Surreal Parallels: My Blindness. His Prison Sentence
I recently had the privilege of speaking with Jon Antonucci on my podcast, “Grit, Grace, & Inspiration.” At 19, Jon was involved in a tragic arson attack that dramatically altered the course of his life. As he shared his story, I couldn’t help but find surreal parallels with my own life-altering experience.
I was only 17 when a life-saving surgery to remove a brain tumor left me completely blind. This was completely unexpected. Waking up to a world of darkness was like a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. There was no possible way this could be my new reality. I held onto a thread of hope that it was all just temporary, that something would restore my sight. But as days turned into years, that hope faded, and I had to face the truth of my new reality, I was now blind.
Jon described being sentenced to 14 years in prison in much the same way. He recounted the surreal feeling as he was handed his sentence, and like me, he clung to the hope that his nightmare would be overturned—that he would wake up from this bad dream. But the years passed, and reality set in. Jon would serve the next 12 years behind bars, followed by two years on supervised release.
What strikes me the most about our conversation is not just the gravity of our trials, but the surreal acceptance we both had to come to terms with. There was no miraculous intervention, no sudden awakening from a bad dream. Instead, there was a slow, often painful acceptance and adaptation to our new realities.
Both Jon and I have found ways to see our adversities as formative, even integral, parts of our identities. For Jon, his years in prison became a time of intense personal growth and reflection. For me, blindness was not the end but a new beginning, shaping me into the person I am today.
This is the beauty of the conversations I get to have through my podcast. Despite the vastly different paths we all walk, there’s a thread of commonality that connects us. Each of us faces our own “unthinkable” at some point, and yet, it’s through these challenges that we often find our deepest growth and purpose.
It’s only when we take the time to understand one another that we come to realize that we’re not so different after all. We are all just trying to navigate the complex journey of life, finding purpose in the paths we least expected to walk.
The knight elevates the princess
tightening his grasp midair
while they are lost in the brown waves.
Shifting the thread of hair behind
to gain a surpass of what the wave has inside—
the knight elevates the princess.
Giddying as the knight’s veins come through
the heat in the room leaves them breathless:
while they are lost in the brown waves.
The beats sync
taking the space away
the knight elevates the princess.
The grin grows uncontrollably
the palms leaving a trace:
while they are lost in the brown waves.
Continuing to go steady
as they snuggle close.
The knight elevates the princess
while they are lost in the brown waves.
2922 days, 417 weeks, 96 months,
the 8 long years it’s taken for me to know you,
was this born of hate?
is that why i find myself as resentful as i am?
i could never be numb to you,
i could never be apathetic to you,
i could never feel nothing for you,
hate or love,
hate or love,
hate or love,
and i can’t understand what’s in between,
there’s a house stoic hill,
woodland lonesome edelweiss,
just as you’d like
to which i arise,
to which you descend,
i dream about when i’m in the snow,
the house lives and breathes when i could feel the grass on my feet,
i heard you sing through a window ajar,
songs of seraphina,
you are the indescribable view of beauty,
as i open the front door to let myself in i kick the glue from my boots that keep me in place,
i step into rot and decay.
i feel the candles extinguish as i walk past,
i hear the weeping angles,
i smell the cankerous taxidermy,
my hands freeze from the arctic bite of the door handle as i let myself open to discover the indescribable,
asphyxiating from my ring you wear on your neck,
bleeding from my bite on your shoulder,
pale deficient from the dying sun,
the discord that drips from the welt of monstrosity,
why won’t god keep it out my head?
vomit inducing horror i would sooner be blind than see
disgusting shape of unknowable inhumanity,
emotion formed action,
building mountains on your skin,
you moan in pain from knowledge of thyself
but was it me who clipped your wings?
I hated my dad’s classes. He would take out his “Black Tapes”, his Black Law books, and his printed-out thick packets of information from whatever minister or professor he liked then and turn on his computer. It was only occasionally, but the topics of our history always left me feeling uneasy. As I’ve grown, I realized it wasn’t his fault the topics were oppressive to deal with, but I am fortunate he tried to prepare me for the outside world I was entering.
He is good at that.
I was homeschooled and in one of our many classes, I remember he made my brother and I draw a circle on the page in front of us and write these words.
“The space inside this circle represents my realm of knowledge. All that I think I know about whatever I think know is depicted right here within this circle! I must keep in mind that there is more to know than what is within the circumference of my awareness.”
I admired his way of storing and sharing information. His eyes lit up when he had the chance to but other times, he just kept his head in a book or focused on the new installment of monitors on his desk; only to interact again when his friends were around. The people who seemed to matter most.
What he does to me, I do to him. Even though in the deepest parts of our hearts all we want to do is hug each other. We choose to dance around it. We hurt each other, but we do it with love. I know it makes no sense, yet it’s true. I say nothing to protect us and he tells me nothing to keep my image of him from being damaged forever.
Everything he taught me I absorbed. I stood on a podium and to 300 people. I told them that quote he told me. I made them make a circle with their hands and recite these words, again.
“The space inside this circle represents my realm of knowledge. All that I think I know about whatever I think know is depicted right here within this circle! I must keep in mind that there is more to know than what is within the circumference of my awareness.”
I saw him watch me and I could feel how proud he was without having to look. There are moments when I love him with my whole heart and there are moments when I can’t because it hurts. But I always listen to him, just like I know he listens to me.
I love you in the way rain always escapes the forecast. It surprises me how much I always forget my umbrella. I love you and it’s hard because it’s hard to love myself sometimes.
We talk and clash because we both want to be right and since he can’t respond I will part with a piece of his song:
A baby boy, amazing grace. The 20th of July, a special day. A father’s smile and mother’s tear. Through that special reunion, I appear. So full of life and so many dreams. Raised in the ghetto the eldest of three.
This sounds like me:
A baby girl, amazing grace. The 25th of July, a special day. A father’s smile and mother’s tear. Through that special reunion, I appear. So full of life and so many dreams. Raised in the ghetto the youngest of three.
And this part sounds like us:
Plans were made to visit Grandma and them. But underneath pops’ wings is where you’ll find me. Right before bed was the best of times. I swear moms can read a book and make it come to life. But maybe life pressure got to Mom and Dad. Made them change directions from the ones they had. Buckets of tears running down my face as I watch in pain my hero’s separating.
Thank you Kayla for sharing your heartfelt letter. It’s clear that your relationship with your dad is complex and filled with both love and challenges. Despite the difficulties, it’s clear that there is a deep bond between you two.
Your dad’s approach to teaching and sharing knowledge is admirable. The circle exercise he had you do, showing the…read more
I appreciate you taking the time to read my work! He is truly someone I admire despite as you put it the difficulties. It’s an exercise I come back to often. I hope to encourage others not to forget there is always more to know than we realize.
You have been through so much in your life, and yet your heart is still so warm and loving. That is a gift to yourself and to those around you. While you are grateful for the good and bad, always be most grateful for you. Thank you for sharing and thank you for being part of our family. <3 Lauren
Dear Beyond Me,
Bravo! This poem reminded me of Faiz “My heart, my traveler” and especially of the line “I would gladly welcome death if it were to come but once,” You’re so talented ! Can’t wait to see mroe of your work!
In the cosmic dance of chance and fate,
A story unfolds, a love so great.
A Spectrum of colors, a call in the night,
Where fate intervened, two worlds took flight.
In the realm of pixels and data streams,
A Spectrum call center, where reality gleams.
As a troubleshooter, I entered the scene,
Little did I know, fate was foreseen.
In the sunshine state, where palm trees sway,
Florida’s warmth met Ohio’s gray.
A sweet voice on my line,
A connection so divine.
Fate had more in its grand design.
Little did I know, she’d soon be mine,
She insisted on more, a number to exchange,
Feeding into destiny’s range.
Two and a half years, our connection grew,
Before I gave into her irresistible pursuit.
A realization of self-discovery, coming to light,
As I embraced the truth of my own unique sight.
In the closet’s shadow, I found my way,
Guided by fate’s hand, in the light of day.
Coming out, my thoughts unfurled,
She stood by my side, as I reshaped my world.
Long-distance whispers across state lines,
A love so deep, like vintage wines.
Florida to Ohio, miles and miles apart,
Yet, she captured my soul and entered my heart.
Through video calls and messages, love took its place,
A connection so strong, no distance can erase.
Her laughter echoed through a virtual space,
Serenading me in a symphony of love and unspoken grace.
In her, I found a safe harbor, a haven of peace,
Long-distance love, a sweet release.
She, a lighthouse, guiding me through,
In the vast ocean of love, our connection grew.
Miles may stretch, but love knows no bounds,
With the help of fate, our story resounds.
A love that bridges the space and time,
A testament to fate, beautifully sublime.
Here’s to the place where it all began,
Our fate smiled, as it crafted our unique plan.
In the Spectrum of love, we found our place,
A love story written by destiny’s grace.
Abigail your poetic words beautifully capture the journey of love and fate that brought you and your partner together. As your connection grew over two and a half years, fate continued to play its part. And through it all, your partner stood by your side, supporting you as you reshaped your world. Despite the miles that stretched between you, love…read more
Abigail! This is so beautiful and sweet and romantic. Also, last lived in Ohio and I know live in Florida! But this is so well written. I am going to highlight this piece in our member spotlight today in our newsletter. <4 Lauren
My heart is broke I’m begining to sulk
My tears are for fears that you might not be back do you have to go away for this long? I don’t think Im strong for lack of a better word, maybe I’m being absurd
First time I saw you I knew you were the one.
Starring in to each others eyes our lips touched and that was it, I was hit with cupid’s arrow.
Now years later a lie was created
doubted thoughts loom and you assume.
My heart drops what did I do I never knew you felt like this I must’ve missed.
I want to give you a kiss and be in bliss again with you, this what I really want to do
I miss you
Danielle I can feel the raw emotions in your letter, and I’m here to offer support and understanding during this difficult time. Heartbreak is never easy, and it’s natural to feel a sense of sadness and longing when someone you love is away for an extended period. Sending you strength and support during this challenging time.
Happy Birthday Lauren thank you for this amazing platform and community of like minded individuals wishing you continuous years of greatness and happiness🤗🫶🏾✨
I always hoped that clicking around on social media would lead me to a community that was authentic and motivated, but safe spaces like that aren’t too common like that on the internet… Luckily, one fateful day in 2022 I saw an ad for The Unsealed. An invitation to share my story and a community to share and grow with was like a dream come true. My confidence and connection with writing has grown so much in such a short amount of time and I have to give major credit to this community. A community that wouldn’t be possible without the remarkable and inspiring expertise and humanity you, Lauren, offer to all of us.
It will take me years and novels to truly express my gratitude for this opportunity of a lifetime. The opportunity to be connected to enlightened writers and led by such a exceptional soul.
Lauren, I hope your birthday feels as special as you have made The Unsealed community feel.
Best Wishes. I can’t wait to see why you do next. ❤️
Aww Alicia! You know how much I love you! I am so glad you are part of The Unsealed. I appreciate you just as much, as your kind heart inspires me. I’m grateful for our friendship. Thank you for the birthday wishes! Love you! <3 Lauren
Wishing an awesome birthday to the founder of a community that has brought joy and connection to people who need it. Thank you Lauren for being that very person that chooses to help inspire others to share their stories to gain healing and strengthen others through community care. Enjoy your day! You deserve it!
Thank you for creating this community and in turn giving us a safe space to share our stories and find strength in one another. I am new here, but I already feel so grateful for this community of people who can come together to share their experiences, their fears, and their dreams. There is something so beautiful about that level of vulnerability and connection in a community. Thank you and happy birthday! 💛
Aww Marissa, Thank you so much. I am so very happy you are here, and I can’t wait to read more of your writing. You are so sweet and I so appreciate the kind words. <3 Lauren
To the one who took a passion,
aligned with her soul mission,
and birthed an entire community.
You are deeply appreciated.
My journey as a poet and intuitive writer started just two short years ago and I’ve officially been a member here for 1/2 of that 🙂
I’m not sure how I found my way,
but that magic moment unlocked
a source of Brilliance
that I never dreamed possible.
That Brilliance is you
That Brilliance is this community
That Brilliance is The Unsealed
and every single action you take
to encourage new artists
to keep going.
I don’t think we take enough time to pour into you as much as you have for each of us,
so when Rick reached out for ideas
of something we could collectively give as a token of our gratitude,
all I could think is how you deserve your flowers, too 🌸
Thank you so very much for all you do.
Thank you for giving me a safe place
to express my deepest feelings with
compassion and love.
Thank you for publishing these sacred pieces of my story in not one,
but two books!
Typing that out feel like a lie
that imposter syndrome tries so hard
to force me to not believe
but it is true,
and that is all because of YOU 🙂
May this next chapter of your life
be the one where abundance comes to you with ease
where grace saturates all of your darkest days
as the angels bless you with the love and gaiety needed to stay grounded through each breakthrough.
Something tells me you are going to have a wonderful year 🙂
Ala, I am in tears reading this. Your words are so beautiful. Thank you so much. I am glad this community has been so meaningful to you! And you are never an imposter. You are a talented writer, with a good heart, and you have so much greatness inside of you. I am so proud of all that you are! Never change. <3 Lauren
OMG Macy, this is so beautiful. Thank YOU for being part of The Unsealed. And sharing your heart and wisdom with me and everyone else. You are an amazing person and writer and I am forever grateful that The Unsealed brought us together. Thank you so much for your beautiful words. <3 Lauren
My description of a delightful conversation that is open-minded and nonjudgmental. You can see each other’s point of view because you listen intending to listen. When starting off the dialogue, others refrain from interrupting you, allowing you to get to the point. I understand why it’s so difficult to have it with most people. The reason for that is simple: you appreciate it more when you have that delightful conversation.
I used to love reading and writing, how much emotion they expressed with the power of the written word. What’s more powerful than the written word? That would be the words that we speak; the spoken word. Words have the power to build or destroy you. When you have ill intention, then the words hurt and create chaos for the person receiving it. A delightful conversation has the power to bring in positivity and possibly people together. Some people can agree to disagree and continue on with the conversation. While others stand firm that there is only one way. There is nothing magical about having a conversation that is only one-sided.
My magical moment was joining The Unsealed, knowing that I can also transform my pain into a superpower. It inspired me to express my thoughts the only way that I knew it would be best. I had a zoom meeting with Lauren, which went amazing. She is so kindhearted, empathetic, and compassionate. I believe I cried during that zoom call. A pile of emotion from my story & to how she just listened, intending to listen, providing me with that safe space. I wanted to just pull her from the screen and give her the biggest hug.
I know everything happens for a reason and sometimes we don’t always understand why it happens. I know the reason I am writing this today and that is because it is a very special someone’s birthday 12/11. The founder of The Unsealed, who has given people a voice to be heard and listened to. To have the weekly zoom meeting and writing contest. The way you genuinely reach out to every single member. It really is a community so much so that you published books with our pieces in it! You provided a safe space for us to express ourselves and we are so grateful for that. I wish you nothing but the best for you on your special day because you deserve that and so much more. Thank you for everything you do and for allowing us to be a part of your journey. You have gathered like-minded people together and allowed us to express ourselves with the written word. You truly are one of a kind Lauren, happy solar return!
Bri! This is absolutely beautiful. I love reading your writing! You have so much power and greatness within you. I really appreciate your kind words. They inspire me more than I can ever express. I am so happy The Unsealed has had such a positive impact on you. I wish I could jump through the screen and hug you right back. Love you and thank you…read more
When I stumbled upon The Unsealed, my life was in a dark place. In private, I could hardly muster a smile upon my saddened face. Writing is all I wanted to do, but a few poor decisions turned my dream into a nightmare. What this world is capable of, yet rarely do people embrace, I was about to enter a writing space where miracles are made possible; a chance to erase my past mistakes. Little did I know, the miraculous woman who orchestrates miracles by encouraging people to believe in themselves, shares the same birthday as my one and only baby girl. As fate would see fit, my daughter was born on December 11, too. Isn’t this the kind of miracle that strikes you! Shocks you! Fills your heart with magic? What if told you, the day after my grandmother passed four years ago, the number I couldn’t escape was 11:11. From that day forth, I imagined my grandmother taking on the form of an angel, guiding me on my new path as a writer. To this day, I’m confidently convinced that my grandmother led me to a living angel, my dear friend, Lauren Brill. I wish you a wonderful birthday Lauren, and I hope your special day is filled with magical moments 🌷🎂🎈🎁🎉
1111 is one of the most powerful angel numbers. A sweet little message letting you know that all of your spirit guides are right there with you. ever so close that it feels like you just want to hug them as tight as you can by listening to love they speak into your intuition. it is no doubt that a magical moment led you both together 🙂
Omg your daughter has the same birthday! How amazing?!?! Happy Birthday to your daughter. She is lucky to have a sweet, thoughtful, kind, and caring father like you! I am so glad your grandmother led you to me and The Unsealed. You inspire me and you encourage me to believe in myself and The Unsealed. I love you and I am so grateful for you and…read more
Lauren I went through our first book, page by page and reached out to everyone that I could find.
I went through all of your tags to see everyone that was associated with the unsealed, and I got to say everyone that I was able to reach was on board with doing this.
I had a small glimpse in everyone’s lives, and your impact was always a shining moment at the epicenter. It was always something like “I can’t believe I see my name in a book!” or “I can’t believe I’m on a billboard!”
All these people who are writing your messages today they all said the same thing: that it was a wonderful idea and that they would be happy to help surprise you.
I can not thank you enough for you and the community that you lead with love.
This is me as your friend showing you my gratitude for giving us a space to share the things that we share here, you curated an environment for strangers to become friends.
I’m so proud of you and I look forward to further collaborations and I really hope that you take this to the highest level that you can. Happy birthday!
THIS IS AMAZING! I cried when I saw. And now I made it easier. You can add people as friends on The Unsealed. And whoever you are friends with you can direct message. But anyways, this is the absolute best birthday present ever. It is so kind and so motivating. I love it. Thank you. You are so kind and amazing. I love this gift and I love you.…read more
Dear Lauren,
Happy Solar Return! May this new year bring you more life, more love, more joy and more happiness! You’re a real life super heroine spreading love and encouragement for writers to keep their dreams alive.
I use the words Solar Return instead of birthday for two reasons:
1. Technically your mother birthed you. So please tell her Happy Birthday from me. 😁
2. You’re experiencing another trip around the sun in real time. I don’t know about you but for me my birthday is always an emotional time. It’s an opportunity to reflect on what I did with my time over the course of the last year. It’s also a magical time because it gives me the chance to dream a new set of memories, adventures and stories that I hope to create. I hope that in this new chapter you dare to dream bigger and louder than ever. See you soon.
Haha that is so true, my mom did do the birthing! LOl Thank you so much. My birthday has always been an emotional time for me as well. Thank you for all your support and kindness. YOU inspire me. Love you! <3 Lauren
Lauren, I hope that this wish (prayer) finds you well… Happiest Birthday!!! May your day be filled with pure joy & warmth!
I am honored to celebrate this special day for the amazing impact that your light is contributing within this world, just by being YOU.
I am so blessed to have found this platform last year… it has truly helped revive a part of myself that the world needs to hear and for that I THANK YOU!!!
Btw, I loveee how compassionate and such a great effective listener/ communicator you are. That goes so unnoticed.
Aww thank you so much! I am so glad you are a part of our community. You are a beautiful soul. Thank you so much for the kind words, it truly made my day! <3 Lauren