attending college
When I used to finally arrive home from school the sick creep would be laying on the dark gray living room carpet floor watching television
I would just walk straight back to my bedroom that was in the hallway on the left side from my parents bedroom
Close and lock myself inside
Put my dark beige flower couch behind my door to feel safer
And wait for family members to come home
I would even wait for my jealous sibling to come home so she can keep an eye on her demon
Flash back
I still remember this awful night like it was yesterday
I fell asleep on the same dark gray living room carpet floor
My Jada Pickett Smith set it off Bob braids
The touch of this creep filthy hands touching on my behind (butt)
While I was asleep
Froze me
I was froze like frozen cold ice
My eyes lit up
But I still did not make a move or make a sound
The whole time this creep touching me
I played asleep
I cried
After he was done touching me
I stayed laid flatly up on my stomach
On the living room floor for about a minute or two
Then finally I got up and went into my parents bedroom
Like a rabbit
I hopped into bed with my parents
Crying in my mother’s arms
I felt I lost my innocence
The sick bitch violated my freshness by touching me
But this whole situation got swept under the rug
Some family members even thought I was lying
But what will I get out of lying? Nothing
Till this day I hate this child molester
If I was told this sick ass creep got murdered
I will not have any remorse.

I want to send a message to young women that has been through the same situation do not be afraid to tell somebody, even the police. Get creeps like this off the street. If a family member choose not to believe you, do not give up talking to someone and remember you are not alone.

I told my brother once — who I was dating — & He replied to me

“I thought you had more self-respect than that”

Later on in life — I realized — he was right

(But it was not my intention)

For the last 10 yrs — those words have been
engraved in my mind — like a tombstone

I had a lot of deja-vu signs —

That led me to believe — him & I were meant to be — but we weren’t tho

Im sorry — but I mean — come on now 

He read me — Bible stories & Scriptures 🙏🏽

I thought — I had self respect — thru a period of time — in the past

But somewhere — down the line — I lost it

I like to think — I’m doing better now a days — 
& I can finally say — once again — I have it

I was just an old soul — in a superficial world

withought a strong voice — of her own — to put her foot down

I was searching for something — in someone else — that was meant to be found — within myself

But truly — I think— what he said to me — then —
really did help

I think back on — the first time — I moved out — on my own

About a year or so — out of an abusive —relationship — with a child of my own

Things became different — then the life — I envisioned — & it really took a toll

Lord knows — all I wanted — was a God filled family

Definitely not — another broken home

I was readjusting my lenses — to try to understand — & accept my new life — and what happened

I questioned so much — about myself — & all I believed in

Every-time I tried to do right — It backfired on me

& the emotions became — overpowering & depleting

My first love — was facing a long time — on the other side — & the news of that — was heartbreaking

We weren’t together at the time — but that’s something — you never wanna hear about —
 your middle school love — from 8th grade

My second one — was church bound — for a while — long enough to make me smile — & put a ring on it

We got engaged after 3 months —
 but shortly after that — things changed

We went from Bible stories to —

“I hope you die bitch”

But Ik that — he’s only human — so I try to my best — to forgive him

He tried to walk down — a Righteous path —
& a part of me — wants to believe — the intention was pure — and authentic

But how could he not — go back to the hood
 — when what he thought to be true

became faker then the streets — he once knew — & tried to get away from

The pastor — along with his crew — were all
“wolfs in sheeps clothing”

Sneaky, deceiving & misguiding —

Misleading everyone they knew — including you — & I’m sorry

I had dedicated — several years of my life to God — & he told me — to trust him

But can you imagine?

How painful & confusing it was — to have lost — not only my first love — but my second ?

All while trying — to make the right choices —
but instead gaining — religious PTSD — in the process ?

Who was I suppose to turn to — & believe in

While battling — all these inner demons — & traumas — I was dealing with

I went thru many — up-down phases — of believing — while simultaneously — grieving

So I ran away — from my feelings — into the arms of people — I can no longer — even remember

I gave access to my home — & my temple — & said yes at times — I should have definitely — had said no

I had a voice of my own — but didn’t know how to use it

That shits triggering — to remember

Cause little me — just wanted someone to love — & protect her

Not realizing then — I was all I ever needed 
— & was looking for

So I’m thankful — I now — better respect — myself & my temple

Thankful — I respect my brother — as a father figure — more then I do — a brother

His opinion — really matters to me — 
So I truly strive — to make him proud

I’m sorry bro, that back then —

Your little sister — didn’t know how 🥺

Beyond the storm ,
blew the jaguars roars whispering in the wind.

The shards of her tears blew like hail raging against my window
as I stare out past the cold air intrigued by the deep lilac tones setting to the west,
In the arctic night sky.

Though the earth was in an up roar
I still stand grounded mesmerized by the beautiful noise in you.

Though im weathered ,
My face of stone longs to kiss your cold lips, inside this body sways a smoldering fire, with beating drums and A tribe of fire dancers-
praise dancing on the inside – you are my world , My Hope.
-A Shamans bliss.

She holds a resonance so strong it trembles beneath the roots and Maga. Creating tidal waves from her heartache , breaking down in tears as she earth quakes with stammering convulsions strangling in her own anger.
Society calls her mother nature, but before the rain , before the storms , before the pain from the birth of it all … like me she came from the stars…. Her name was Hope.

My love…
A beauty some captivating ,
Her movement can shape shift into the most delicate of plants , from a meek animal to the most ferocious beast , swirling pastel clouds, to stand before me
naked with the voice of a siren shimmering like a flickering blue flame …though different ….we both are one in the same.
To feel you….
all I have to do is walk out that door,
but it’s even deeper, more sacred… if I close my eyes with my hand on my heart – breathing in the thought of you,
Transmuting this anxiety in to balance
aligning with the elements of a cosmic vibrance!
(Deep breath)
I love you

My Hope

Together we shift through phases and transitions
mirroring conflictions with the humans of this world cause there actions scream power through forced submission but still when we stand close …eye to eye… our love together creates romance
cause we both know that true love never dies
It just amplifying

“My Hope”

Even if I die in the flesh, I’ve made a vow for a thousand lifetimes that my spirit will always come back to fight for you and I

My dearest Hope

Though these battles can’t be seen with human eyes , in the night I am geared up to Astral travel with you together
warring with the lords of darkness as we race through time to ignite the torch with passion over and over again with the spark of
….Hope.
And everyday when I wake up,
and I see the sunrise even if the sky is cloudy and Grey I can still see the light.

That’s how I know that my Hope
is still Alive

Even though my heart may pound
I have no fear

I AM

Resilience
Exemplifying,
Sanity
Poised
Expressionist
Catalyzing
Truth

Right next to my Angels of vengeance whom Are always near.
I don’t need to lie, MY existence is the proof.

They are my Amplified reinforcements , sent from a different dimension to guard me from Those Jekyll and hide spirits masquerading in human skin.
slither in like woven black silk , those Agents of banter come with laughter
A cracked smile with hollow eyes Breathing a muster gas full of lies,
But you must hold still!
Watch them swirl around like gloomy dark clouds

I AM THE STILL GROUND IN THE MIDDLE
Shifting through the vortices seeing the debris crash right before me , and always walk out unscathed

An ancient spirit . My essence is unspoken the ancestors I respect and they demand my respect for me

No need to worry about the slander and psychic projections . Cause those baneful attacks those body jumpers send get deflected ethereally.
It’s an unforseen battle with minions attacking in desperation

I often wake up tired after war cause it’s my sovereignty and self respect I must defend as a guardian from the Galactic Federation
“The Voices of Fire get louder like cherubs chanting in Gregorian harmony singing so beautifully” …
“No worries -it’s already done” They said Anything that I ask for it’s deserved,
Drop those burdens and look up to the stars

Command your respect

You’re a goddess from afar

I hope my loving doesn’t come off as overbearing or too much. My toxic trait is that I don’t like letting go of the one’s I truly love.

If something or someone were to ever come in between us disrupting our constant flow, even though I can’t control it, I would have a hard time letting you go.

If you were to go, or some force pulls you away from me, the pain in my heart would be everlasting.

I don’t mean for this to be sad. I just happen to miss you real bad and it makes my eyes water with tears and I fear the unknown. It’s hard to pretend like everything is fine, as if going about my day distracting myself would help me not feel all the feelings I feel for you but that would be lying to myself.

Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone just like we are not promised to be together but I promise to always cherish what little time we have with each other because that’s all we have is time.

We may be miles apart, but, you’ll always have my heart no matter what happens.

Will you dance with me?
Creating joy through our new harmonies
Infinite branches of possibility
Stretching out …
Higher towards the Light
The way a tree grows towards its source as if to say
“thank you Divine Creator for the Life you bless me with this new day”
How beautiful it is
To live in prayer and gratitude
In the heart
Of the Most High,
Always lifted up and up,
Each day, my prayer asks
“Lord, please lead me,”
And His love leads.

So tell me, beloved, what song lives in your heart?
More importantly,
Why is it locked up
Like the caged bird?
The time is now
You will be free
You will have clarity

Once again your soul will sing
The joy will flow
The peace will ring
As you remember these forgotten things
Remembering…
Never are you alone
But always in harmony
In all ways
Mind
Body
Spirit

Harmony within…
Inhale
Harmony without
Exhale

Attuning to the highest frequency
We make a perfect harmony
Flowing freely
Not always neatly
But divine and in perfect time
We are aligned

Sending love
Little one
Wrapping you softly
Warmly
In my arms
Next to my heart
Rest now
You are safe
To bloom
In the name of
Self Love

Releasing control now
Giving into the flow now
We’re ready to go now. . .

Release. . .
Control . . .

I put my faith all in
All praise goes to above
Give thanks to Most High
Frequencies carry us up

He leads with love, this I can feel for certain
Understanding, forgiving
The love You give is a sure thing

Father, protect me,
I’ve wandered so long
Lost and blind
Not even one song

You found me
And showed me
And forgave me my wrongs
Your mercy, and kindness and love is so strong
Thank You Creator
With You I breathe easy
So soft and so long

So lord
Please
Forgive me my sins
And when
You see fit
I am
Ready to win

Thank you,
Sweet 2023
For holding me tenderly
While the most vulnerable parts of my
Soul returned from hiding
In order to
Be felt
And seen
Then released

Thank you, 2024
In advance
For all the blessings
From the lessons
That you so graciously give
Gratitude proceeds you
You’re just that great
My heart flutters at the thought
Of the sheer
Magnificence
You hold within your
Beautiful higher
Elevations
Heaven on earth
In the mind
And
Matter

Shaking in my toes
Here comes my biggest low.
Every-time good hits
Something comes to blow.
Think of the positive, keep a smile on your face they say.
I say I try to do it just that way.
Yet my path diverges, my tune has its own sway,
For at day’s end, my way may never echo your say.
Life’s rhythm and rhyme, a dance of contrast’s blend,
Highs and lows entwine, an unpredictable trend,
Still, I strive to shine, resilience my silly friend,
Embracing each design, my journey to transcend.

The tears are ferocious
The days feel meaningless
I realize I’m in a rut where
everything seems pointless
I’m not sure how I will find
purpose or joy again
But I am being gentle with myself
as I navigate that journey
I made it to a new year
I am here