To a girl,
Young, scared, hurt, and overcome by the feeling of wanting to crawl out of her skin. You have come so far. You have marched down the length of that dock, felt the dead, dry, prickly summer grass on the bottoms of your feet, and you’ve kept walking. You threw away that swimsuit, you know the one. The pale blue bikini with the tiny yellow and pink flowers. You’ve even gone back to that lake. It took you a couple tries, but you gathered the courage to place your picnic blanket under the big oak tree, remove your shoes, and swim in the beautiful deep blue Washington water once again.
I don’t blame you for staying away for as long as you did. Even just driving on the bridge that overlooks the water made you shiver. There were a lot of firsts that happened that day at the lake, and the weeks to follow. It was your first time going to the lake without an adult. It was your first time visiting the public swimming area of the lake. It was your first time jumping off the long wooden dock. It was your first time being touched by a man. It was your first time feeling the gaze of a man threaten you into silence. It was the first time you were so terrified that you couldn’t make even the tiniest weakest sound. It was the first time you felt like an uninvited guest in your own body.
Some disturbed people will tell you it was your fault. “A fourteen-year-old girl shouldn’t be wearing such a skimpy bathing suit,” they’ll say. That is an idea that has been passed down through the generations, and unfortunately, that idea is still widely communicated to young girls today. But you know now that the way you dress is never an invitation to somebody else. I wish someone would’ve told me that in the weeks that followed.
I am incredibly proud of the way you handled yourself in those following weeks. Looking back, it was upsetting that there wasn’t more the police could do. You gave them the location, the date and time, and they even had you go to the police station and meet with an artist who drew a portrait of your assaulter while you picked his eyes, ears, mouth, and nose out from a book of a thousand little drawings. It was like playing paper dolls. You still question if you got it right. You didn’t have a clear image of his whole face. Just his eyes. Those penetrative eyes that silently shouted at you to sit still, stay quiet, and tell no one what had just happened under the water. His eyes were the easiest feature to pick out of the book. To this day, I believe you could still pick them out of a crowd. Some images just never leave, even if the pain has started to fade.
Pushing through that darkness and letting that fear die out was one of the hardest things you’ve done. Even if your predator wasn’t brought to justice, you created a personal justice. Your body belongs to yourself again. You feel at home in your skin, and you dress however the hell you want. You wear scarves in your hair, bikini tops and little jean shorts, turtlenecks and long skirts, cropped shirts. You wear it all, and you don’t wear any of it to send a specific message. You just like how you look. And let me just say that that is a huge accomplishment in a society that raises women to hate how they look once they reach a certain age. Keep fighting that predetermined narrative.
Taking back your body was the first step. June 14th, 2023, you went back to that public swimming area. You wore your favorite swimsuit. You took your dog and your partner at the time for extra comfort and support. Getting back in the water was hard. That dock might always hold a painful memory, but you will never let it keep you from enjoying something that everyone has the right and privilege to do. Young girls shouldn’t have to fear something as innocent as a lake day or removing their swim coverups in a public swimming area. You have now marched back down the length of that dock, jumped into that water, and enjoyed the freedom of your body swimming in the magnificent deep blue Washington waters. Those eyes aren’t watching you anymore and those hands have let you go.

I stayed in bed
until I reached
the outskirts of morning.

The birds gave pep talks
instead of songs.

I got changed
and found ten dollars
in my pocket.

It’s summer but it rained
and I wonder why nobody
has made laundry powder
that smells exactly like this.

I make the perfect eggs.

The toaster
that loves to burns the edges
leaves them edible.
I thank it for its kindness.

I go outside and jump in a puddle.
There is still that childhood dream
that it will be a portal
to an alternative dimension.
One where Netflix didn’t cancel the OA.
One where we could trade
our sadness for money.
Gosh, would I be filthy rich.

Me and the neighbour
do our awkward dance.
The small talk jive.
We bow and say
‘have a nice day!’
We really mean it.

I walk to the coffee shop
and the sky is still
rubbing sleep from its eyes.

The wind is playing solos
on telephone wires.

I hold the door for a stranger
and we share a smile.

I tell the barista a joke
and we both laugh
at how unfunny it is.

I take the ten dollars
and order a flat white, one sugar.
I say keep the change.

I find a bench, and I ruminate.

I realise
Happiness is right here –
why are we crying
like it is so far away?

Here we are
22 years later
We smile, show teeth
The glow is upon our face
In the mirror
We no longer critique ourselves so negatively
We see a perception of time that is you
Recognizing Beauty
To finally accept us
You Love You
This is the woman you’ve longed to become
Our soul is at peace
Subconsciously we can hear the joys of a no longer battle
With our Competing Minds
Within Loving me we feel alive
You notice when you love you that you feel everything ten times better
From The wind you hear ruffling through the trees
To the stars you see at night shines brighter than ever before
You laugh so effortlessly
You let yourself be loved
Inside you have this feeling of light
Light that is not hiding behind the shadows of reject, loss of self respect
No dim light in sight
Opinions have no effect if negative, you take it like a grain of salt
It’s okay if they leave, we let them
& Leva ( Live)
Our beauty, Our Love within continues to grow , to prosper
A Muse a perception of me of true harmony
Can you hear the angels singing?
Our skin tinglingly
Our hair growing
Our crown showing
Here lies me
Coming out of the shadows
Using voice of reason
Understanding loving within & what it means to be loved
A magnificent thing loving you is
How it can make you hear the birds chirping around you
The sun shining on you
It’s a bliss
A reality
We are now
Present &
I Accept me
I truly love me

Dear Unsealers, (poem entry, not a letter)

when it should have been the beating, red vessel sandwiched between my outside eyes

if it were for the before days when society was feeling abandoned

where the imposter we saw in the shadows were terrified news hosts and burnt out brethren retiring from their zoom calls

i would have have fallen further beneath the undertow

but the continued dance of shaking hands and friendly smiles made the chain of events commence

and i began to embrace it:

my lips exhale the affirmed words of safety

the stares of the narrow-minded turn into LED bulbs-

hang on… there might be something here

open-mindedness is taking off its apron, rushing to greet me at the door,
i used to get nervous having company

but i have become my own best friend

i can snuggle in safety, buckle in my seatbelt as my brain indicates to me i have permission to slow down and pump the breaks – once i have learned to drive

i can touch my 8 x 11, knowing every jagged line is a mountain, ripple, pique and valley of a memory burned through trial and error-

my oddly favorite smell, a worked-out body

the feeling of ecstasy after nailing an impromptu choreography routine, loving the expressions i feed the mirror

i can now ignore the lights getting brighter, signaling my ending is near

and sure, i am only but a human. i have always seen where i’ve faltered, lacked, detracted. but i can feel myself become something grander – like a human version of a wind-up toy

i’ve accepted my body as a vessel, an input output machine like gradeschool homework, correcting my body when i set my skin on fire-

*takes a breath*

i have eczema

i’m slowly conquering the line between conceit and self-awareness

discovered obsessive sorries are empty pockets of exoneration

i replaced apprehension for curiosity, my pulse now beating within reason as the flicker of answered questions make way

“what’s that?” is now celebrated, not mocked with disgust by the random grump on the street

i recognize myself. really.

i’ve changed “i’m so pretty” to “there you are… i’ve been looking everywhere for you.

wow. you are magnified.

here’s your handle.

now hold on tight. you’re only going up.”

Love,
Me (Meghan Dhawan)

Hello, my name is Ash Raymond James.
Count the rings around my eyes;
they will tell you I’m infinite.
Thirty-three but endless.

I am six feet tall,
but I have sixty-foot confidence.

I am not capable of being embarrassed,
but have you seen the way I dance?
I look like I’m on fire
and I probably should be ashamed
but I often end up setting the night ablaze
because I have the sort of joy
that is contagious.

My favourite song is my own laughter.
I laugh at my own jokes until it rains.
The sky has a secret addiction
to dad jokes and other people’s happiness.

It cries out of pure elation.
Finds it insulting when people
don’t throw down in its puddles
so I shimmy a little
and I don’t care who’s watching.

I am the sort of person
who could accidentally start a flash mob.

People have the audacity
to tell me I have no rhythm
but I move to a melody
only a few can comprehend.
I think I am a little ahead of my time.
There is a chance I am from the future
or I could have just watched too many sci-fi movies.

It’s been said that my head is in the clouds
but I am actually wiping stardust
from my moustache, often
as I have always believed
if you aren’t going to pay attention
you may as well discover planets.

It took some work, but I finally understand self-gentleness.
My heart makes my mind breakfast in bed,
and my mind sings lullabies to my heart
whenever it can’t sleep and throws itself around my chest.

I learnt the secret to breathing
is realising you deserve every breath
and now I swim with the fishes
in my spare time.

The kindest thing I ever did was love myself;
the bravest thing I am ever going to do
is never stop
even when my every atom
is trying to convince me I should.

Who is nique ? What can I say about about myself that makes me love me unconditionally. If not in only a few words or less how deeply I express myself within .through through the hidden stroke of a pen. Loving you never easy but i know your worth the time. From the little things you do to the little things you say it all means something to me. Many may not understand you. But your beauty is defined like the golden goddess you are . Love and embrace the pretty brown skin your in even on your worst days .know that true beauty lies within. You may struggle you may fumble you may even lose the race. But time and only time will tell when your race will finally end. So don’t you worry and don’t you cry it may take a little more time to get it right my love. Your doing the right thing because what’s meant for you is only and always for you . Just know always it’s okay to say no and take time for your self . Don’t let the he say she say get in your head. Love yourself for where your going and forgive yourself for the past. Live in the present moment and make it all last .Life’s to short to hold back on your fears be confident in who you are . Because you are made you and only you for a reason. With every single word I’ve said I hope you know it’s true you and only you are the biggest blessing. Let your line shine on and do what you know is best . Help others find themselves to become better people too. You are destined for greatness and your success will carry on . Your legacy will be remembered forever as one of the very best . Because what you’ve put out into the world was made to the very best. Thank you for loving me thank you for your care thank you for being grateful. Whenever good or bad just know I got you girl because together we’re the imperfectly imperfect match . my dear nique you have come along way and although you haven’t always got it right. You still remain the same. I love you nique keep being you baby girl because I know it’s someone out there just like you

I’m lonely because my reflection has no one to hold
The outline of my ghost seen from air that is cold
The vacancy used to be home to love so bold
My reflection used to smile the same way the sun made nature happiness unfold

But it’s become a mirror of the Jamaican blue waters searching for something tangible in frustration
Anger has become a raging river of pillowcase tears spilling over the edge of my mind in desperation
It feels like fire burning my frozen fingertips to ash when my cloudy eyes began to leak precipitation
I hugged the numbness where my speech completes puzzle, and her fingerprinted lips became my long-forgotten embrace of sensation

Feelings have been evicted, because complacency in place of self-growth was more stylish
My living quarters are filled with the residue of erased poetry regrets because love is too expensive to furnish
I can’t afford to keep falling on this psychological couch only to flood my frustrations and not move forward and allow my purpose to be banished
Moving sucks, the packing of emotions and unpacking a reality that shares tents of bluish

So, instead I’ll just jump so I won’t have to ever slip again
Love doesn’t exist, I said as I got dressed in my final outfit of sin
I went out to eat for the last supper, fin
Then drove to the bridge to take a dive to the end

I jumped and felt the winds of fear flush reality back to my consciousness
The waves of laughter mist a reminder that life isn’t that bad when our voice says ha ha
The breeze of memories gives me a taste of moments I kept locked away for safe keeping
Forgetting where I put the key, like the lost famous recipe

Depression opens my eyes and I see the weight it bears but when I zoom out, I see my hand pressing down on my shadow causing the darkness to surround me
I’m falling and I can see the bottom increasing
The last memory I allow myself to have is: when I bought flowers for myself

Because the colors help me see the sunshine from the shade or moon from the dark
The curves remind me of the smile I still own
Lest I continue to lease short term happiness for joy
Every time I fall, I witness the natural healing of the body
Loneliness is walking on eggshells by your heels
But forgive yourself and the solitude of peace begins to blanket you and I again feel
I bought flowers to say I love you
And for that last second, I breathe into death and say life isn’t that bad
Concrete darkness crashes into dreams
And my eye lashes rise their rays as I awake to a new day
Cold panic sweats greet me but remember I can just wipe it away
I go to the restroom, brush my teeth, and recite my daily affirmations because today is not yesterday
I love me and add extra icing for the pieces I feel don’t belong
My heart still beats so I sing my song at the top of my lungs, like I’m in the car by myself
Some petals have wilted but a new season welcomes the future bloom
I love me and that’s enough no matter what anyone else thinks
I love me because God loves me
p.s. I had to jump to fall in love with myself…

Why do I love myself? I don’t think it’s a question that can be simply answered, and that is due to the fact that there is nothing simple about navigating the long, messy, imperfectly cracked road to loving yourself. I also believe there isn’t one correct answer to the question of “how do you learn to love yourself?”, but maybe multiple correct answers from all kinds of people who are working towards the common goal of finding true love in who they are. So, while I believe this isn’t the only answer, I’ll provide a glimpse down the long, messy, imperfectly cracked road I walk along every day to try and achieve loving myself fully.
For me, it starts with forgiveness. Forgiving each era of myself that stacks upon one another like a wobbly tower made of unevenly cut wooden blocks. Forgiving the lonely little girl who never asked for help. Forgiving the shy little girl who was too afraid to speak her mind. Forgiving the confused little girl that made the decisions that have brought me here where I stand today. Choosing every day to love that little girl regardless of her mistakes, and understanding that she and I have so much more in common than I can wrap my adult brain around.
Like her, we are both learning as we go. Born into each today as someone who knows more about ourselves than we did each and every yesterday. By forgiving and understanding her, as well as all the version of myself that came after, I repair that wobbly tower of blocks, supported by the love that I couldn’t give to them at the time. Because how can I find it within myself to love who I am without loving how I got here?
I keep in mind that I am still very young. Eight-teen years old really just means I’m a teenager with a longer leash, the right to vote, and to blow my paychecks on tattoos without a parent signature. Someday I’m sure I will look back at who I am right now, and probably find dozens of reasons why I need to forgive her. However, with a more stable foundation of love for the versions of myself I’ve forgiven, comes the ability to see the parts of who I currently am that I admire deeply. Like the fact that I am extremely creative, I have a huge heart that I plan on using to help people for the rest of my life, and I am an incredibly determined individual who will give one hundred and ten percent to anything I am passionate about. My words are never empty, and my heart and mind are always full.
I am positive that I will pick up handfuls of reasons to love myself as I understand myself more and walk this road hand in hand with the girls I have been, and the women I have yet to step into.
On this long, messy, imperfectly cracked road, I will find brightly colored, unique flowers growing in the cracked pavement. And when I reach the end of my road, I hope to have a magnificent bouquet to show for it. One that I can hold up proudly in front of me and say, “this is me, and I absolutely love her”.