My only major goal for this year: be my most authentic self. I am embarking on a journey of self-discovery. To accomplish this goal, I have set minor goals such as taking sewing classes, going to the gym, learning aerial silks, and so on. I’ve come to understand that experience is indeed the best educator. Last year, I went ziplining for the first time. Having a fear of heights, I was not expecting to enjoy it. I let everyone go before me until I had no other choice. My terror quickly turned into excitement as I went speeding down the line. Sideways, upside down, spinning in circles, and posing for pictures, I found another piece of my puzzle. I realized how much life I had not lived. The last five years of my twenties will be dedicated to unlocking parts of myself. Letting myself be free. That is what I am most excited about.

Dear Self,

It is not often that we take time away from the sometimes uncontrollable spiral that is our life to think about the things that we are grateful for within it.
And, now that I’ve taken time to think about it, I’ve come to the realization that most people aren’t grateful until they are given a reason to be.
Maybe it’s my unhealthy obsessions with psychology and horror speaking, but he wasn’t entirely wrong in his thinking.
People who have been in car accidents tend to be more grateful for life than people whose lives have never been threatened.

Maybe that’s off-topic.
What am I GRATEFUL for?

I suppose I’m grateful for the interdependence of humans and trees.
People don’t really think about small things such as these.
I’m grateful for the way the wind blows through the leaves, and the way my son hugs me before he leaves.

You know what?

I’m grateful for life. My life. As it is now.

Just last year, my mental health was depleting. My fiancé of seven years was facing several years in prison, and I’d lost my mind along with him. I remember how bad things got.

Moment of silence to a dark past that led to a brighter future.

Maybe I could have shared a story, but I’ve just been in deep thought. What am I grateful for?

Everything. I remember having nothing like it was yesterday. I remember praying for something to happen any day. I remember hoping that I could find a way. I remember.

So I’m grateful for every breath and every stomach growl. I’m grateful for feeling sick and smelling something foul.

Things that people don’t think about. Things that people can’t do.

I’m grateful for everything because I remember when I didn’t have anything.

Love, Self