Dear Unsealers,

When I was a little girl, my grandfather bounced me on his knee and sang “Three Little Fishes” as I giggled through the song. All he ever wanted was for me to feel joy in life. He died when I was 13. It was my first experience with overwhelming grief, and I was devastated. I coped by leaning into the idea that my grandfather was watching over me and cheering me on in all my pursuits.

He used to tell me that the rain was good luck. So, whenever it rained during big moments of my life, I believed it was my grandfather signaling to me, “Don’t worry, I am here.” It rained at my high school graduation. It rained when I scored big goals in soccer. It rained when I interviewed for my dream job as a sports anchor. It poured the day I was offered that job, which happened to be my late grandfather’s birthday. It seemed like it was always raining on the most important days of my life, which only cemented my belief that my grandfather was watching out for me.

However, on November 30, 2022, it was a clear night in Miami — not a cloud in the sky. I decided to attend a networking event for people in Miami who work in technology. There, I made eye contact with this tall, handsome man. He started talking to me, and after telling him about my company, The Unsealed, he told me that he had founded an online company when he was younger. He said his site received 20,000 organic hits daily (that’s a lot). And so, I started asking many questions — it was rapid-fire, one after the other. At some point, he stopped me and said, “Do you want to continue this conversation over tacos?” And so, we left and ate Mexican street corn and tacos on a picnic table outside a restaurant that doubles as a speakeasy.

It didn’t take me long to realize that this man was kind, intelligent, classy, funny, and thoughtful. From that day forward, we started spending a lot of time together: dinners, events, and even weekend trips. As I opened up to him about my past and my pain, he listened closely. He asked questions, and he never judged me. One time, we were watching a movie, and I had a flashback from my sexual assault. I put the pillow over my head and asked him to change the channel quickly. He turned off the TV, and as my eyes started to well up with tears, he said, “Come here, let me hold you.” When I shared my fears and insecurities about building a company, he said, “Lauren, think of the ten smartest people you’ve ever encountered, and I promise you at least nine of them couldn’t do what you’ve done.” To this day, he always follows through when he makes a promise to me, whether it be a trip to a foreign place or to my favorite restaurant. From the beginning, he has known when I am happy, anxious, frustrated, or hungry — just by the look on my face — and has responded accordingly. He is so in tune with who I am and how I feel that it seems as though my peace is his priority.

Even so, early in our relationship, I was afraid to trust the authenticity of his love. I had been disappointed so many times in love and relationships, and I was on edge, just waiting for the shoe to drop — just waiting for something to go wrong. I couldn’t live in the moment as I was too afraid it would soon end. One night, he was on his computer while I was resting on his couch, and I randomly asked him what his name meant in his culture. He was in the middle of working and responded, “I don’t know — something with water.” So I googled it. His name translates as “the God of rain.”

In disbelief, that was the moment I began to let myself love and be loved. That was the moment I started to trust my partner and the universe. It was the reassurance I needed to know I was safe. About a year later, he proposed to me on the boardwalk at Disney World. We are getting married in a few months, and I am so excited. Falling in love has enriched my life and made the present moment so special, so much so that it has made me believe that magic exists in all of our lives.
For years, the rain was a way for me to stay connected to the joy my grandfather brought me, but now, it’s what allowed me to embrace the joy right before me.

With immense hope and gratitude,

My shadow looked at me and said:

“Live.
I am gone and there is nothing you can do about that.

No matter how many tears you shed
lingering on pages bleeding in forbidden ink,
you cannot bring me back.

My time here is done and I have ascended
into the graceful arms of the great goddess above

but you…
you are still human,
so act like it.

allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of human emotions
without letting shame and guilt beat the humanity out of you.

you are allowed to be broken
you are allowed to be sad
you are allowed to be happy
you are allowed to feel it all.

you are allowed to be confused
and wonder why the same
patterns keep showing up in
a different hue
(until you’re ready to do something about it.)

You are human.

Abandon your fear of fear
and accept that abandonment
fucking sucks.
But please understand,
that I am so sorry for abandoning you.
it was the last thing I ever wanted
but you know that we are not the ones in control

Accept that more lies in between
the lines than your eyes can see
and that’s okay.

Chase after your dreams of being
a wanderlust,
and getting drunk on a flight
every time your soul attends its own funeral.
Because unlike me,
you are still human.
and you still have so much life to live.

I’ll always be with you.
I’ll always love you.
I’ll always be present in your poetry
cheering you on along the way.
patiently waiting for you
to wake up to everything I’ve
dreamed and set in place
for you to achieve for b o t h of us.

Our string may be invisible,
But it is still intact & attached to the cloud I float upon.
the one you only see in your dreams
where the moon is playing tricks
with the shadows.

Death is nothing but the entity needed to bring us closer.
so place, do not carry sorrow with my name.

Instead let genuine kindness
blossom in my likeness.
Show them that the whims
of performative niceness
are shallow because
kindness has no malice
or hidden intent
it exists because it is.

And I existed until I didn’t.

But guess what,
you still do!!!
So please
continue on
because
I love you.
and you deserve to be truly,
genuinely,
unapologetically
happy, too 🙂

Jae,
Two years came too soon and on this day, I choose to honor you.

To the one who took a passion,
aligned with her soul mission,
and birthed an entire community.

You are deeply appreciated.

My journey as a poet and intuitive writer started just two short years ago and I’ve officially been a member here for 1/2 of that 🙂
I’m not sure how I found my way,
but that magic moment unlocked
a source of Brilliance
that I never dreamed possible.

That Brilliance is you
That Brilliance is this community
That Brilliance is The Unsealed
and every single action you take
to encourage new artists
to keep going.

I don’t think we take enough time to pour into you as much as you have for each of us,
so when Rick reached out for ideas
of something we could collectively give as a token of our gratitude,
all I could think is how you deserve your flowers, too 🌸

Thank you so very much for all you do.
Thank you for giving me a safe place
to express my deepest feelings with
compassion and love.

Thank you for publishing these sacred pieces of my story in not one,
but two books!
Typing that out feel like a lie
that imposter syndrome tries so hard
to force me to not believe
but it is true,
and that is all because of YOU 🙂

May this next chapter of your life
be the one where abundance comes to you with ease
where grace saturates all of your darkest days
as the angels bless you with the love and gaiety needed to stay grounded through each breakthrough.

Something tells me you are going to have a wonderful year 🙂

Happy Happy Birthday!!!!

I’m tired of living in uncertainty
what else does it take until I find someone
anyone (hell, anything at this point)
who is certain about me?
why is it always a fight for motherfuckers to see my worth?
why is it that as soon as I feel hurt
show someone that I am fallible
that suddenly my texts are left on read
our memories feel like a fever dream
and it becomes days before I hear
from you
only for you to say you never wanna see me again?
like fuck, is taking accountability THAT bad?

is the depth of my femininity really that much of a turn off?
except I thought that’s what you liked about me?
that I’m a poet, in touch with my emotions
and my ability to communicate them clearly?
ohhhhhh…. but wait,
is that only when I’m not talking about you?
my bad, I’m sorry.

I thought you were different
but you’re a carbon copy of the rest
another sent to remind me that I don’t
belong here.
that staying in Las Vegas will leave me lost gambling away all my goals and ambitions away until my last breath.
I don’t even know what to believe anymore.
I fucking can’t stand uncertainty and feeling confused.
I don’t need direction, I just need you to be direct with me. To delete “we’ll see” out of your vocabulary and replace it with the word “no” because all I can see is your uncertainty about spending time with me and in a matter of seconds that has me feeling some type of way.

maybe this is my “pAsT eXpErIeNcEs ClOuDiNg My PrEsEnT”
but is it my fault that this pattern of behavior has become so common that I’ve built this heuristic?
anger is a fear response
and yes, I’m fucking pissed right now.