There’s no sense in hesitating to dive in. Looking down from that high rise into the pool below seems daunting.

You can ask all kinds of questions, run the numerical equations…

None of these will compare to how it

feels

Until that cold shocks the remaining sunlight off your skin,
Consumed by water ,
Lungs in limbo,
An ever so brief,
Ever so sweet moment of

Nothingness.

As gravity pulls you to the surface- and on that inhale, as the sun meets your skin once more…

You are everything.

Dear younger me

Put those pills down you don’t want to die
Everything you believe now is a lie
Those days of crying in the bathroom because you had to eat alone
Or sadness because he didn’t call your phone
Won’t matter 15 years from now I promise

There will be a lot of pain you will go through
Your heart will hurt so bad you won’t now what to do
You’ll drink your sorrows away
Waiting just waiting for the day
That everything will change

All the pain you have endured over the years will make you stronger and make you the best mom you can be
And finally you’ll feel complete

So put the razor away
You’ll have enough scars that won’t fade
But you will be grateful for the scars on your heart
Because in the end it’ll make you strong enough to give you and your daughter a fresh start
To give her a life that you never had
So trust me everything your feeling now won’t feel so bad
Because you’ll give life to the light you always needed

Dear Younger me,
I thought I would drop by and apprise you of who you grow up to be.

What’s that in your hand?
What are you about to do?
You’re only 12. I’m sorry I would have been here sooner if I knew.

Put the bottle down.
I understand you feel down.
My apologies. I know I haven’t really been around.

I know you feel like no one cares right now
Life is unfair right now
Stop what you’re doing. I am here right now!

Now this is gonna be harder to believe than the pills you’re about to swallow.
In the future you grow up to be a tough act to follow.

A mother, an author and an OT.
That stands for Occupational Therapist.
That’s what destiny called you to be.

You now help children who struggle with the same demons you did.
I am so sorry no one is there to help you as a kid.

Just know in the future when your insecurities begin to surface.
You no longer look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are worth it.

My condolences, your alcoholic father just passed away.
In the future your relationship is complicated and there is a lot you did not get to say.

The burdens that you carry, they don’t belong to you.
You end up putting them down because they feel so wrong to you.

I know right now you feel like a nobody
not only are you a somebody,
but you become a voice for EVERYBODY.

If you put the bottle down you won’t just save yourself.
You save many.
You give so much hope to people like you who don’t have any.

I know right now it feels like no one loves you
and your problems supersede you
In the future my love, the world really needs you.

So give your painkillers to me,
I’m old enough to bare them
Go back to sleep, your safe, sweet dreams
no worries you no longer have to fear them.

Dear teenage me,
I won’t tell you that everything will be handed to you.
I know life is exceptionally hard right now.
In the near future, it is going to get a lot worse.
I am telling you no matter how much you want to give up.
No matter how much your mind fights you and says you cannot go on.
Do not listen!
For every struggle, you are about to endure.
Every heartbreak, life lesson, and loss that you go through.
There is light at the end of that very dark tunnel.
You’ll have lots of surprises along the way.
You will suffer in unimaginable ways. Ways you’ll never speak of to another person.
Continue to love as hard as you do.
Some people you come across are going to be a better person because of you.
Fight for what you want as hard in the future as you do now.
It is okay to daily at life sometimes.
Just don’t let it get the best of you.
I promise life will finally give you what you’ve always needed.
You’ll get the acceptance, love, and compassion you’ve always craved.
Life is going to throw anything and everything at you.
It will all be worth it in the end I promise.

A gift of listening –
Listening to my own laughter,
To the mere friend I locked away deep within,
But searched for afar –
Just to be lost,
Not knowing the the touch of my own heart,
And keeping it less burdened with shame,
Of being the voice of so many others yet I now don’t recognize their name,
I hid and did love the attention that stomped my hearts bid,
As blind was I –
When the star lit trailed nigh,
To hit the bump of life not recognizing why,
Should I have listened?
Should I have loved me more?
The answers to those I write to tell –
NOW has enlightened you to soar,
It has brought acceptance of your kind-bold beautiful eyes,
To smile at your cheeks –
And not gaze them in questions of pivoting scolding delusions,
That the one person I needed most created,
Oh, my dear! You’ve learnt and accomplished more through recreating and releasing all those lost voices,
And started owning that melodic chirping,
That no longer had to have a trend –
But ruled through knowing it’s own tune,
You’ve come to this world – where you think more of keeping your trust,
Because you lessened the greatest fear –
That was almost TOO near,
In fact you slinged it –
With your knack for always searching yourself for facts,
I now know and respect you more for all callous and careless acts,
As now you have YOU –
Simple but remarkable that YOU are here –
Now gliding through YOU your greatest wealth.

As a preteen, all you see is a blue horizon.
The cross you wear does not betray you—yet.
Your friends see only a blue horizon.
Their cross will not betray them.

As an adolescent, you see a pink and blue horizon.
The cross you wear weighs you down.
Your friends oppose your horizon.
Their cross will not betray them.

As a young adult, you see a pink horizon with a sliver of blue.
The cross you once wore, has fallen to the floor.
Your old friends have left.
Their cross will not betray them.
Your new friends see a full spectrum horizon.
Their flag is welcoming.

As a new mom, your horizon is pink.
The flag embraces you with open arms.
Your friends see a full spectrum horizon.
Their flag does not weigh them down.

As a second-time mom, your horizon remains pink.
Your flag lifts you up.
Your friends see a full spectrum horizon and then some.
The flag flies high.

You and your wife see a pink horizon.
Your flag symbolizes strength and acceptance.
Your friends see a full spectrum horizon.
Your flag waves with pride.

Dear Younger Me,

We’ve made some big mistakes, but we have a bigger God. He’s forgiven us, and promises life and pleasures forevermore at His right hand. We have joy now because we are learning and proving the Lord by putting Jesus first, others, then you.

Sometimes I worry. I won’t tell you we’ve stopped completely, but it’s not all-consuming anymore. The circumstances that bring us to worry also bring us to the feet of Jesus. Here in this humble spot, we find His undeserving grace and gentle embrace. It’s almost as if He wipes the tears from our eyes and places us back on our feet with new strength in our heart, and the assurance that He works all things together for His good and in His perfect time.

I do not know what the future holds, but I want you to know the pleasures of this world are not worth the joy, peace, and blessings found only in obedience to the Lord. You don’t have to worry when you are resting in the Lord. I have said this many times this past year, “You can worry, or have the Lord’s peace; you can’t have both.” So when the storms around you and inside of you begin to rage–know that you are in the perfect place to find His perfect peace. Humble yourself. On your hands and knees, plant your broken heart, and your shattered life as dying seeds. Only then can He, who holds tomorrow, cultivate life everlasting.

In Christ,
Jasmine Cata
Hebrews 12:1-2

They tell me to write a letter to my younger self,
As if she wasn’t the person who made me who I am today,
As if I had more figured out about life now than I did when I was her age,
As if I had advice to give in the first place.
They tell me to tell her why she shouldn’t worry,
As if she was worried about anything.
I just wish they had a time machine,
For even if I did have words to say, they would never get to her.
Just as tomorrow’s me will never be able to give words to today’s me, so today’s me will never be able to give words to her.
For she does not exist anymore.
Who exists is the person I am today,
A person who came from who she was then.
So it had to be her back then writing a letter to me today.
It had to be her telling me not to worry,
She knew that better than today’s me anyway,
But that cannot happen.
For we do not have a time machine.
I cannot go back in time and write a letter to today’s me.
The only letter that can ever be received is the letter I write today to the future me.

Dear younger me,

Some times the days feel hazy, uncertain and all so scary
But take heart, because you have a best friend coming that will help you carry.

Right now, at 15 you’re dealing with your first heartbreak,
But one day you will look back and find that everything was not at stake.

Your size, your hair and even what you wear seems all so top tier,
But really what’s important is overcoming all the fear.

You’re struggling to find who you are and the right place,
But one day soon you’ll look in the mirror and see that you’re value can’t be replaced.

You keep searching for the answers and every time you think you’ve found it, it’s as if you’re slapped in the face,
But sweet girl, you’re only a child- I wish I could show you how to give yourself some grace.

If you knew then what you know now, you would have an easier time,
In fact, you would sail through these coming years instead of walking around as if you are blind.

So I leave you with these wise words to put your mind at ease,
Everything really isn’t always at it seems.

You wish to be small
Slight and petite
Not round like a ball
Atop two chubby feet

You want to fit in
With those in your school
To be popular, thin
Not solely uncool

Why can’t you be skinny
Like others your grade
Dress in skirts mini-
Not big and homemade

But hold it, I say
To big little you
Soon comes the day
Adolescence is through

At age twenty-nine
With determination and grit
I promise you’re fine
Keep at it, don’t quit

Realizing long last
Being strong is what’s best
Leaving diets in the past
You pass the qualifying test

Now, a personal trainer
Group fitness leader
Sometimes entertainer
Always positivity feeder

The joy you’ll discover
In this health career choice
Will help your recover
And find your own voice

So, please don’t you fear
Dear big, little you
Your future is near
Your dream will come true

She is gone.
You stand there gazing at her body,
Waiting for her to stand up, to reach out, and to call your name.
Thoughts of fear and loneliness circle in your mind,
and you whisper, “Nothing, will be the same”.
You are right.
The mother who held you when you skinned your knees,
Who sang all the time and filled a room with joy.
The one that laughed at your jokes, scolded you more than she should have had to,
And listened as you told her about your crush on a boy.
Yes, she is gone.
But do not fear little Destiny.
She gave you thirteen years of love and lessons.
Do not be afraid to spread your wings and be the person she taught you to be.
For I know that though nothing is the same, everything will be ok.
You will fall in love, and then out of love many times.
You will run from everything, only to find yourself return.
You will fail.
Over, and over again, you will fail.
But again, I say, do not be afraid my dear Destiny,
For you and I are one and the same.
We have loved and been loved in return.
We sing all the time and fill rooms with joy.
We have held our babies, through pain and tears.
We have loved and we have lost.
And through it all, we have prevailed.
Strong, independent, joyful, and loved.
We are who she taught us to be.
She is gone.
But she remains.
In your heart, as you love so deeply.
In you smile, as you laugh and joke.
In your song, as tunes float from your lips.
And in the woman that you will grow to become.
Stand tall, little one,
Believe in yourself,
And remember
She is not really gone.

Be bold, be fierce.
Never go to sleep mad.
Remember to be seventeen.
 
Your words can cut, they can piece.
Try not to be so sad.
Be bold, be fierce.
 
Be loud, enjoy these years.
You won’t remember all the laughs you had.
Remember to be seventeen.
 
Don’t waste time crying, dry those tears.
Go out, be glad.
Be bold, be fierce.
 
Close your eyes, open your ears.
Spend more time with mom and dad.
Remember to be seventeen.
 
Raise your glass, cheers.
Keep your heart ironclad.
Be bold, be fierce.
Remember to be seventeen.

Beautiful girl, you are not behind. You are not wasting time. You are not in the way.
You are living. You are learning. You are strengthening your heart.
Your dreams are perfect for you. Chasing money is for others. It’s not your passion and you don’t need it to be. You have always had enough and just having that understanding makes you richer than many.
Your love for others is not too much. You are practicing for the people who deserve it. Without those who cross you, you might have made mistakes on the good ones.
Your loyalty to love is not getting in the way of a career. Your best job ever will come hand in hand with the life you’ve always wanted.
Be patient. Momma at heart. You will wait for your babies and the ache will throb for some time. You will see how lucky you were to wait. You have such a smart uterus.
You are your own universe. No others’ rules apply to you so let people preach and and move the way you want anyway.
You were made just the way you needed to be and you were made well.

Hi Linda
OK first things first…it is ok that you don’t feel like you fit in anywhere. You do not have to get married and have a family. Having a career and not getting married or having children is fine. I know you get mad whenever anyone says it, but it will be all right in the long term. You will have had one successful career and be in the middle of a second successful career by your fifties.

It is all right, though you don’t believe me now, to be wired differently from other “girls” You will find your way and end up with many similarly minded friends who you have a good time with. Also, not everything is your fault, even if you did know, and might have stopped it, the other people involved in the activity SHARE the responsibility. You CAN NOT control the people around you or their choices, but you CAN control how you respond and if you continue to associate with them.

I am not going to lie you will make a TON of mistakes but it’s ok, remember to learn the lesson instead of beating yourself for a mistake.

Lastly, I want you to know that even if you aren’t “pretty enough” or “smart enough” or “good enough” you are in fact enough. You are by no stretch of the imagination much like your siblings and it will be fine. All of you will grow up and become closer as you each learn about what the other is good at and excels at doing.

It will be bumpy, but you can get through it and I will be ahead of you to show you how.

Dear Ronald,

Hey, what’s good, young man? Sitting with your back against a cold wall in the courtyard. You’re lonely, yes… I know your feelings are low. Friends? Little lady? Ah, no! I know the only thing colder than that wall is the one you put up in front of yourself. Right now, loneliness is the result of the burden that has you in a chokehold. Yes, your shyness, verbal and emotional suffocation are the main things that prevent you from communicating, hell, even relating to the world outside your wall. What you see as fear, young man, I bring a message to say that your silence is your biggest strength. You see, while you’re silent, your discernment reigns supreme. Your discernment comes from above because your guidance comes from within. To your fellow adolescents, what’s popular is to blend, adopting fakeness to fit in, but everyone becomes the same when you crucify your true self for the sake of fame.

Here is the revised version of your text with some corrections:

Your mystery is intriguing; it stands out. Your thoughts are real, and your morals are pure because you didn’t forsake them; you remained yourself. You will begin to attract many, but your discernment is supreme. Everyone is offered your kindness, but not everyone is invited into your life. So, trust me when I say that the people who make it across that wall are there because your guide saw it fit; they had a place. Yes, you are lonely, but it is only to prepare you to fully appreciate the faithful people who will truly remain. I know this is hard to obtain, but trust me, the strongest people are those who endure. This will allow you to truly appreciate the people and opportunities that make it through.

So, young man, all I ask is that you continue to be yourself, endure, because it’s all working towards something pure. You are wise among your peers because your discernment reigns supreme. The opportunities and people who make it through; you won’t even have to worry because they hold the same qualities, morals, and values that you do. (taps wall) I love this wall that you have; I love your silence. Your discernment will truly allow you to open up. While you will always express love to everyone, what I love most is that the most intimate and solid aspects are for the people and things that make it through.

Sincerely,
A testament to who you are right now