I want to know if you regret this
Are you awake right now
losing sleep over the pain too
or is it just me
rolling around restless at night
trying to figure out how the fuck
it came down to this?

I want to know if my face haunts you.
My docile doe-like eyes and soft curves
contorting into a demon whose memory
is smeared all over the walls of your face.
You can remove me materially,
but my energy will linger
and you will have to sit with it
knowing what you did
knowing who you lost
and all that you chose to throw away
because running is easier
than taking accountability.
responsibility does not come from the way one handles business and finance,
but from the way one works though conflict and treats other people.

Are you proud of what you did?

Because despite it all,
I was still ready
to stay in your life
and help build you back up again.
Bedtime remedies to help you sleep
Calls during the middle of my work day to keep you calm while the weight of the world burned down on yours.
A submissive princess ready to take all your worries and transmute it into something beautiful anytime you called my name.

All I wanted was respect

for all the love I gave.
I was building something beautiful while you were slowly looking for the chance to tear it all down.
I’ve learned the hard way that unrequited love is never worth it
but for the life of me,
I’m tired of always feeling so damn disrespected each time I carve out a space in my life for somebody’s son to come sit for a while before they no longer see me as a human deserving any bit of common decency.

I don’t want your compliments.
I don’t want your money.
I don’t want your love.
I don’t want attention.
I want you to respect me enough to either
leave me the fuck alone to begin with
or to stay and figure it out.

Yes I am angelic,
Yes my energy overflows and could stand the leakage.
Yes, I will be okay.
But please,
respect that I am still human
and am worth the wait.

We are shackled by insecurities
Followers and likes make up our worth
External validation is what we seek
It’s a never-ending curse

But I was looking in the wrong places
The answers are found deep within
So I’m reintroducing myself to me
And so this new journey begins

Hello, it’s nice to meet you
I’ve longed for a best friend
I decided to become the things I need
No longer living a life of pretend

I tell myself I’m worthy
And validation starts with me
I no longer need to look elsewhere
I’m exactly where I need to be

I was born to be successful
I was born to share my gifts
I was born to give love to this world
I was born to build and uplift

I am worthy because I’m loving
I am worthy because I care
I am worthy and uniquely created
Hand-crafted with so much to share

You are worthy when you wake up
You are worthy when the sun sets
You are worthy and I love you
In case no one has told you that yet

I think I am worthy.
I was born from the womb, screaming so.
Feed me!
Bathe me!
Let me sleep!
Take care of me!
Oh, please, please,
love me.
I was born with my body believing, with every ounce, that it deserved love.
It was the world, today’s world, that made me think otherwise.
Or maybe, once I started thinking about love and stopped being it,
is when the disconnect truly began.
Regardless, one day, I’m not sure when,
or how soon,
the world stopped feeding me.
Cleansing me.
Letting me rest.
And in turn, I surrendered my body to it,
because I did not know where else to get my love.
It was not until Later,
when I started feeding myself,
bathing myself,
and giving myself permission
to rest,
that I recovered
my nourishment,
my cleanliness,
and my wholeness.
With this,
I was able to disconnect from the world,
at Long Last,
and see my worth,
Once Again.
I could see how I was love,
just by myself,
just by existing!
That’s what I knew before,
before I stopped demanding it,
that it was a deserved breath.
Love is a birthright.
And with love, respect comes beautifully entwined.
I deserve respect because it is what gives power to the very core of our beings.
Love,
love,
love.
The one thing that powers us all from the moment we are born,
during, after, completely,
and until the end of time.
And is not the very force of our existence deserving of respect?

Because
I
Am
Human^1

1 – And you are too.

How you go? I go by Sole. That’s S-O-L-E like the shoes on ya feet. Now repeat after me: “I am worthy of a peaceful and prosperous life. I deserve to be free.”

Man, fuck your worth, I deserve peace! I’m the one out here in these streets. I’m the one sacrificing my dreams. I’m the one neglected, forced to feel defeat over and over and over, on repeat. I’m the one that had to help you clean them dirty ass sheets. I’m the one who had to force you to eat. I’m the one who never got to speak, and I’m the one who did all that shit for free… and I kept it discrete.
Cuz your pain wasn’t for the whole world to see. So I fabricated a world where you didn’t have to flee. Gave you a space to express your creativity. Gave your lonely ass a sense of connectivity, even while dealing with all your undeserved egocentricity. Dug through all the bullshit and gave you your authenticity. Made sure not one soul, not even your mama, would notice your declivity. I joined the army to fight the tears while you ran and cried to your mommy. In this circus of a world, I became the ring leader, while you settled for being just a carny. I read every book and learned from every pastor, preacher, and swami, while you cursed the mere idea of Bani. I learned to be silent every time we’d disagree and dealt with every plea of “Lord, please just take me.” You destroyed your home and I rummaged through all the debris searching for the key to keeping you happy. I cut off so many parts of myself I might as well be an amputee. I kept calm and collected while you were begging for attention, screaming like a banshee. I waded and swam, nearly drowned in your emotional tsunami. I took every toll and paid every price, with no indemnity. Well now all that I do costs, now there’s a fee. Cuz just like you, I deserve to be free. Now, you have no choice but to respect me.

Why I Deserve Respect

Early in my childhood is when the real trouble started.
It was confusion, it was delusion, and I was very broken-hearted.

But as I got older, I learned to cope with art.
A crayon in my little hand marked the very start.

First, it was drawing- mainly animals and flowers.
Then thinking up poems for hours and hours!

I sing, I write, I play the cello.
And I’m never afraid to ask, “How are you?” or say, “Hello!”

Yes, I’ve been through so very much over all the years.
Now I write to all of those that will hear!

The reason I believe I deserve respect is that I have so very much to give.
Art, music, poetry- a whole life ahead to live!

Last, I deserve respect, honor, and dedication
Because I am a giver of hope, kindness, and inspiration!

I’d like for you to put some respect on my name.
I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced, but i guess you saw how I wear my pain.
How dare you fix your lips in an attempt to drag me through the dirt?
How do you judge someone for the past or the resilience it took to even share their hurt?
You must be packed in bubble wrap to throw stones in a glass house,
And you must have all the answers if you chose to let someone’s insecurities come oozing out your mouth.
See it’s easy to judge when you’ve never done anything except sweep your emotions under the rug.
I don’t know too many people who aren’t traumatized by drugs,
Bad relationships, assaults, lack of hugs,
Deaths, illness, hell just because.
Life hands out ass whoopin’s daily.
We have no choice but to persevere,
But some of the things we experience almost kept us all from gathering here.
They called us strong when we didn’t feel like it.
We hid our tears and all the times we were too afraid to ask for help.
Hell, there were many days of looking in the mirror without recognizing ourselves,
So give yourself grace.
You survived something the person next to you couldn’t imagine having to go through.
And fuck what the critics say because they don’t slightly even know you.
Respectfully.
No one walking this Earth has the right to judge another on their past or pain,
So next time let them know to put some respect on both our names.

Respect. It can be a tricky concept sometimes… but I deserve respect because out of the 8.1 billion people who live on this beautiful planet, I am undeniably unique. I am 1 of 8.1 billion. I may look, act, see, and talk differently, but I am still human. I deserve the same respect as the homeless man living under a bridge. I deserve the same respect as the richest CEO on Earth. Because I am human. I breathe the same air as my neighbor. I drink the same water as my enemy. I sleep under the same night sky as everyone else on this planet. I get sick just like everyone else, and eventually, I too will die as the cycle of life will take over as mother nature intended. All because I am human.

R
E
S
P
E
C
T
Find out what it means to me.
Actually, I’m still finding out, too.
I’ve made friends with bad habits like quitting early and cutting myself short.
I hang around with the idea of starvation, letting my stomach’s gurgling protests fall on ears closed tight, eyes fixed on an image that isn’t my body.
I let my to do lists build and build until they crash over me like a wave and wash me out to sea.
I get overwhelmed so easily these days,
and overstimulation is a constant companion.
I bought special ear plugs so that my daughter’s temper tantrums wouldn’t send me over the edge.
When I put them in, they replace her often jarring noise with tiny whispers that I am a bad mother.
I forget to feed my dog, and I can’t bring myself to put away my laundry.
Baskets of clean and dirty clothes sit in my broom as stalwart reminders that I fail.
I fail a lot.
But sometimes
I finish a poem, and I believe it’s good enough to share.
I let my body tell me what it needs, and I indulge it.
My pile of tasks gets a little smaller, and I let myself feel competent.
Confident.
When my daughter screams, I scream with her, and we crumble into laughter.
She hugs me and my whole being floats.
I’m a good mom.
And I feed the dog, and conquer the laundry.
So if I’m still learning that my body is less like a temple and more like a celebration,
and if I’m still figuring out that imperfect isn’t a slur,
and if I’ve almost realized that good enough really IS,
then I think I’ve also learned that respect is a gift I give myself.

A spirit bound within flesh.
I have become one in mesh.
A celestial being with utmost respect.
Shedding my light on the world as I bled and bled.
Gaining arrow after arrow in my back.
Never a helping hand do I lack.
Wishing a world full of peace and serenity.
Something that might not come unexacting for the ones who stepped on me.
Spreading awareness with love and light.
The utmost respect should be given to I.
I, a goddess in the flesh.
A divine human seeking success.
Not the success you see in material things.
Yet, success you see in making a change.
A change this world is desperate to gain.
I fly so high, up, up to away with my wings.
A human who should be so evil or unkind.
I wish nothing but the best for you and I.
Our souls know the ones not meant for our path.
Trusting the universe as I grasp my weapons.
Weapons gifted to me by ancestors in heaven.
Choosing wisely who’s given advantage.
For the utmost respect to me, as the battle I chose can heal he, she, we, within me.

In our world, we are surrounded by inescapable beauty standards, trying to pinch squeeze and fit into their parameters.

The average woman spends three hours a day on social media, competing for likes and searching for happiness, like Wikipedia,

Yet she lives in fear behind this glamorous veneer, never enough to love what she sees in the mirror.

We are told because she is tall and skinny. She is worthy.
Because she comes from money she is worthy,
but if she is smart, you’re chubby was nice of her to try, but please step to the side,

She was immediately judged by the size of her waist, the roundness of her face if she is pleasing to the eye, if there’s a gap at her thigh and I asked if this is right?!

Should her worst be so easily denied

Well.. If she is like me, there is hope on the rise cause I’m taking my worst back!

I’m taking a space on the stage with confidence in my face to tell you as a woman loudly, and probably that my worth is a dependent on what they think about me

I asked all my sisters and queens to look in the mirror and finally be a seen.

She’s worth because she’s smart.
She is worthy cause
She is kind she is worthy cause she’s herself, and She will not be confined.

Dear Gerald,
If there’s one lesson you’ve learned in all the years you’ve been on this Earth, is that you were worthy of respect all along. 

You knew deep inside your heart since you were little that you desired to be respected like a lot of your peers, family members, teachers, celebrities, and authority figures who you saw had a lot of respect, like the Reverends and Pastors you grew up watching preaching in a few Baptist churches. 

But respect was rare in your early journey. Not a lot of people shared your deep belief that you were worthy of respect. You were undermined, dismissed, and belittled just for existing how you wanted to exist. 

That soft-spoken sensitive soul just wanted to enjoy being comfortable in his own skin. But the troublemakers refuse to let that happen. 

These experiences of disrespect created doubt & inner demons that you would wrestle with throughout your teens and early 20s, while you tried to figure out who you were and where you fit in a microwave world. 

The inner demons desperately wanted to take you out and celebrate victory. But, something made you keep fighting, because you didn’t want them to win the war. 

Today in 2023, you still stand, feeling stronger than ever. Plus, you can say without hesitation that not only are you worthy of respect, but that anything less than the respect you expect is unacceptable. 

The disrespect you’ve endured throughout your life taught you that respect for self is imperative -  because without it, other people will disrespect you if they have the chance to. 

You’re worthy of respect because you’ve always strived to be a respectable person in a sincere way. The road wasn’t easy to achieve that. But you went through the fire to know what’s acceptable and what’s not when it comes to how you want people to treat you. 

You give people a chance to show why they should be respected and to see if you should respect them. If they failed the test, then they failed your class. 

You’ve learned repeatedly that respect should flow both ways between two people (or more) who appreciate each other. If respect is only flowing one way, the person who isn’t being respected must demonstrate self-love by removing themselves completely from that person. 

It can be a challenge at times to say that we’re worthy of respect if we rarely receive respect from others. But when we have people who care about us and show us how respect for ourselves should look, we can say what’s true in our hearts, that we’re worthy of respect too.

Sincerely,
Gerald