Dear Father-In-Law,

I have had the pleasure of spending the last 11 years with your son as my life partner. We have had our ups and downs, that has not stopped us from enjoying our lives together. When I walked into your son’s life there wasn’t much he would talk about with me when it came to you because he was still in pain. I know it must have been hard knowing you were leaving him and your wife so soon in life.

While I know you only got to spend 9 years with him physically, I know you have been here for his whole life. I want to thank you for giving him something I never had the pleasure of experiencing, what a father is supposed to be. When he and I met I had children already and your 22 year old son took them as if they were his! He has given our children the best gift possible, the gift of having a father, something every child should have.

He has spent majority of his life going to school and building a career and he is excelling even beyond his expectations. He now has a Masters in Financial Analysis. He has become a major asset within the company he works for in FinTech. FinTech, is a major player in todays world and it is 100% where you would want him to be! Your son has the potential to run this world if he truly wants it.

He and I have been working on healing individually and together and you would be proud to know, that healing is trickling down the line. Our family has never been stronger! We are all learning to lean in and onto each other. I know the conversations you and your wife, him mama, my madrina, had in the past and I’m here to tell you she has kept every promise!

I know you moved into the spiritual world long before I came along but you have presented yourself to me before I even knew it was you. I know you walk closely to all of your grandchildren and you will never truly know how much that puts this mama bear at ease. Your grandson is named after you and he and Abualita are best friends! If you cant find one, look for the other.

Having the honor of watching him grow and be a small version of you and your son makes it me smile on the inside and out. I watch that little boy and get lost in how much I now know you because of him. Everyone tells me all of your traits they see in him; like when he walks around like El Hefe with his hands behind his back observing closely or when he puts his hand on his hips as if to show he is the man of the house. I know when your close because he will carry the same limp my husband’s siblings tell me you had.

Your money clip was given to my husbands brother when you passed because you two share a name. Well, he had your name taken off of the money clip and turned into a necklace for your grandsons second birthday. Your grandson, the opinionated boy he is, refused to wear it, so I wore it for a while. Thank you, the time I wore that necklace is the time I felt you the most. And during that time I felt like I was blessed enough to somehow get to know you the best.

It has been and continues to be an absolute honor being your sons wife and your grandchildren’s mother. I want you to rest easy knowing I’ve got them! I appreciate you continual protection and being there with them when I physically cant. Please know they are all safe and loved! Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to continue to remind them, especially your son, how proud you are of them!

You may be gone; however, you will never be forgotten. Take care of my Angel babies for me please.

With love and light,
Your Daughter-In-Law

To My Family,

When I was a child, kids in school tried to make me feel Christmas envy. We didn’t celebrate Christmas because we are Jewish. But I never felt like I missed out on anything. We got plenty of presents on Hannukah. Also, the holiday season usually meant a fun vacation: Skiing in Vermont, the beach in Aruba, a cruise around the Caribbean, or parties in Miami. Despite not celebrating Christmas, Christmas week was usually one of the most fun weeks of the entire year.

This year, Mom and Dad, you will be with me in Florida, and my brother will be in New York with his wife. We will have Chinese food on Christmas Day and start our shopping adventures on December 26th. That’s when the really good sales kick in. We will eat too much, and I will complain that I cannot get nearly enough work done. We will send many pictures in our group chat of the items we got exceptional deals on and of our little adventures.

Our holiday season may not have a Christmas tree, reindeer, or stocking stuffer, but like many people, the end of the year is a time for food, family, and fun. And that’s no different for us. Mom, Dad and the rest of our crazy family, I have always loved the holiday season, and that’s because of how much I love all of you.

Cheers to another year of many moments of love, laughter, and a little bickering.

With love,

Dear 2022,

When the clock struck midnight on January 1st, 2022, I had high hopes for you – the upcoming year. I planned to build a new feature on The Unsealed – a pen pal system allowing users to post their content and write to each other. I was hopeful that this would be the “it” factor that would take my company to the next level. I thought I would sit back and enjoy the show once it launched.

Personally, with COVID seemingly becoming less severe, I was excited about going out more and meeting new people. Maybe date someone new – or meet some new friends in Miami.

Per usual, the year didn’t go exactly as planned. Just like every other year, there were some challenges I didn’t foresee. My mother had a cancer scare, and I lost a friend at 40 years old to brain cancer.

It was tough, but I continued to march forward as I always do.

When I launched our Pen Pal network, I quickly realized that we were helping people and had something special. However, I also realized that we laid the foundation but still needed to build the house. There are elements we need to add. We still need to figure out a flow and a clearer user-generated experience.

Outside of work, I have met new people – some were lessons, while others have been a whole lot of laughter.

While 2022 didn’t lead to everything I wanted, I feel closer to all that I desire. I evolved personally and professionally. I have a better idea of who I want in my life and what I need to do to realize my dreams.

While my hopes for next year are similar to those from last year, I am thankful for a journey filled with amazing people, passion, and purpose.

It’s been real. Thanks for the memories, 2022.

With gratitude,

Dear Unsealed Community,

When I was 19 years old, I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to chase my dream as a sportscaster. In pursuit of that dream,  I started working at the NBA. I commuted two hours from Columbia University to New Jersey, three days a week, because I was committed. I wanted to network with people who worked in sports. I wanted to hone my writing skills and learn more about the broadcasting industry. This job was supposed to be the first step to the rest of my life. But it nearly took me off course, and everyone, except me, thought I should be thrilled.

While working at the NBA, I met someone. He was my co-worker. We had the same schedule – or so I thought. I found out later that he was coming to work when he wasn’t scheduled to spend more time with me. We got along so well. We could talk for hours and hours about anything and everything. Soon after meeting, we started dating, and our relationship escalated quickly. Within a year, he left the NBA and began working in finance. We moved in together in an apartment in New York City and got engaged. I was only 21 years old – still a senior in college. He treated me well. We had no drama – no lying, no cheating, no bullshit—just two young people who genuinely enjoyed each other’s company.

He checked every box.

My parents were happy. My friends thought I was so lucky. And in society’s eyes, my life was going very well.

The only problem was that I was miserable. I was not ready to be someone’s wife. I didn’t want to sacrifice opportunities for my career for a relationship. My ring felt like a handcuff, chaining me to a life I didn’t yet want.

I stayed in the relationship for four years because, logically, we made sense. According to society, this relationship is what I should want. But I was so unhappy which led me to question myself more times than I could count.

“Why don’t I want this relationship?”

“How come I am not on cloud nine?”

“Isn’t this is what I should want?”

“Is there something wrong with me?”

Ultimately, it took every ounce of strength I had to end the relationship. It was one the most difficult decisions I have ever made, as I had to hurt someone I loved – someone who never would have hurt me.

However, I knew, long term, it wasn’t fair to either one of us if I stayed in a relationship that I didn’t genuinely want. In the days, weeks and months following our breakup, I felt a sense of relief and freedom. I pursued my career, moved out of New York, and I have since chased every single dream or goal I’ve ever had.

To this day, people still think I was crazy to end the relationship – especially since I am now 36 and single. But I have never had any regrets.

Looking back, I learned that sometimes we doubt ourselves when our desires differ from the expectations the world sets for us. But deep down, each of us know what we want, and all we need is the courage to pursue it relentlessly.

Be who you are – not who others expect you to be.

Dear Mom,

You once told me that you don’t worry about me because you know no matter what, I will always be OK. You said to me that throughout my life, whatever challenges I faced, I somehow always managed to persevere. You told me you know me better than anyone else. After all, you’re not only my mother but also my best friend.

You know everything about me.

Mom, through all my life’s challenges, you have been by my side.

When my fourth-grade crush pretended to throw up when he found out I liked him, you told me, “Don’t worry, you’re beautiful, and there will be plenty of boys that will like you.”

When my first love broke my heart, “You told me to let it go – not to give him the power to make me sad or ruin my day.

When I did poorly on a test in school, you would spend hours studying with me.

When my boyfriend died, “You cried with me at the funeral.”

When I started The Unsealed, “You told me to go for it.”

And each day, when I share my fears and worries as an entrepreneur, you tell me to keep going. You tell me you believe in me. You give me ideas, and you help me to keep pushing.

Mom, you have seen me bounce back from a broken heart, disappointment in my career, and loss. And while, yes, I have always been OK, I believe it is because I have always had you.

I love you so much. Your support, love, and constant presence are the secret to my strength.

Thank you,

To The Unsealed Community,

When I graduated high school, I honestly didn’t know what to expect from myself.

After getting waitlisted, I got accepted to Columbia in mid-June of my senior year of high school. At the time, Columbia ranked top five in the nation. And while I was thrilled to be accepted, there was a part of me that was unsure if I was worthy of the admission.

I told my family I wasn’t sure if I wasn’t smart enough to go, and I was considering going elsewhere.

My brother, who had just graduated from Columbia, responded, “If you don’t take this opportunity, you will regret it for the rest of your life. I promise you will be able to do the work.”

I trusted my brother and decided to attend, even though I was scared and uncertain if I would measure up to my peers.

My first year at Columbia was by far the hardest. My grades depended on papers, and I wasn’t the best writer. Not to mention, we had to take many required classes – some of which I found pretty boring. But I muscled through it, and I was determined to thrive.

Thankfully, Columbia had a writing center where tutors looked through your paper sentence by sentence and provided feedback. I spent hours each week at the writing center, and after a year or so, my writing significantly improved. So much so that in the last two years of college, I received an A on every single paper I submitted.

It’s hard to believe that I almost passed down an incredible opportunity because I didn’t believe in myself.

Now, whatever challenge I face in life, I still don’t know what to expect from myself. But my experience at Columbia taught me that if I push myself and work hard, I should always expect to surprise myself.

We are all capable of way more than we even know.

Always believe in your greatness,

To The Unsealed Community,

When I was ten years old, I was in love.

I grew up in the 1990s, and like most other girls in my generation, I thought Jonathan Taylor Thomas, aka JTT, was my future husband. He played Randy on Tim Allen’s Home Improvement. I had posters of him in my room, and I listened to love songs imagining the two of us on long walks in the park.

Ahead of my eleventh birthday, my father asked what I wanted as a gift.

I told my Dad, “I would like to meet JTT.”

My Dad chuckled and said, “What’s your second choice?”

I said, “Dad, there is no second choice. That is what I want.”

He told me he didn’t have that kind of power. So, I said fine and told him I would figure it out myself.

Later that week, I went on the internet and started searching. I knew there had to be a way to meet my crush. It wasn’t long before I stumbled across a charity event for Audrey Hepburn’s charity for children. The event hosted movie premiers, fashion shows, and after-parties with child stars in New York City, forty minutes away from my home. The list of child actors had to be one hundred deep: Mara Wilson, Michelle Trachtenberg, Rider Strong, Devon Sawa, and, sure enough, Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

Tickets for events were cheap – $10 -$40 per event, per person. So, for my birthday, my mother and I got a hotel room in the city, and I attended JTT’s premiere of the movie Wild America. I manipulated my way to the front of the crowd and befriended JTT’s security, who arrived at the theater a half hour before JTT did. As luck would have it, like every other man in the world, the security guard had a crush on my mother. I ended up in the elevator with JTT and got a picture and a kiss on the cheek. And then, he sat right behind me in the theater. I swear there were moments when he leaned forward, and I could feel him breathing on my neck. The next day at the fashion show, the security guard snuck us backstage. I met nearly every star there, and my 11-year-old self was in heaven.

One of the qualities I love most about myself is I go after what I want. I don’t take no for an answer. I believe I was born with this relentless and determined spirit.

Whether it was meeting JTT at eleven years old, becoming a sportscaster in my 20s, or starting a business in my 30’s, I have never taken “No” for an answer. No has always just meant, “Find another way.”

Through the years, the stakes have increased, and the challenges are sometimes even more unrealistic. But without looking back, I have continued after whatever I have wanted in life.

Even if some days are hard, I live life with no regrets, no what ifs or would have, could have, should haves.

And while I may not have married JTT, like I once planned. Going after him, along with all the other things I love in life, has made me love myself and all that I am even more.

To The Unsealed Community,

Typically, I am not someone who visibly shows the world how I feel. Whether it was a big loss in sports as a teenager or in fourth grade when a boy pretended to throw up when he found out I liked him, I have often, without even trying, kept a poker face.

But how I look doesn’t always reflect how I feel.

During my first year of college, I was having the time of my life: a new school, a new romance, a new city, and lots of new friends.

I looked like a happy, typical college student exploring an exciting new world. And in many ways, I was just that. However, amid this incredible adventure and privilege, there were moments I was overwhelmed and nearly debilitated by fear.

When the sun went down, I was terrified to walk on campus alone. It was only a year and a half since I had been drugged and sexually assaulted by two strangers. I felt so vulnerable that someone could hurt me again at any moment. Whether walking back from dinner, a party, or my boyfriend’s dorm, whenever I was by myself at night, my heart would race, and I would feel this aching pit in my stomach.

Sometimes, when I made it safely, I would go to a bathroom stall or somewhere private and let out a few tears, just as a sigh of relief. Walking at night on what was a beautiful and, statistically speaking, safe campus was a horrible, unsettling feeling – one that I had no idea if it would ever go away.

There are many ways I could have responded. I could have gone home – quit school, and simply remained in the confines of my parents’ home. I could have stopped going out and stayed in my room after dark. I could have withdrawn entirely and hidden from all my fears.

But I didn’t. Instead, my 17-year-old self, consciously or subconsciously, chose to be brave.

I dared to ask for what I needed and took advantage of those offering to help. I told my boyfriend I was scared and asked him to walk me home from parties or back to my dorm room. If he wasn’t available, there were five other 6’5 football players who told me to call or text whenever I needed someone to walk me home.

I had the courage to keep showing up, to keep walking, and to ask for what I needed, knowing deep down I didn’t want this fear to hold me back. No matter how often my heart raced or I got that pain in my stomach, I kept going out. I kept meeting friends, and  attending parties and clubs. Daily, I left my comfort zone, which allowed me to fully enjoy the college experience.

While I still don’t love walking alone at night, my anxiety doesn’t reach the level it once did. And because I didn’t let my fear stop me then, I certainly won’t let my fear stop me now.

Dear Mom and Dad,

When I was a child, we went on trips to Disney World, Aruba, California, and Vermont. We went to zoos and parks and all sorts of places. I played soccer worldwide, as we traveled as far as Italy to compete. While each of those memories is special, one of my favorite memories growing up is a bit simpler.

Every day from first grade until my senior year, one of you drove me to school – sometimes a half hour away. I played soccer for teams all over the state, and you drove me to practice and games several times a week. In addition, you also took me to girl scouts, Hebrew school, tennis lessons, dance, acting classes, and who knows what else. With all these activities, it was often just one of you in the car and me. If it were dad and me, we’d often talk about soccer or school. Dad, you’d pump me up and build my confidence. It was in those car rides you told me I could do anything I wanted in life.

Mom, if I were in the car with you, we’d blast music like NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys and talk about life. On one of those car rides, while cruising down the New York State Thruway, we decided the song “This is My Promise to You” by NSYNC would be OUR song.

Those car rides are some of my most cherished memories from my childhood. It was moments I had your full attention – while me and the road, of course. I could talk to you about anything, and we weren’t distracted by other people or the noise of the rest of the world. It was just us. The attention made me feel loved and important. In those car rides, I found a safe space to share my fears and doubts and tell you about whatever was on my mind. Dad told me stories that included life lessons, while mom always was positive and reassuring.

It was in those car rides I learned to believe in myself.

While sometimes, we as human beings try to create great memories – planning big trips or throwing huge parties – for me, the best memories have always been the ones we didn’t even realize we were creating.

I Love you both.

P.S. I owe you some gas money

My Zeusy,

When I was a baby, I was born into a home where my best friend lived. However hard times made us leave our home and when we moved my best friend ran away. I always yearned for a new best friend but lost hope throughout life.

When I was 30, I found out I was pregnant with my son. It was a world wind of emotions since a few years prior I went through testing that concluded at the time I wouldn’t get pregnant again, and if I did my pregnancy wouldn’t be healthy, would be high risk and may possibly end in a miscarriage. I was filled with joy and fear as well as anxiety. Over the next few weeks my emotions began to ease up until the scariest day.

I was 5 weeks pregnant; I woke up on a normal day to get ready for work and to drop of the kids to school. When I went to the bathroom I noticed some spotting. While my gut told me there was something wrong I shooed the thought away in a hopes it was just my nerves and fear. By the time I arrived at work an hour later I was full blown bleeding, as if I were miscarrying. I went to the hospital where my husband met me.

While waiting on results in the ER, I picked up my phone and scrolled through Facebook to occupy my mind. I found a post about a dog whom loved his food bowl so much he would carry it with him everywhere. I immediately told my husband that I wanted to go and get that dog. By the time we left the hospital, with complete uncertainty as the results of the test showed I wasn’t miscarrying, the pup had been taken to the back to be seen by a vet and wasn’t available for adoption. We had no intention of getting a pet after that.

However, we wanted to see what options were available. We walked up and down each kennel room, dozens of pups jumping and barking, excited to see people outside of the keepers. We had a pup or 2 on the list to meet but none really the perfect fit. We got to the very last kennel room at the very end, the last pup cage laid a very sad pup. While every single dog was loud and making there presence known, this pup did not. He laid on his bed, front paws crossed over one another, head lying atop of his paws. His sad droopy eyes looked up at me, without lifting his head, as if he was thinking “Oh, just another couple to pass me by.”

His energy was one very familiar to me, DEFEAT! I looked at his bio paper, in a sheet protector hanging from his cage by two zip ties. I found out that he had been there for almost a year and he was found roaming around the streets. It was then that I knew I had to at least help him escape the cage he has called home for almost a year, even if for just a few minutes. I looked at him and said “I promise we will see you in the yard.”

This dog was amazing! He knew his name and he was so well behaved. He played with my husband and shortly after I called him. You see earlier in the hospital I was put on pelvic rest until I saw my doc for a follow up. So I sat down the whole visit with this pup. When I called him over he came right to me and laid his big ol head in my lap. He won me over! However, I was on pelvic rest, my husband was gone from 6 AM until 7 PM, Monday through Friday, our children were to small to care for the pup and he was a 90 pound terrier/pit mix. This concerned myself and my husband, we had to see if this was even fair to him.

We saw another pup that was a bit smaller but he was only a year old, still an untrained puppy, where as the other pup was 4 years old and was well trained. We were about to settle with the puppy, his name was Big Hunk. We decided to see how he was with cats since we were possibly going to get one. Big Hunk was not a fan of the first cat because she was afraid of the sight of him and he lunged at her. I did not hold that against him though, we moved onto the kittens and he did great for a pup. But , he just wasn’t the other pup. So we asked for the other pup to be tested with the cats and kittens.

The keeper went back to get him, stood at the entry way for the cats and kittens, looked down at the pup by his side, pet his head and whispered to him, “Make me proud buddy!” Walked by the cats – no reaction. Walked by the kittens and the keeper had to keep redirecting him to the kittens. He would sniff the cages, look at the cages and then look around like “Okay. It’s a cat. What do you want from me?” I was sold! Lets be honest I was sold before I even visited him in the yard. We told the keeper he was the one and we began the process. We got a doggy bed, a water and food bowl, some toys and food to start our new journey with our newest member of the family.

As I stated before I had to follow up with my doc. About a week later we found out that we were still pregnant, but that based on the hormone levels and the presentation of the flow of blood, I was pregnant with twins and lost one. By this time our newest member of the family had already brought so much joy that we didn’t really feel the pain of losing a twin. See that pup, he came into our home and family and fit perfectly like the puzzle piece that had been missing for years. He was protective and playful, he had a bit of anxiety and you could tell he came from a rough place before he found sanctuary in the Humane Society.
He didn’t like arguing and assumed loud speaking was arguing. He was deathly afraid of shoes. I speak with my hands and realized very quickly he was hit often when I caught him flitch every time I moved my hands while speaking near him. We as a family, including our newest addition had to work together to make this our home, our family, and his fur-ever family! It took some time but everything worked out perfectly.

What you may not know is; that pup is YOU! Zeus, you didn’t have the easiest life, despite the fact that I never witnessed it and you could never tell me verbally, I know. But now you are home! You are my first son! You are my best friend! Alysza’s best friend! Bella’s best friend! Jose’s best friend! Papi’s best friend! You add so much love and life to our world! You have given me scares just like all the rest of are kids. But over all you are the best pup any fur-family could ask for!

Life isn’t always kind but when life gives us gifts they are phenomenal. You my Zeusy Boy are phenomenal! You love pizza, he knows the spelling of it and all the forms it comes in, hehe. And you’re a foodie like the rest of us. You’ve eaten a couch and bed out of anxiety, but I would give a million of those things for you, any day! You amuse me by letting me dress you up, he’s been a skeleton, a bumble and a pup going back to school with a book bag. You talk bag and get petty with your sisters. And my most favorite thing about you, that I’ve never had the blessing to experience until you walked into our lives, you hug! Your hugs are literally the best, love filled hugs. Also, your not a lap dog but I’ll never take that from you Thank you for being the best pup ever! And giving all of us the best 3 years of our lives. We cannot wait to spend a million more with you!

Love Always,
Your Fur-Ever Mommy

P.S. To all the readers – Get you a partner that looks at you the way Zeus looks at pizza!

Little one hear my plea!
I know your young;
but work with me
I will make mistakes
I am not perfect
I am in this not alone;
But with you
It’s really just me & you!
I will wipe your tears
I will kiss your booboos
I will be your friend
I will be your foe!

Little one hear my plea!
In this world;
It’s just you & me!
I am going to fall
I will cry
I will jump up and touch the sky!
You are my motive to make every move
You are my reason to go, go, go!
In this world you will see;
It’s just you and me!
One day you wiped my tears and told me;
“Don’t cry, it’ll be okay!”
When I received my High School Diploma you said;
“Good Job Mommy!”
You are my cloud
You are my world

Little one hear my plea!
It’s just you & me!
One day, baby
You will have a broken heart and;
I will be there to wipe your tears
You will fight with friends;
I will give you advice
You will graduate;
I will be there to cheer you on while walking across the stage!

Please little one, hear my plea!
It wont always be just you & me!
One day you will fall in love with someone;
I will give you my blessing
You will get married;
I will walk you down the aisle with joy filled tears in my eyes
One day you will have your own child;
I will be right there to help every step of the way!

But, please little one, hear my plea!
One day,
I will get tired and old;
You will feel weak and helpless
I will grow more weak and brittle;
And you may cry.

Please, little one, hear my plea!
My forewarning about;
You and me.
One day you will cry on my bedside;
I will take my last breath.
You will plan the most tragic event of your life;
But know that I will be standing by your side
You will cry in the arms of your partner;
But know that I am there hugging you
You will feel lost;
But know that I will help guide you

Please, my dear daughter, hear my plea!
It will always be the world against;
You and Me!

My little one hear my last plea!
It will not always be just you and me!

Love,
Mommy

This is a Haiku about and for my oldest daughter. She is a child of few words, unless she’s comfortable with you. Her 14th birthday is tomorrow and I can remember her birth like it was yeaterday. Im so blessed that she made me a mama. And I am beyond blessed to have her as my biggest baby.
.
Please enjoy.
.
.

Badass Genius Babe.
Never knew what life would be.
But, look at you now!

I use to yearn,
Yearn for this day.
The day,
I get to wipe your tears;
Kissing your booboo’s.
The day,
I surrender to your love;
Getting lost in your snuggles.

Everyone told me,
How great it is;
Having a son.
Your hugs,
Your love,
Your attachment.

However,
Nobody told me..
How amazed I would be,
Amazed by you.
You’re only one,
Yet,
I can feel your excitement,
Excitement for the world.
I watch in awe;
How curious you are,
Curious of your surroundings.
How you discover,
Discover who you are.

I find myself drifting,
Into a world,
A world of,
Just,
You and I;
Daily.

Daily I see,
My uptight personality,
Melting away.
Melted by..
Your mischievous smile.

I can NOT remember,
Those days;
Days of tears,
Tears of fear,
Fear of never sharing.
Sharing life,
With you.

A gift,
That you,
My son,
Has given,
Given to me.

XOXO – Mommy

@writerjordanohalloran @oneturbobenz @algonzalez @jordanwalker @jordynjacobson @ciarapray @emdissocool @lulli101 @elizalila123 @dburtz @janetbanks @janettesegura @japarker1962
–
To The Unsealed Community ,

I usually say my childhood dream was to be a sportscaster, and while that’s true, it was only part of the dream. The vision, the goal, has always been much bigger.

Since I was a little- four or five years old, I would tell my parents, “One day, I am going to change the world.”

It’s cheesy and cliche, I know. But it’s also true. I had so much ambition. At eight years old, I would stay up all night worrying and thinking about my career.

When I would tell my mom, she would respond, “What career? You’re eight!”

She totally didn’t get it, and both my parents did what they could to try and convince me to take some pressure off myself, which I never did.

I have no idea where this desire to succeed on a monumental scale came from, but it’s always been there for as long as I can remember. The drive. The hunger. The desire. And, unfortunately, the constant worrying about how or if I could make this happen.

While I have checked off a few boxes regarding my goals, including attending an ivy league college and becoming a sportscaster, there is still so much more I want to do. And I certainly thought by my 30’s, I’d have this whole changing-the-world career path all figured out. While I have made progress, I am still trying to piece it all together.

In pursuit of my goal, I started The Unsealed, a platform for people to share their truth in the form of open letters. Through these letters, I hope to amplify voices and inspire people around the globe but I have made so many mistakes. Every day, I am still learning about entrepreneurship, marketing, and online communities.

Every second I am scared. I’m afraid I won’t figure this out. I am scared I will make a wrong decision, making what feels like this Jinga tower I am building come crashing down. I know that applying for a job with a designated set of tasks, “normal” hours, and a consistent paycheck would be much easier. But that’s not my dream.

So,I keep pushing and do my best to lean away from my fears and into my confidence. And with each challenge that arises (and there are many), I draw motivation from several different places.

Many of you have shared with me that The Unsealed has changed your life. It’s made some of you feel seen. It’s made some of you feel heard. It’s influenced at least one of you not to take your own life. On the days I am tired, and in the moments I am scared, I think of all of you.

Then, there are my parents. They have poured their time, their heart, their soul, and their money into my dream and my happiness without ever asking me for so much as a penny in return. They read all of our stories. They come to every single zoom. They share all of my posts. My mom has spent hours helping me email schools and writing programs. I so desperately want my parents to see my company take over the world because I know their wishes are for mine to come true. On the days I am tired, and in the moments I am scared, I think of my parents.

Lastly, I have worked so hard. I have sacrificed relationships, time with my friends, the opportunity to make more money faster, and who knows what else to pursue this crazy dream. I want this. I work every day – seven days a week, often typing away until I fall asleep fully dressed with my computer by my side. I love what I do. I love my mission. I love what we have already accomplished and what I hope my company will one day achieve. I owe it to myself to keep going – to not give up on the days I am tired, and in the moments I am scared.

Dreams don’t come true quickly or easily for most people. And that’s why for most people, their dreams will always be just a dream. But every day, I am glad that I haven’t given up on you, my parents, or myself because even if I don’t change the whole damn world, my work, my heart, my passion, and my resilience is already changing many lives, including mine.

Thanks for being here on this scary but beautiful journey. This is just the beginning.

With love, hope, and faith,

As babies we are programed with nursery rhythms, “1st comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.” Then as children we go to school and are given unrealistic goals to meet with minimal help. Told that we need to get it all done in preparation for college and the work field. If you want to have children, as your programmed too, then you must go to college. However, in order to go to college, you have to work yourself to the bone studying to guarantee a scholarship, have loaded parents or work and take out loans. Don’t worry once you’ve gotten your degree in your desired field you will have enough debt to owe the government until you die. Good luck staying afloat with all that debt, plus your responsibility to be a spouse and parent. You see in my hometown, the hood if you will, we weren’t the richest and our community had very little funding. So you learn how to survive in school like you do in the outside world.
Where I come from, mental health was “all in your head,” so people didn’t know how to cope. We just learned how to survive, alone and as a community. I’m grateful for my home community, for without them I wouldn’t be where I am today. This action, learning to survive, in the mental health world is a coping mechanism; this helps us adapt to our circumstances, just to go through the motions in life and do what we need to do. To the outside world, this may look like a older sibling stealing food to feed their family, or impulsive behaviors, and it is 100%, adaptability.
As I stated before, I learned how to survive in school. This started after a very traumatizing event happened in second grade. We were instructed to read aloud during reading group time, and I was the 6th student out of 6 students to read. While, my 5 classmates read ahead of me, I focused on ensuring my sentence was perfect, because I wasn’t at a 2nd grade reading level yet. My time came, I read my line and there was a single line left. What I didn’t take into account was that Ms. Grossi was going to demand I read the next sentence too. I began to have, what I now know to be a, panic attack. I slowly and extremely softly began to read the words, sounding them out one by one. I could hear my classmates now making fun of the fact that I couldn’t read. My teacher is standing over me, tapping her foot on the ground, all I can do is try to block out everything and continue. I can feel Ms. Grossi’s impatience growing large enough to fill the room. “Louder please!,” Ms. Grossi shouts just as I get myself out of my own head. I begin reading louder and I’m actually really proud of myself. Until, boom, I’ve hit a word I must sound out.The immense amount of self embarrassment hits me like a 10 foot high wave crashes down on a surfer. Funny thing is, still to this day my brain wont reveal that word to me.
The amount of embarrassment in this moment, makes sounding the word out, out loud, debilitating. Here I am, back under the pressure, trying to get it together; sounding out in my head, over and over and just not getting it. Just then, Ms. Grossi, throws her hands in the air slamming one on the desk as she screams, “Come on Antoinette! My hair isn’t gunna get any grayer!,” it was then that I completely shattered. Even though my mom stood up for me when I told her, it just wasn’t enough. That incident severed a nerve and the damage was unrepairable. This triggered my survival mode in the school world. I managed to even get into all honors classes in 7th grade, by surviving. Do not get me wrong, I had some phenomenal teachers along the way that truly loved and poured into me. They’re apart of that community I expressed gratitude for earlier.
As so many people know, academics are not the only thing children have to survive in the school world. You also have people to survive, and I wasn’t very good at fitting in. I don’t see things like the rest of the world. I see the good in even the most evil. I think the world would be a happier, healthier place if we all loved everything and everybody. I absolutely despise cliques, and everyone whose been to high school knows that is clique central. I was the biggest social butterfly you would have known, I was friends with at least 1 person in every “clique” in high school. But with this care free nature comes an abundance of negative energy or evil eye. I was always bullied in school, someone convinced me to go to a soccer game after school when I was in 6th grade. I went and had a blast but had to be home by a certain time, so I left before the game was even over. As I was leaving, I was jumped by 4 girls and 2 boys. Pinned on the floor, face down being kicked a punched. I ended up with a concussion, a restraining order against the main girl and short a few friends, since they set me up.
In high school, a girl use to follow me home. One day she found out where I worked and showed up to fight me. Of course, I was in uniform and I needed my job to eat and provide for myself, so I couldn’t do anything to her. Then she walked up to me and hit me, if it was not for my manager that may have ended very differently. So you see, between surviving academics, I was on a 1st grade reading level in 9th grade, and surviving bullies, I was done. At 16, after completing my 9th grade year, I decided I was an adult and didn’t have to deal with school anymore. I enrolled and very quickly dropped out of GED classes. However, I did enroll and complete my certification for nail technician and I even got licensed. Didn’t matter though, I didn’t like it and didn’t pursue it. I managed to do all of this before I even turning 17, ha.
At 17, I found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. This was everything I ever wanted, to be a mom. I was about 6 months pregnant, on my lunch break, when my hormone enraged brain had an “Oh, crap!,” moment. I dropped out at 16 years old, after completing my 9th grade year, leaving school at a 1st grade reading level. My daughters father whose about 6 years older than myself, dropped out at 15 years old after retaining 7th grade 3 times. I knew for an absolute fact my daughters father couldn’t read, plus I could not read. We are bringing a child into this world, and our job is to teach and guide her. How can we do this if neither of us are even literate enough to read a report card? My neighbor was having a yard sale, she had a box of children’s books. I asked the priced and she said that I could have them for my daughter. Little does this woman know, I bought them to teach myself how to read. Every single night, from that day forward I read. I read out loud, I stumbled and had to search the internet and dictionary for meanings and pronunciations of words, but I read. And every night and even during the day my daughter heard her mommy read to her. My daughter will forever be the blessing of teaching me my strength and endurance to want something. I had never wanted to read nor learn to read, let alone self learn, but I knew she deserved better than that!
In the end, it has really been an essential tool for my life, my growth and my family. Learning to read has been an absolute blessing. I know this was my journey and how it was supposed to play out. Realistically, if I didn’t experience where I came from I wouldn’t know how to be better for the future. And if I didn’t have my experience with this world and my own struggles I wouldn’t be well equip to fight the same system, for my children, that let me slip through the cracks. I can say proudly because I experienced what I experienced in life, I was well over equip for the battles my children have and will continue to face.
I’ve always wanted to be a change, what I didn’t realize is the change would be in me. I didn’t realize 14 years ago, when I became a mother, that what I am here to do is break generational curses within my family. Maybe even help a few people along the way. Don’t let anybody, including yourself, dim the light of your dreams. And always remember; our dreams aren’t always what we expect them to be, rather they are what we are meant to be.

XOXO