Thinking about my goals for the new year makes me crouch in my seat when I should sit up straight proud because I got there

my brain BURSTS mulling over ANY AND EVERY GOAL so I take this time to look at them as a WHOLE

What do I have to do to complete this puzzle piece that is comprised of EVERY SINGLE GOAL

Being CONFIDENT and PROUD of what I have done should give me all the reason to continue to strive for SUCCESS this season

There is truly no reason why 2024 can NOT be a BREAKTHROUGH season

As I invision proceeding and SUCCEEDING in life the reason I haven’t had my break through moment is easy

My potential is like the AIR you can NEVER have too much to spare

I don’t dare to prepare to jump into the limit-LESS air BUT I am AFRAID of that STARE or smile that will inevitably be there (at least according to ME) to COMPARE

If I dare to run the race that is LIFE and I WIN I will FOREVER WONDER if crossing that finish line FIRST was FAIR

I think about EVERYONE ELSE who CAN be there

Most certainly the guy with the limp is NOT supposed to be there (or so MYSELF thinks)

But I tell myself if I do NOT run the race (LIFE) like I BELONG it will only be UN-used air and WASTED air just means in the end I did NOT care and I MYSELF CARE

So in 2024 I DARE to jump INTO MY limit-LESS AIR!

was my resolution for this year,
at least the most public-facing
awkward disheartening and uninspiring
response, painfully clipped for the
question that I dreaded
and hoped to avoid.
Giving glitz to my hopefully mundane Monday
sitting in my dad’s living room
for the only holiday we promised to him year after year
secretly too excited for the celebratory sips…
and every one in-between
Listening to his fiancée excitedly answer
this question for herself with pristine palatable promise
teaching her graduate classes staying true to herself
and making measurable progress
I…was desperately shying away from this year.
Cowering in the reality of all the
time that had passed. Running from the
truth that now another graduating class
could toast its glass
and the word “just” had to retire in a tired slink
before I scramble to explain the limbo
of “What’s going on with me?”
Lagging, lacking, looking
I was supposed to, so supposedly set up for
so much, so many saw and swore I’d soar
like the bubbles in my drink
Now nothing.
While I dared not utter it
and draw attention to my unimpressive flailing
My true hope for this year, was for an end to the waiting
To begin my life and actual Post-Grad Living and
wake up excited instead of no more than
at peace with how I’m living,
with kind of valid work connected
somewhat to what I enjoy doing
To be able to picture the future. Being able to see something
Sometimes it feels like it symbolizes no
longer existing
But this year I will walk away certified
learn the law of language and the art of icing
and placate the inner child
who sought peace these last few months
In the most mundane of things,
an opportunity to dress in costume,
a sip of boba tea, the chorus of a musical piece
My goal for this year is to see the other end
to thrive, reminisce on the strife and how impatient
I was for a change in my life
chuckle lightly about my dramatic theatrics
And relish in the fact that after all,
I survived

Another 1st of the year
Another round of
“”resolution-ists’ bullshit”

Another set..of another pair..
Of numbers.

No, no. No more numbers.
Just the year of
The More and The Less-es.
The Simples.

more kitchen ballet dances.
less quiet cries.
more lyrics that get ya
less of the ones
that were used..
simply to manipulate
you.
more ‘look how far we’ve come’ s
less ‘i’m supposed to be so much further’ s
More of the simply Simples.

More–
“i’m sorry i hurt you.”
“i’m here if you wanna talk.”
“we can get through this.”
“how can i help?”
“it’s gonna get better.”
“thanks for having my back.”
“i got you–always.”
“you’re stuck with me..”
“–promise?”
Always.

–xoxo A

The expectations I set forth
Will allow me to light the torch
To a productive and successful 2024
Far beyond my imagination
This is the year of fulfillment
This is the year of new beginnings
This is the year that my consistency pays off
This is the year my dreams are my reality
My destiny awaits
I cherish the days of people saying
I always knew you would
I always knew you were talented
Not that I need the recognition
But I would be grateful that they were paying attention
I’m ready to enjoy the talent I was blessed with
Sharing it with the masses
I’m ready for my creativity to be heard
As well as read in the pages of my 1st poetry book
1 of my biggest goals this year
Is to release a body of work
That represents me before I turn 40
This is the year
This is the year I dreamt of
This is the year that it all happens
Ain’t nothing going to stop me but me
That’s why this is the year of endless possibilities!

This is it Ralph
You’ve been gone for a while but it’s time to reappear
The pressure is all around you
Are you going to give in to the doubt?
Let the fear interfere?
Make excuses for yourself like you’ve done so for years,
As you sit back and watch your inner demons steer
Or are you finally going to take back wheel,
Show the world and make things clear
Of Ralph’s resilience, who he really is, and why he’s here
The choices you’ve made and the choices in sight,
Are the two factors in the equation that you call your life
What have you done,
And what will you do with this story you write?
What visions do you see? Any pinnacles you’ll reach?
What mountains will you climb? What goals do you strive,
To accomplish in the physical as well as ones that are deep inside?
A year from today, what achievements do you hope to provide?

I’d have learned to break the shackles I’m confined,
To within the cage of my mind
To stop looking at the past and start paving a new path,
Of leaving an impact
To use my God given talent, and not stand on the sidelines
To walk outside the lines,
Of my comfort where I often reside
I will find a way to better coexist,
With the inner demons that lie,
Within me
I’d have learned to break the shackles I’m confined,
To within the cage of my mind
To stop looking at the past and start paving a new path,
Of leaving an impact
To use my God given talent, and not stand on the sidelines
To walk outside the lines,
Of my comfort where I often reside
I will find a way to better coexist,
With the inner demons that lie,
Within me
I will learn new things
Learn new places
Learn new limits, and exceed old ones
This year
I will keep my eyes set on the big dream
I will keep it alive
The blinding lights
The deafening rumble of the speakers all around the venue
Roaring out the words I’ve woven together
Looking out at hundreds,
Thousands,
Simultaneously doing the same
Simultaneously healing any pain,
We may have been going through
But for now
For this year,
I’ll release the music that hundreds,
Thousands,
Will choose to overlook
With words that will roar out speakers,
of the most most humble venue
My room
Knowing all this,
I will still release the music
Solely,
Because I want to
Because I need to.
This year
I’ll learn hope
I’ll learn perseverance
I’ll learn discipline
I’ll learn growth
I’ll learn patience
I’ll learn success
I’ll learn those,
And I’ll learn me

I’ve seen your fight, and you’ve fought well
This next one is a little different
But I can tell,
You have what it takes
You must get out your shell
Do everything you said you will
Dust yourself off, get out that imaginary cell
Stick to your gut, and you will prevail
Make the tears worth it
Make the world see
Go ahead and put the work in,
And the people will soon enough believe

Thank you for having this talk with me
Or rather, with yourself
Afterall,
You are me, and I am you
The thing is, you know me
But I can’t know you unless I live the rest of my life,
The same exact way you have

You’re right
But unfortunately,
I’m unable to give you more, and our time is up
Don’t worry
You just proved to me you have everything you need
I hope that one day you can come back,
And view these words as me
If you can do that,
That’s when you’ll know

Know what?

You’ll see
Farewell Ralph,
From here on out you’ll need to turn it up a few gears
Everything you want:
It all,
Starts,
This,
Year.

WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR TWENTY TWENTY FOUR?

Well, how about this…
To take all the things that are happening, and the things that actually happened, and then acknowledge the teachings that they are revealing, and reflect everyday, every experience you’ve observed, utilizing reachable goals or ambitions, like, learning a language, and acknowledging opportunities given, or actively offering gratitude or appreciation, and learning something for our routine that will train the ways that we experience everything, even negativity, to teach yourself the ways that we thrive through these waves will take the willpower that’s within, to then work towards the world that we want to watch evolve within eachothers worlds, then, to witness everyone experiencing new things that you’d find outside of usual realities.

So what’s my goals for the new year?
To learn why I’ve been getting these life lessons and why life has blessed them, to start meditating daily, para aprender más español, to see the offered opportunities as a port of unity that can help transform the views I see and want to see, to show gratitude for the small things in life, and appreciate all that life has to offer, to get disciplined with a healthy daily routine of eating and sleeping, and to start revealing the new styles of writing I’ve been blessed to find while trying to realign my mind, this poetry of acronyms that I like to call aftonyms, or aftonymbles, which is aftons scrambled acronyms, which is how i answered this question in the previous paragraph, and to hopefully inspire someone to try it as well. Also to sell atleast 100 of my books of poems called Poetic Diabetic, and to finish my second one called Aftonyms.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a beautiful year!

My only major goal for this year: be my most authentic self. I am embarking on a journey of self-discovery. To accomplish this goal, I have set minor goals such as taking sewing classes, going to the gym, learning aerial silks, and so on. I’ve come to understand that experience is indeed the best educator. Last year, I went ziplining for the first time. Having a fear of heights, I was not expecting to enjoy it. I let everyone go before me until I had no other choice. My terror quickly turned into excitement as I went speeding down the line. Sideways, upside down, spinning in circles, and posing for pictures, I found another piece of my puzzle. I realized how much life I had not lived. The last five years of my twenties will be dedicated to unlocking parts of myself. Letting myself be free. That is what I am most excited about.

My mind as the farmer, and, my body as the land…This year, we both get a break; It is my fallow year. I’ve spent years planning, sewing, praying for rain, and harvesting my crops; moving through life as if it were a check off list to turn in once completed. I, like soil, am depleted. I will meet the weather patterns with ease, knowing I don’t depend on the rain. This year, I am a plot of land going untouched. I am reclaiming rest, remembering- it is work. I am gifting myself time to get back to my organic matter. I will accept the pauses that come along with the fallow; unlike lost income- my health cannot be replaced. I trust with time, the earth will replenish my soil. I will welcome each sunrise, simply grateful to see another day. I will accept droughts, floods, pests, and the scorching summer heat. This year, I will move slowly, breaking the cycles one season at a time.

In 2024, I am believing in myself more—
feeling better than before,
with steady faith to stay the course.

Keeping commitments—despite conditions
—to what I truly care about;
keeping clarity of focus on the vision,
leaving no room for doubt.

I am stabilizing my foundation,
standing firm in what I know to be true.
I am focused on full self adoration—
to see myself the way my loved ones do.

I am acknowledging and appreciating
all of my accomplishments,
as I paint the path—concentrating,
maintaining my confidence.

I can promise me, from this point on,
whatever I do, I will do it purposely.
When I feel low, I’ll sing self love songs
with relief, and remember the worth in me…

because, in 2024, I am leaning toward
feeling better than before—
moving forever forward.

Be here now. In the breath of the wind. In the rainbows of the sunset. In the expressions walking across stranger’s faces.

Be here fully. In the complexities of thought. In the vastness of space. In the smells from the kitchen.

Be here lovingly. In the softness of forgiveness. In the gentleness of joy. A hug, not a bow.

Time running out is such a gift; and this gift is a privilege to be alive for.

Dark nights of the soul can be so convincing. Let this soften me.

Let this remind me-

Hope paints strokes of colors on the horizon
When the rest of the world is dark

All for us
Inexplicable beauty
The fade-
so subtle
While the deep red keeps hanging on
The higher we rise, the longer the colors last

An ode to keep chasing sunsets
To go through life with eyes wide open
Welcoming light and chasing great heights
For this day…
Is a reminder of hope
Even the darkest depths of the sky

Let me live life deeply.

To live a fulfilled life is to have one of value.
Lessons, tragedies, peaceful bliss, experiences.
I wish to make a home within myself; a home is where I’ll go.

As the hours turn to days and days turn to months, I wish to live a life worth living.

I wish to experience sunrises on the island, where blue waves crash into the sand, being drawn by the current.
I wish to experience group circles filled with people from all lands, telling stories of folklore and magic throughout the full moon evenings.
I wish to experience long drives in a car, watching mountains pass by my window as sunshine beams down on my face.
I wish to experience a feeling of deep peace in my soul and create a home within myself, no matter where the wind might take me.

As the hours turn to days and days turn to months, I wish to feel alive.
I wish to feel at home.
For a home is where I go.

I have so many goals for 2024.
This year will be bigger than before.

I will continue to mentor ADHD youth.
Advocate for LGBTQ to speak their truth.

January, Career Day inspiring young souls.
February, I’ll accomplish one of my biggest goals.

In March, at a book gala with my own table.
April, youth art event, showing them of what they’re able.

In May, we’ll be on the cover of Rally Up Magazine.
June is Pride month, what a beautiful scene.

July, we have a pop up celebrating our success.
August, Unity Day for mental health awareness.

September, we’re traveling to Mexico.
October, who knows where this path will go.

November, I’ll be so grateful for the year that I had.
This year in December, the holidays won’t feel so bad.

New Years Resolutions –
One I accomplished no slack,
Each check off the box,
Each proud moment to look back.

But in the last few years,
I’ve been slipping and failing.
Because of the busyness of life
That can be both great and heartbreaking.

Goals for this twenty-twenty-four
Like anyone else has;
Weight loss, exercise, being healthy more,
Read books, invest in friendships,
Devotions, meditation, and journaling
For each morn to pass.

Don’t forget being on a forgiveness journey
—To let go of offenses, be set free
From those long ago did me dirty
And make me a better person who I ought to be.

Will add more as I have dreams
Of writing stories for the whole world to see.
One book idea of a decade,
A screenplay, two, or more with
Fantastic scenes.

Yes, I love stories
—especially with themes
Happy, sad funny, cry,
All to relate when life intervenes.

Now, the last resolution is only small,
“Life Dad up” is what’s written on the list;
As pieces of my world fall
Bit by bit through illness’s mist

It was one thing, then another,
Test given, test about
All came what was fully discovered:
Dementia. Was without a doctor’s doubt.

Just like any year we’re in
It’s born, then dies,
Was his disease that stayed with
No intentions for goodbyes.

My Dad, my once strong hero,
My fright, protector, and friend
In his place was someone different
In his dark corner—knowing he is coming close to a complete end.

I have no fears for when he goes
to After-Life and farther.
But the one worry I do have, is the day
he will no longer remember I am his daughter.

They say “You got your whole life ahead of you,”
Whenever I feel old
But “Life is short.”
Is the truth to be told.

“Don’t take the little things in life
Granted,” another to say.
‘Cause life is a gift, you never know
What comes in the day.

Knowing when it comes or unpredictable,
Emotions and thoughts come high and low;
Tempted to give in despair
My Dad tells me his prayers for me to know:

“I want to leave behind a legacy of love,”
“Have faith, trust, and pray,”
“Work in what you love doing,” and
“If you’re led to do something, do it today.”

Giving wisdom and advice for a lifetime
Like any parent would for their kid;
He’s said many things but few I keep,
I realized my Dad’s wisdom is never one to forbid.

So, I still follow my resolutions but with a hard,
Yet good, approach for the year:
To keep writing, and to be present with family—
Both of which I hold to my heart so dear.

I must not give up—no, I mustn’t!
My aim, my prayer, my wish, my goal:
Is to write, to publish, any story reaches the world
With heart and soul.

And for any story I write—-
For any to be published, seen, and read;
For my Dad to witness, be proud, for a writing that treaded
In sweat and love to spread.

A gift, a talent, from father to daughter,
Each story inspired is never in vain.
A legacy placed before me with much encouragement, support, and love—-
A secret of life makes me the richest to gain.

This year, I promise myself.
to not rely on someone to make the world better.
Rather, I will count on me,
to fill my role better on Earth.

This year,
I may not fulfill some hope in myself.
But I will do justice to my power.
I may not make much money.
But I will make more meaning.
I may have a lot of free time.
But I won’t waste any minute.

For all the challenges,
the struggles,
the injustices,
the unwanted things that may happen to me this year,
I will face those bravely.

I will not fear any failure.
Because I can learn from them.
I will drink to my success,
Because I will deserve them.

I will not promise to be less sad.
But I promise I will be less mad.
I will not promise I will smile more.
But I promise I will be grateful more.

This year, I will write many books,
even though no one believes in me.
I will type and thrive,
cause I believe in myself.

Dear Universe,

Here we are at the start of a new year again, and we all know what that means. The annual ritual of donning a mask of optimism and acting as if our lives are going to go through some dramatic change just because the calendar changes. Every year, I hear the cliched cries, “New year, new you!” And every year, I have to scoff and roll my eyes. Realistically speaking, how many New Year’s resolutions become reality? How many people can look back at the end of any given year and say they’re a different, better person than when the year started? A lucky few, maybe. Others look back on the year with little more than dashed hopes and disappointment.

There was a time when I bought into the “New year, new you” hype like everyone else. Twenty years ago, I thought, This is going to be my year! I had goals of making straight As, losing weight, finding a boyfriend, and being popular. I had longer-term goals of getting my drivers license, graduating with honors, attending college and eventually law school, finding a high-paying job, and starting a family. None of those things ever happened for me, While some failures were of my own doing, many more were due to circumstances beyond my control. Being aromantic-asexual killed my chances of dating or starting a family, and having a rare disease killed my chances of doing everything else on my past goals list.

As much as we want to believe our lives will get better, sometimes the world deals you a bad hand that can’t be changed, no matter the amount of hard work or positive thinking. I, of all people, know how life has a way of derailing expectations, and even on the rare occasion that I do achieve a goal I’ve set for myself, not much changes. Last year, I lost 45 lbs, which combined with the 65 lbs I lost in 2022 makes 110 lbs lost in the past two years, but I’m still fat. Last year, I earned $300 with my writings, but I’m still financially struggling. I’m tired of setting myself up for heartbreak and disappointment by hoping for improvement year after year, so I won’t be making any lofty goals for 2024, such as getting a new job or starting a family. Those things are about as likely to happen as pigs flying, and I refuse to lie to myself and others in the name of optimism.

Not only will I not be making big goals for myself, I won’t be making any goals for myself at all in 2024. This year, my goals are to help others. My list of 2024 goals is as follows:

1. Raise money to help my friends who are struggling. One of my friends is stuck with thousands of dollars in hospital bills; another friend has roof damage from a recent snowstorm. Both are financially struggling just as much, if not more than me, and I don’t want them to have to go without food or utilities because life was unkind to them.

2. Participate in at least 1 Facebook fundraiser monthly. I periodically participate in Facebook fundraisers, such as “Walk X miles a month” or “Read X amount of minutes a day” for various charities. Although I haven’t had much success raising money yet, these challenges help me keep up with my fitness and reading goals and help other people with disabilities get the services they need.

3. Lose 50 – 70 lbs this year. I started my weightloss journey two years ago because of my mentor. Along the way, I’ve lost 110 lbs and gained new friends. While I don’t want to set unrealistic goals and be disappointed in myself at the end of the year, I owe it to my mentor and friends to keep up with my weight loss until I reach my goal weight.

4. Study under my mentor, and put that knowledge to good use. My mentor is hosting a cruise in March, not a “just for fun” cruise but a study cruise. It’s 6 days’ worth of classes on communication and marketing, which I hope will help me earn more money.

5. Earn at least $500 with my art and writing. My disability prevents me from working a traditional job, so my opportunities for earning money are limited. I rely on my artistic talents to make money but still need more coming in to achieve my goals.

All of which brings me to my most important goal for 2024, get back to New York this December for my mentor’s Christmas concert. My mentor came into my life at its darkest point and is one of the few people to believe in me, despite my many shortcomings. I owe it to him to show up each year and to strive for the goals on this list, so that his faith in me won’t be in vain. Although I can’t hold out hope for my own betterment, I can hope that others’ lives may be better because of me.

Best Seller

Number one or number ten
I just want to win
Something.
I guess something real.
2024
I want feel
ALIVE
I want to heal
MY MIND.
I’ll write the novel
Type the memoir
Scribble the essay till my knuckles bleed.
I’d be sincere
Finally free, awake and clear.
Momentary Success will Finally be consistent.
One day,
In 2024
I’ll be the best seller
In the NY times
For trying times
Without wasting time.
So what will I achieve?
Who will I be?
My new goal is to speak
Factually
With intent
I’ll no longer accept
Maybe’s, wait’s, or let’s see.
I’m achieving what God intended for me
Happiness
Wonder
Success
Laughter.
The world will understand what I can do.
Mediocre or strange,
I’ll stand on my truth
Against every hurricane
Every opinion
And every rotten tomato.
2024 I’ll overachieve
Whether 1 million hear my story
Or only 15 read.
My fulfillment won’t come from the awards
Or the recognition.
I’ll be a bestseller
Because for the first time
In the history of my life
My heart spoke
And my mind Listened.

-Hirasoul

A letter to myself in this new year….

These types of letters and resolutions always seem kind of pointless, especially when you should be working on yourself always for the better. You shouldn’t just start being better because it’s a new year.

But here we are….maybe it’s for the motivation. Maybe it’s because for the first time in a long time, you’re not super depressed going into the new year.

You’re already off to a good start…texting most, if not all people back who have texted you. Carving out time with family and friends. Working out, even if it’s only for 30 minutes a day, you’re already seeing results. Cleaning and decluttering. It’s amazing the crap you can accumulate while you’re depressed.

Next up is going back to school for your bachelors, and hell, maybe we’ll even get our masters. Get your license and a car. But first you need a job because being a caregiver to a loved one isn’t enough to qualify to get money. You’ll be tired, sure, but when aren’t we tired ?

Visit all the doctors you can before you turn 26 in September and get kicked off the family’s insurance.

Work on the companies. Bake more. Cook more. Take photos. Film.

And if you’re lucky, and if there’s enough time (which there usually most definitely isn’t) but maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to get your baby back this year. March will be three years since they’ve gained their angel wings, but if we’re lucky, maybe they’ll come flying home into your arms.

2024 seems doable. 2024 seems possible.
2024 seems heavenly. Don’t you think?