Mirror, mirror
Locked inside
So deep
What do you see
When you look at me
Your only clouded
With your own self-defeat
Judging with the hate
You built for your own face
The answers you seek
When your questioning
Everything
Will never be true
Until you
Discover the truth
Mirror, mirror
Find the key within
Lies and deceit
Keep you trapped
In a cage
You’re simply stuck
In your head
Mirror, mirror
Don’t you see
I’m not your enemy
You perceive me to be
Look Closely
Its merely
Your own reflection
You are seeing

A feeling too familiar.

To Drift like a ghost in the wind.

Falling for false claims from those who often say.

They love me.

They support me.

They’ll be there for me. (Right)

But leave without a sound or notion of why. (Is it me?)

You blame yourself.

You try to come up with reasons on why people leave as fast as the seasons go by.

Spring, Summer, Fall & Winter.

As we enter the realm of our mind, I eagerly hear the questions.

Will I ever be enough?

Enough to be loved?

Enough to be cherished?

Enough to be heard?

Enough to be seen in a world of obscurity?

Enough to stay for?

Within me, I can see how heartbreaking the mind can be.

The gut punching facts that the mind speaks of tragedies or feelings of hurt.

They remain to remind you of memories that make you doubt yourself.

You think a good thing is a bad thing.

You think you are not good enough to feel joy or to even relish the thought of peace.

You no longer want to feel.

You want to be still.

The breakdowns severe, it feels as our hearts trying to escape your chest.

Questioning my worth, that I have worthy embedded in my skin.

Hear when I say.

Yes, you are ENOUGH.

You will loved & cherished.

The support you receive will be with no question.

The one you truly love the most will see you.

You are enough to stay for.

We are divine beings whom deserve peace, joy and love.

We Are Enough!

Dear Past Self,

I know there are questions that are currently unanswered and at this moment, there is no guarantee that things are going to get better. However, I can guarantee that soon your dreams will shift into reality. The journey there will be rocky, but you are built for it. I dislike having to tell you, it will take time to get to there, however, the destination will be rewarding. The reward will come as an angel that your soul has already claimed and you will name her Mia A’Lani. She will fill your heart full, and then you will gain understanding. You will understand why the road you had to walk led to her. I do also have to make you aware that life will continue to toss and turn. You will want better and to be better for your dream come true and because of Mia, change will be easy. There will be a purpose with Mia, always. She will be your happiness for the rest of time. After all, she is all you ever hoped for. Just hang on, I know you have no problem hanging on and staying strong, but this is your confirmation that dreams do come true, happiness is genuine and love is waiting for you, too. 

Style Score : 89%

Hello Old Self,

You didn’t deserve what happened to you. The pain doesn’t define you. Yes, you are better than how you are being treated. Your emotions are valid. It’s okay to admit our father disrupts our peace. He brings nothing to our life but false hope after 23 years. Tell the woman that brings you peace that you’re falling in with love her. The strength you need is within your soul, heart, and mind. You aren’t worthless. Life gets better for you, even though I know it feels like the world is crashing down. Our new beginning starts with the love within us. We are divine. True love makes us feel like we are not alone. We are light, even through the dark. It’s okay if our light slowly is dim it is not permanent. You’ll finally feel peace once we set our hurt free. You know that great, sunny-day feeling? Where the wind is rustling through the leaves in a tree, or when you see a kid flying his kite as the birds fly above. Everything surrounding you is divinely beautiful. This is what to look forward to. The joy awaits you in the end.

To My Old Self It Will Be Alright in This I Promise

To my old self it will be alright in this I promise.
The old self will one day help you to accomplish.
Trust me, some things will leave you left astonished.
It is all in good time.
There will be dark cloudy days and there will also be sunshine.
There are going to be truths and more hateful lies.
It’s important to know the difference.
Remember to always use your gifts that God has gifted.
Life isn’t always what one envisioned.
Lines ger blurred and perceptions become twisted.
To my old self take care of your mental health.
Your feelings are important, each and every one that you felt.
You’re going to want to quit, but I encourage you to never stop it!
Your future self will leave you astonished.
To my old self it will be alright in this I promise.

Dear Rose,
I know it’s dark. I know it’s scary. You are unsure of what the future holds.You’re only five, your earliest memories shouldn’t be like this. I have so much to tell you and you might not understand it all right now. You might even think I’m crazy. Please, just try to listen.

That horrible man will go away, eventually. Please hang on to your spirit. Mommy will get better. Please keep her laughing. Your brothers will soon be your friends. Please hold on to the fun times. You will get through this stuff.

Now I need to warn you……
You will fall in love, but your heart will get broken (a lot). You will get through school, but it will be very hard. Making friends will be easy, but you’ll lose most of them. The word dad will mean something, but not the way you think. You will go to therapy for help, but it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done.

But within those things…..
You will be with the man of your dreams. He will find you at the right moment. Your high school graduation is coming. You worked hard and earned it. You will have friends. The few who are true are the only ones you keep. Your dad is not blood, he is the carrier and protector of your heart. Therapy is hard and there’s no other way to put it. Ironically, that’s what makes it work.

So the answers to those questions in your little head right now are…….
His name is Domanic. Buckeye Community Highschool is where. Their names are Bri, Taylor, Caity, and Xah. You will have more than one counselor. You’re a mommy to a little boy. You have your very own home. You’re doing good. You have struggles.

All at the same time…
You are loved. You are strong. You are worthy. You are kind. You are the best version of yourself at the moment. I can’t wait to see all the rest of the versions we become.
Gently,
You at twenty-four <3
Style score- 100%

Smile more they say
Why does she look mad
Is she okay
As they try to whisper walking past me
Unapproachable yet, I’m never approached
Oh face how you are perceived
Oh my face how you are mistaken as upset
Maybe I’m sad
Maybe I’m broken
Maybe I have a lot on my mind
Maybe I’m stressed
Maybe I’m none of the above & I am genuinely filled with Joy
You judge, but don’t ask me what is wrong
You assume I’m everything, but happy
Here’s the kicker I am okay
I am loved
I am in love with whom I am spending the rest of my life with
I am filled with joy
My facial expressions will tell you many things, but you won’t know till you ask
Get to know me before you mistakenly identify me as angry

Sometimes I cry silently beside you
But my tears burn loud like screams
Your ears are so hollow
Like my voice is shallow
I wonder if I’m talking in a dream
Because I don’t feel heard

My concerns bounce off the wall like an empty apartment
My worries shut away in a chest locked with a one of a kind key
Insecurities become secrets because only I listen to them

Hear me
Acknowledge me
Validate me

I’m drowning in your rebuttals
Your disregard seeps through my pores
I choke on your counter neglect

How do we continue on?

My Love for Writing is My Zen

My paper, The pen.
My love for writing is my Zen.
My pen, my paper.
My pencil, my eraser.
My keyboard, my keypad.
The things I do and don’t have.
My thoughts are internal.
My physical and digital journal.
My love for writing is cathartic.
It truly brings me through the hardship.
The blank paper, the pencils led.
My love for writing is my Zen.
The single and double lines.
Writing brings peace in my mind.
Thank you to my loyal friend.
My love for writing is my Zen.

It’s the weight of blankets in the morning’s hush,
The birdsong presented in the dawn’s first blush.
The cold floor beneath my waking feet,
The lingering scents that make spaces sweet.
The warmth of sunlight slipping through the blinds- a quiet echo of simpler times.
It’s the something in everything, subtle yet bright,
Existing without need for sight.
The way life hums in moments small,
A quiet presence embracing all.

Dear Holly and Teddy,

Monkey and bear… Monkey and bear…

An unlikely pairing, yet a match made in heaven.

Holly, you are the monkey I have had since my sixth birthday. One would think you are an ape–you look like a chimpanzee–but you have a little stub of a tail. That makes you a monkey.

I begged my parents to get you for me when I saw you at Disneyland. Ever since then, you and I have been inseparable.

You used to squeak, but I loved you so much I broke your squeaker and now you talk with the words I put in your mouth.

You lost your pretty pink dress many years ago and I replaced it with my favorite panda t-shirt I wore when I was four.

One ratty pink bow remains above your left ear. I pierced your ears when I was a teenager and then took your earrings out shortly before my adulthood.

Teddy Eddy, you are the bear my grandparents gifted my mom for Christmas when she was 16 years old. You came from Weinstock’s, the department store relic of yesteryear.

Teddy, you are 14 years older than Holly, yet you became besotted with her when I was 14 years old.

You wanted to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her when she was only eight years old.

Apparently, age doesn’t matter to stuffed animals. You are both perpetually five years old. You both wanted to get playground-married, in front of all of your stuffie friends.

And me, of course.

I decided that marriage was too huge a commitment for inanimate objects, occasionally come alive.

You wanted to live with Holly under the deck outside the house and build your own little home together.

I told you no, there were too many cobwebs and possums that would claim you as their own.

You and Holly remain devoted to each other to this day. Who needs marriage when you have a solid lifelong commitment?

Both of you were devastated when I lived on my own for 11 years. I took Holly with me, and Teddy, you needed to stay with my mom.

After all, I borrowed you for many years. Mom wanted you back. And I couldn’t be without my Holly, even as an adulty-adult.

Your little Teddy Bear heart filled with ecstasy when I moved back in with my mom five years ago and brought Holly with me.

I have been without the human love of my life for years, and probably will be without her for the rest of my life.

But you, my true loves, will be with me for as long as I shall live, through thick and thin, fires and floods–nothing will come between us.

I love you, Holly and Teddy. My monkey and bear, in love for life.

(100% Style Score)

Dear Fear,

Hello. It is nice that we meet, finally. We can thank me for that. Although we have been neighbors all these years, all I know is that you merely exist. Therefore, I admit, I have avoided the thoughts of what you consist. There was even a conversation had with my imagination. I ordered that there be no paintings of you in my mind. If I was to erase every aspect, then every glimpse would need to be deteriorated, as if history did not bother to include you. However, deep down, I knew the life of you still wandered through me. I also knew eventually we would gaze upon each other similar to a child seeking the stars of the night. Hi Fear, how are you.?

Dear Fear,
I’m writing to let you know that I’m doing good.
I’m doing all the things I didn’t think that I could.
Dear Fear, even your silence is still loudly heard.
Even when your vision is clear it is still often blurred.
I’m writing to let you know that I still sometimes hurt.
I’m here today to address my concerns.
Please listen up and listen up well.
I come through smooth even when I’m going through hell.
I’m showing you my hand, I’m telling you my tells.
Dear Fear, please do or don’t take this the wrong way.
I hope you take heed to the things that I have to say.
I’m going to do nothing but diminish you when I pray.
Dear Fear, please don’t have a good rest of your day.