Today I was driving rushing and running on my 30-munitue lunch break. Hurring to get back to work to eat my fried shrimp and for a moment I thought I saw you. For the first time I didn’t get scared. Anxiety didn’t run the show, and I didn’t have to stop my mind from going down that rabbit hole. Instead, I parked the car smiled to myself the biggest smile and almost cried. Not because I am sad but because for the first time, I didn’t get scared. I realized just how strong I am and the scars that you left have healed. I didn’t get that pit in my stomach, and I didn’t lose control. I held my head high, stood my ground and I didn’t have to fight with my former self. For the first time in 6 years, I didn’t get scared. Anxiety didn’t run the show, and I didn’t have to stop my mind from going down that rabbit hole. Today was the day I realized I was free.

My grandfather Dr.Leroy Pike taught me Many things and one was too NEVER GIVE UP, If I ever needed help with a project, he didn’t care he was there, and I ALWAYS WON, with his help,I was in highschool and my grandfather saw my classes I was taking for the following year and he KNEW I was better than that, so he went and challenged me and I was in highschool only 3 years, My senior semester, we got word he had Cancer, WOW, I remember hearing him cry and I knew Real Superheroes cried, he got to see me graduate Highschool and was at my wedding, but sadly 3 years later on that very day, he would pass away, ITS BEEN 16 years and there’s NOT A DAY goes by I don’t think of him.God knew I only needed 1 Grandfather and HE WAS and still is My Superhero

Every day the search is so real
In obvious, yet often vague fashion
The path is forever passing through
Mirage and tangible peaks and valleys

When molehills turn to mountains
When that oasis ahead offers nothing
Only barren and deserted ground
The insurmountable desire to fade becomes
An obstacle we struggle to overcome

Every day the struggle is sincere
How to permeate and see beyond
Our perceived vision of that molehill
The lying mirage we cling to in hope
Of quenching that continuous thirst on the journey

Strive to find the meanings lying in wait
Infinite is their patience the meanings exists
While often not simple the reward is priceless
Knowledge is power and awareness the weapon

Search and struggle brings truth
Even if only your own to hold
Because at the end of every path we choose
Is a new one only you can walk

Kosmic_Kachina2469

Dear Unsealers,

When I was a little girl, my grandfather bounced me on his knee and sang “Three Little Fishes” as I giggled through the song. All he ever wanted was for me to feel joy in life. He died when I was 13. It was my first experience with overwhelming grief, and I was devastated. I coped by leaning into the idea that my grandfather was watching over me and cheering me on in all my pursuits.

He used to tell me that the rain was good luck. So, whenever it rained during big moments of my life, I believed it was my grandfather signaling to me, “Don’t worry, I am here.” It rained at my high school graduation. It rained when I scored big goals in soccer. It rained when I interviewed for my dream job as a sports anchor. It poured the day I was offered that job, which happened to be my late grandfather’s birthday. It seemed like it was always raining on the most important days of my life, which only cemented my belief that my grandfather was watching out for me.

However, on November 30, 2022, it was a clear night in Miami — not a cloud in the sky. I decided to attend a networking event for people in Miami who work in technology. There, I made eye contact with this tall, handsome man. He started talking to me, and after telling him about my company, The Unsealed, he told me that he had founded an online company when he was younger. He said his site received 20,000 organic hits daily (that’s a lot). And so, I started asking many questions — it was rapid-fire, one after the other. At some point, he stopped me and said, “Do you want to continue this conversation over tacos?” And so, we left and ate Mexican street corn and tacos on a picnic table outside a restaurant that doubles as a speakeasy.

It didn’t take me long to realize that this man was kind, intelligent, classy, funny, and thoughtful. From that day forward, we started spending a lot of time together: dinners, events, and even weekend trips. As I opened up to him about my past and my pain, he listened closely. He asked questions, and he never judged me. One time, we were watching a movie, and I had a flashback from my sexual assault. I put the pillow over my head and asked him to change the channel quickly. He turned off the TV, and as my eyes started to well up with tears, he said, “Come here, let me hold you.” When I shared my fears and insecurities about building a company, he said, “Lauren, think of the ten smartest people you’ve ever encountered, and I promise you at least nine of them couldn’t do what you’ve done.” To this day, he always follows through when he makes a promise to me, whether it be a trip to a foreign place or to my favorite restaurant. From the beginning, he has known when I am happy, anxious, frustrated, or hungry — just by the look on my face — and has responded accordingly. He is so in tune with who I am and how I feel that it seems as though my peace is his priority.

Even so, early in our relationship, I was afraid to trust the authenticity of his love. I had been disappointed so many times in love and relationships, and I was on edge, just waiting for the shoe to drop — just waiting for something to go wrong. I couldn’t live in the moment as I was too afraid it would soon end. One night, he was on his computer while I was resting on his couch, and I randomly asked him what his name meant in his culture. He was in the middle of working and responded, “I don’t know — something with water.” So I googled it. His name translates as “the God of rain.”

In disbelief, that was the moment I began to let myself love and be loved. That was the moment I started to trust my partner and the universe. It was the reassurance I needed to know I was safe. About a year later, he proposed to me on the boardwalk at Disney World. We are getting married in a few months, and I am so excited. Falling in love has enriched my life and made the present moment so special, so much so that it has made me believe that magic exists in all of our lives.
For years, the rain was a way for me to stay connected to the joy my grandfather brought me, but now, it’s what allowed me to embrace the joy right before me.

With immense hope and gratitude,

Dear Janice Burgess,
I hope this letter finds its way to you in heaven. I meant to release these words months ago, but events during the summer made me lose sight of them until today. So, please forgive my lateness.

Since you passed away in March, several talented people have also left this earth, such as Rico Wade, James Earl Jones, Maggie Smith, Dikembe Mutombo, and, recently, John Amos.

It saddened me that it wasn’t until the news of your passing that I learned that you were the one who created the cute cartoon show The Backyardigans.

I was entering my 20s and living with my oldest sister and niece in Maryland when I discovered your show. My niece and I enjoyed another kid’s show called The Wonder Pets. It took a little while for me to get into that show, but once I did, I wanted it to the point where I believed I enjoyed it as much as my niece did.

It was a blast watching the three main characters in The Wonder Pets have adventures and talk to other animals in their world.

Once I was eager to watch The Wonder Pets, I noticed your show, The Backyardigans, would come on before The Pets. It looked interesting, but I wondered if I would like it as much as The Wonder Pets. I’m so glad I was wrong about that.
Slowly but surely, my niece and I would start watching The Backyardigans as much as The Wonder Pets.
Listening to the theme song of The Backyardigans was always a great way to start the day when I was babysitting my niece. It was also fun to see what the main characters were up to in the episodes we watched together.

Watching my niece light up when your show and The Wonder Pets came on TV made me light up. I saw how happy you made her. She’s 16 now , which is mind-blowing to me. But I’ll never forget those times I had with her watching your show and The Wonder Pets early in the morning.

So thank you, Ms. Burgess, for creating a show that gave me memories with my niece and all the other work you’ve done. Just from looking at some of your photos online, you looked like a sweet person who gave other people joy.
 Rest in power.

Sincerely,
Gerald

Enchantment I can see, the world is full of possibilities…
The connection that I feel, to something POWERFUL, something greater than me
The feeling of heaven on earth,
The channeling of mystical energy
Feeling what I feel, receiving an inner knowing that magic is REAL
Believing what I see, signs in the universe make me believe, make me believe in magic
What I imagine, is what I see
Dream a little and you will see,
Dream BIG, and it will be!
When I believe, the POWER’S in me, then I will see!
If I BELIEVE in magic

running in slow motion
By: Jim Kellogg
(The Queer Poet)
9-30-24

running in slow motion
at an exceptionally reduced pace
toward
away from
not content in the middle
looking back
with mixed emotions
hostility
satisfaction
looking forward
with mystery
a riddle
a question mark
creating a kaleidoscope
black and white
dazzling hues
unsteady
stable
mirrors and shards of broken glass
reflecting
challenging
creating madness
birthing sageness

running in slow motion
at an exceptionally reduced pace
closed doors
barriers and secrets
open doors
exploration and opportunities

I felt like my death is long overdue
I use to enjoy life when I was with you
Look into my eyes and what do you see
Just the leftover mess of what you made of me

As memories turn to lessons i look to see life in a new light
Fighting back my nature to not let my love turn to spite
Despite my best efforts i still was not enough
Tell me was what we had ever real or all just a bluff

I gave you all i had in spite of my status
But despite all that you painted me red black and blue like i was your personal canvas
As i pick up the pieces of whats left of me
Will i finally find myself and be set free?

My shadow looked at me and said:

“Live.
I am gone and there is nothing you can do about that.

No matter how many tears you shed
lingering on pages bleeding in forbidden ink,
you cannot bring me back.

My time here is done and I have ascended
into the graceful arms of the great goddess above

but you…
you are still human,
so act like it.

allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of human emotions
without letting shame and guilt beat the humanity out of you.

you are allowed to be broken
you are allowed to be sad
you are allowed to be happy
you are allowed to feel it all.

you are allowed to be confused
and wonder why the same
patterns keep showing up in
a different hue
(until you’re ready to do something about it.)

You are human.

Abandon your fear of fear
and accept that abandonment
fucking sucks.
But please understand,
that I am so sorry for abandoning you.
it was the last thing I ever wanted
but you know that we are not the ones in control

Accept that more lies in between
the lines than your eyes can see
and that’s okay.

Chase after your dreams of being
a wanderlust,
and getting drunk on a flight
every time your soul attends its own funeral.
Because unlike me,
you are still human.
and you still have so much life to live.

I’ll always be with you.
I’ll always love you.
I’ll always be present in your poetry
cheering you on along the way.
patiently waiting for you
to wake up to everything I’ve
dreamed and set in place
for you to achieve for b o t h of us.

Our string may be invisible,
But it is still intact & attached to the cloud I float upon.
the one you only see in your dreams
where the moon is playing tricks
with the shadows.

Death is nothing but the entity needed to bring us closer.
so place, do not carry sorrow with my name.

Instead let genuine kindness
blossom in my likeness.
Show them that the whims
of performative niceness
are shallow because
kindness has no malice
or hidden intent
it exists because it is.

And I existed until I didn’t.

But guess what,
you still do!!!
So please
continue on
because
I love you.
and you deserve to be truly,
genuinely,
unapologetically
happy, too 🙂

Jae,
Two years came too soon and on this day, I choose to honor you.

I started as a Seed just as those did in the Field before me;
During my time in the Womb of THE GREAT MOTHER-our MOTHER,MOTHER EARTH-I’ve witnessed The Beauty of Spring;

The Field in Bloom with many shades of gold;
Soon I would be a part of The Ballet the Sunflowers did as they danced in The Breeze of The Spring;

And then I came along;
My Roots were well Grounded and yet I struggled to grow;
I thought it would be easy being a Sunflower, but Oh, did it require so much;
But I wanted to Dance, and so I Bloomed;
And I Bloomed;
And I Bloomed some more;
And I Bloomed some more until I finally reached The Sun, it’s Rays shimmering across my Petals;

Wrapped in its embrace, I smiled;
The Sun smiled back at me and said,”We’ve Danced many Dances, and we shall continue to Dance many more. Now, my love, its time that you return to The Fields for the remaining Seasons”;

I returned and continued to Dance during the Summer, my Petals still full of The Essence of Spring;

I began to lose some of my Petals and their golden hue during The Fall, but still I continued to Dance with The Essence of Spring in my heart;

Winter came and I saw less of The Sun;
It felt too cold to Dance, and yet I mustered the strength within me to bring Winter the Essence Of Spring;

With my brownish, withered body, I Danced until my Petals were no more;
I collapsed to the ground;
Mother caught me and said,”You’ve Danced beautifully My Child. Now, you must rest until The Next Spring”;

As I began to close my eyes, a Ray from The sun shone upon my Petals;
I looked to The Sky to see The Sun smiling at Me;
My last breath drawing near, I smiled back at The Sun and said,”I look forward to us Dancing again”

I FEEL IT, I LOVE IT
IT’s THAT FEELING CALLED HOME.

Kicking off my shoes, as I undo my hair
Hanging up the keys, as I climb up the stairs
I feel the same reassurance flooding my inside
As I peel off my pretenses, my ego, my pride.
Standing there exposed, leaving it all on the outside
There was no longer a need to cover
To fake , to pretend or hide.

For I was finally home!

Kindling up the fires , I brew a comforting cup of tea
With no inhibitions or rules, my soul feels happy, peaceful and free.
This was my shelter , my no judgement zone
Unburdening the weight of opinions
I feel light as just me and me alone.

For I was finally home!

Nudging me to step out,
To discover, conquer and explore,
But enticing me to return,
Today and everyday even more.
Quelling my fears while keeping me calm,
This is one place where I know no one can do me harm.

As I shut the doors each day , I ask myself
Do I ever truly leave?
For though around me , the world and it’s people I see
In my pocket, I secretly carry that piece of home with me!

Invisible. A wish that with each passing day the desire to become tethered with it grows. It was always my answer when I was asked, “What superpower would I choose given the chance?”

It was always invisibility. It’s a period where you are free from the confinements of reality, and everything that comes with it. Free from judgement from other people, free from inconvenience but also securing a safe space to truly be yourself.

Lately the story behind that spark, my desire, it derives from
unwanted attention, unwanted burdens, piling up, and weighing me down like unyielding cargo.

It’s the attention through the eyes of a lustful man, stopping to stare at me while I work, making small talk when it’s clear I don’t want to be friends. His gaze, his voice were like spiders crawling into my skin, sending painless shockwaves of panic through my veins, like a mini earthquake racketing in my body.

It rippled my nerves with anxiety, taking my thoughts to a dark place, swearing to myself that I’ll never be caught in a dark alley with him, wishing I can disappear so his eyes and slimy smile can stop looking at mine.

There’s also life issues, and personal struggles, burdens like struggling to contain your emotions, because you feel too deeply, and now you’re putting yourself out there too much, or you take things the hard way, or you get told you’re too sensitive. You just feel TOO MUCH! It’s overwhelming, so much you start to feel drained in your heart, your soul, your spirit, and self worth.

The burden of it all, juggling life’s chaos, searching for balance, and all that jazz. I struggle everyday, trying to do enough so that I am a fully functional stable, healthy, human being.
A woman.

Yes, snap out of it, Paige.You are more than this and who you are is better than this. You’re better than this.

Listen, I’ll be honest while I’m still going, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t take a toll on me.

And then I remember, one night, I painted a seamless life, an escapable vision, and a fruitless chase for it. A mirage that I will never obtain but always yearn for.

To be alive but invisible would be a kaleidoscope of possibilities, shifting and unfolding, basking in a beautiful, colorful life, relishing in a chance to live in peace, free from mental torment, and wallowing in the quiet stillness of a misty sanctuary, where the soul roam unseen.

It is a dream that I would die for.

See these footsteps? These are the imprints of the precious little feet I created with my DNA. My little son walking, frolicking, and playing in the sand. Living life and enjoying it in the moment. I can now hold on to this picture, the memories attached to it- and now even this letter … forever and ever 🌹❤️

May the strength of my men always carry me through the longest of walks in life.

My invisible wounds never close
Bleeding eternally like a dark rose
Scars form inside my body like a night sky full of stars
Wishing for a better home
Silently I let my tears pour
Maybe one day I won’t allow you to control me anymore
Is the end near?
I can only hope
A glimpse of light is all I need
Will you be there for all of eternity?
or
Will I be woken from this bad dream?

Mr. Rogers,

I wanted to tell you thank you for everything. Thank you for encouraging me to continue writing. Thank you for giving me a safe place to crash when things were chaotic in my life. Thank you for introducing me to your family and friends. But, most of all thank you for just being you.

#loveyoudani

How do you comprehend the incomprehensible?

You were supposed to grow old with us… you weren’t supposed to go at 41. Your light shined too bright to fade out that quickly.

You accomplished so much in your four decades, but damn it, you had so much more to give…

The measure of someone’s life is not in the number of their heartbeats, but how many hearts they touched, and Dani, you touched them all!

Did you leave the world a better place?

Dani, you most certainly did!

You truly conquered life and every challenge it threw your way… you were as I had told you, a badass, a warrior, a fighter!

To paraphrase a famous poem, you did not go gentle into that good night. You raged against the dying of the light!

You were the person who other people admired and aspired to be like…

Your smile truly lit up the room and your laugh was contagious … people gravitated to you for that and your kind soul, which, even though you were a ginger, you definitely had, and it was beautiful! I will make sure your amazing soul lives on in everything I do.

You truly lived the Mrs. Crowther credo…

Be courageous
Care for others
A hero lives in you

With every heartbeat I’ve got left, I will make you proud, so that when we meet again and embrace, you will know that you were never forgotten.

Thank you for being you!

I love you Dani
I will always miss you
I will see you again