The Ordeal

Call it what you want but I’m being straightforward,

I’m trying my hardest to focus on myself but there is always that part of me that has to vent my good vibes of love even though too much of a good thing can easily go bad.

Some can call it selfish I don’t care anymore,

I’m looking for someone I can always feel comfortable and proud showering with care and inviting to places and events two friends can’t just go to.

I’m not saying it ever has to be more than a beautiful friendship, neither am I saying we can’t have other friends or interests.

I’m saying that I prefer to work on myself and have that one person to escape with whom I can rely on to be considerate and honest with me.

Well aware of circumstances I wouldn’t have to be more than a friend emotionally I would only suffer in moments of weakness where I confuse what I want with how I think I feel.

In my best headspace, I know that I will forever crave bonding on a personal level with this one person we focus on only each other in that sense. I know the reality that life happens things and people change and so do the things we want and how we feel.

But all of that is just an attempt to be safe and cautious about the passion that burns within my soul.

At heart I want to ignite a connection with someone that will change our lives forever I want to fail and lose in front of someone who won’t see it as weak until I win but see it as the strength in my character to keep walking in the rain until I reach the other side of the storm.

Truthfully I don’t know who I’m wishing for or when I will find them but I’m at a place where I know how much having someone right there in that place will mean to me I know that I’ve so far with people who weren’t capable of holding up and sometimes nobody there at all.

I’ve messed up good things before,
I’ve fumbled many bags,
I’ve sold many wins,
I still haven’t quit,

This is more than sexual desire,
This is more than craving intimacy,
This is more than needing a partner,
This is more than trying to fill voids,
This is more than a me thing,
I’m not sure what this feeling is but I know for a fact that I will never stop feeling this until that one is found.

All I’m saying is,
For now, let’s dance,
For now, let’s Sing,
For now, Let’s Party,
For now, let’s dress up and go out,
For now, Let’s Eat,
For now, let’s just enjoy the moments in life we might miss focusing too far down the road,
For now, let’s just be right here where we are and go from there,
Forget what all these success gurus and mentors are saying and whatever all these successful and famous people said they did before they got to where they are.

We have our own stories to write let’s not plagiarize anyone’s life of success and live right where we are.

All I’m saying is for now let’s focus on one foot in front of the other and see where we go.

In life, we say I love you,
Many won’t mean what they say.
In poetry, we say I love and then we take you somewhere further than outer space.

I say I love you to many in many different ways,
Love is too complicated then dares to never make sense.

There are so many ways to love someone only real love could understand the rest.

I love her as my Nurturer,
An artist who molded the most beautiful clay,
The momma bear whose cubs never starved a day.

I love him as my Foundation,
The cement of my soul when the tides of life wash the rest of me away,
The tesla of my heart he made me the light on your darkest days.

I love him as my own heart,
The fragile passion none could ever corrupt or dethrone,
The hero to my sidekick for as long as he lives I’ll never let him truly be alone,
He looks out for me, I’m his almost clone.

I love her as the earth loves the sky,
Sometimes she is my shade,
Sometimes she brings the rain,
Sometimes she may be the storm,
The mother of the artist,
She is the vision that the masterpiece was made for.

I love him as my mentor,
The flame of my candle when lost in the dark,
The script to the play when I never had a chance to practice my part,
The man behind the blueprint to a better-built heart.

I love them as my brothers,
A bond close to kin,
Should they never question my loyalty,
We save each other from our sins.

I love them as my sisters,
A love to fill a void of the things never had,
A love to protect and be vulnerable when things are good or bad.

I love them as family,
The kindest faces the ones we have yet to meet,
The only love that times has yet to defeat.
An impossible connection that defies the very ground beneath your feet.

I love her as the moon
Her love is my sun
No earth in sight,
A connection stronger than the deadliest spider web none has ever spun.

I love her as her escape
No interest in whether she deserves peace,
I’ll be her chance to just run away,
If she goes too far or finds herself lost,
I’ll love her as her return
For things that need her most could never recover from such loss.

I love them as their comfort,
I place they can be safe,
I’ll be their pillar until they need a pillow,
I’ll be both for them on my best days,
I’ll also be their discomfort because growth won’t happen any other way.

As for myself, my love is a Thorny mirror
For the things that I feel are a reflection of what I serve.
A taste-blind chef with intentions of shaking the world.
I love myself in a place of solitude as the one who hates to love alone.
I’ve been so far from where I was I forgot that I’ve passed where I wanted to go.
That’s what happens when aren’t looking ahead.
Now I just want to be bonded with the dream I’ve always had love for a gamble on a shooting star.
Memories of the longest chapter I’ve ever written so far.
Love for the one who always gets a page no matter what chapter I’m on.