Is it okay
if I lay down?
I am feeling tired
I cannot explain
It’s what I feel

Making bodies
all day and night
Not gracefully
I embrace each moment
and yet it drains me

What does it look like
if I lay down?
Will I be baring
all my weakness
for everyone to see?

I will love in myself, now
that you’re not here,
all the little things
unspoken
that drew us near

Will you still love me
if I lay down?
I am feeling tired
I cannot explain
It’s what I feel

I miss your arms
I could not feel them
They were never for me
Mine stretch out longer
It only made me stronger
Now I understand why you believe-
it’s easier

In my mind
my head is resting
on your legs
But I don’t know you that way-
the way I would like to
when I need comfort to fall asleep
and when I don’t know what to believe
to make it easier

It is strange to think
that I will never again
smoke a cigarette
for as long as you
and I live

Does the universe
expand?
Or do we just
push it to its
limitlessness?

Already I feel
so unworthy of you
You are an angel
but I am no god

Maybe I will be better-
benevolent and unenvious
I would be anything
for you

It’s strange to think
that I could produce good
into a world
that has brought me to my knees
I now cradle you in my heart
and fall asleep

Eat your shame
It doesn’t go away
Regurgitate
like you’re overweight
You need more meat
on your body to hate

She promised to suck him off
in the parking lot
for her drink of choice
She was far too young
for either one
but had nothing left to lose

Swallow your pride
It doesn’t go down easy
Don’t let him see you
cringe in disgust
You need more secrets
to hate yourself for

Cut your skin
wide open
Underneath even you know
you’re worth more
It can only get better
and I don’t take it for granted

Uncomfortable in her skin
unless it was naked
No confidence in
a word she said
unless they were slurred
So she ate her shame
every fucking day
She swallowed her pride
and kept her promises
It all cut her skin wide open

****trigger warning: explicit mention of sexual violence****

In response to events surrounding a recent high profile trial.

You give your seal of approval
He’s such a good guy
He was a good friend to me

You bring up the wife and child
He keeps them safe
from all the dangerous men

You’re the face of a cause
but you mustn’t believe it at all,
not a word you say

Protect the children at all costs
Keep the daughters safe
from prying eyes and hands

Keep the prepubescent pure,
and rape the women-
she is yours, she can’t say no

Your words like a knife
etch your perspective and ill motive
into perpetuity

At least one in three
Rarely any recourse
No one writing her letter to set her free

Tally the victims,
tell the world they exist,
yet, no one cares to know
how many men are rapists

No, don’t be sorry we found out
It’s best we all know
what you are

~getting help is traumatic~

Wake up in an unfamiliar cold bed
Warm blanket, back exposed
Not sure how you got there-
but you did it to yourself

Fighting tubes- back to sleep
You only wanted to apologize
They will never understand
And again- you never want to wake up

Rushed back into full consciousness
No compress for your bruised arms
Honesty becomes your worst enemy
when all you want is to go home

Neighboring, neglected withdrawal cries
A midnight delusional in your room
Halls filled with the souls of strangers
You never asked to be woken up

Rough socks, ammonia scented floor
Bolted windows- no escape
All you want is to go home-
but you did it to yourself

~Learning how to find safety & healing in sensuality after trauma; building positive associations and being myself for the first time~

I know you’ve just gone
but I miss you already
Oh, why not just stay
until I’m all done?

Not meant to be a lover,
but call me your concubine
to meet your needs
as well as mine

Oh, come into me
in the flesh, in the flesh
I want to feel meat
in the flesh, in the flesh

I know I’ve been here before
but I forget already
why I’ve now come
to feel this again

I never wanted a friend
I waddle around
asking, “are you my lover?”
Two birds of a feather fly on

Oh, come into me
in the flesh, in the flesh
I want to feel meat
in the flesh, in the flesh

Oh, why are you here?
In my flesh, in my flesh
I want to feel it
I want to feel

Oh, come into me
in the flesh, in the flesh
I want to feel it
I want to heal

I know you’ve just gone
but I miss you already
Why not just stay?

When, oh when
did I stop smelling your head?
3 months in
and my life is already flashing
in your eyes
Oh, my little kin-
it will never be the same
as it is right now,
as it is right now

Why ask why
when I know you are the answer?
You give me reason,
so much joy
and light
Oh, sweet child-
you move me with every smile,
with every smile

Your daddy’s son-
you are the reason
I fell in love
Oh, you gentle soul-
do you even know
how you’ve rocked my world?
With the sweetest sound
I’ve ever heard,
I’ve ever heard

My little me,
may you always know
the joy you bring
Oh, how I dreamed of you,
I dreamed of you

Goodnight
to you,
my little light
Tomorrow you will light the world
You will light the world.