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  • Stephanie Messecar shared a letter in the Group logo of Chasing Your DreamsChasing Your Dreams group 1 months, 2 weeks ago

    "If I Miss a Star then I Grab a handful of Clouds."

    15 and pregnant to a monster all because I was trying to escape the pain of my horrific childhood of emotional, mental, and sexual abuse. I allowed myself to get manipulated and trapped time and time again. Even though I was the last person everyone thought would get pregnant including myself, it happened and everyone told me I was messing up my life but I tell you what. Having my kid was my saving grace and likely changed my path for the better. Yes, I continued to make many terrible and embarrassing mistakes along the way but I would come out strong and rise above all that attempted to pull me down into the trenches. I moved from house to house and tried to date after leaving his biological father to find myself with the wrong types over and over again and creating situations for myself that would only destroy me and my son if I allowed it to. I got accepted to modeling and I couldn’t afford my portfolio. I considered joining the Air Force and couldn’t imagine leaving my son that long for training. I worked dead-end jobs over and over and then I gave up, again. I felt defeated. I started thinking, maybe they were right. I worked in a pizzeria with a pedophile boss who would later make the news. But then finally, I would meet a group of people who would help me see my true and worthy self. They didn’t see me as a person young and dumb but encouraged me to keep going and to fight for my future; our future (with my son). So, I did just that. I no longer entertained the idea of needing a man to make my family complete. Instead, I worked full-time as a bartender, went to college full-time, received public assistance, and was a mom full-time while juggling my personal life. I would meet my husband in college, get pregnant twice, then get married. That’s 3 boys and a husband with a college degree! Now I am an office manager of 13 years, and I own my home. I never thought this would ever be my life. Our oldest (27) is getting married to his high school sweetheart of the 9th grade in August (no kids), our middle son (20) is graduated and figuring out his path in life (no kids) and our baby son (17) is a senior in high school, no kids. My point is, I have had more trauma, pain, and disappointment than anyone should have so young. It started in my mother’s womb and carried on for far too long and then I allowed more along the way until I snapped out of the cycle and said no more. I will not allow this to be my life. I deserve and want better. I had a support system and I had dreams. While some of my dreams didn’t happen ultimately my big dream did. All because I didn’t give up and continued chasing my dreams. Mike Tyson said “I’m a dreamer. I have to dream and reach for the stars, and if I miss a star then I grab a handful of clouds.” My dream, my ultimate dream; health, family, success, love, support, respect, compassion, and understanding. I may have not been able to grab one star and I know I reached for the handful of clouds but boy I tell ya. I have all the stars in the universe right here with me!

    Stephanie Messecar

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