a little toddler dabbles her toes in the Oregon coast waters, giggling and running from near her mamas.
her Portland cousins play near here with Auntie creating castles, jungles and rivers that flow the waves of the ocean waves and ecovillages below – the land, the sand interconnected to the depths of deepness below.
the sunbursts softly touch the reunion moments that cannot occur all the time.
sunbursts.
small joyful stands cheering for their favorite college teams,
swag outfits of hopes to hoops of dreams – we all have our shots.
for the beats that native musicians drum up to bless, to heal and to cheer the crowds to love,
the therapist who sits in her own softness after healing handing out hope through listening and assisting struggles of pain, finding laughter and humor to balance out the darkness.
the sunbursts come through the bubbled grey clouds that temporary pop up as life below saunters in shimmers to only be captured in the seconds that exist.
no tomorrow is promised.
no big kiss, no big hug, no sounds — so soak in it all.
soak in the life that leaves us to grow embedded in mother earth- panchamama and inti love – quechuan indigenous circles lift up and offer munay – deep love- where sunshine spreads limitlessly.

Fumbling teaches you a life lesson, two, or six hundred thousand times.
Sometimes life is a lab puppy who stays a puppy for life tearing up or peeing on your shoes.
We must laugh sometimes at how we strive to be perfect when we are so far away from that term, far away like clear transparent turquoise water hidden in the northern Idaho mountains.
The rush of fake Photoshopped gleaming diamonds and wealthy luxurious cars plaster on commercial boards, in magazines of teenagers’ hands at the library their teacher forced them to go to or the YouTube screen our young child has; the constant fake ads popping up on our social media platforms trying to define us, trying to create
a norm-a trend that is all too repetitive.
Yet, we heart & blood connect, maintain our identities, hybrid the best, flush out the worst,
and try to thrive in corners like spiders at night webbing possibility.
We know in our souls -fake is not real.
We know this and if we try to grasp or mold ourselves into temporary perfectionism of a lie,
we know we will vanish into empty holes without a galaxy.
That is why we/ I still try to feel Mother earth,
that is why we/I put our phones down,
that is why we/I smile at each other, be gentle, be forgiving and have grace with what’s to come –
magical moments as a blue heron flies down before a sunset sky in the pond at the Japanese gardens trying to decide whether his beak can hold a golden koi.
The magics of moments and decisions of contemplation, honest and true to our survival.
For our souls are bigger than the temporary,
so we glean and connect to the vast waters of the earth, we hike into the hills where trees sway and whisper love to our ears, and starbursts shine on our worth.
We shimmer and know that being authentic and fragile is our only hope to heal from trauma, and
that it is our only hope that connects us and brings us back to one in the completeness of the earth – the dirt, the sun, the water, the air – it helps us breathe and connect as we should. We/I teach and receive from its abundance and share this with the children whose hands put down screens and run into the forests barefoot
embracing the glory of future and fulfilling the growth that the skies and lands provide.

We live in the present through connection and pathways of our bodies.
The sustainability it seeks and provides simultaneously equal magical miracles: us, and me.
Our bodies as an earth, the roots spreading below the ground, growing into strong Sequoias listening.
Our bodies are water flowing, splashing love over walls and edges created without to help our flow. Our bodies are one, we are one, and yet one in our own bodies. The earth is our mother.
My body holding my head up, view ahead, surpassing struggles, hugging peaceful flowers of rolling hills and little critters the scatter about, the winds carry new adventures, and our bodies feel the air. Our bodies and my body.
My body is aging towards the dead.
Because we all die, we exit to another world.
So dwell on today. So be in today. Jump for today. Play. Pray and sway safely.
My body.
I am present, breathing, my veins pumping blood, my neurotransmitters zapping, resting and guiding me through many emotional spots of expression, suppression, and identification and providing me with abilities that can encompass possibilities, silence, and space. My body, our body motions us in all ways: spiritually, mentally, and physically.
the galaxy of being alive – the sun, the stars, the ocean blue, the vastness of land, open to us as we open to it.
Saunter and spread out and over through these pathways in generosity.

Dear Queen,

I know now you are struggling. Life has been kind but also it there have been furious storms recently. I know even as I use the word Queen you are unsure that you should accept this word yet your head bobs up like a kid swimming in the summer lake with full life jacket regalia on- you are not giving up, you are floating and trying to find the right time to make your big splash and swim through the deeper waters on your own, so you accept Queen. Queen, you got this.

So much has happened these past few years. You have applied for the same job three times because it’s the next step in your career to be tenured as an educator in higher education. You have failed to get the job each time even though you are a huge contributor to the program. The last time it ripped a part of your heart and you’ve spent the year repairing and patching it up again. Rejection again and again can be like a ton of concrete on your heart. It’s heavy. However, you’ve moved it and are repairing. You’ve been able to do some of this work through reflection, through processing grief, and you’ve done some of the healing by being near family, friends, and a good therapist. You’ve done healing through nature walks, where trees let you stop and lean on them and where fields are covered in big skies of cumulus clouds and sunshine to warm you and allow you to continue to dream.

Now, you’re facing this again: a new tenure position application. You are still in your teaching job because you love the definition of what you do, you are engaged as a teacher because you love connection and empowerment, and it is a way to arise above limited systems while existing in a system. The power of teaching is an art. No one can just steal that passion and love from you. You have heard from another friend being a revolutionary in these modern times is to work in systems and create anew. You know this has been history. You swallow the truth. You look to your past indigenous ancestors, you look up to other heroes -Black and Brown and Indigenous sisters and brothers, white allies, women sisters, and lesbian, gay, and bisexual, trans lives – all of those who have been shut down but still rise. Those who have been pushed down but get up and smile more. Struggling, and walking forward is the way – being in safe spaces with support of your loved ones, those who believe in you and where you can keep carrying your light forward. Be in those safe places to not have to fight to stand but to be cherished and delighted in so when you do go to more controversial spaces you have your light to get you through, your stamina still comes from love, your perseverance still pushes you to new places. Do not hold your self-worth to one position.

This tenure: you have applied for. You’ve been here. There are a few dragons up top that you do not get along with, but you’ve learned how to navigate better near the dragons. Maintain some positive affirmations: “I am excited to interview.” “I deserve this” “My self-worth is not attached to this position.”
Many good teachers deserve a shot. The demands of economic security are higher than the positions available on higher ed campuses. Higher education needs a renovation, they need to take care of their teachers – they are failing here, you know this. The majority of adjuncts know this. The students also know this. Quality has been replaced by a factory belt of outcomes. It is all unfair. People are barely able to meet their basic needs –greed is winning. Hope is only in light and innovation.

Queen, you WILL get through this. Do NOT let FEAR win. Hold your head high. Teach. Go forward.
Carry your torch. Carry your truth. Your people are standing strong with you. This position is a small. If you do not get it, you will still carry your light. You will still create paths to uplift. You are a creator because you are a Queen.
Go on, Queen, you got this.
Bring your wand.
Make wonders.

Love,