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  • Finally Alive

    What I love about myself in this chapter of my life is that I am finally learning how to let go. Let go of the past, not entirely but mostly, let go of things I cannot control, and let the pieces fall as they may. I have always cared too much and too deeply and tried too hard to make sure everyone was happy losing myself along the way. I will speak up and stop being polite because it’s the right thing to do. You need to know when it’s the right thing to do and its not the right thing to do if you are being devalued or disrespected! So, in this chapter of my life book, I am finally alive!

    You had your grip around my throat
    You hoped it would make me choke
    Instead, I fought back to breathe
    And now you are nothing more than a sleaze who no longer has control over me

    Stephanie Messecar

    Voting starts July 1, 2024 12:00am

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  • "If I Miss a Star then I Grab a handful of Clouds."

    15 and pregnant to a monster all because I was trying to escape the pain of my horrific childhood of emotional, mental, and sexual abuse. I allowed myself to get manipulated and trapped time and time again. Even though I was the last person everyone thought would get pregnant including myself, it happened and everyone told me I was messing up my life but I tell you what. Having my kid was my saving grace and likely changed my path for the better. Yes, I continued to make many terrible and embarrassing mistakes along the way but I would come out strong and rise above all that attempted to pull me down into the trenches. I moved from house to house and tried to date after leaving his biological father to find myself with the wrong types over and over again and creating situations for myself that would only destroy me and my son if I allowed it to. I got accepted to modeling and I couldn’t afford my portfolio. I considered joining the Air Force and couldn’t imagine leaving my son that long for training. I worked dead-end jobs over and over and then I gave up, again. I felt defeated. I started thinking, maybe they were right. I worked in a pizzeria with a pedophile boss who would later make the news. But then finally, I would meet a group of people who would help me see my true and worthy self. They didn’t see me as a person young and dumb but encouraged me to keep going and to fight for my future; our future (with my son). So, I did just that. I no longer entertained the idea of needing a man to make my family complete. Instead, I worked full-time as a bartender, went to college full-time, received public assistance, and was a mom full-time while juggling my personal life. I would meet my husband in college, get pregnant twice, then get married. That’s 3 boys and a husband with a college degree! Now I am an office manager of 13 years, and I own my home. I never thought this would ever be my life. Our oldest (27) is getting married to his high school sweetheart of the 9th grade in August (no kids), our middle son (20) is graduated and figuring out his path in life (no kids) and our baby son (17) is a senior in high school, no kids. My point is, I have had more trauma, pain, and disappointment than anyone should have so young. It started in my mother’s womb and carried on for far too long and then I allowed more along the way until I snapped out of the cycle and said no more. I will not allow this to be my life. I deserve and want better. I had a support system and I had dreams. While some of my dreams didn’t happen ultimately my big dream did. All because I didn’t give up and continued chasing my dreams. Mike Tyson said “I’m a dreamer. I have to dream and reach for the stars, and if I miss a star then I grab a handful of clouds.” My dream, my ultimate dream; health, family, success, love, support, respect, compassion, and understanding. I may have not been able to grab one star and I know I reached for the handful of clouds but boy I tell ya. I have all the stars in the universe right here with me!

    Stephanie Messecar

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  • The Struggle is Real but You're Not Alone

    Dear Unsealers, my childhood, through to my 20s, has been one of the most horrifying experiences that no child or person should ever have to go through. By the hands of evil, I was abused mentally, emotionally, and sexually with no one to protect me. Even growing up to this day can be a struggle but I have to win this battle. In some stages of my life, I rebelled with anger, in some stages, I resorted to drugs and alcohol, and at one point I was a guinea pig for Drs “trying to correct” me. I can’t recall how many times I wanted to give up. Eventually, I stopped allowing the evil to continue controlling me and winning. I stopped feeding it and took control of myself and my life. Now I am happy, healthy, and secure; even though I still have some struggles. Through all of this I have always written poetry or wrote self expressively; it helps me survive and I hope it helps others know they are normal – they are their normal and that we are in this together- nobody has to be alone or scared. Below are 2 poems I wrote in defense of my traumas.
    Poem/Urges: Urges, they surge through me like an electric wire. There’s no telling their destination. The outcome is unclear. The rapid urge for incomprehensible actions to take place. Urges, cradling inside my veins, grinding away at all of my pains. Pushing against my skin, craving inside to come out from within. Starving to reach its mission. Urges, trying so hard to take control but long behold, I’m well aware of its grip, my blood will not drip. The urges cannot maintain power when there’s a greater urge to empower a greater good. (not a fan of how I ended that one). Poem: Please demon, don’t try and hide. I see right through you even with that disguise. Your horns are big, your red blood flows bright, and I see you even when you try to hide in the night. Your growls once frightened me but now they just remind me, that I am stronger than you could ever be.

    Stephanie Messecar

    Voting starts May 16, 2024 12:00am

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