I’m tired of living in uncertainty
what else does it take until I find someone
anyone (hell, anything at this point)
who is certain about me?
why is it always a fight for motherfuckers to see my worth?
why is it that as soon as I feel hurt
show someone that I am fallible
that suddenly my texts are left on read
our memories feel like a fever dream
and it becomes days before I hear
from you
only for you to say you never wanna see me again?
like fuck, is taking accountability THAT bad?

is the depth of my femininity really that much of a turn off?
except I thought that’s what you liked about me?
that I’m a poet, in touch with my emotions
and my ability to communicate them clearly?
ohhhhhh…. but wait,
is that only when I’m not talking about you?
my bad, I’m sorry.

I thought you were different
but you’re a carbon copy of the rest
another sent to remind me that I don’t
belong here.
that staying in Las Vegas will leave me lost gambling away all my goals and ambitions away until my last breath.
I don’t even know what to believe anymore.
I fucking can’t stand uncertainty and feeling confused.
I don’t need direction, I just need you to be direct with me. To delete “we’ll see” out of your vocabulary and replace it with the word “no” because all I can see is your uncertainty about spending time with me and in a matter of seconds that has me feeling some type of way.

maybe this is my “pAsT eXpErIeNcEs ClOuDiNg My PrEsEnT”
but is it my fault that this pattern of behavior has become so common that I’ve built this heuristic?
anger is a fear response
and yes, I’m fucking pissed right now.