I don’t have resolutions and despite popular belief
I really don’t know what I’m doing
(especially going into this next year.)
Instead, I know more about who I am not
& I know what I will not do.

I will not wait.
for anyone or anything to like me
I have no desire to be likable to the people who see as debatable
I want to be loved fully and completely
I want to know that I am worth the fight
worth the discomfort
And worth the effort to try to get it right this time.

I will not linger.
on the pain or ambiguity.
part of the awakening / is the awareness /
that everything works out as it should.
there’s nothing I can do
there’s nothing you can do
there’s nothing anyone can do
to keep me from what’s mine and
anything ‘lost’ in the middle is merely practice
to lay my own impatience to rest.
“as I think, so I shall be.”
so I let go, consciously
knowing that I will be okay with the energy of the cosmos leading the way.

I will not be afraid.
I used to believe that fear was a super power capable enough of making me
smarter, sharper, faster,
but I clung to that too much
holding onto that belief until fear crippled me.
// I’m not doing that anymore //
living with fear at the forefront
has made me lose more than its ever made me gain.

last night, I drove to pahrump
alone at midnight.
it was pitch black out
nothing but mountains for miles and a thousands threats of danger lined both sides of the roadway.
But I kept driving
I kept going
and I prevailed by repeating that “I am not afraid”
// A new mantra when I start to lose my way. //

I will not doubt myself.
my sacral authority has been strengthened by
18,976 minutes of meditations.
my intuition is more than capable
of interpreting the signs
the numbers
and the meaning
of everything around me.
This is the power of woman
and all I need to do is listen.

I will not define myself by insanity.
I will not repeat the same patterns
and the same behaviors in hopes
of different outcomes.
there is an ebb and flow to everything / the yin and the yang /
perfect pairs that present truths
that I keep persuading myself as wrong.

“Maybe if I try harder, this time it’ll be different”.
“Maybe this time, they do just need space”
Maybe this. Maybe that.
But maybe not.

These are not chances that I am willing to take as I gamble my life away.

I will not stay silent.
I will not say yes when I mean no
I will not sit by and watch atrocities unfold
when I have a voice.
My boundaries
My emotions
My thoughts
My peace
are all inherently valid and will not be ignored.

This year
I don’t have resolutions
and I have no clue what I’m doing
but instead I have this simple equation
where I subtracting the distractions
add in new wisdom
multiply the joy
and diving the things I love
to find the real value.
to find the real me
the who already has everything
she needs because she understands her power
and know it lives inside her.

and I hope you can connect to that, too.

happy new year.