It’s hard to think that just 5 years ago my mom ended her own life. Through years of battling addiction and struggling with mental health she could no longer take the pain of grasping another breath. It’s hard to look back with love when all I want to do is hate her. Pain, she caused me nothing but pain in her last years and those seem to be the most prominent memories in my mind. The joyful smile of a young girl with her loving mother is just a distant memory I’m never able to hold. Always screaming, when wasn’t she screaming, she fought demons in her mind and let them devour me with her. Abuse, fearing to see my next day, fearing death by the hands of my own mother. I still hear the echos of her voice telling me I was worthless to her something she wish she’d never had to look at, someone she’d never created. Red, shards of glass scattered across the floor, they were aimed for my head. She aimed them to hurt me. Remorse, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so so sorry, please forgive me. I didn’t mean it I promise I swear I could never hurt you. Lies, it was always a lie. Fear, pain, loss, hurt, yet so much empathy for the women who was hurt, the women who was once a little girl who was hurt so badly it changed her brain. A little girl who dreamed of growing up, a girl with aspirations and dreams, a girl who had a whole happy life ahead of her and saw no darkness in the world, a girl that was once just like me. How could I hate someone who I understand so deeply. Never will I agree with what the past holds but never will I hold the past against you. You were my mother, you were supposed to watch me grow and live a long life, but I understand the battle you faced in your mind everyday and I see how strong you were for holding on all those years.

I need you, I’m scared
The man who I thought was my father
Was only my Dad.
I knew too-right from wrong
But God is my Father,
And He is strong!
He’s not like my Dad though,
Yet, some similarities you know?
How is your Mom?
Is she still alive?
I wish to your place again
I could run and hide.
As kids and friends
Billy I was already perverted
Some scary stranger…
Wrecked my life.
And then he laughed about it
40 years later
How’s that a joke?
I don’t know.
But I’m better now,
I’m a child of the King!
And in 4 trillion more years…
I’ll still be!
Like prejudiced people used to say in school,
Calling some a wanna’ be
Except my wants changed.
I want to be a man of God,
I want to be good
I sure wish I could.
But I’m gonna try to learn how!
I miss you so bad
You were the first best friend I had.
My best friend now-since “1996”
Is the coolest!
His name is Mike
He’s from Cleveland
I’ve even prayed and cried over him.
I want him to go to heaven!
You better be there when I get home,
I want you to meet him.
I wish I had not
Brought you smoke.
I want to be buried under it.
You were like an exception
Dad would let me out.
He must had liked you too.
Sometimes I think
I haven’t changed much inside…
But I have! Hey,
I know you remember Scoot,
He told me what happened, at the bar
When he cried. Billy, I wish you never died!

To my dearest family friends and fellow readers. This new energy that came through after the solar eclipse is amazing. I had a complete change in my thought and perspectives in life. The lord lifted the veil off my eyes and started showing me all the demonic and nasty energies that were affecting my life. I immediately removed myself from a home that I thought love me in Coldwater, Michigan and ended up growing. The people there had a nasty plot including my husband in which the marriage was paid and fake the whole time, to keep me there steal my energy and then put me in a grave. I should have been dead by all the witchcraft, car accident, and poising that happened. Why am i writing and telling you all this? The moral of the story is that you need to know who you are. As Children of God. This is the year where what happened in the dark will be brought to the light. Freedom for all of us that feel held down or like we couldn’t speak. God has a message for all of us worldwide, we were meant to shine. They don’t want us to get up go out and share our talents with the world. So, I write today get up, go out, show the world both your outer and inner beauty. If we share love like the Beetles said all u need is love accept I’m speaking in a Godly way the darkness will flee. All you need to defeat this darkness is simply prayer and praise. Listen to music dance, write a poem or a story. A new generation starts now we are the light in the world. We are the city on a hill, we will not be shaken. My fellow friends I encourage u to share happiness and healthiness in the world one person at a time. Start a story, start a blog, do discipleship. I’m your biggest cheerleader besides God of coarse. Grab your torch light up the world and win the race. Share joy peace love and happiness with every person you encounter. A smile is the best medicine I’m routing for ya. You Got this world. Get up, Get Dressed, Get to having your success.

I hope you weren’t up late that night waiting for me.
I knew the hour wasn’t great to call.
I had priorities in life-
I felt my back against the wall.
Also seemed there wasn’t much I could discuss with you or say.
And then the moment changed my life.
When I got word that you had passed away.
I actually felt my world stop spinning .
I stepped back taking look at myself.
Knowing precisely at that moment –
How Lonely that you must have felt.
And every day that passes now
You are in my thoughts more so.
A better person I strive to be
Because that’s the only way that I can grow.
I want to say I am so sorry
I wasn’t there when my time you did need.
This Letter goes out to Someone…
Remember to Cherish the people you Love
Without selfishness & greed.

Today I have decided to tell my story. I suffer from bipolar. I was diagnosed with the mental disorder over 20 years ago. I have been through alot. It has been a real problem most of my life.
It was triggered after I had my second child. It was a nightmare 😔. I ended up being hospitalized several times over the course of twenty years. I will do my best to explain the horror of it all. I remember having one episode after another. Each episode was very exhausting and dramatic. I would block out a lot of the different personalities and triggers of emotional dynamics. It was so 😫 tiring.
I will try to explain one of my episodes to give you an idea of it all. Well, it all begins with not taking my medication. It slowly turns into a horror movie. I hear voices and act out several different personalities in my mind. I begin to have spells of crying dramatically having thoughts of despair. I was on edge and going down a bottomless pit of not wanting to be here anymore 😪. Yet, in most circumstances I didn’t want to kill myself because an angelic voice told me, ” no” don’t do it! I say, “okay” most times. Smh.
In these drastic times I have family who did help me like my mother. And that was important and fortunate because at these times it is good to have positive support systems in your life.
In most cases my family would call 911 and have a rescue squad come get me. In this case, I can’t stop crying. I wanted to leave! I wanted to go away! My family would say that I was going to the hospital. My main support is my mother. She was always there for me.
Once the ambulance 🚑 arrived I felt like I was in a horrible movie. This has happened to me several times over the years. Yet on this particular case the ENT would come in from the ambulance slowly one my one. They see I’m distraught and incoherent. I don’t know who I was at this point. I’m yelling for no reason and crying for no reason. I can’t understand what is going on. The police also came in…and it got worse. They felt like I would hurt myself or others and so one officer threatened to taze me. I said please don’t..please give me some water to drink. They did.
They slowly calmed me down and then my casemanager came in to also help out.
They asked her several questions to understand why I was like this. She told them that I was bipolar. I am so sick at this point. I have felt supernatural powers around me. I would say, ” I see angels”. They weren’t really visible but a feeling of goodness and calming voices.
So this contributes and adds to my psychotic behavior 🤔. That is what I felt.
I want to tell you the experience of being INSIDE THE AMBULANCE 🚑. Once I get inside the ambulance I felt like i was being ported to an experimental place. I was scared!!!!!This particular personality in me was very informative. I was talking a great deal like I was literally someone else.
One ENT said that he had never seen anything like this before. I finally got to the emergency room. Once there I begin, to yell and bring attention to myself. The police 🚔 officers were staring at me. A guard was placed at the entrance of my room door. I was being watched for over 24 hours. After a while a psychiatric doctor told me I would be admitted to a room in the hospital.
Now, I was on the floor of the psychiatric unit. Once I was in my own room I was in a bed. In some cases I was given medication to help relax me and I would sleep for hours.
So this was a particular bipolar experience. The next day, after being monitored I had to learn and come to appreciate little things again. Showering 🚿, brushing my teeth, wearing a hospital gown, and being served my breakfast lunch and dinner. This was a safe place.
Once I stayed a couple of weeks I was let go. I had a team of supporters around to help me. I had a case worker, a psychiatrist, and medical doctor coming in to see me. I felt much better. This was going to begin to be a part of my life for over 20 years. It is hard. But I will say I’m currently doing ok. So remember you are not alone. Be positive. Find good supporters in your circumstances. I hope this helps someone. Thank you for hearing my story. I am beating bipolar.

Have you ever felt trapped by a secret, burdened by its weight and wondering if sharing it could bring you relief or further pain? This is a silence many, unfortunately, know all too well.

Today, I want to share with you the story of Lauren Brill, a woman whose journey from the depths of traumatic silence to the heights of empowerment and entrepreneurship is nothing less than inspirational.

The Silence That Echoes
In the aftermath of the night that would forever change Lauren’s story, she found herself in a place of silence—a silence shared by many who have experienced sexual assault. This silence is not just the absence of words but a stifling barrier to healing and understanding.

For years, Lauren carried the heavy burden of her experience, shielded from the world, concerned about the impact its revelation would have on her loving parents.

From Secret to Superpower
Yet, in a pivotal moment of bravery, Lauren chose to share her story in an open letter to other sexual assault survivors. What happened next, Lauren could have never imagined.

Her letter went viral! The professional athletes she had known as a sports reporter had her back. One person shared her letter, and that set off a chain reaction.

And then something remarkable happened. Her secret, which once felt like a chain holding her back, finally shattered, setting her free! Lauren transformed her secret into her superpower!

By breaking her silence, Lauren not only freed herself but also ignited a spark to challenge societal norms and advocate for others.

With Transformation Comes Change
As Lauren herself began to evolve, so did her outer world. What was, is no more. What once fit like a glove now feels too tight, too restrictive. Once a dream job in sports broadcasting no longer aligned with the woman she had become.

Have you ever felt that a path you were on just didn’t fit who you were anymore? Did you stay on track, or did you make a change?

Lauren made a monumental decision — to leave her once dream job and pursue a new dream.

She founded ‘The Unsealed’, a platform that allows people to share their own stories of hurt and loss, wins and victories, challenges and opportunities. Ultimately, Lauren Brill chose authenticity over security.

Building a Community of Courage & Trust
‘The Unsealed’ is more than a platform; it’s a community built on the power of vulnerability, trust, and courage. Here, individuals are encouraged to write open letters about their life experiences, each carrying a positive message of hope to the reader.

This act of sharing is not just therapeutic—it’s transformative. It builds a bridge between isolation and community, fostering an environment where resilience flourishes through collective support.

Your Role in This Story
As you absorb the impact of Lauren’s story on your own life, consider how your own stories of silence could be unleashed to create a global movement. I encourage you to ask yourself those big questions…

How could I use my own life-changing experiences to empower both myself and others? Whether it’s a conversation you need to have, a letter you need to write, or support you wish to offer, remember: your voice has power. Your story matters.

Lauren’s transformation from a survivor of silence to a beacon of hope is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It’s a reminder that even in our darkest moments, there is hope to be found. Just understand, sometimes, we must travel down the road a ways before we are able to truly understand how the events of yesterday have impacted our lives today.

So, the final question to be asked… What silence will you break? What new path will you forge? Let’s take inspiration from Lauren and move towards a future where our voices are heard, our stories are shared, and our spirits are unbreakable!

Don’t Miss Lauren’s Full Story… Able to be heard inside of Episode #282 of the podcast – Grit, Grace, & Inspiration.

Remember, you are amazing, incredible, and simply perfect, just as you are! Never let anyone or anything make you believe any different. Let your truth be heard and your light shine!

8 years ago today I defended my Master’s Thesis at the University of Kentucky, titled:

Healthy Reintegration: The Effectiveness of Military Teen Adventure Camp Participation of Adolescent Perceptions of Self-efficacy

I remember the day vividly, I was a nervous wreck, standing in front of a room full of people with my insecurities—believing that somehow everyone witnessing was somehow smarter or better than me.

If I could speak to that version of me at 25, I would tell her that you are enough today and you will only continue to get better. You will go on to complete a PhD at a R1 institution (Florida State University) defending one on many Goliath’s in your life (dissertation) during the onset of covid—against all odds. Ignore the disempowerment and doubt including, the words from your thesis advisor, “If you keep writing like this, Florida State will never accept you into their PhD program”. (Academia really has a unique way of shattering any bit of confidence you have).

I would tell her that being from the south or from a perceived “less than” background won’t hold you back—it is your perceived lack that will fuel your drive to finish whatever you start. It will fuel you to put yourself out there. It will fuel you to leave your comfort zone. It will fuel you to never quit. It will empower your relationship and reliance on God. So run your race boldly and well — you lack nothing and God is always with you (Deut. 31:8)

#chaseyourdreams

Once again//I lay awake,
Light passes through dark stained glass skin,
A mirror, a chisel, a key,
The door behind swings open,
And why should I not have that which I desire?
I trace her steps.
//
My amethyst heart pounds violently as I maneuver through corridors of crystal,
Glassy tears break into marble pieces/my feet don’t bleed from shards,
I stare down at the marble Staircase in the Glass Castle,
Statuesque like meter in the frame,
And it was beautiful.
//
Never more/I fall asleep
The ugly lustre of my body devours the room,
A reflection, a thought, an emotion,
I close the door behind by me,
I know not what I desire when my body desires my mind,
I return to the room.

At my worst, it’s felt like I’ve been swimming through my molasses. The storm has passed, yet fog remained. Echoes blurred the vision of an aimless vagabond.

I cannot see; still, I love my eyes

My veins are celluloid,
My skin is made of wood,
I kept along the lighting fires,
Trying to get rid of myself.
Wake a little skin for the shredder,
Fill the basket with my pieces,
If I walk in the wind,
I’ll just be carried away,
Take me to the stars so I may be light,
I know not what you want of me in this life,
Flax off in pieces; I’ll be paper today/
& I just need a little water to grow up
& I just need a little sunshine to grow up

To the Beauties reading this note,

Following your dreams… Now this was always some quite the controversy in my house growing up. One parent stating you need to dream big the world is your oyster–the other saying you do not want to dream too big otherwise you will get left behind. Now I am writing to you all to say live for you. That’s what I am in the midst of doing. I started with the bare thinking I could not do much more than being a student and going to school; however, in my time away I learned I should have always listened to what the first parent told me. Keeping my identity low as I do not want to cause any fusses in the midst of the beginning: I have so many dreams that I can not wait for all of them to see.
Do not be afraid to express who you are!
Sometimes it takes going away to see the light at the end of it all.
If you feel afraid: know I am in your corner.
I love each and everyone of you.
May you all walk through this world with the blessings you each deserve.

Have you ever tried surfing before? Or let’s just be honest, attempted to surf before?

Whether or not you’ve actually squeezed into a skin-tight wetsuit and waxed up your surfboard, if you’re an entrepreneur, then you’re surfing every day!

The dream of catching that perfect wave is what drives us to do better, work harder, and get up earlier. We’d rather fight for every inch than be given a mile.

I embarked on the journey of entrepreneurship 10 years after becoming completely blind. At 17 years old, I unexpectedly lost my eyesight. By 27, I didn’t feel much like being put in a mold of what a “blind person” should do. No, I said screw that… I’m launching my very own travel agency!

Better Days Travel was my pride and joy, my perfect wave for 7 years! Now, that perfect wave took work, a ridiculous amount of work indeed, but I loved every minute of it! Well, sort of.

Like a surfer just beginning to paddle out into the waves, my journey as a travel agent was one wave after another, constantly crashing, pushing me back towards shore. Just as soon as I’d come up for air out of the thick whitewater caused by the crashing wave, another one would hit.

Yeah, eventually I’d make it out to the break, catch a sweet wave, but soon that wave would crash, and I’d be right back fighting to catch another.

But I realized something vitally important about choosing to be an entrepreneur…

You don’t choose this path because you’re looking for a shortcut. You didn’t choose this path because you had no other option. Hell no! You chose this because this is part of living! It’s not about a paycheck on Friday; it’s about a company built, a brand established, a customer made happy, and the satisfaction at the end of the day that you get to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow!

I may no longer be a travel agent, but I sure still am an entrepreneur, surfing every single day!

In a town where promises are plenty and the government hands out aid,
A question echoes softly, under the shade.
“Why try hard, why aim high, when help is just a call away?
Why bother with the struggle, if you’re okay day by day?”

The government says, “We’ll help you, keep you safe and fed,
You won’t need to worry, we’ve got your back,” they said.
But this kindness has a shadow, a kind of hidden chain,
It keeps you in your place, with not much to gain.

“Why go for the mountain,” some wonder, “when the valley’s just fine?
Why face the storm, when you can just recline?”
Because in that easy comfort, there’s a trap so sly,
It tells you, “Don’t bother,” and time just passes by.

But some folks aren’t buying, they want to chase their own dream,
Not just live on handouts, or so it would seem.
They talk about doing things, making their own way,
Not just taking what’s given, but having their say.

They gather in the streets, their voices loud and brave,
“We want to earn our keep, not just quietly behave.”
For freedom and the chance to chase what they deem sweet,
To work hard for their wins, and not just take a seat.

So why aim for something bigger, why try to break free?
It’s about making your own path, as far as I can see.
Not just going with the flow, but steering your own boat,
And in that hard-earned journey, you’ll have your own note.

So let’s not be fooled by an easy ride, bought and sold,
But aim for the horizon, with courage bold.
The road might be rougher, and the climb can be steep,
But in that effort, you’ll find a joy so deep.