What am I grateful for?
Often I feel shameful for not feeling more grateful for my disability
I am grateful to the Higher Power
For instilling the motivation and strength
Recognizing how I can use my disability
Sometimes I make myself feel dizzy
Trying to figure out why me
he chose to be looked at differently
I never think I will fully love my disability
Because I do wish my disability wasn’t something you can see
But when I look at my life now
I am trying to see something new
The good in why he chose me
Being one of the people whose disability you can see
So you see
There is a responsibility
To encourage others to see
We all have a “disability”
I don’t want self-pity
I just want people to understand that
“Your disability” just maybe
Your greatest ability
Thank you higher power
And everyone that supports me!

I want to say I remember the exact date. I do not; however, that does not take the meaning, luster, or any other adjective to describe the importance of this day away.

I was a sophomore in college and still was having trouble finding a friend who truly made me feel comfortable talking about my cerebral Palsy. I felt that until I explained it, I would not have that authentic friendship I so desired.

Anyway, I believe it was a gloomy day in September or October at Mitchell College in New London, CT.

I remember it like it was yesterday —- which is saying something because the story starts with me on the phone with my mom — it probably was the 1000 time I talked to her that day. Still, this time was unlike the rest: she called, and I did not moan and groan about how much work I had to do; instead, she asked me what I was doing.

It was probably four p.m., and I was lying in bed sleeping to mask my anxiety about making friends. I said, “Nothing.” “Well, what can you do?” She asked. Then, in a voice of trepidation, I said:

“The basketball team is holding a clinic for Special Olympics CT.

I did not want to go because — though I would be volunteering — I did not want to be associated with individuals whose disabilities are apparen, as I told myself that I did not have friends because of the way I walk.

After the event, everyone was given Pizza. I took mine and scarfed it down because I probably had not eaten all day due to my anxiety.

While eating as fast as I could, I choked, and this player on the school team offered me his drink. I eventually stopped choking, and we sat on the gym steps for hours, talking about life and basketball.

After explaining to him how my Cerebral affects me, he said, “Do me a favor; we are not going to refer to it as a disability; we are going to refer to it as an OPPORTUNITY!

I must have looked at him as if a bear was attacking me. Still, about six years later, I am grateful that I have learned that I have an OPPORTUNITY to impact people using my disability POSITIVELY.

Dear teenage self,

Before I go back in time, it’s crucial to recognize your mind was not fully developed yet.

They say things happen for a reason, but…

“If you sit on the bench, you sit on the bench.” It is your fault that I did.

I wish you would have pushed yourself to lift one more “weight” by going to that party. You did not… it’s your fault.

You wanted to tell that girl you liked her. You did not… it’s your fault.

These milestones that I did not hit, yes… it’s your fault!

You did not know any better, but people that I trust tell me it will come at the right time.

I think I am in the right hands – that is me joking about how I can’t use my right hand😂

Anyway, Thank you for forcing me to realize that the bench is too hot, making me move my butt. Because of you, life won’t have as many buts as it once did.

Your inaction is forcing me to take action, and not say “BUT if I did this!” I’m hitting the field now.

Thank you for making me see the GREEN in the grass. Now, I am slowly appreciating the muddy trail you took me on.

As I hit the “field,” from now on, I’m going for two all the time!

Love,

The CURRENT YOU!

How do we change the world? It is far from easy. First, you take your squeegee.

When we take the squeegee we focus on what “I” can change and looking up to the sky should not be the only thing you use to figure out why.

Reflecting is ok, but there will come a day where action is the takeaway!

The answers to your question is by evaluating one letter I!

That is how the world will change in a blink of an eye!

Dear Body,

I love you because I severely dislike you.

At one point, I did not know if I would need a helmet to protect me from physically breaking a bone of yours. That is not my only bone to pick with you; it’s hard to swallow that everyday activities are challenging because of you: shoes, buttoning shirts, opening cans, etc., are taxing, but the younger me did not care about any of that: what I missed the most was sports.

Kids are taught to move their bodies from a very young age. Thus sports are encouraged. Signup sheets with a multitude of options are (sometimes)literally thrown their way.

Some are tossed in the garbage; some are run over to a parent or guardian as fast as Usain Bolt. Either way, as one of the only physically disabled kids in the school (that I could see), most people had a choice as to what they wanted to do with that sheet. I didn’t.

Before I even got the paper, my hopes and dreams of being on a team were crushed, like most tennis serves at Wimbledon, fast.

My feet actually did touch the grass of a baseball field, but only with the help of a “ball person” — yes, that is a play-on-words for a person who retrieves the tennis ball after it is hit into the net during a tournament.

I can’t participate like everyone else because My reactions are such I might get hit with the ball if I did not catch it.

Remember The saying “a picture tells more than 1000 words” (made famous by Henrik Ibsen, a Norwegian playwright)? When I was a kid, it told the whole darn story.

My reality was different than my classmates. My dreams, not. Like many people in my age group at the time, I wanted to be a professional athlete.

I still remember thinking a kid on my little league team would make the majors. Not only that, thinking he was Shohei Ohtani — arguably the greatest player in baseball ever.

This kid seemed to be as tall as the Empire State Building. The chances are not that high that he did make it (although my brain is pulling on every cell to convince me otherwise.)

The chances of me looking up if he did: pretty high! (insert laughing emoji)

Everyone and anyway who stepped foot on any field or court lived out a dream I could only imagine; however, one day, my physical therapist (PT) and I were practicing my walking and running speed.

I broke a personal record (I think it was 30 feet in 10 seconds) enough to convince my mom and PT that I should try my feet on the track team.

I practiced for about three days, running around the whole track once. My mom saw I was exhausted, and after the second day, she told my coach to take it easy on me. I probably did not run more than 30 feet in practice once after and quit.

So, I used the body of this article to moan and grown about my very own. How about I turn the eggs sunny side up — hopefully, that frown will turn upside down!

Now at days, I look at things from “the other shoe.”

Sports are about the team and the people who celebrate with you. No game-winning hit can compare to “lacing them up with my team, “trying to play the cards I was dealt and “tying the loose ends” that cerebral palsy hands me every day, and when I “lace them up,” one by one, we have won the Super Bowl.

Changing the world is a daunting task; all the dust and debris that we can not unsee. Crime and killings are almost as common as finding a dime on the street and the amount of homeless people is not a sight to see. These are the poor aspects of the place that we live in, but don’t have to live in a world that we aren’t proud to see! How do we change it when we all see things differently?

No matter what side of the winding world you are on, time is distributing equally. There are 24 hrs in a day, and we all choose to use it in our unique way. if every gun was substituted with a thought of graditude, every crime substituted with a compliment and for everyone without a home a place to stay, hey, who’s to say that tomorrow can’t be a world changing day?