My name is Timothy.
I’m a schizophrenic but take my meds.
I was diagnosed in 2004 and with my guide The Lord-the med’s help!
I’m also an ex drug addict, alcoholic and convict…
But even if I would think of this again-I’d get sick!
And because of the youth that has committed suicide,
I’m now an x smoker, No more nicotine Can I hide!
You may check up on me in the future,and if you will, I’m greatly obliged.
All you dear teens mean so much to me,
Please never think you’re not worth it, Because you are!
I understand where you’re coming from.I’ve been there and not dumb.
Find no reason naughty or nice to ever think of ending your life.
You’re beautiful.I promise daily prayed for by many,
I’m now also a Christian and I pray for you plenty!
I love you. Jesus loves you more. I pray for you, Jesus prays for you more.
Anything at all I may ever do I promise I will do it for you.
Always remember Jesus does everything better!
It takes great character to do what you do in the world today,
And you have it in you.I promise, just seek life along your way!
Something I love and gave not up on, by daily walking with my great God…
In the ending year of 2006 a man gave me a Bible,
I’ve read and studied it since that day, and loved it all the while!
This I still daily Continue to do, it changed my life and it can change yours too!
I loved it so much, I decided to go to it’s teaching school…
From the school of hard knocks to the school of God’s grace so cool!
Northeast Ohio Bible Institute, had for me taught and explained the Good News!
2008 or 2009, I started when God told me, Tim now it’s time…
About 4 years hot right on trail.I thought this lot I will surely fail.
I wanted to give up.I wanted to quit, for I was back slidden in the life that I lived.
But for sure The teacher of the class said don’t quit but get back on track!
So I buckled down and ate my spinach.And wouldn’t you know it?I surely finished!
I won and it was fun graduated with a C.And that’s not bad for somebody like me!
But oh, how sad it would have been if I’d have tucked tail and ran from the degree.
Even though I was so messed up, with at that time current thoughts of suicide…
God wouldn’t let me go, for He promised, I will never leave you.I have your best in mind!
Surely I knew that He got this, and so glad I was of six years completion!
I still so much love God’s life in me leading, He is the leader.I follow him still,
And wouldn’t you know it?I’m back in another Bible school, what a thrill!
Not just 1, but even 2! Patriot Bible University, and Reformers Unanimous too!
Life is so grand and I am so glad I had not killed myself,
For God has made everything new.So I live for Him, and especially you!
He daily blesses and it’s never the end…
So please don’t give up, for you are the Blessing-my Friend!!!

3-13-24

Stand at attention with a smile on your face.
You dare not make your family fall from grace.
Black and excellence rarely mix.
But in this society, we all need our fix.
A hint of praise and worship you see.
The version that is anything but you and me.
Giggle, smile, and give them a twirl.
But, please bury your trauma, little black girl.

Commit yourself to being the best.
You must not associate yourself with the rest.
Iron your clothes and be so sweet.
But, hush while they take a bite of your forbidden treat.
Marry young and honor your vow.
But, when he attacks you don’t dare say ow.
Always be approachable and serene.
Otherwise, this world will think you’re mean.
Build your story on amazing goals.
Just remember not to climb too far out of your hole.
There is no space for beauty and grace.
They are all watching and waiting for you to fall on your face.
Parade yourself and give them a whirl.
But, please bury your trauma, little black girl.

Pretend like “strong” is a compliment you wish to hear.
The kind of credit you can hold dear.
Put your hands out and stay on guard
You can’t let your loved ones know this life is too hard.
Encourage the next generation to reach for the sky.
Never let them know how much you wanted to die.
Hide the thoughts that make you hurl.
Remember to bury your trauma, little black girl.

No! Wait! Please don’t go.
There’s a little more you MUST know.
You don’t need to pretend to fit in.
You are enough from your beginning until your end.
The pain is sharp and unkind.
But, your heart is a compliment of your mind.
When you look in the mirror remember your name.
Because little black girl you and I are the same.
Don’t bury your trauma and let them win.
No one is above their sin.

You meet the one that makes you better.
The one that spends time writing YOU a letter.
You have not one, but three little ones you adore.
That sweet soul is now nurturing more.
In many ways, you go on to lead.
Trust me, I got to see you succeed.
You persevered through it all.
So, in this next chapter let’s have a ball.

I love you, I do.
You will prosper, this much is true.
Because I am you and you are me.
Together, we are finally free!

Dear Unsealers, my childhood, through to my 20s, has been one of the most horrifying experiences that no child or person should ever have to go through. By the hands of evil, I was abused mentally, emotionally, and sexually with no one to protect me. Even growing up to this day can be a struggle but I have to win this battle. In some stages of my life, I rebelled with anger, in some stages, I resorted to drugs and alcohol, and at one point I was a guinea pig for Drs “trying to correct” me. I can’t recall how many times I wanted to give up. Eventually, I stopped allowing the evil to continue controlling me and winning. I stopped feeding it and took control of myself and my life. Now I am happy, healthy, and secure; even though I still have some struggles. Through all of this I have always written poetry or wrote self expressively; it helps me survive and I hope it helps others know they are normal – they are their normal and that we are in this together- nobody has to be alone or scared. Below are 2 poems I wrote in defense of my traumas.
Poem/Urges: Urges, they surge through me like an electric wire. There’s no telling their destination. The outcome is unclear. The rapid urge for incomprehensible actions to take place. Urges, cradling inside my veins, grinding away at all of my pains. Pushing against my skin, craving inside to come out from within. Starving to reach its mission. Urges, trying so hard to take control but long behold, I’m well aware of its grip, my blood will not drip. The urges cannot maintain power when there’s a greater urge to empower a greater good. (not a fan of how I ended that one). Poem: Please demon, don’t try and hide. I see right through you even with that disguise. Your horns are big, your red blood flows bright, and I see you even when you try to hide in the night. Your growls once frightened me but now they just remind me, that I am stronger than you could ever be.

***Trigger warning***
I have thought long and hard about this entry, the words that are going to follow, will likely be a trigger for so many, but it is my hope that maybe, I can help another feel less alone. I want to let you know, that I’ve likely been right where you are. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to feel like everything is caving in. That life sucks, and that we got the shortest straw. It’s at that point, we know we are human beings. Living life. We just have to feel it all! Then, when we feel it’s time, push through it. Try not to get stuck in the pain and the darkness. Time is different for so many of us.
My life has been far from easy. I’m guessing yours may not have been either. So we are meeting on common ground. I wanted to give up on everything so many times. My very first memory ever was when I was around 2. It was traumatic. Growing up I didn’t fit in with the others. I was bullied. I had a very emotionally immature mother, and my father, well, he was gone without a forwarding address when they divorced.
I was the odd girl being raised by her grandparents. I was automatically labeled “different” and not cool.
I kept going. It was so hard. In 4th grade, the bullying really took its toll on me when a fellow student put a kick me sign on my back and my art teacher saw it. She pulled me aside and took me into the hall. I thought I was going to be in trouble because no one wanted to be in a group with me. Her words changed my life. She told me that I was smart and talented. She told me to leave the kick me sign on my back and to go back in the classroom acting as if I didn’t know anything had happened. I wanted to cry so badly. My heart was crushed. It was hard, but I did it. I kept moving forward.
In my elementary years, I felt so lost. Absolutely lost inside. Moving on to middle school, the bullying continued. My self esteem was at an all time low. I started to ditch classes and eventually, I constantly messed up all through 7th grade. I didn’t think that I had a chance at anything. At this point, I had some family issues arise and the pressure took its toll on me. I experienced physical abuse from someone in my family due to alcohol abuse they had become a stranger in my eyes. Unrecognizable and terrifying. With each time that I was hit a piece of me shut down. No one was listening to me. It was me, against the world. I was put in a private school for “troubled teens” There were not many girls there but I became friends with a girl that was adopted.
I opened up to her about feeling fat and un pretty. One day at her home, she gave my my very first diet pill. This resulted in an eating disorder, I will just check that box too. So we now have on the board, traumatic childhood- jumping into Child abuse, leading to full blown self hatred and a very devastating case of both anorexia and boulima. I had absolutely no clue that I was spiraling downward in a very dangerous way. I couldn’t feel anything. I wanted to feel something. I just couldn’t. I was absolutely NUMB. You might be wondering why I’m putting this out there for the world to see. It’s my hope, that you will see that you are not alone. That you are strong and you will pull through the storms. My story didn’t end there. As numb as I was, I kept moving forward. I had no direction but I knew that it had to get better at sometime. Fast forward to 15, I was thrown back with my mother. Within the first month of living with my mother, Plot twist from absolute HELL-
I was beaten in the school parking lot with leather belts by a group of boys while everyone watched and laughed. This was typical for a Denver high school in the 90’s. “There was no room for stuck up little white girl in their hood” This was what they told me as they continued to whip me with braided belts. This was an assault. The school let it go. I became a shell. I don’t remember too much other than my mother blaming me for the events that transpired shortly after this. I was sexually assaulted by one of the boys in that group. I woke up in a hospital emergency room covered in charcoal with only a blur of the hospital lights above my head. At that point, all I wanted to was die. I didn’t think that I had anything left. The police had taken a report and my mother refused to press charges on grounds that she feared more gang retaliation would follow. I was placed in a group home- Day treatment facility to address the issues. That treatment facility saved my life. For the very first time I was taken seriously. I was not called a liar. I was supported and safe. I had made it to safety.
It was a lot of work on my part. I still had a many issues with my mother.
Everything was always about her. I’m wrapping this up ending in a teen pregnancy. The teen pregnancy allowed me to imancipate from my mother at age 16. I want you to believe that you can break your family generational curses/cycles and life may be hard but I can promise you there is a light. The fight and the struggle are very important. They make us who we are.
I believe in you. In fact, a whole lot of us Unsealers do. You are amazing. You are smart, you are strong, you have a bright future ahead. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You will change the world. I will be over here, a stranger, in the stands rooting for you. 💜 Just believe in every aspect of YOU. You will pull through. You are not alone and you are already doing such great things. Most importantly, thank you for being you.

I’ve been going through some things…

I had a dream, it was something like Dr. Kings.
I had a dream, it was something like Dr. Kings
But I aint have the answers Sway, so I went somewhere and prayed.

I pray one day we all take the time out to read, so our minds will be set free. Slow down and end the programming of the music & the T.V.

I pray we become more conscious of the things we consume, redefine what we call food.
I pray we learn to nourish our mind, body & soul.
I pray one day as a people we become whole.
I pray one day, as brothers and sisters we can tend and mend each others broken wings.
I pray we can learn to do things from our heart, and not just to be seen.

I pray we truly believe we can fly! Without a basketball, backwood, sheets and funnel or whatever method it is you use to get high.

I pray we stop living just to get by.
I pray we use our voices to sing to the most high.
I pray we look in the mirror, acknowledge and turn from our wicked behavior. For let a man examine himself.

I pray we stop bragging about riches and strive for wealth. I pray we stop playing the game for self, the only way to win is to not even play.
I pray we all can sit and learn to pray.

I’m not a player, I’m a prayer.
I pray that those who think they have to keep it on them, pray that they never have to use it. It’s a war within ourselves and some things I pray we can learn to leave on the shelves and at the altar.

I pray we unlearn all the detrimental things they’ve taught us.
I pray we realize it’s a spiritual war for our souls, and that it’s all mental.
I pray we realize that sex is sacred, and learn to respect our temples.
I pray that when it gets dark, you can be light for your peers.
I pray that this prayer fall on open ears.
I pray we all learn to face our fears.

I pray we can acknowledge each other by name.
I pray that you recognize, I am you and you are me. We’re one in the same.
I pray we learn to hate fame. I pray that your spirit is renewed. Realizing you’re a fearless, righteous, educated and strong human. That’s F.R.E.S.H.

I pray you know you’re not lucky. But yes, you are blessed. And yes, I pray this prayer outlives me.
I pray you share and soak up all of this knowledge and wisdom I’ve given from my heart for free. Amen

As close to perfection
A day can get
It has to be filled with
Joy, laughter and a good time
Simplicity at its finest
I picture a day filled with love
Surprising my Bae with tickets
To see one of her favorite comedians
B. Simone
Not ruining the surprise
Being a little suspenseful
‘Cause the romance
Should never die
Keeping the spark alive
Laughing uncontrollably
From start to finish
Seeing that smile on her face
Means so much
Any day with you makes the world
Seem perfect
Even though we know that not to be true
You are quite a dream come true
Any other day that could even measure up
Would have to be filled with
Rest, relaxation, some good music and poetry
A warm bubble bath to soothe the tense muscles
Forgetting the troubles of the day or week
Allowing my self care to be my peace
Resetting my intentions
Cleansing my mind, body and spirit
A perfect day can lead to many blessings
I just pray for a day that is calm
That leads to memories to be cherished
And is close to my definition of perfection!

This day starts with me opening my eyes to give thanks.
Thanks to My King, My God, for soothing my soul.
Allowing me to wake up in absolute peace and feel whole.
I feel as though I’m lying in the clouds,
emotionally safe and secure as I embrace this moment.
This is my state of euphoria, and I emphatically own it.
My mind methodically plans for what lies ahead
as the lyrics to melodic tunes play in my head.
My perfect day has just begun.

The routine of my day has never been so smooth
I patiently take my time constructing my look to fit my mood
From head to toe…
My glow, my fit, my flow.
I look in the mirror, pleased with what I see,
comfortable in my skin and free to be me.

As I head out into the world and follow my script
I long for the taste of some java, retail therapy, and a favorite flick
Why? These are the makings of me.
The smile on my face and the confidence in my walk.
I could live out this day many times over.
No stress, no strife, no roadblocks ahead.
My perfect day is far from over.

This day is just what I’ve made it
with the blessings I’ve been given.
The strength to get up and live my life.
The mindset to understand that life is what I make it.
The love that I have for myself to do the things that make me happy.
Most of all, knowing that every day is a gift
and not to be taken lightly.

As the evening rolls in and slows down my perfect day,
I pull up a seat at my favorite speakeasy without dismay.
There to indulge, I partake in a lovely, herbaceous and tart,
yet ever-so-sweet libation,
as I wait for this day to deliver its final culmination.
Not sad to see it go by any means,
because I know there will be many more days like this to be seen.
Perfect in every way.
Just me living, loving, and enjoying my fulfilling day.

While reminiscing about this day, I sit back and say…
There was nothing particularly special.
Nothing out of the ordinary.
Just a day of me doing me.
I suppose that’s what makes it so perfect,
it reminds me to just be.
A perfect day, for a perfect me.

My day could start in ashen gray
like dried-up winter weed bouquets,
but then my grandson shrieks, “Mammay!”
and color swirls in rich array.

A fingerpainted masterpiece
infused with snacks and sweetened tea–
bright backdrop for the tales we read,
immersed in toddler fantasy.

Flamboyant toys conceal the floor,
confetti from a plastic war
that ranged from couch to Singapore–
and now he begs to go outdoors.

Bemusement stains pale cherub cheeks
and nature springs delighted shrieks
when stones splash into frothy creeks
or bluebird skies frame honking geese.

Aweary fingers grab my hand,
for will alone cannot withstand
the golden grains of sleepy sand;
I lull him into lala land.

Reflection on this drowsing dear
who celebrates with heartfelt cheer
the wonderment of Gaia’s sphere
is every dark mood’s rainbow cure.

Hello my friend
May I share with you my perfect day?
I hope you’ll stay until the very end.
First I wake with the golden sun, grateful and joyful – I pray.
Hydrate and fill this vessel with fuel
Moving and stretching keeps my emotions cool
Giving thanks for each moment I’m given
This life flows with grace like a ribbon
My love then goes freely to all of Gods creatures
The large and small – all have different features
Life sweet like the slow drip of honey straight from the comb
I never rush, worry or stress because I know in my heart, I am always home.

Our day starts with coffee. Black, no sugar and two creams. Just how you like it. I would pour myself a cup too, even though I hate coffee, and sit both coffees on the end table by your rocking chair. I can hear your voice now: “Thank you baby.” Your voice hoarse from years of labor. We would pick our cups up and sip at the same time. Well, not quite at the same time. I always forget to blow my drink first and burn my tongue. My face twisted up in pain. Whereas, you always blow your drink first and never take on more than you can bear. Literally and figuratively. Now that I am older, I admire how still you can be. Sitting, day after day, in the comfort of your rocking chair, drinking your coffee and watching Lifetime movies. I relish that stillness. On my perfect day I will definitely have to be still. I wouldn’t want to do anything at all, but put my feet up and drink bitter coffee. To some people the perfect day is a day on the beach but any day spent being still with you would be perfect to me. I would get hungry about halfway through my cup. My stomach growls, which prompts you to rock yourself out of your chair and head to the kitchen. Your walk weary from years of service on your feet. Following behind you, I grab a plate off of the table and hand it to you. You fill it with grits, sausage, eggs, french toast, a waffle and bacon. I could have made my plate, but you always made it for me. “Just sit down at the table, baby. I got your plate.” With an orange juice to match, I sit at the dining table and go to town. With a full belly, I waddle back to the love seat right next to your chair. I look outside and see kids playing, but I don’t feel that pain in my stomach anymore. Growing up without someone to play with and share secrets with has always weighed heavy on me. I carried loneliness with me throughout my adolescent and teenage years. Always an onlooker, a wallflower, the bullied. My perfect day I will not have those feelings or be consumed with looking to something that I don’t have. Even though I didn’t have a friend my age, I had a friend who didn’t mind drinking coffee and watching movies with me on a random Saturday morning. She might have been fifty years older than me, but she was my best friend. She never turned me away and she always made me feel like I belonged. If I can have one more day spent with you, just being still, that will be the perfect day. And I do have a secret to tell you, best friend. I miss you and I still hate coffee.

Growing up on Sailor Moon
And looney toons
Slip and slides
Always with soapy eyes.
Carefree summers
We were Beach bummers
Adulthood far from our minds
Ice cream of many kinds
Man hunt and freeze tag
Always up for a good fart bomb gag.
Childhood was a bliss
Something you’ll always miss.

what’s my idea of a perfect day? Well, that’s easy. I’m kind of more of a simple girl these days, now that I’m older. Actually, come to think of it, I never had the chance to really sit and think of what a perfect day would mean/look like for me from start to finish. Wow. I guess there really is a first time for everything……so here we go.
My Perfect &Peaceful Day.

As soon as I open my eyes. First thing I would do to get my day started, I will first start with prayer of the morning. Thanking our creator for another day, is always a must do to reinsure a great start to a great day. I follow prayer with meditation routine. That for me includes, deep breaths while sitting in silence, journaling, reading, anything to help prepare me for the day. This centers my mind so that it’s easier for me to be able to go out into the world and be able to deal with those around me.
After maybe an hour or two, make me a nice snack or breakfast. Which usually ends up being just a healthy quick snack because I don’t really like breakfast. Then, I do what I like to call “self-care repair” routine. It’s when I either take a nice bubble bath or a nice shower with my favorite candles, music, book. More time to relax and enjoy my own company before heading out for the day. After bathing/showering, I have a face-wash/skin routine as well. Then after that I put on my cloths and head out. If I’m not heading out then I would either read, write a bit beacuse I love writting (if you can’t already tell lol), listen to music and maybe watch movies for the remainder of the day.
But if it’s one of those days where I want to get some fresh air, I can always count on one of my favorite places….downtown at the lakefront or beach. Basically, anywhere with big body of water. I love water. A nice walk on a trail is always a great way to get fresh air and become one with nature too.
But it’s just something about being near water, in water or just even being around water that sooths me. Calms me, gives me clarity, gives me peace and I love it. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. Sometimes while sitting near the lake, I read, or just sit and think, sometimes I may even cry every once in awhile. But whenever I’m done, something about it always gets my creative juices flowing and song lyrics start coming to mind or idea to do a certain project may come to mind. So, nature and I work very well with one another. I stop to appreciate her (nature) , and she does what she does…..inspire.

Afterwards, I would go home, get started on those ideas and plans rigth away and start working towards accomplishing them. I always end my day with more mediation and prayer, being thankful for what that day has given me in prepration for a better tomorrow. Then, take another bubble bath/hot shower, more self-care repair and relaxation to finish off the day before a night of great sleep.

I know, may seem pretty boring to some, and that’s okay. See, what I learned as I got older, the more I value peace of mind and a peace of quite. Expecially in today’s world where peace seems hard to come by. So, you sometimes have to create your own peace. Prayer, Meditation, Fresh-Air, Nature and A Postive Mind-set all brings forth peace and creativity. And all of these things are 100% free.

Dear Unsealers…
I can’t tell you enough of how important it is to remain motivated and focused on your dreams, passions and the love of whatever gifts you may have. Never give up on them, no matter what. Let me tell you about my most recent lesson about not giving up.
So, I have always loved to sing, I found out really early on like age 5 that I not only really loved music, but that I also have a nice voice as well. My mother knew of this but, to her it was more just something that I would do around the house but it was soo much more than just that. I really have a passion and love for music, how it sounds,how it make you feel, how it makes others feel. The enjoyment of hearing/seeing someone else who have the same love and passion for it as you do, seeing them express themselves using their experiences by creating art. Thats what music is to me. It’s art. It is apart of me, but my mom just wanted me to focus on school, which I did but still felt like something was missing. But what??
So, as the years went by, I kind of subpressed my love for music to focus on school for awhile. I never really sang at church because eventhough my love for music was there, so was the fear of singing in front of others.
Unltil around my middle school years. Preteen years. I had been blessed to have found other girls like myself that also loved to sing at school. We were all in the same class and for me, it was a releif to finally find people who love music just as much as I do. We had decided to form an all girl group. There were 4 of us, 3 singers and we 1 female rapper . Our group was called GWA (girls with attitude) crazy right lol. We would all hang out singing all the time in the classroom, and always did mini concerts at lunch which was cool, because eveyone would gather around us and it also really helped me to get over fear of public speaking/singing. We all even joined the school choir together. But still, I wanted more.I though ,okay now may be that time try. But when I would try to get us to be more serious about our muisc, no one really cared but me. I wasnt trying to become famous but I did want to do more with my musical talent because it’s more than just a hobby it’s something I’m passionate about.
After no one wanting to take their music seriously, of course we all went our seprate ways, but we also all ended up going to different high-schools and lives too. Which is where I met my music muse. My now late husband. He not only loved music just as much as I did, but he knew how to do engineering side as well and he even taught me a few things. My husband was very hands-on when it came to music, which was one of the things that I loved most about him. But, when it came to me and my music and not having support that I needed, I gave up breifley. I guess the real reason why I stopped working on my craft/music after the group broke up was because to me it was like another let down. Which felt like another failure. Not being able to understand what exactly am I supposed to do with this gift and passion if the things I’m trying aren’t getting me anywhere.
But throughout our 15years together, my husband of course pushed me to challenge myself and help me to see that I shouldn’t give up something that makes me who I am. My huband was a rapper as well, so he had his way with words and putting them together. I did too, but my lane was just singing, so I thought. One day he challeged me to see if I can do it, (rap) and lets just say I have been rapping and singing ever since lol. I had no idea that I could, wasn’t event thinking to do it, but my husband help me challenge myself and not limit myself expecially when it comes to my musical gifts. My husband and I even made music together, which I’m so grateful that we did because no
matter what, I will always have the music we made together and the love of music that we always shared together.
After his passing 4 years ago, it was really hard on me. So hard that once again, I had almost given up, but not just on music on everything. I did fall into a deep depression because, to me, I lost my muse, my inspiration, the person who help me see so much within myself that I had no idea was there, my soulmate. For awhile it was extremely hard for me to keep going not only with my music but in life.
But after much prayer, fasting, soul searching and alot of self-love and self-care, I have found my way back to my first love……music. I am now writting, recording, and making video content for my music. I even perform my music every week at certain events for local artists. I had to remember first of who our creator is, and knowing that everything he does is for a reason. It’s up to us on finding out what it is, and what we choose to do with it. I believe that The Most High brought my husband and I together for many reasons. One being to help me do what I was trying to do all along…..find what was missing. Which was not only to support me and my passion, but to help give me that little push that I needed to know how and when to use it. My husband and I made music that not only was relative, but uplifting and powerful, so I made a promise to keep that going, to use my voice for the greater good and to help bring forth change whithin our communities.That’s how I keep his memory alive, and that’s why I call him my Music Muse.
So, to all my fellow kings and queens, I know life may get you down sometimes and that’s okay, but what’s not okay is you staying down. No matter what dreams you have, whatever your passion is, go for it. Never give up. We were all blessed with all kinds of talent, wisdom, understanding, we shoud all use them to make the world a better place. I am not looking for fame from my music, I do it because I love music, it’s who I am, and I want to share not only my talent and my story, but I also want to create change with my music. I owe it all to my husband. So, thank you husband, I love and miss you dearly……………My Music Muse

Rise and shine you beautiful soul!
We have work to do today.
Roll that delicate body out of bed and awaken to the day of wonders ahead.
Today, feels like a good day. I Declare it, embrace it and give thanks.
It’s the perfect day to live.
I am embracing the relaxation and peace that has been gifted to me on such a beautiful morning.
I stretch, and sit up, wiggling my my toes as my legs hang down from my bed. A giggle escapes my lips followed by a smile as my dog mimics me. She nudges me and lets me know that it is time to officially wake up.
I step off of my bed and stand tall. There’s no pain at all. No tingling, no burning, no stiffness at all.
I am at peace. I playfully ask my kitty Nirvana -“Do I choose coffee, or green tea?” She meows back at me. I dance around the the kitchen and I embrace being pain free. There is no stress or struggle as I start my daily chores. You may think this sounds silly, the happiness that bending down brings me as I slide on my shoes. I did it absolutely pain free and that is perfect. It’s perfect for me.
The sun is shining so bright, and I put the leash on my dog. Bieng pain free, has blessed me with a morning walk.
I have energy!
Enough energy to conquer the world, well, that is, enough energy to conquer “My world” or, at least to conquer the tasks that most days I am unable to. Today, I am pain free, and it is absolutely perfect.
I think it’s a good day to go to the gym. Perfect day, that is.
I grab my bag, my book, headphones and my water bottle.
I’m a little bit nervous that this may not last, but quickly push the thoughts away. As today, this moment I am pain free, and today is the perfect day.
My body moves freely, and with each breath that I take I am breathing in love and gratitude. These days are few and far between. Today, I woke up pain free.
I am able to grocery shop without any fears or anxiety. There is no looking over my shoulder I am in the moment. I am safe, and I am living life peacefully. Today, I give thanks for walking up pain free.
I am able to walk the three flights of stairs to visit my grandmother. We’re going to have lunch and play some games. Her company and her smile bring me so much comfort. I’m giving thanks, for such a perfect day.
I woke up pain free. I woke up with the chance to show the world the actual me. With a smile on my face, and my posture upright. I am filled with gratitude and peace. I am grateful for my life.
The perfect day for me, means living without pain.
Without tears, and strain. Oh how I am grateful when I am blessed with a perfect pain free day.
🙏

“A TIME WHEN I DID NOT GIVE UP ON MY WRITING, MUSIC, AND ART”
DEAR UNSEALED,

I have many times,
In my life of 74 years of rhyme
And reason roadblocks
of people have said to me, “What?”
I struggled as a woman, born in 1949,
Of the boomer generation of time.
I was told I could not do this and that,
Tit for tat,
I proved them wrong,
As I write my songs
Of life’s journey
To eternity
And beyond the box thinking of patterns of life
As I continue my strife
At 74 years old
I have been told.
I survived many love relationships,
Time after time sailing the ships,
Across the clouds, the sea, the mountains of earth
As I tread on a new birth
Of still writing and creating art of sorts
Of time and space, of course.
I worked two or three jobs to go to college,
To obtain knowledge.
I attended a Microsoft coding class at 51.
That was my finale with that one.
Being told as a young woman I could not do that,
By certain people who did not know squat about that.
I struggled all my life with a positive attitude,
Of a subdue,
Nature of hiding my tears and feeling blue
As I walked on upon life’s path so true.
Despite my broken relationships with narcissistic pigs
I kept on walking to all my gigs.
Life moves forward along the journey,
Of many miles of this wild child.
Still eccentric, eclectic, boho hippie style
Of peace and love despite the tactics of so many trials
Of work, play, study, and broken narcissistic relationships in my life.
I still believe in me.
Let it be.
Me as a woman in the last decades of my life
And all the strife
I believe in rainbows, angels, and light,
Not to fright
The weary of treading through the jungle of the night,
But to look around at music, art, writing, and light.
I will not give up on my new goals,
Of this old soul
As I tread on with my writing, music, and art,
To make a new start
At 74
And as before
I tread through the desert, the storm,
Of life after so close to death as I was warned
After Long Covid attacked my organs and whatever it could
I survived major abdominal surgery at 72 in 2022.
I still want to live in a paint bucket of words and colors, as I should,
not give up,
Even when finances are low,
And still with health issues of dietary needs
I still drink from the cup of the mustard seed,
As my late Grandma Carrie Soleta implied,
“You are my baby girl, and you will survive.”
My faith is still strong,
As I sing life’s songs
Of blues, laughter, and survival
Of the known and unknown
Of life’s songs upon the sand to the beach
And along
It is faith in my creator and that mustard seed parable,
Teaching from my late Grandma Carrie Soleta.