Dear Universe,

Here we are at the start of a new year again, and we all know what that means. The annual ritual of donning a mask of optimism and acting as if our lives are going to go through some dramatic change just because the calendar changes. Every year, I hear the cliched cries, “New year, new you!” And every year, I have to scoff and roll my eyes. Realistically speaking, how many New Year’s resolutions become reality? How many people can look back at the end of any given year and say they’re a different, better person than when the year started? A lucky few, maybe. Others look back on the year with little more than dashed hopes and disappointment.

There was a time when I bought into the “New year, new you” hype like everyone else. Twenty years ago, I thought, This is going to be my year! I had goals of making straight As, losing weight, finding a boyfriend, and being popular. I had longer-term goals of getting my drivers license, graduating with honors, attending college and eventually law school, finding a high-paying job, and starting a family. None of those things ever happened for me, While some failures were of my own doing, many more were due to circumstances beyond my control. Being aromantic-asexual killed my chances of dating or starting a family, and having a rare disease killed my chances of doing everything else on my past goals list.

As much as we want to believe our lives will get better, sometimes the world deals you a bad hand that can’t be changed, no matter the amount of hard work or positive thinking. I, of all people, know how life has a way of derailing expectations, and even on the rare occasion that I do achieve a goal I’ve set for myself, not much changes. Last year, I lost 45 lbs, which combined with the 65 lbs I lost in 2022 makes 110 lbs lost in the past two years, but I’m still fat. Last year, I earned $300 with my writings, but I’m still financially struggling. I’m tired of setting myself up for heartbreak and disappointment by hoping for improvement year after year, so I won’t be making any lofty goals for 2024, such as getting a new job or starting a family. Those things are about as likely to happen as pigs flying, and I refuse to lie to myself and others in the name of optimism.

Not only will I not be making big goals for myself, I won’t be making any goals for myself at all in 2024. This year, my goals are to help others. My list of 2024 goals is as follows:

1. Raise money to help my friends who are struggling. One of my friends is stuck with thousands of dollars in hospital bills; another friend has roof damage from a recent snowstorm. Both are financially struggling just as much, if not more than me, and I don’t want them to have to go without food or utilities because life was unkind to them.

2. Participate in at least 1 Facebook fundraiser monthly. I periodically participate in Facebook fundraisers, such as “Walk X miles a month” or “Read X amount of minutes a day” for various charities. Although I haven’t had much success raising money yet, these challenges help me keep up with my fitness and reading goals and help other people with disabilities get the services they need.

3. Lose 50 – 70 lbs this year. I started my weightloss journey two years ago because of my mentor. Along the way, I’ve lost 110 lbs and gained new friends. While I don’t want to set unrealistic goals and be disappointed in myself at the end of the year, I owe it to my mentor and friends to keep up with my weight loss until I reach my goal weight.

4. Study under my mentor, and put that knowledge to good use. My mentor is hosting a cruise in March, not a “just for fun” cruise but a study cruise. It’s 6 days’ worth of classes on communication and marketing, which I hope will help me earn more money.

5. Earn at least $500 with my art and writing. My disability prevents me from working a traditional job, so my opportunities for earning money are limited. I rely on my artistic talents to make money but still need more coming in to achieve my goals.

All of which brings me to my most important goal for 2024, get back to New York this December for my mentor’s Christmas concert. My mentor came into my life at its darkest point and is one of the few people to believe in me, despite my many shortcomings. I owe it to him to show up each year and to strive for the goals on this list, so that his faith in me won’t be in vain. Although I can’t hold out hope for my own betterment, I can hope that others’ lives may be better because of me.