There is something inside of me
Desperately trying to claw its way out
Of this flesh prison

She isn’t a monster
But I can never let her out
She’s been there for too long

In the dawn of myself
I stuck her there
Pushed her down with hopes she would just disappear

But as I grow older and wiser
She grows stronger and angrier
For all the wrongs done against her

And I fear, with her ever growing power,
That she will break free
And tear me to pieces in the process

I can feel the seething rage
Bubbling through to the surface
And I grow weaker with each attempt to escape

I fear her, yes, but she is no monster
I fear her wrath
I fear her need for vengeance

Because all that happened to her
Happened to me
Where I am passive, she is aggressive

She want the world to pay
And she doesn’t care about this skin cage
Or the person that is stuck in there too

Behind these glassy eyes
We are screaming
A battle is waging, and there is no winning

There is no other me to take over
No before us
Nothing to go back to when we crumble

If I open the door, then I become her
If she breaks free then I become nothing
It’s too late for either of us

Dear Unsealers,

November of 2006 was an exciting time in my life. I was 17 at the time and I was going to live in Maryland with my oldest sister. Plus, it would be my first time flying in an airplane, so my excitement was sky-high around the time.

On the day of my flight from San Antonio, Texas to Maryland, a phone call woke me up at 4 in the morning. It was my sister. I remember she asked me if I was excited to come live with her. I could barely answer still trying to get my thoughts together. ”Huh,” she replied. Afterward, I gave a better answer to her before our phone call ended.

Two hours later, I was at the airport. Going through security to get to the right gate for my first flight was an adventure for me. When it was time to get on my first plane, I couldn’t wait to get up in the air.

When my first flight started to take off, the excitement I had turned to fear. The more the plane speed increased, the worse my nerves got. When the plane got up in the air, the anxiety I was feeling had taken complete control of my body.

The realization of being in the air instead of being on the ground had really sunk in my head. Seeing lightning in the window nearby, only increased my out-of-control fear. ”I’m not gonna make it through this flight”, I thought.

The older woman who was sitting beside me in the window seat must have felt the fear I was feeling. She started talking to me. She was so calm like she had been through this takeoff routine a million times!

Her calmness gave me the courage & strength to get through this takeoff. The nerves I felt would disappear, and the plane would finally coast around blue skies & beautiful clouds, way up in the air. I couldn’t believe I was flying on an airplane.

I still get nervous when I fly on a plane, but I know now that those nerves I feel are only temporary until the plane relaxes in the air. I’m grateful for that woman who was on my first flight. She showed me an example of calm courage that I’ll never forget.

Gerald

To The Unsealed Community,

Typically, I am not someone who visibly shows the world how I feel. Whether it was a big loss in sports as a teenager or in fourth grade when a boy pretended to throw up when he found out I liked him, I have often, without even trying, kept a poker face.

But how I look doesn’t always reflect how I feel.

During my first year of college, I was having the time of my life: a new school, a new romance, a new city, and lots of new friends.

I looked like a happy, typical college student exploring an exciting new world. And in many ways, I was just that. However, amid this incredible adventure and privilege, there were moments I was overwhelmed and nearly debilitated by fear.

When the sun went down, I was terrified to walk on campus alone. It was only a year and a half since I had been drugged and sexually assaulted by two strangers. I felt so vulnerable that someone could hurt me again at any moment. Whether walking back from dinner, a party, or my boyfriend’s dorm, whenever I was by myself at night, my heart would race, and I would feel this aching pit in my stomach.

Sometimes, when I made it safely, I would go to a bathroom stall or somewhere private and let out a few tears, just as a sigh of relief. Walking at night on what was a beautiful and, statistically speaking, safe campus was a horrible, unsettling feeling – one that I had no idea if it would ever go away.

There are many ways I could have responded. I could have gone home – quit school, and simply remained in the confines of my parents’ home. I could have stopped going out and stayed in my room after dark. I could have withdrawn entirely and hidden from all my fears.

But I didn’t. Instead, my 17-year-old self, consciously or subconsciously, chose to be brave.

I dared to ask for what I needed and took advantage of those offering to help. I told my boyfriend I was scared and asked him to walk me home from parties or back to my dorm room. If he wasn’t available, there were five other 6’5 football players who told me to call or text whenever I needed someone to walk me home.

I had the courage to keep showing up, to keep walking, and to ask for what I needed, knowing deep down I didn’t want this fear to hold me back. No matter how often my heart raced or I got that pain in my stomach, I kept going out. I kept meeting friends, and  attending parties and clubs. Daily, I left my comfort zone, which allowed me to fully enjoy the college experience.

While I still don’t love walking alone at night, my anxiety doesn’t reach the level it once did. And because I didn’t let my fear stop me then, I certainly won’t let my fear stop me now.

Dear Mom, Dad, Brother & Sisters 
I cherish every good time we had (And still have) together. But when December came around during my childhood, it was always an exciting time. I’ll never forget helping you all put up the Christmas trees. We always had a big tree in that trailer! It was a lot of fun looking at those beautiful Christmas lights in the living room at night with y’all.

Singing Christmas songs with each other was also a joy. My favorite song we would sing together was Twelve Days Of Christmas. It was funny trying to remember each of the things that match each number. But when we sang that song, we SANG the song! 

The closer Christmas Eve & Day got, the more our excitement rose. School added to the excitement by having us students watch Christmas movies, making gingerbread houses (Those were so good!), and eating Christmas candies. 

I’ll never forget dad when you told me the tale about Santa Claus and what happens if he catches you awake at night. You said he’ll put salt & pepper in our eyes if Santa catches us peeking. I remember hearing who I think was Santa one time during Christmas in the early morning. That story made me stay in bed until Santa left our trailer and went to another place. 

Santa never put salt & pepper in our eyes, so I’m grateful for that. Whew! 

Christmas Days were the best. I was always the first to go into the living room and see what Santa got for all of us. The happiness, joy, and wonder I felt each time at looking under the Christmas tree was everything. Seeing you all also happy and opening presents was great to see also. 

I remember my brother and me playing with our new toys while mom and dad were cooking Christmas dinner. My sisters would be in the living room with us for a while before heading to their room and playing in their own world until Christmas dinner was ready. Haha!

I miss those times when we would have Christmas together, before my siblings and I started having our own lives. I’m forever grateful for those times though and hope we can all get together again soon. And mom, I’ll save you a plate so you can eat yourself silly.
Gerald

Dear Mom and Dad,

When I was a child, we went on trips to Disney World, Aruba, California, and Vermont. We went to zoos and parks and all sorts of places. I played soccer worldwide, as we traveled as far as Italy to compete. While each of those memories is special, one of my favorite memories growing up is a bit simpler.

Every day from first grade until my senior year, one of you drove me to school – sometimes a half hour away. I played soccer for teams all over the state, and you drove me to practice and games several times a week. In addition, you also took me to girl scouts, Hebrew school, tennis lessons, dance, acting classes, and who knows what else. With all these activities, it was often just one of you in the car and me. If it were dad and me, we’d often talk about soccer or school. Dad, you’d pump me up and build my confidence. It was in those car rides you told me I could do anything I wanted in life.

Mom, if I were in the car with you, we’d blast music like NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys and talk about life. On one of those car rides, while cruising down the New York State Thruway, we decided the song “This is My Promise to You” by NSYNC would be OUR song.

Those car rides are some of my most cherished memories from my childhood. It was moments I had your full attention – while me and the road, of course. I could talk to you about anything, and we weren’t distracted by other people or the noise of the rest of the world. It was just us. The attention made me feel loved and important. In those car rides, I found a safe space to share my fears and doubts and tell you about whatever was on my mind. Dad told me stories that included life lessons, while mom always was positive and reassuring.

It was in those car rides I learned to believe in myself.

While sometimes, we as human beings try to create great memories – planning big trips or throwing huge parties – for me, the best memories have always been the ones we didn’t even realize we were creating.

I Love you both.

P.S. I owe you some gas money

@writerjordanohalloran @oneturbobenz @algonzalez @jordanwalker @jordynjacobson @ciarapray @emdissocool @lulli101 @elizalila123 @dburtz @janetbanks @janettesegura @japarker1962
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To The Unsealed Community ,

I usually say my childhood dream was to be a sportscaster, and while that’s true, it was only part of the dream. The vision, the goal, has always been much bigger.

Since I was a little- four or five years old, I would tell my parents, “One day, I am going to change the world.”

It’s cheesy and cliche, I know. But it’s also true. I had so much ambition. At eight years old, I would stay up all night worrying and thinking about my career.

When I would tell my mom, she would respond, “What career? You’re eight!”

She totally didn’t get it, and both my parents did what they could to try and convince me to take some pressure off myself, which I never did.

I have no idea where this desire to succeed on a monumental scale came from, but it’s always been there for as long as I can remember. The drive. The hunger. The desire. And, unfortunately, the constant worrying about how or if I could make this happen.

While I have checked off a few boxes regarding my goals, including attending an ivy league college and becoming a sportscaster, there is still so much more I want to do. And I certainly thought by my 30’s, I’d have this whole changing-the-world career path all figured out. While I have made progress, I am still trying to piece it all together.

In pursuit of my goal, I started The Unsealed, a platform for people to share their truth in the form of open letters. Through these letters, I hope to amplify voices and inspire people around the globe but I have made so many mistakes. Every day, I am still learning about entrepreneurship, marketing, and online communities.

Every second I am scared. I’m afraid I won’t figure this out. I am scared I will make a wrong decision, making what feels like this Jinga tower I am building come crashing down. I know that applying for a job with a designated set of tasks, “normal” hours, and a consistent paycheck would be much easier. But that’s not my dream.

So,I keep pushing and do my best to lean away from my fears and into my confidence. And with each challenge that arises (and there are many), I draw motivation from several different places.

Many of you have shared with me that The Unsealed has changed your life. It’s made some of you feel seen. It’s made some of you feel heard. It’s influenced at least one of you not to take your own life. On the days I am tired, and in the moments I am scared, I think of all of you.

Then, there are my parents. They have poured their time, their heart, their soul, and their money into my dream and my happiness without ever asking me for so much as a penny in return. They read all of our stories. They come to every single zoom. They share all of my posts. My mom has spent hours helping me email schools and writing programs. I so desperately want my parents to see my company take over the world because I know their wishes are for mine to come true. On the days I am tired, and in the moments I am scared, I think of my parents.

Lastly, I have worked so hard. I have sacrificed relationships, time with my friends, the opportunity to make more money faster, and who knows what else to pursue this crazy dream. I want this. I work every day – seven days a week, often typing away until I fall asleep fully dressed with my computer by my side. I love what I do. I love my mission. I love what we have already accomplished and what I hope my company will one day achieve. I owe it to myself to keep going – to not give up on the days I am tired, and in the moments I am scared.

Dreams don’t come true quickly or easily for most people. And that’s why for most people, their dreams will always be just a dream. But every day, I am glad that I haven’t given up on you, my parents, or myself because even if I don’t change the whole damn world, my work, my heart, my passion, and my resilience is already changing many lives, including mine.

Thanks for being here on this scary but beautiful journey. This is just the beginning.

With love, hope, and faith,

Dear Younger Self,

Right now, you’re just getting used to the country world you live in North Carolina. Life seems simple. You listen to your parents. You have your sisters teaching you your ABCs and pretending that you’re in a classroom with toy animals, getting you prepared for kindergarten. As you become a kid. You enjoy the time you spend with your family and other relatives that give you a taste of their world and what it’s like. I wish I could tell you that your journey will be smooth sailing from your youth to your present self, but, I would be doing a big disservice to you by not telling you the truth in a genuine way.

From when you start school (and outside of school) you will endure countless challenges that will test your will and your mental strength. You will have a tough time making friends because you’re just wired differently from other kids. You will start to have doubts about yourself and believe that something is wrong with you.

You’ll ask yourself ”Why can’t I connect with most of my classmates? or ”Why are they so mean to me? I’m just trying to fit in and figure things out.

The world outside of school will slowly become harsher and meaner as you get older. You’ll have experiences like asking an adult if you can use their phone to call your dad after marching with your JROTC group, only for them to give you a nasty look and keep walking away. You’ll even experience harsh lessons with your own family members on how cold the world can be. The more reality tries to get you to accept these truths, the more defiant you become in not accepting these truths. Your optimistic mind refuses to accept that it’ll always be this way. But, the relentless negative experiences will begin to wear you down throughout your middle school, high school & your early 20s. You will start to feel like you’re losing your core self, being around people who don’t have your best interests at heart and who love tearing down others. You’ll have many nights when you just break down and let out your pain, after holding in too much in for so long. But, don’t fret younger self, the story will get better.

Life will start to make sense in your mid-20s. You’ll start to see a way out of the tall forest. You’ll run into people who like you for you and who you can open up with on a deep level. Some people you’ll come across on the internet and others offline. They’ll even help you find out or rediscover who you really are. You’ll begin to blossom and have the courage to love yourself with pride & show it to the world (even if others don’t have that same love for you). You’re going to be battle-tested in ways you won’t believe. But, these battles will show you how strong and tough you really are. You won’t see it while you’re growing up, it’ll take years to see the results of your trials and tribulations. But you will see and be glad about your progress.

You will also learn that guys who looked tough and strong, won’t last long on their journey. Some of them were killed in their early 20s being around an environment that doesn’t allow people to grow in a positive way. But you (and others) got out. You have a long road ahead of you, but the destination will be so sweet when you get to your present self, and the best part is your present self is still growing and evolving. So to my younger bubbly self, I say rejoice and take your battles with glee. I wish I could have don’t that, knowing what I know now.

When I first saw you
Your height & weight amazed me
When I learned that you had family members & friends all over the area
It was hard to keep my attention on the road

The thought of pulling over and observing came over me
There’s something about them that puts me at peace
What little stress I had has ceased
This wonder I feel gives me great joy

I never thought Windmills would be amazing to see in person
Until this very moment
Seeing them spin around has me hypnotized
A part of me doesn’t want to leave the area

The beach I’m heading to was supposed to be the main destination
These incredible objects weren’t a part of the plan
The water will have to wait until tomorrow
The windmills have won me over for the day

Dear Ms. Child,

When I came to your class, I was a timid kid who didn’t know what to expect from your English class. I thought it would be another class I needed to survive through to get to the next stage in my class journey. I’m so glad I was way off with my assumptions about you & your class.
You were the starting point in making me teachers in a different light.

I don’t remember the lessons I learned in your class. I remember watching you teach in a way I’ve never seen before. You taught like you were really passionate about English, which was amazing to watch. The real turning point for me was when one day, we had a really nasty thunderstorm. I tried my hardest to hide my fear of thunderstorms, but, the lightning & thunder got too strong for me to not panic anymore.

You saw my fear, my panic & anguish while you were teaching the class. You called me to sit with you on your stool. While I felt embarrassed at my fear of being seen in the classroom & being laughed at by other classmates, I also felt comfortable sitting with you while the storm was passing through Leland, North Carolina. That experience has never left my memory.

It’s 2022 and the impact you had on me is still strong. You taught me that teachers can have compassion, care & love for their students and the subject that they teach. I believe my strong love for English started with taking your class. You also showed me that teachers do want to see their students succeed in life. Thank you, Ms. Child, for being a positive example to me. I hope all is well with you & your family.
Gerald