I want to be that guy that you can be free to speak your mind to, you can lean on all the time.

I want to be the mirror that helps you see yourself clearer, that encourages your true self to get a little nearer,

come and plays devils advocate for the angels make you look at things from different angles ,

Or I help the world value the person more than the work, Maybe I can help change minds to put people into trees instead of the dirt,

help be the change to say it’s OK to hurt

let me help you, because for so long we’ve been told it’s not ok to feel.

But that’s not real! Because every single person who will read this is struggling with something they may not admit,

or the pain and trauma they’ve suffered have caused them to forget

a healthy way to cope looking at life through the cross hairs of a rifle scope,
I want to help pull your finger away from the trigger and make it look towards hope,

Maybe I can help change the thought of 40 hours of work,
Instead, give those people 40 hours of freedom from all these imposed rules of life and society.

Imagine what this world would be like if we all were able to pursue what makes us happy,

I really mean it think about it. I don’t mean to get sappy

it’s just everyone that you meet seems to be drained at least a little bit of joy,
how do I find a way to intersect with my inner boy?

The world is so hell bent on getting another dollar or getting another follow,
but we lack soul and substance our bodies are merely hollow,

I want to help fill people with things that leave them fulfilled
where all we worry about is things that leave us with thrill instead of worried about bills.
The best way to do that is to embody that thought and let it it flow out.

I challenge you to do something you love today, let loose and show out !

Wishes of world peace and overwhelming compassion
Get drowned out by social media trends and fashion
Big dreams of empathy and understanding
Destroyed by attitudes that are entitled and demanding
Thoughts of self-love and confidence rising from within
Then the judgments and rude comments start coming in

When you’re satisfied with yourself and your mind
You recognize what matters is being warm-hearted and kind
When you do what brings you that childlike happiness
The negativity around you begins to digress
Your mindset and actions make up your universe
When you focus on yourself, you break the curse

Filling your own cup first may sound selfish
But the energy you give to yourself allows you to be selfless
As you acknowledge and release your internal judgements
It is easier to make connections and commitments
When we can all connect and open our hearts to one another
This is when we can heal and learn to self-discover

Human beings are meant to change and evolve
There will always be obstacles and problems to solve
The more you take care of your mind and soul
The resilience will build, and you’ll enter a state of flow
In this beautiful world, the only constant is change
As you step into the magic of love, what happens next is strange

You start to see others with love and empathy
You understand why someone sees things differently
Although you may have different opinions and lives
Similarities and experiences allow the connection to thrive
When we all connect with a common goal for good
The universe will make sure it all happens as it should

This world desires to be full of love and connection
The world does not want us to strive for perfection
The world needs people who are vulnerable and open
The world needs less of resentment and hearts that are broken
One of the greatest things we can do is spread our light
So, to be the change I wish to see, I am committed to spreading mine

How am I changing the world?
The real question is what makes you think
Me of all people… One being.
Has the power to do so?
I ain’t no Jesus.
I can’t be a savior.
I can’t change the world.
But I can elevate my mind
and change my behavior.

The world is cruel.
We all just wear our
rose colored glasses.
And say we go to the
“beat of our own drum”
yet we still comment, like, follow and subscribe
in masses.
we still have to be hip with the latest trend
and we so easily give into the fleshly pleasures and desires
of sin.

The world is a conundrum of infinite paradoxes
and flexible morals that produce infinite quarrels.
It’s always, “Be Left or Right”, no in between.
Like thinking for oneself is a forgotten
right and a lost thing.

I can try to change the world.
But I always heard that the
“nail that sticks out will be hammered down”
Honestly who really wants the world to change?
I have been told it is as pointless
as chasing the wind and fighting the rain.
Many can assemble and try to fight for what’s right.
But i was told it is like being stranded in the middle of the ocean
with no land in sight;
You Scream for help as pools or sharks
surround you ready to take a bite.
Who said the world needs changing?
How else would we be entertained?
Who would we be able to blame when we don’t get it right?
Who’s fault will it be?

I know you think I am a cynic.
A Debby Downer, Negative Nancy, or Boo-Hoo Betty.
Or at least someone who is pessimistic and petty.
But I just wanted to keep it real.
This is the world we are talking about.

I am a black woman.
My life is assigned different cheap thrills.
If we are popping pills,
Would you choose red or blue?
To see or not to see…
That’s really the question.
It comes with answers that are the same yet different.

Everyone has a different experience.
Their stories of different yet similar themes and plots.
It is all about perspective.
Does the world really need to change?
Can I be perceptive and state my objective?
The world constantly changes whether
I will it or not.
The best thing I can do is change my
Behavior, think pure thoughts, and stay in my lane.

Because somewhere in the world
The poor will always be poor.
The sick will always be sick.

Someone will always be mourning the dead.
The streets will still run red with the blood of
innocent and the guilty.
Gun shots will still fly
and injustice with be one of the many
causes of why people die.
Realistically speaking
Every effort would be dross
because there will always be
the impending doom of chaos.

But I guess I can still try.

No one person
Man, Woman, Boy or Girl
can change the world.
But I can ignite my light.
I can shine bright
through the darkness.
be the beckon of light
that guides the lost home.
I can make an impact.

I can be the match
and light the wick
for the candles of change.
or i can be the kerosene
to keep the light going.
When the cold of the world is
extra mean.
I can keep you warm.
Nurse your wounds
if you should ever get harmed.

My mom gifted me a frame.
with a quote that said.
” Be the change you want to see in the world!”
To this day it still sits on the side of my bed.

I can’t change the world.
But I can choose to love and not to hate.
Everyone deserves respect.
That’s no debate.
I can live righteous
help strangers
and if i have the resources
deliver people out of
Danger.
I can be kind
and choose to not allow the world
to shut me up or make me blind.
I can teach the peace that comes in life
when you abandon sorrow, worry, and anger.
I can choose to love unconditionally.

Start a new trend.
Screaming on the streets
“Let love in!”
Because Love has already won
You just have to knock on the door of victory.
I ain’t no Harold Melvin
But i know the world won’t
get any better. If we let it be.
I can’t change the world.
But I can emulate what I hope it to be.
Because I know I am not going to
change the entire world
but I do know that a change can start with me.

You were the lock that kept us together.
A divine grace which sweep the insecure adolescence, and brought many to be loved in essence. Like lessons we to hold to mistakes in time and grew to understand the deception of divide.
Like a mist I was clouded for we were the stepping stones to a peace of Eden. In unity we found solace, a bond unbroken and never to be hidden.
For you were the lock, and we the key, a tapestry of love forever woven.

I grew up without knowing that I was autistic.
I saw autistic adults on TV, but I didn’t have a clue.
Maybe if I saw an autistic child like me on my little TV set,
I would’ve accepted myself the moment I learned the truth.
Alas, I didn’t see myself on the screen.

Autistic-coded characters have helped me accept myself.
I saw myself in Lilo when I was seven years old.
Passionate, frustrated, fiery, goofy, emotional, and accepting.
I felt seen before even knowing that I was autistic.
Finally, I saw myself on the screen.

After learning the truth about myself years later,
I slipped into a depression of misinformation.
A ladder of information slid down the hole to my rescue,
But a history of neurotypical-ridden depictions left splinters.
Alas, I didn’t see myself on the screen.

Suddenly, out of the blue, a beloved show from my childhood announces
That a little autistic girl would be moving to a specific street of puppets.
Finally, a little autistic girl like me on the screen!
Granted, I’m now a grown woman, but still.
Finally, I saw myself on the screen.

News breaks out that another movie about autism is coming out,
But it’s another tale of misinformation and disastrous casting.
I tried to warn the misinformed of this dangerous depiction,
Only to be gaslighted and silenced by the trolls under the bridge.
Alas, I didn’t see myself on the screen.

After the dumpster fire of a movie, good news arrives for once.
A teen drama reboot has included an autistic actress in an autistic role.
The role in question reminded me of my teenaged self.
I would’ve loved myself sooner if I had seen this as a teen.
Finally, I saw myself on the screen.

I want autistic youths to see themselves on the screen.
They deserve to see the autistic characters that I didn’t grow up with.
I’m writing countless stories, poems, and plays about people like me.
If no one else is going to provide the material, then I’ll do it myself.
You will see me on the screen.

Dear beautiful woman,

You ever wake up most days, and you’re all smiles? Yeah, that’s a great feeling! The way I see it is, If you can get through 245 of the 365 days in a year being happy, then that’s a pretty good year to me. That possibly leaves you with 120 days of uncertainty.

How do you feel on a day-to-day basis? What are you thankful for when you wake up? Do you ever think for one second that you may not be here the next day? Scary thought, huh?

I woke up one morning in November of 2021, not feeling great. It was during the pandemic and I had a bad cough. I thought the Rona had taken hostage over me. It was just a miserable feeling. My body didn’t feel well. I knew something was wrong.

The doctor visit was a little bizarre to me. The doctor was prescribing medication to me without checking my lungs out with an x-ray. I asked the doctor “can I have an x-ray?” She replied” sure”. The X-ray results were in and it showed a shadow in my lungs. My body with a shadow didn’t make sense. What does that even mean? I tested negative for corona, strep, and flu. I could not figure out what was going on.

The insurance didn’t approve me yet for a CAT scan of my lungs. I felt a tug on my lungs, as if someone tapped me and said “we need a further examination”

Weeks later, I still didn’t feel well. I was at work feeling like I was having an anxiety attack. I never had one before so I couldn’t compare this feeling to anything else. My body was definitely speaking to me. I called an Uber and went straight to the hospital. My body was still tapping me and saying “get a CAT scan”. Sometimes your body can turn in t a Bully to make sure you understand it’s language.

“I can’t breathe, ma’am”, is what I stated to the doctor. To be honest, physically I could breathe fine but mentally, I could not. I decided to exaggerate just a little so I can get the answers that I was looking for. I was rushed into the machine and received a CAT scan of my lungs.

“FINALLY, let’s do this”, I said to my body. I could feel my heart beating in my chest. My body was still talking to me. After the scan, I was placed in the waiting room. Scans showed a mass that was near my heart since 2011, has become too big and I will need surgery to remove it.

I thought to myself “is this woman talking to me, because ain’t no way I had a mass since 2011 and I was never informed”. It’s 2020 now. I asked myself “could that be a mistake?”.

I continued to do further testing and was able to be seen by a surgeon. The surgeon stated that the cat scans show a mass near my heart and it needs to me removed.

I was alone in the doctors office trying not to cry. “I have two sons and I need to see them grow into the great young men that they are becoming”. I learned a true lesson of “when your body speaks, you need to listen”

My surgery was scheduled at another hospital. I couldn’t dare have surgery in a hospital that never informed me of my mass in the first place. My body rejected that surgeon and his theories.

With the help of my attorney that I worked for, I scheduled my surgery in the City for March 2022. I had an MRI on January 25th. That was my dads birthday. My body knew that I was going to be ok, just for the simple fact that I would get clear answers from a test that I am taking on my dads birthday. He passed in 2018 from colon cancer.

March 2021 came and I was cut open to hand my mass removed from around my heart. Once I was opened,unbox revealed that it was not near my heart, it was wrapped around my lung. It was huge. My body had a score of “3”and these hospitals scored “0”.
A thoracic surgeon was on board and he saved the day. I thought to myself “thank god I listened to my body. I would have never known”.

It was not a speedy recovery. I went from not knowing anything that was going on in my body to having a tumor that was non cancerous out of my body.

Healing was not easy. I had to go back to work while I was trying to heal. The people I worked for asked me “what’s taking you so long to heal?” A woman being cut down her breast, asking her what’s taking long to heal? Imagine that shit! I quit and didn’t look back.

I didn’t know that I had the strength to build myself back up. My body has been through plenty of other surgeries but not like this one. My lungs were collapsed during this surgery and that’s not easy. I didn’t know that it takes mental, emotional and physical strength to get yourself back together.

I have a scar down the middle of my breast and I felt that I would be embarrassed to show my body. It’s a scar of resilience, courage and fight. I fought for my body and I’m glad I did. I am not going to be embarrassed of what happened to my body ever. I’m here and I’m alive.

Listen to your body at all times. It speaks to you, because you simply wouldn’t know.

I didn’t really know how to go about this but: I have alopecia; this isn’t a haircut.
I know, I know it looks like I get this done-
but that’s not the case.
See its felt strange lately, with all of the “shorty I like your cut”
& “what’s your shave setting”; because when I first moved here it was a lot of “god bless you” & “are you okay” whispers of “ why would she do that”
..why would I be diagnosed with a disease at the age of five?
Um.
Now that the shoe is on the other foot; now that things are more ‘positive’-
I feel a pit in my stomach.
Because it negates the struggle to get here.
Assumptions that I’m riding a trend.
Which, I’m happy that those younger than me w/ the same disease, will receive less scrutiny..but what about me?
My story untold; still unable to book roles, from the lack of typecast provided for fully bald women:
living a normal life, not cancerous, not villainous, no powers..where?
I write my own.
Submit my screenplays, send publishing companies my pages.
And I know it takes time, but my voice is muted through the patience; my heart breaks while I wait-
but I grab the tape.
Allowing myself space from the rejection I face.
Because I know in its wake, awaits my fate.

– written on the L train from Jefferson to Union Sq @ 10:45pm- By Faith Williams

Instagram: few16
Email: faithel1994@gmail.com