I’m living in a body that does not have the capability to stay awake.
I’m held captive trying to get through each day, knowing I could shut down at any moment.
My eyes are heavy.
My head pulsates.
I disengage before I even give consent.

I’m so tired all the time.
I need a nap after basic things.
Shower. Nap.
Cook. Nap.
Eat. Nap.

The yawning is uncontrollable and a clear indicator.
I wonder if i could get assistance but don’t want others to view me as lazy or taking the easy way out.
Is my disability valid enough?
Will sympathy be shown for this unconventional disorder?
It’s hard to relate to anyone.
People often tell me we are all tired.
But I know that not everyone contemplates sleeping in a bathroom stall at work daily.
I know others could get a good nights rest and a boost from their favorite cup of coffee.
I know others don’t go to war with themselves about walking out just to go home and rest .. leaving my family financially unstable and confused.

As I write this, my eyes feel heavy.
They burn a little.
My head and neck give out occasionally.
I’m uncomfortable yet again.
And I don’t see any resolution in sight.
I’m chronically fatigued.

The rarest personality trait in the U.S. making up 1-3% of the population
Although very cool, it gets hard to find those who you can truly relate to or be open with
The quote says, “with great power comes great responsibility,” so off days must bloom even when I feel off
Quickly collecting myself like “where is my super suit?”
I have incredible things to do
My superpower sports a cape of compassion like a brand-new bowtie
But they can’t see me when I graze the clouds
Because their mirror gets ignored for parts, they wish to see for themselves in everyone else
Judgement then gets passed at a surface level, but my mind is only comfortable in the sky
My secret identity is me, myself, and I
But they never see passion behind the why
I’m a pretty good judge of character after about three goodbyes
I can dissect the parts of your heart that need surgery, the parts that make you cry
I can feel the shift in your breathing from across the room
I can tell your mood based on the way you’re walking or talking
I can stop the bleeding with my words of wisdom
Words that have traveled around the world and seen multiple lives
Lives that have ended early, lives that couldn’t find purpose, lives that found love and happiness, lives that weren’t treated fairly, lives that only saw hell or some lucky few only heaven knew
All these residences a hundred lifetimes could never see
My intuition breathes on the daily
It’s exhausting but I’ll never get tired of helping others
I’m an empath so my path encompasses the needs of others, I’m still learning to acknowledge my own
I’m observant on a microscopic level so it feels as if I can predict the future when I just notice the behavior patterns most glance over
The keys are in the details, but no one reads between the lines, people only want the cliff notes
Well, pull out your pen, I’m going to bring success to you
1. Love others more than yourself and true love will be attracted to you, you won’t have to keep searching for it only to find pain
2. Gratitude is the only peace that last longer than self-care or a vacation, stop stressing over the things you can’t control
3. Fear and Comparison are cousins that shouldn’t be in your family tree, they are poisoning your roots; so, have a conversation with the two and watch how relatable the confidence you thought you never knew begins to bloom
p.s. my superpower is learning to be a better version of me…

Art, visual art, phography, AI creations
Are all being used to show support
For the massacres of a peoples
Whose homes destruct
Under the sieges
Of bombs,
Drones,
Death,
At,
At the
Hand of
Oppressors,
Colonizers, thieves,
Manipulators, power hungry
For what’s not theirs to have,
But their backing, support permits
Them what no other’s assent mobilizes.
Out of the ruins
An angel rises,
Soars freely,
Peacefully seeking
The innocent souls
Whose lives were
Violently stripped
Cries of injustice
Surge with each
Blast, that’s a death
Knell on family trees.
How do we explain
This terror to babes?
Whose losses are
Insurmountable in oscillation between extremes:
Trauma, loss, violence they’ve
Experienced sooo young.
Do we brush it off?
Do we succumb?
Do we survive?
Do we live
Happily?
Sadly?
No
No
No

Dear Unsealers,

When I was a little girl, my grandfather bounced me on his knee and sang “Three Little Fishes” as I giggled through the song. All he ever wanted was for me to feel joy in life. He died when I was 13. It was my first experience with overwhelming grief, and I was devastated. I coped by leaning into the idea that my grandfather was watching over me and cheering me on in all my pursuits.

He used to tell me that the rain was good luck. So, whenever it rained during big moments of my life, I believed it was my grandfather signaling to me, “Don’t worry, I am here.” It rained at my high school graduation. It rained when I scored big goals in soccer. It rained when I interviewed for my dream job as a sports anchor. It poured the day I was offered that job, which happened to be my late grandfather’s birthday. It seemed like it was always raining on the most important days of my life, which only cemented my belief that my grandfather was watching out for me.

However, on November 30, 2022, it was a clear night in Miami — not a cloud in the sky. I decided to attend a networking event for people in Miami who work in technology. There, I made eye contact with this tall, handsome man. He started talking to me, and after telling him about my company, The Unsealed, he told me that he had founded an online company when he was younger. He said his site received 20,000 organic hits daily (that’s a lot). And so, I started asking many questions — it was rapid-fire, one after the other. At some point, he stopped me and said, “Do you want to continue this conversation over tacos?” And so, we left and ate Mexican street corn and tacos on a picnic table outside a restaurant that doubles as a speakeasy.

It didn’t take me long to realize that this man was kind, intelligent, classy, funny, and thoughtful. From that day forward, we started spending a lot of time together: dinners, events, and even weekend trips. As I opened up to him about my past and my pain, he listened closely. He asked questions, and he never judged me. One time, we were watching a movie, and I had a flashback from my sexual assault. I put the pillow over my head and asked him to change the channel quickly. He turned off the TV, and as my eyes started to well up with tears, he said, “Come here, let me hold you.” When I shared my fears and insecurities about building a company, he said, “Lauren, think of the ten smartest people you’ve ever encountered, and I promise you at least nine of them couldn’t do what you’ve done.” To this day, he always follows through when he makes a promise to me, whether it be a trip to a foreign place or to my favorite restaurant. From the beginning, he has known when I am happy, anxious, frustrated, or hungry — just by the look on my face — and has responded accordingly. He is so in tune with who I am and how I feel that it seems as though my peace is his priority.

Even so, early in our relationship, I was afraid to trust the authenticity of his love. I had been disappointed so many times in love and relationships, and I was on edge, just waiting for the shoe to drop — just waiting for something to go wrong. I couldn’t live in the moment as I was too afraid it would soon end. One night, he was on his computer while I was resting on his couch, and I randomly asked him what his name meant in his culture. He was in the middle of working and responded, “I don’t know — something with water.” So I googled it. His name translates as “the God of rain.”

In disbelief, that was the moment I began to let myself love and be loved. That was the moment I started to trust my partner and the universe. It was the reassurance I needed to know I was safe. About a year later, he proposed to me on the boardwalk at Disney World. We are getting married in a few months, and I am so excited. Falling in love has enriched my life and made the present moment so special, so much so that it has made me believe that magic exists in all of our lives.
For years, the rain was a way for me to stay connected to the joy my grandfather brought me, but now, it’s what allowed me to embrace the joy right before me.

With immense hope and gratitude,

I left the door open so that i could walk out
And i stood on the other side of the doorway, encouraging myself to follow
She didn’t move
I didn’t budge

So empty and unsetting
I shouted “come on girl, lets go”
But she followed up with a blank stare

I wondered if i was okay
Was she?
Were we?

I attempted some hand gestures hoping she would move
But she didn’t
And i squinted in confusion

Then i thought about what i needed
From me

So i walked through the open door
Gently grabbing her hand
And walking toward the exit

She followed
She smiled
I smiled
We were okay

Out the door we made it
Leaving all emptiness behind
And we hugged filling the space that once felt unsettling

I was browsing through “My Mother’s Story” for a prompt. Not for my mother, and not for the children I don’t plan on having, but for me. I am my own mother in many senses.

“What was the hardest period of your life and why?”

My instant thought was “in a sense I am still living it, yet it has passed many times”.
It’s recurring. I am plagued with anxiety and depression many times for many reasons.
It never completely leaves me; sometimes it’s just managed better. It’s like keeping it in a box in the attic.
Then a trigger or a stress, consciously or not, just opens the attic door. Scours through the piles of chaos. Finds the box. And of course, proceeds to dump all of its belongings in every bit of the house. Messy messy I feel.

Right now, I am exhausted. Drained. Sad. Far from content. Miles from happy.
I want rest – not from sleep, but from life’s stresses.
I need clarity; a sure direction on where I am going.
I desire joy – self acceptance, motivation, calmness.
I’m yearning for change – beach, sand, sun on end.

I am the type of tired a nap doesn’t shake.
I’m so uneasy that a hug doesn’t help relax me.

Is this what a quarter life crisis feels like?
And although 75% of people in my age bracket experience this, does that actually make it normal?
Even more unsettling.

So I’ll take this day as both a win and a loss. Winning because I’m making it through with every bit of life inside of me. Losing because I know times have been and will be better.
The stable me will return. She will strike again with her optimism, free spirit, and bolts of energy.

Until then, a restless girl I will be.

A lot of guys get lost in your eyes
But I found myself in those depths that galaxies rest in
Your eyes hug stars and sprinkle glitter for their shimmer when the sun wants to shine
I didn’t know it then but when momma would sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star it was a love song
Because I’m one of the dots to your constellation and the others are the children
Our love is so good it should be a sin
God forgive me, I know I’m not supposed to look directly at you
But your daughter has your eyes, and I can’t stop staring
She helps me stay centered with you when I get full of myself
Seeing my reflection in her eyes is one of my favorite things because it’s a moment of Trinity
God eyes saying straighten up son
Your eyes whisper I love you
My eyes catch us with His hands and say I’ll hold your heart
Followed by, I love you too
Our eyes share an embrace that never let’s go in silence
But anyone who sees the way I look at you hears the softness of a love song
They covet the way my eyes hold you like I hold the hand of our child
Their eyes have never seen a sight that sounded so pure
And anyone who sees the way your eyes reply to me, listens to that unforgettable poem on repeat
Then they get lost trying to find your gaze under my sunset
So, the closest thing to feeling that poem, is to hit repeat on this memory
I can’t help but smile when I see your eyes talk about us
p.s. your eyes make the best ASMR…

I gave myself a goal and tried to meet it,
And then I had roadblock.
I had a desire and tried to feed it,
But my hunger continued to rise.
I’m uneasy because I’m stuck in an ambitious mind,
However the same mind plays tricks on me.
Who’s in charge up there?
Are you mocking me?
Do we not share the same goals?
Fatigue of the body is stressful.
Fatigue of the mind is crippling.
I have both.
Motivation is deep inside me,
Oh how I love to feel passion spark a match.
My dreamy eyes and eager intents equate
to a child receiving five singles.
Richness.
I allow myself the space to breath,
But the gap keeps getting wider and the breaths are uneven.
When will I get up and go for it?
How do I do that now?
I’m so tired of the repetition,
Get me out of this miserable routine.
I’ll reset the goal and try to meet it.
I’ll feed the desire again, and again,
And again.
Will I arrive at my destination?
Good question. Let’s see.