one day it’s dark,
actually, it’s been dark, for months,
so dark that one could not see in front of them.

however now —
now, there is light.

at the flip of a switch what was once dark — is bright.

the gloomy cloud has passed,
the rain has stopped,
beautiful rainbows begin to appear.

sunlight glistens over the waterfront,
sunlight that makes brown eyes turn to honey,
warmth of light that gives you hope,
fills you full of glee.

the shadows hide away,
the light is beaming,
i can see again,
i can slow down.

i can feel positivity in all that surrounds me.

beauty is in this life,
beauty is all around.

skies turn to cotton candy,
lovers turn to home.

no longer lost,
everything i have longed for,
lays before me.

i see clearly again.

this is who i am.

i am the sunshine,
the light,
the gleeful warmth.

the switch flipped,
my light is now on,
newfound growth shines from within,
creating greater hope for tomorrow.

My day could start in ashen gray
like dried-up winter weed bouquets,
but then my grandson shrieks, “Mammay!”
and color swirls in rich array.

A fingerpainted masterpiece
infused with snacks and sweetened tea–
bright backdrop for the tales we read,
immersed in toddler fantasy.

Flamboyant toys conceal the floor,
confetti from a plastic war
that ranged from couch to Singapore–
and now he begs to go outdoors.

Bemusement stains pale cherub cheeks
and nature springs delighted shrieks
when stones splash into frothy creeks
or bluebird skies frame honking geese.

Aweary fingers grab my hand,
for will alone cannot withstand
the golden grains of sleepy sand;
I lull him into lala land.

Reflection on this drowsing dear
who celebrates with heartfelt cheer
the wonderment of Gaia’s sphere
is every dark mood’s rainbow cure.

An alarm-clock-free morning,
There’s nothing more soothing.
I took my first sip of coffee
As I lounged by the window,
Absorbing the beauty of a day minus responsibilities.
“I love everything about today,”
I affirmed, consumed by my thoughts:

Maybe, I’ll make the hour-long drive
To my favorite beach,
Visit a couple of discount stores,
Or stop by that cozy little restaurant, I adore,
For a savory meal and a delicious treat.

I could always search for
A binge-worthy show,
Grab a bottle of Chardonnay,
Pop some popcorn and snack,
Until I drift off into the most pleasant sleep,
Cultivating the sweetest dreams.

“You know what?”
I ask myself aimlessly…
“You’re overthinking it…
The only way today will be perfect
Is if I do all of these things.”
So, I did.

My perfect day oh perfect day
I feel like living my life my way
If I lose the joy of living my life
My reasonable happiness leaves me with my strife
I better be living this time of year
It don’t matter if I shed a tear
If I’m not living happy or not
Forever in a web I shall be caught
My perfect day oh perfect day
My life shall go on I shall have no dismay
If I am not happy alive or dead
Then off the world goes with my head
I want to live, that is my way
My perfect day oh perfect day

My perfect day oh perfect day
Life shall go on or so they say
I want to live for I am free
To do many things of value I see
I love to play music even swim
I don’t care if my body is slim
I live my life breathing and glad
Glad I don’t die, man that would be bad
I ain’t afraid to be called up yonder
But it ain’t my time yet so it I won’t ponder
My life is mine I won’t be swayed
My perfect day oh perfect day

Hello my friend
May I share with you my perfect day?
I hope you’ll stay until the very end.
First I wake with the golden sun, grateful and joyful – I pray.
Hydrate and fill this vessel with fuel
Moving and stretching keeps my emotions cool
Giving thanks for each moment I’m given
This life flows with grace like a ribbon
My love then goes freely to all of Gods creatures
The large and small – all have different features
Life sweet like the slow drip of honey straight from the comb
I never rush, worry or stress because I know in my heart, I am always home.

Another day rises from the ground
But with a different flavor to it
A day of traveling and clearing the cluttered mind
And also creating a wonderful time

Let the special day start with eating some delicious breakfast
Food that speaks to my soul
That makes me feel whole
And inspires me to conquer the road

When the road and I meet
Some of my favorite songs and I greet
Like it’s the first time
We’re getting to know each other’s mind
As I unwind during this special time

While jamming and cruising on an unknown highway
Various historical statues and beautiful land catch my eye
Giving me a positive high
That I don’t want to end
But continue to ascend

And embrace this rare feeling
A beautiful beach awaits me
And hypnotizes my eyes
With its waves

It waves at me and says ‘’come on in’’
But, before I take my first jump
I just want to stare at its beauty
And take a million pictures of it

Then I charge to the calming water
Like a soldier ready to do battle
But only remain in the safety zone
While watching others enjoy themselves

The perfect ending to a perfect day
It would be great to have another perfect day tomorrow
If only this could become a reality.
For now, wishing and dreaming about it will surface

Sincerely,
Gerald

The perfect day for me is a day without pain
Because I go to sleep sad and I wake up insane
The perfect day for me is a day without stress
Because I walk around like I’m happy but deep down I’m depressed
I smile to keep from crying I smile because it’s all you can do
The perfect day for me is the day that I’m at peace with you
Amen

What is a “perfect day”?

My head rested heavily on the pillow. Memories of the long day swirled in my mind. Exhausted, but content from my perfect day.
The empty tea mug was set gently in the dishwasher. My book lay closed by my ruffled bed. Sleep was calling.
A movie left unfinished, the kitchen was clean. House reset for another day.
The evening had been bustling with dinner preparations. The counters dusted with flour, pans, and spices. The food sizzled on the stove. Dessert wafted through the room.
Sunset called the evening home as we walked along the water. My darling pup ran in ahead as the city lights danced in the eyes of my lover.
The afternoon vanished from sight as pages were written, rewritten, and tossed. The book was being born.
Lunch was a quick salad break from a morning of creativity. Papers were strewn across the floor, books on the coffee table, and my favorite mug forgotten amongst the piles. My typewriter pierced the air with the prattle of the keys. Ringing to remind me I was at a new line.
The late morning awakened my senses as I sat in a quiet coffee shop, mulling over plot lines, speaking commitments, and blog fantasies.
Breakfast was a moment of calm before the crazy, my mind released all emotion and thought as I journaled a planned my day. The pup dashed around the house, energetic from the morning run.
Water gushed from the faucet sputtering in protest from the shower head. I washed all sweat and worry away, hopeful for a new day.
The sun crept from behind buildings and slowly woke up from its sleep. I smiled, walking back from the gym. Another beautiful start to another beautiful day.
My mind woke up moments before I pulled myself out of bed, my lover squeezed my hand as I left for the gym.
What is a perfect day if not one spent doing what you love with who you love.

I’ve awoken
in cars
off a shoulder
overlooking the sea
started my day
with morphine
and coffee
and vomit on the street
I’ve awoken
in deserts
under one single tree
beside strangers
on carpets
slipped away quietly
I’ve driven til shadows
melt into sands
and the stars bleed
into purples and pinks
when cold weather
has dried out my hands
and I’m too hungover
to speak
I’ve awoken
in twin beds
in distant lands
with lillies draping my canopy
with no one around
to marvel at scenery
with me
throughout this wide world
all my wheel’s quick rotations
all the planes
and the trains
and the rides
from London’s Heathrow
to Grand Central Station
every dawn
I’ve awoken
to rise
everyday is impeccable
all the struggles
and pain
so delectable
as the earth
flips through the slides
in my eyes a
projection of beauty
the greatest adventures
the prefect day
is the day
I’m alive
and I live it
and seize it—no matter the risk
perfection is this
what we all
wake up with
this wonderful gift
all scared and excited
to be welcome; invited
to live for the sake of living
to rise and to fall
to feel love and
feel lost
and the awe to awaken—
awaken at all.

Our day starts with coffee. Black, no sugar and two creams. Just how you like it. I would pour myself a cup too, even though I hate coffee, and sit both coffees on the end table by your rocking chair. I can hear your voice now: “Thank you baby.” Your voice hoarse from years of labor. We would pick our cups up and sip at the same time. Well, not quite at the same time. I always forget to blow my drink first and burn my tongue. My face twisted up in pain. Whereas, you always blow your drink first and never take on more than you can bear. Literally and figuratively. Now that I am older, I admire how still you can be. Sitting, day after day, in the comfort of your rocking chair, drinking your coffee and watching Lifetime movies. I relish that stillness. On my perfect day I will definitely have to be still. I wouldn’t want to do anything at all, but put my feet up and drink bitter coffee. To some people the perfect day is a day on the beach but any day spent being still with you would be perfect to me. I would get hungry about halfway through my cup. My stomach growls, which prompts you to rock yourself out of your chair and head to the kitchen. Your walk weary from years of service on your feet. Following behind you, I grab a plate off of the table and hand it to you. You fill it with grits, sausage, eggs, french toast, a waffle and bacon. I could have made my plate, but you always made it for me. “Just sit down at the table, baby. I got your plate.” With an orange juice to match, I sit at the dining table and go to town. With a full belly, I waddle back to the love seat right next to your chair. I look outside and see kids playing, but I don’t feel that pain in my stomach anymore. Growing up without someone to play with and share secrets with has always weighed heavy on me. I carried loneliness with me throughout my adolescent and teenage years. Always an onlooker, a wallflower, the bullied. My perfect day I will not have those feelings or be consumed with looking to something that I don’t have. Even though I didn’t have a friend my age, I had a friend who didn’t mind drinking coffee and watching movies with me on a random Saturday morning. She might have been fifty years older than me, but she was my best friend. She never turned me away and she always made me feel like I belonged. If I can have one more day spent with you, just being still, that will be the perfect day. And I do have a secret to tell you, best friend. I miss you and I still hate coffee.

Sleeping in until my heart is content
My kids, my kids, not throwing fits
No arguments please, it’s what I need
Breakfast being brought to me in bed
The food is cooked perfectly
A coffee cup the size of my head
Carmel and hazelnut hits my nose
As I eat, I read my Bible
Soaking in His Holy fire
I climb out of bed
Brush my teeth
Take a long shower, soaking in the heat
Getting dress and going to an hair appointment
She does my hair exactly how I want
My feet and nails are next
Feeling relaxed from my head, hands and feet

We Pack up the car to go have some fun
Heading to the beach to meet up with family
It’s not just my kids and husband who’s there
It’s my family from my youth and His as well
We stay there all day, enjoying each other’s presence
Time is flying by as we soak in the sunshine

Last minute plans are made
Deciding to go out to eat
Laughter and smiles and happy vibes
Hit our hearts as the day ticks by
We all embrace one another with a hug
Going home, the kids fall asleep in the car
Carrying them inside, tucking them in one by one

Now it’s time for Mom and Dad
Alone time in our bed
Loving on one another in the present
Staying up as long as we can
Just cracking jokes, cuddling and watching our show
Until we fall asleep in one another arms and hopes
Sealed with a kiss we end the day
With sweet dreams in peace

Unmasked

I have been creating perfect days my entire life
They weren’t perfect for me
But what I thought perfect should be

I’ve been creating a life
One I thought I wanted
One I thought I was supposed to have

My perfect day would look like it does on tv
I have lived those days
Those days are not me

So many times I have had the perfect day
Shopping with the girls, brunch at a nice restaurant, tanning by the pool
These things have left me drained, exhausted, confused

So many times I have created the perfect experience
To be let down
To not feel the way they seem

I’ve had my days
In comfy clothes, dim lights, friends each doing their favorite thing
Cooking safe foods together, napping, making sure were hydrated
Watching things we’ve seen a million times; doing things we’ve done a million and one
Laughing and giggling and crying and sitting in silence

I have left those days feeling so at peace
So rejuvenated
So myself

I have also left those days feeling wrong
It is not what being social is meant to look like
It doesn’t match the script that is in my head

I am learning to live life
The one I didn’t know that I wanted
The one that I am supposed to have

I will continue to create perfect days, for the rest of my life.
perfect for me.
I define what perfect should be.

My perfect day
could be fall or spring
at home or exploring
solitary or spent with the people who embody my joy.
There is nothing to be earned
no aesthetic to be achieved.
Perfect,
I am outside
connected with the earth
moving my body
in the ways that empower me.
I am cocooned at home
connected beyond the physical
using my creativity
in the ways that embolden me.
A perfect day
makes your soul swell
so mine,
I am in my body
I am in touch with all my parts
past present future
and my ties to everything around me.
My perfect day
I am at peace
with the beauty of my life
I am aware
of each moment as it comes and goes.
And now I know:
Perfection is in the eye of the beholder
and I behold perfection in abundance.

Growing up on Sailor Moon
And looney toons
Slip and slides
Always with soapy eyes.
Carefree summers
We were Beach bummers
Adulthood far from our minds
Ice cream of many kinds
Man hunt and freeze tag
Always up for a good fart bomb gag.
Childhood was a bliss
Something you’ll always miss.

Rise and shine you beautiful soul!
We have work to do today.
Roll that delicate body out of bed and awaken to the day of wonders ahead.
Today, feels like a good day. I Declare it, embrace it and give thanks.
It’s the perfect day to live.
I am embracing the relaxation and peace that has been gifted to me on such a beautiful morning.
I stretch, and sit up, wiggling my my toes as my legs hang down from my bed. A giggle escapes my lips followed by a smile as my dog mimics me. She nudges me and lets me know that it is time to officially wake up.
I step off of my bed and stand tall. There’s no pain at all. No tingling, no burning, no stiffness at all.
I am at peace. I playfully ask my kitty Nirvana -“Do I choose coffee, or green tea?” She meows back at me. I dance around the the kitchen and I embrace being pain free. There is no stress or struggle as I start my daily chores. You may think this sounds silly, the happiness that bending down brings me as I slide on my shoes. I did it absolutely pain free and that is perfect. It’s perfect for me.
The sun is shining so bright, and I put the leash on my dog. Bieng pain free, has blessed me with a morning walk.
I have energy!
Enough energy to conquer the world, well, that is, enough energy to conquer “My world” or, at least to conquer the tasks that most days I am unable to. Today, I am pain free, and it is absolutely perfect.
I think it’s a good day to go to the gym. Perfect day, that is.
I grab my bag, my book, headphones and my water bottle.
I’m a little bit nervous that this may not last, but quickly push the thoughts away. As today, this moment I am pain free, and today is the perfect day.
My body moves freely, and with each breath that I take I am breathing in love and gratitude. These days are few and far between. Today, I woke up pain free.
I am able to grocery shop without any fears or anxiety. There is no looking over my shoulder I am in the moment. I am safe, and I am living life peacefully. Today, I give thanks for walking up pain free.
I am able to walk the three flights of stairs to visit my grandmother. We’re going to have lunch and play some games. Her company and her smile bring me so much comfort. I’m giving thanks, for such a perfect day.
I woke up pain free. I woke up with the chance to show the world the actual me. With a smile on my face, and my posture upright. I am filled with gratitude and peace. I am grateful for my life.
The perfect day for me, means living without pain.
Without tears, and strain. Oh how I am grateful when I am blessed with a perfect pain free day.
🙏

A silent thought that now demanded my attention.
The universe knew exactly how to reveal this to me.
A problem that I fixed had finally released me from its bind.
I was going home.
The road hugged my tires like excited friends reuniting,
Usually a 7 1/2 min walk, stretched to a 13 min run.
13 min , the length of a how to video that I’m sure I’ll be frequenting more.
The garage door
creaked opened &
I was ushered inside.
The love of my life,
I husband to her Bride
her face full of:
fear,
wonder ,
here,
follow me!
She exclaimed.
Every noise on the planet dissipated except our foot steps:
ile, carpet, tile.
The light switch felt like the weight of the world.
I found strength from your love to flip it.
A stranger awaited me in my own bathroom .
I was to confront this foe without any idea that my life had found the meaning i was searching for
A vacuum of time,
my life In the rear view.
Thankful that I saw words,
instead of lines on that clearview.
But I only see one, where is the “not?”
What a terrible malfunction,
how could they have forgot?
Then, the beacon of truth
began to break through the mystery.
Those 8 letters have the chance to
alter history:
PREGNANT
Every emotion that I’ve ever felt became
unified-
all the pain of my adolescence,
all the courage of my youth,
all the fun of my independence,
all the worry of my work,
all the adoration for your mom,
They All joined together
to bring me this unmatchable joy.
The true essence of what it means to feel happiness,
I get to be a dad to a beautiful Baby Boy.

As I write this, it’s February 14th, Valentine’s Day, a day to celebrate love.

The phrase that comes to mind when pondering what love is – is “others,” aka being generous to someone else, as in NOT me. It is about making others happy.

When it comes to me, associating SELF with the word LOVE is as common as someone who doesn’t like Chinese food – very, very, VERY uncommon.

When the number reads 14, and the month reads February, for me, being single, the day is reserved for images of dark clouds and drooping flowers, instead of a rainbow perfectly expressing your range of beautiful emotions, whoever you are romantically attached to.

Reserving a table at your favorite restaurant, celebrating the day reserved to enjoy your significant others company is my personal definition of this day.

So, you can see why, as a single person, MY viewpoint of this day is filled with clouds and drooping flowers instead of the voraciously vibrant red roses.

I could point out a list of adjectives as large as jumbo popcorn: envy and sadness are a couple of kernels to explain how I feel about not having someone I am smitten over sitting on the other side of the table, making me feel that I’m with the only one and everyone at the same time.

Skewed and as untrue as it might be, having the one would make me feel whole. That said, as I am writing this, I am learning a very important lesson… there is a reason we have both iced and hot coffee.

So, with that, I’ll stop bringing out the appetizers and get to the main course: the reservation might be for two, just remember, adding a +1 does not mean you stop loving you, and self-love is love that NO person can give to you except ONE.. YOU!

And by the way, to my future Valentine (girlfriend) – since we love both of ourselves equally, we are splitting the cup because your self-love and my self-love is equally important to me and you.

I unapologetically love me unconditionally
I apologize to my past selves for doing it indiscriminately
In order to be my best self would mean I am elated
It took a while and I’m proud to say it’s been reinstated
I do what makes me happy especially my inner child
She’s is so over the moon that her little heart smiles
She loves to color, sing and dance like no one is watching
It’s the growning soul and the little soul that are interlocking
She’s making all versions of her past self morph into her best self
Her happiness is her version of a prosperous wealth
Self love is psychological, spiritual growth and physical
With a proportional rainfall strictly biblical
It’s my definition and my own version
I am uniquely my own person
Thank you, God, for all that you have done for me and my family
I only got one life, and I want to do it right by being happy
No one can do me better than me. My only competition is me
My lessons are mine to learn only I would know
The path it took to get here and I’m not done though
I learn daily and I don’t claim to be perfect because I am human
I have to remind myself that life is a classroom
I’m not afraid of the lessons I let them pass through
I owe it to my heaven sent angel and angel who fluttered with his wings
You both are my life and light and also are my kings
It’s because of you I unapologetically love me unconditionally