Outside my body
Looking in
It’s time to alert
My last of kin

I’m not myself
Think I’ve gone crazy
The last few days
Have been quite hazy

What am I thinking?
Have I gone nuts?
I’m acting insane
And I’m dressed like a slut

My middle finger
In the air
I’m drunk by noon
And i’ve cut my hair

Couldn’t give a fuck less
If I get in trouble
Speed limit’s 30,
I’m doing double

Blaring music
Hysterically screaming
Everything’s foggy
I must be dreaming
Met up with some new friends
Guess it’s high time to go ghost
On the people around me
That care about me the most

They’ll know exactly
What this all means
They’ll try and stop it
And I’ll cause a scene

My mom will exclaim
“Oh, fuck, she’s gone manic!”
And when you look at her face
You can see she’s started to panic

But what everyone here
Is failing to realize
Is that a manic episode
Is like winning the grand prize

I’m having a great time
I just quit my job
I’ve pounded a fifth
And i’m making kabobs

I don’t wanna come down
I don’t wanna stop it
Won’t take medication
So you might as well drop it

So I’m watching my alter
Destroy all that I’ve built
She won’t even slow down
Doesn’t understand guilt

Give it a week
And I’ll snap back to reality
But I’ll be so fucking depressed
That I’ll crave that mentality

No one can wake me
For almost a week
But when they finally do
I’m empty and bleak

I’d rather be mental
Blissfully crazy
Than low, sad, or sleepy,
Vacant and lazy

It’s no easy task
Living life with bi-polar
Cause when she gets on a good one
Even I can’t control her

Style Score: 80

Evil is not an entity. It is not a being, nor a force that moves on its own. It does not float through the universe, waiting to strike. Evil is born. And it is born inside us—not as something separate but as something we create, shape, and give life to through emotions we fail to control, thoughts we refuse to confront, and actions we justify in moments of weakness.

At the root of every evil act, you will find a wounded emotion—someone betrayed, angered, humiliated, or broken. In that moment of pain, they make a choice. A choice that carries weight. A choice that alters reality.

The Role of Emotions in the Birth of Evil

Emotions are tools, nothing more. They are meant to guide us, like a compass navigating the currents of life. But just like fire, they can either warm and illuminate or burn and destroy. And here lies the truth: Evil is never born from happiness. It is a byproduct of suffering.

A person who is happy, at peace, and fulfilled naturally makes choices that align with harmony. It is rare—almost impossible—for a truly happy person to intentionally harm someone. Evil does not breed in joy. It breeds in pain.

Pain clouds judgment, poisons logic, and blinds the spirit. It convinces a person that destruction is justified, that revenge is righteous, that cruelty is strength. Pain is the doorway where evil enters.

Think about it:

• When does a man decide to kill? When his anger, fear, or jealousy blinds him.
• When does a woman decide to destroy? When betrayal, bitterness, or grief consumes her.
• When does a child become cruel? When their suffering teaches them that cruelty is power.

Pain fuels destruction. And the greater the pain, the stronger the reaction. This is why when a person is deeply hurt, their immediate decisions are almost never rational. Their actions come from raw emotion, not thought.

Now, some will ask: What about those who are born evil? The ones who harm without reason? The ones who kill without provocation?

The answer is simple: No one is born evil. But some are programmed to become it.

The Generational Cycle of Evil

Some people do not need pain to be cruel. They do not need betrayal to deceive, nor loss to destroy. Their actions seem driven by something deeper, something instinctual. But even they are not born evil. They are programmed into it.

• A child raised in chaos learns chaos as truth.
• A mind exposed to cruelty accepts cruelty as normal.
• A soul deprived of love forgets what love feels like.

This is how evil moves through generations—not as an inherent trait, but as a repeated pattern. The sins of the past embed themselves in the present, rewriting the mind before it has a chance to form independently.

And unless broken, this pattern continues, spreading like a disease across bloodlines, across civilizations, across time itself.

Yet, there is always a choice. Always.

No programming is absolute. No destiny is fixed. Even the deepest darkness can be undone—but only by those who see it. And this is why most do not change—because they do not recognize the chains they wear.

The Illusion of Justified Evil

Here is where things get dangerous: Most people who commit evil do not believe they are doing wrong.

Evil does not announce itself. It does not say, I am destruction. Instead, it whispers:

• I am justice.
• I am necessary.
• I am right.

No one believes they are the villain in their own story.

• The man who seeks revenge believes he is delivering justice.
• The leader who oppresses people believes he is securing order.
• The woman who manipulates others believes she is protecting herself.

This is the great deception—evil rarely sees itself as evil.

When emotion controls the mind, logic bends to fit its desires. And when logic bends, reality distorts—a distortion where cruelty becomes necessary, where harm becomes justified, where destruction becomes an act of self-righteousness.

The greatest evils in history were not committed by people who thought they were wrong. They were committed by those who believed they were right.

But the truth is simple:

If your pain is controlling your decisions, you are not in control. You are being controlled.

How to Break Free from the Cycle of Evil

If emotions give birth to evil, then the only way to fight evil is to master emotions.

Not to suppress them—not to pretend they don’t exist—but to understand them and use them wisely.

1. Recognize your triggers. What emotions make you react instantly without thinking?
2. Pause before action. The biggest mistakes in life happen because people act in the heat of emotion. Learn to wait. Learn to breathe.
3. Detach from the illusion of control. Many people act out of pain because they feel powerless. But power does not come from controlling others—it comes from controlling yourself.
4. Rewrite your programming. If your bloodline has a history of destruction, it is up to you to end it. Awareness is the first step. Choice is the second. Action is the third.
5. Do not trust your emotions in the moment of pain. If you make decisions while you are hurt, angry, or afraid, you are handing your power to the very thing you are trying to escape.

Final Thought: The Truth About Evil

Evil is not a monster hiding in the dark. It is not an external force waiting to attack.

It is simply what happens when emotion overpowers wisdom.

No one is born evil.

But anyone can become it.

The question is—who is in control? You or your emotions?

march 15 2025
the best day of my life

I want to preface this by saying the title may be slightly misleading-march 15 was not the best day of my life in question (although, it was pretty good).

after spending a couple hours dillydallying about fisherman’s wharf and pier 39 in San Francisco, I decided to take the cable car back to my hotel (only the cable car took us half way, kicked us out, and told us to take the bus, which I opted to walki the mile, I decided I needed to walk that extra scoop of ice cream off). anywho, I was sitting in the cable car, distracting my mind from being present, scrolling through tiktok while also on facetime with my long-distance best friend. i saw a tiktok that nearly stopped me dead in my tracks. he was posing the question of “what was the best day of your life?” and I really thought ‘wow, I can’t pinpoint that’. and of course, the comments were filled with similar thoughts to my own.

what’s even worse, I could immediately think of an exact date that I’d consider the worst day of my life. I can tell you all the details about that day. almost as if I can relive it.

so it had me thinking, what could possibly have been the best day of my life? and a lot of people like to go the route of they haven’t lived it yet, they haven’t gotten to the best day ever yet. but that proves the point.
that proves that we are always just waiting for the next best. that we’re always comparing every good thing to happen to something else. that enough is never actually enough. success isn’t successful enough. happiness isn’t happy enough. every good thing could be better. we have so deeply engrained in us the ideal that the grass is greener on the other side. that’s what drives people to infidelity. because there’s always someone else out there that could be better, right?

it’s the potential we hold onto, the hope that we grasp onto. I think it gives us purpose- knowing the best day ever has yet to come. that we will always have something to look forward to because the best day has yet to happen. (at least, for the glass half full kinda people- optimistically scouring the earth for meaning, searching for the positive in every situation, seeing the world as beautiful and abundant.)

but I don’t think that way. I think when we are asked what the best day of our life has been, it’s conclusive only of what we have so far experienced. it’s a day that’s subjective. and may continue to get replaced as we live on, and value other things and find other events more fulfilling or more joyful.

it’s much easier to pinpoint the worst day ever because we don’t want to top it. we don’t want to one up some really bad shit. we want to leave it in the past. horrible days beg for our acknowledgement because they drain the life out of us. experiencing a day so bad that you were so painfully aware of all of your surroundings down to the smell of the stale air in the brick room of the house that was built in 1812 that you were standing on. down to the sound the floor made when you stepped on the creaky wood on your way out the door for the final time. you’ll remember exact phrases you said, exact ways that you felt. tastes, smells, sights, absolutely consumed you in a moment that left a forever imprint on your being. maybe not everyone’s worst day of their life was a traumatic event, but I think a lot of people have experienced trauma in even smaller scales.

horrible events beg for us to be sucked into them. they are so energetically draining, like a black hole, an energy vacuum. the energy we put towards negativity requires more effort than feelings of joy, which is why negative memories are far easier to remember than those that were joyful. bad things are often synonymous with our uncontrollables in life. because, unfortunately, we are unable to control everything in our life, which can lead to unfavorable things taking place. and, well, that’s life. but it takes a decision, effort, to make a positive thing happen. it takes effort to have the best day ever, and the worst day ever is typically one that happens TO us, rather than for us, perhaps.

though, I believe joy requires more autonomy. it’s like the paralysis of decision. deciding which day we can proclaim as the best feels like too much pressure. there’s where the pressure to be perfect comes into play. the pressure for the best. we have more choice in the decision of the best moments in our life than our worst. as I feel joy is a passive feeling, that is fleeting because it feels good to flow with the emotion of. and experiencing pain or suffering is much more active, as we spend the time in efforts to resist the feeling, rather than sitting in it and going with the flow. it’s easy to get in the boat and flow happily along the river, it feels good, natural, easy. it’s much easier to be joyful and have a happy memory. but you’ll remember the time you had to row upstream in a storm and all of the effort you had to put in to keep moving forward. same way our brain works through memories.

somehow, joy takes effort and happens naturally all at once. that’s the duality of it. it can be easy, and so difficult.

so, I was thinking about my best day. and I think where I’m struggling is that I want to combine a bunch of favorite memories to make the most perfect best day ever. I find something wrong with each day that I start to think is the best I’ve had. nothing is sufficient. it doesn’t help that I’m a happy crier, it doesn’t take much to make me feel emotional in a good way. and every time I feel so encompassed in my emotion, my eyes swell, I feel so deeply. that’s why I’ve been pondering my best day ever, wracking my brain of every positive memory I have ever had in my 24 years of existence thus far.

luckily for us, we’re likely to replace our best day ever time and time again. it just means we experience way more good in life than bad, and thank the Lord for that.

my most recent best day ever was in Belgium.

I arrived in Brussels and decided I wanted to take the train to Ghent. oddly, I have felt an overwhelming sense of comfort every time I’ve been to Belgium, a home-like feeling. this time was no different. on the 40-minute train to Ghent, I sat by the window. put my phone face down on the tray table in front of me, took my airpods out and put them back in their case, and just stared out the window. I do this thing when I’m traveling where I actively try to soak in every single moment, especially the mundane moments. (though I’m realizing I’m a hypocrite based on paragraph two of this.) if you lived in Brussels and took the train to Ghent every weekend, you likely would find ways to distract yourself, you would get used to the ride, bored of it even. not me, this was my first time. and looking out at the countryside, it was so eerily similar to parts of Kentucky where I’m from, and I started tearing up. the small part of myself that misses home was feeling engulfed in this moment. the little girl that was coloring next to me kept looking over at me and I’d like to think it was because she thought I was cool, but she probably actually thought I was ridiculous. I actually thought she was really cool, I was thinking wow, how cool would it have been to grow up here.

after getting dropped off in Ghent, I wandered through the streets, and this is what I have in my note’s app,

“the countryside of belgium, perhaps ‘the burbs’ inbetween brussels & ghent, actually look eerily like kentucky. and i feel weirdly at home.
ok everyone comes out on sunday to buy tulips & other flowers in ghent? thats cute. and the rich people have having bottles of wine & charcuterie in the middle of all of it”

that doesn’t tell you much. but for a moment, I envisioned myself living here, coming out on a Sunday afternoon to buy tulips and have a European brunch with family and friends, and I liked the way I felt a serotonin boost just by picturing that alone.

I decided to take a little touristy boat tour through the canals for 9 euros (where the f is the euro symbol on my keyboard?). I sat down next to a girl who said she’s from Vancouver, who proceeded to tell me about her corporate job that absolutely went over my head. I thought she was cool enough to share a boat seat with for 40 minutes I suppose.

when I took the train back to Brussels after having wine and the best brioche with chocolate chips, I wandered around (clearly I do a lot of that). ate more random little bites and stumbled into my favorite little park in the city where there is always live music and people joined around. by live music, I mean men who pull up with a guitar and sing typically. but it always speaks to my soul. and I get emotional every time. I sat and listened, I watched, I took some deep breaths to take it all in.

later that night, I stumbled into a cool reclining wooden chair looking at the cathedral where I sat to watch as the sun went down, and I felt God smiling at me. I swear. on my walk back, I got mistaken for a local and that made me feel like I belong in a cool girl way. I even got gelato and the man shaped it into a rose for me. I saw more people singing but this time in the Grand Place, and I fell in love with life all over again.

all of that goes to say, maybe that was my most favorite day ever. but then, I can’t help but to think there was probably a day in my life that tops that. part of me feels like the best day ever should have included a cool accomplishment, like when I graduated flight attendant training and was really emotional about it, or ran 20 miles for the first time, or hiked a mountain, my first solo hiking trip, or my first solo international trip, or something. but maybe my silly little 24-hour work trip to Brussels where I took a train to Ghent will sit there for now. and I won’t rush the next best day ever. somehow there is something really awesome about every single day, even the ‘meh’ days.

Unsealers,

I seem to have a difficult time finding the right words to begin an introduction about who I am because I am still trying to figure that out for myself. I do know that I have a story to tell, and I feel incredibly grateful to have stumbled upon this community where I finally have an opportunity to start doing that for the first time in my life.
Starting at a young age, I had a craving for the fast life. I entered into the throws of addiction shortly after my age became double digits, I was gifted with a laundry list of mental health diagnosis at age 25 including but not limited to type 1 bipolar, C-PTSD, anxiety, and depression; and in turn I have landed myself in some fairly… less than ideal circumstances due to those facts. All in all my intentions are mostly pure, but I have a tendency to take red flags and mistake them for a carnival, and I seem to try every wrong thing first before I finally get life figured out. Some of the shit I have gotten myself into has changed me forever, some of it makes for a hilarious story, and some of it can still bring me to tears just by thinking about it. All of it has brought me to where I am today. I have experienced child birth, divorce (not once but twice), multiple types of abuse (both on the giving and receiving end), homelessness, prostitution, incarceration, and the list goes on. It will be interesting to see going forward how this all eventually gets out on paper, but I appreciate every one of you that are about to guide me through making that happen. I would love to get to know you all, and I am looking forward to reading what each of you has to say.

XOXO, kendy

Dear Unsealed,
PSYCHOLOGY OF PROJECTION
The theory of the psychology of projection is a phenomenal viral situation in 2024.
There are people who project their ill feelings, anger, insecurities onto the closest empath standing in their way.
You spewed obscenities at me that day
As you do everyday
you blame me for your failed attitude
that is not subdued
I ask you why
Why do you project your insecurities onto me
You reply
It’s all your fault
It’s my fault you say
No, you just caught
In another lie
I sigh
Why?
You yell at me
You are nothing to me
So, let it be
I cry
I say
No
I could be your fake friend
Until the end
So, then you yell
To me
Not let it be
But cruel words of anger
That makes you a danger
To my world
To your world
To all worlds
As you carry on
With your blaming me
For your misdeeds
Of unconscious reprimanding me
Or any other empath
The victim of your wrath
You are jealous and angry
You sit around spewing obscenities
Of hate and bigotry of amenities
And talents of other people on Earth
So, tell me,
For what it’s worth
How do you wake up everyday
To your vile words of insanity
Of what may be your reality
To trash the Earth
With your dark soul
Of cruel intentions of old
As your soul was sold
To the vile fiery hell of hades
Of your life of death,
Here what I say.
Your dark empty vessel of skin
Can not win
You are the demon of Earth
For what it’s worth
You are not anything
You are a blank empty soul
Of nothing
But your lies
Your ego
You cry, you scream
At me
Let it be
You are the epitome of humanity
Garbage dump
Dump Dump

When I see a tiny lizard or a gecko on the sidewalk, I see you & smell the softness of pancakes cooking in the kitchen.

When I see a black cat, I see you & instantly smell gingerbread cookies baking in the oven around Christmas time.

When I see a white Chevy truck, I see two young girls sitting in the bed of the truck embracing the moment of the wind blowing amongst their tiny faces after a fun filled day in the snow

When I see elder men wearing their “Veterans” hat, I see you standing before me. I feel the softness in the air. I see the gentleness of your soul standing amongst the crowd. I thank that individual for their service as I walk away.

When I see the color purple out in the world, I see you. When I’m at work & hear similar words from my clients, I think of you standing before me. When I see the card game “Go Fish” being played, I see two younger girls sitting at their grandmother’s table laughing til their tummy hurts.

When I see a yellow tractor, I see a young adult enjoying the time being spent with their grandfather. When I see a blue truck, I see you & start singing those old country songs we’d sing together.

No matter where I go in life, I see you.
I see all of you!
Wherever I go, you are right there guiding the way. The way to clarity. To beautiful blessings. To happiness. To calmness. To love.

No matter the length of missing you, the memories, all of the memories will forever be shared.
Wherever I go in life, I know I have several bodyguards guiding me along my path. Protecting me.

I met my younger self on a Sunday morning in a church parking lot.
She looked as if she just saw God.
Hair golden blonde.
Eyes piercing blue.
Sun beaming on her young face.
She ran up to my car and jumped in the passenger seat.
Touching every button.
Opening every compartment.
Smiling.
Dimples radiating so big.
She looks over at me and with a smile as big as a car tire, she tells me, “We did it!”
She gives me such a huge hug, one that felt as if it was building up for years.
Smiles at me with such accomplishment.
Opens the car door and gradually skips away to the beat of her own drum.
As I watch that little girl skip away, I acknowledge her happiness.
Her joy. Her fulfillment.
I acknowledge the fear that once guarded her.
As I watch that little girl skip away, I remind myself that every achievement is not just for me, but for her as well.
She deserves the world.
She deserves achievements.
She deserves this moment right now.
Right here in the church parking lot.

Hold my hand. Gently grab these fingers and walk with me.
I have something to share with you.
Let’s go for a walk.

I know it’s in your nature to save me. To protect me.
I’m here to let you know, it’s okay.
I understand your job, but right now, your job is on hold.
I’ve got this now.
It’s time for you to take a break.

I know it’ll be hard for you to come to terms with it, but I’m okay.
I’m safe now. I’ve found the middle ground.
You don’t need to cover me with your comfort shield.
I’ve got this. I promise.

You can go lay down and rest.
Shut your eyes.
Silence the noise.
Relax.

Sincerely,
Me

You Discover to Recover .
Life is not about waking up, working, eating, and sleeping. It is not about surviving day by day without questioning why you are here. Life is a journey of self-discovery. It is about peeling back everything that has been placed upon you—your name, your culture, your beliefs—and finding out who you truly are.  
Many people go through life lost, not because they are incapable, but because they have never taken the time to discover themselves. They live based on the expectations of their parents, society, religion, and culture, never realizing that all of these things are external influences. But the truth is,  you are more than your identity. We must awaken to the realization that we are not just physical beings, but spiritual entities, connected to the universe and all its wonders. This journey of self-discovery is the foundation upon which we build our lives, and it’s crucial that we grasp these fundamental concepts to unlock our full potential and fulfill our divine purpose. You must  discover yourself to recover from all the confusion, limitations, and doubts that the world has placed upon you. Only when you truly know yourself can you live a meaningful life. This journey is about unlearning what you thought was you and stepping into the truth of who you really are.
1: Who Are You? (Beyond Your Name and Identity)
The first step in self-discovery is asking:  Who am I? 
Most people believe they are their name, their nationality, or their religion. But if you remove those things, what is left? Who were you before you were given a name? Who were you before you were taught to think a certain way? The truth is, you are not your identity—you are the one experiencing the identity.  You are not your body—you are the one inside the body. You are not your thoughts—you are the one  watching the thoughts. As we delve deeper into our inner world, we’ll discover that our true essence is not just a physical body, but a multidimensional being, consisting of body, mind, and spirit. We are a spark of the divine, a droplet of the infinite ocean, and our true nature is connected to the universe and all its wonders. We must discover who we are, what we stand for, and what our values and principles are.
How to Discover Who You Truly Are
1. Question everything. Why do you believe what you believe? Did you choose it, or was it given to you?  
2. Spend time alone. Without distractions, you begin to hear your own voice.  
3. Observe yourself.  Notice your emotions, your habits, and your instincts. They tell you more about yourself than words ever can.  
4. Listen to your intuition.  Deep inside, you already know who you are. The problem is, the world has silenced that voice.  
Once you begin to separate yourself from the labels placed upon you, you will start to feel lighter because you are returning to your true self.  
Step 2: Where Are You? (Understanding Your Environment)
Once you know who you are, the next question is:  Where are you?  Not just physically, but spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.  
Your environment is not just the place you live—it is everything around you that shapes your mind. The people you talk to, the beliefs you hold, the energy that surrounds you—all of these things influence your growth. By recognizing our place in the world, we can begin to appreciate the complexities and nuances of our existence. We are not separate from the world around us, but an integral part of it. We are connected to the earth, the air, the water, and the fire, and our actions have a profound impact on the delicate balance of nature. We must understand our role in the world, our responsibilities, and our contribution to the greater good.
How to Discover Where You Are
1. Look at your surroundings. Are they helping you grow or keeping you trapped?  
2. Pay attention to your emotions. Do you feel free, or do you feel stuck?  
3. Check your energy.  Are you in a place where your true self can thrive, or are you just surviving?  
A seed planted in the wrong soil will never grow. The same applies to humans. If you are in an environment that limits your mind, you will never evolve. Sometimes, the only way to truly discover yourself is to change where you are. If your surroundings do not support your growth, you must seek out a new space—mentally, emotionally, or even physically.  
Step 3: Why Are You Here? (Discovering Your Life Purpose)
This is the question that separates those who live with meaning from those who simply exist:  Why are you here? No  one is here by accident. Every soul that enters this world has a purpose, a role to play in the grand design of the universe. But most people never find their purpose because they never ask the right questions. Your purpose is not just about having a job or making money. It is about what you give to the world, what you  create,  what you  build. It is about the energy you bring to others and the mark you leave behind. We must discover our mission, our vision, and our reason for being. This self-awareness will guide us to live a life that is authentic, meaningful, and help us fulfill our divine purpose.
How to Discover Your Purpose 
1. Look at what excites you. What do you love doing, even when no one is watching?  
2. Pay attention to what people come to you for.  What do others naturally seek your help with?  
3. Think about what challenges you’ve overcome. Your greatest struggles often prepare you for your greatest purpose.  
4. Listen to your inner voice.  What is that one thing you’ve always felt called to do?  
Purpose is not something you find—it is something you uncover.  It has always been inside you, waiting for you to remember it.  
The Truth About Life
Many people search for meaning in books, religions, and other people. But the truth is,  the answers you seek are already inside you. The problem is, most people are too distracted to listen. Life is not about waiting for something to happen. It is about actively discovering who you are, where you are, and why you are here. Because the moment you answer these three questions,  everything changes. You stop living in fear. You stop following the crowd. You stop searching for validation. As we navigate this journey, we’ll encounter various spiritual principles that will guide us on our path. We’ll discover the law of attraction, the power of intention, and the importance of mindfulness. We’ll learn to cultivate gratitude, compassion, and forgiveness, and we’ll understand the value of living in the present moment
You become  who you were always meant to be.  
So start today. Discover yourself. And in doing so, recover the life you were meant to live.

A Reflection on Existence

The concept of the  future is one of the greatest deceptions ever accepted by the human mind. We are taught from childhood to believe in it, to chase it, to plan for it, as if it is something real, something tangible, something awaiting us. But the truth is, the future does not exist.  It never has. It is nothing more than a thought, a projection of the mind that keeps us distracted from the only thing that has ever truly existed:  the present moment.

We live under the illusion of time, dividing it into past, present, and future, as if these are separate realities when in truth,  they are all the same. There is no past. There is no future. There is only NOW Whatever you call the past was once  NOW. Whatever you call the future will only ever arrive as NOW. So what, then, is the difference? There is none.

The Deception of Time
Human beings have created clocks, calendars, and timelines to measure existence, but energy, the very essence of life, does not move in a straight line. It is not bound by beginning or end. It simply  IS Everything you have ever been, everything you will ever be, already exists within you right now. Time is not a force of nature; it is a mental construct, a tool designed to help us function within this three-dimensional world. But a tool is not reality.  

We deceive ourselves into believing that the future holds something different, something more, something greater. “One day, I will be happy.” “One day, I will have everything I need.” “One day, I will understand.” But that  one day never comes. Because whenever it does, it is no longer the future, it is just another NOW If you cannot enjoy something now, you will never enjoy it at all.  

What About the Past?
If there is no future, does that mean there is no past? Yes. Because past and future are two sides of the same illusion. The past is nothing more than a memory, a story we tell ourselves, shaped by perception, colored by emotion. It does not exist outside of our minds. Just like the future, it is a projection. We say, This happened, but all that truly exists is our remembrance of it right now.

And yet, everything is energy. Energy is not born, nor does it die,it simply changes form. It has no beginning, no end, and no direction. If something has no origin and no destination, how can it have a past or a future? It cannot. The only reality is the infinite unfolding of energy, experienced through the limited perception of human consciousness.  

The Purpose of Human Existence
So why are we here? Why this world, this experience? Because Earth is a gathering place for energy. Everything you see, everything you touch, everything you ARE it is all energy, interacting, reflecting, learning from itself. You do not know yourself without me, just as I do not know myself without you. Our existence is defined by the presence of others.

Humanity is not just a species, it is a  stage in consciousness. A temporary phase, a learning process. When our understanding of this world is complete, when we have taken all we need from this form, we transcend. We evolve into something else, something higher, something more refined. Perhaps an angel, perhaps a god, perhaps something beyond even our current imagination.  

But the transition is not automatic. The energy you cultivate here determines what you become next. You could ascend into higher consciousness, or you could descend into something darker. A monster, a lost spirit, a force trapped in endless cycles of confusion. The choice is yours, shaped by the awareness you develop while in this body.  

The Only Truth
So if the future does not exist, and the past is only a memory, what is left?  

Only THIS; This moment, this breath, this feeling. The only purpose, the only true responsibility we have, is to make this existence meaningful. Not by waiting for the future, not by being trapped in the past, but by understanding  the now. Because this is all there is, and all there will ever be.  

William Joseph

To those who seek silence,  

There is a belief—a fragile, deceptive belief—that somewhere, somehow, quietness exists. That if one escapes far enough, buries themselves deep enough in solitude, or stills their mind with enough discipline, they will finally find it. But the truth is, quietness is an illusion. You will never know this until you become quiet yourself.  

The moment you sit in what you think is silence, you realize—there is no such thing. The world hums, vibrates, whispers beneath its breath. The wind murmurs through the trees. The walls creak as if sighing under the weight of time. Even your own body, the very thing you seek to still, betrays you—the steady rhythm of your breath, the pulsing of your blood, the subtle ringing in your ears that you had never noticed before.  Even in the most desolate places, there is sound.

And yet, in the modern world, we are so flooded with distractions that we do not even recognize the absence of quietness.  Noise has become our default state. The endless hum of technology, the constant barrage of notifications, the artificial voices that demand our attention—these things do not just fill space, they erase our ability to perceive true presence.  Social media, smartphones, and the digital world have not just taken our attention; they have stolen our ability to experience memory in its purest form. When noise never stops, reflection never begins.  

Memory itself is tied to quietness. True recollection happens in stillness, in the absence of external noise. But how can one remember when they are never still? How can one reflect when their mind is constantly being filled with artificial chatter? The ability to be alone with one’s thoughts has become a lost art, drowned beneath the never-ending stream of information.  

And what of death? If one cannot find quietness in life, can they find it in death? Perhaps not. For even then, the soul is energy, and  energy never truly rests. Frequency exists beyond the physical, and who is to say that the afterlife is not just another form of vibration, another realm of sound beyond what we can perceive? Silence, true silence, may not even belong to the dead.  

So, if quietness is an illusion, what is left?  Awareness. To recognize that you will never escape sound, that you will never truly silence the world, but that in understanding this, you can choose which sounds you allow into your mind. You can choose to hear yourself beyond the noise. And maybe, just maybe, that is as close as we will ever come to quietness.

William Joseph

Dear Music,

You have been my first love, my most loyal companion, and my greatest storyteller. Before I even knew how to express myself fully, you spoke for me. You carried my joy, my pain, my anger, and my healing in melodies, in beats, in lyrics that felt like they were written just for me.
When the world felt too loud, you gave me rhythm. When silence was too heavy, you filled it with sound. You have never judged me for how I felt-you simply embraced me, wrapped me in harmonies, and let me be.
You have been my bridge to places I have never been, to people I have never met. You break barriers, crossing languages and cultures, bringing souls together in a way nothing else can. Through you, strangers have become family, and stories have been passed down like sacred traditions.
Whether I was dancing in joy, drowning in sorrow, or standing in quiet reflection, you have always been there. Guiding me. Holding me. Reminding me that I am not alone.
Thank you for your presence in every stage of my life. For being my escape, my therapy, my celebration. Thank you for giving me the courage to tell my own stories. I will always love you. I will always need you.

Forever Yours,
AmbitiousBMarie

May this find you all in good health and wellness.
Let me introduce myself:

I am AmbitiousBMarie. (Branching off to a new name soon ***NoireRequiem***
Been writing since I was 13.
I’m a former foster youth and I strongly believe writing played a major role in my therapy during that time.
I’m currently located in York,PA
I was born and raised in NYC, Tha Bronx.
I want to bring people on the journey of my life.

We are the ones who hold the history of this World.
We are the true storytelling animals that write through it all.
And I am here to give my part of the story.

So glad to find community online and I hope we all can find solace in each other’s writing journey.

Dear Young Anita,

I just want to tell you that this life you are about to walk into—it won’t be easy. It will be shaped by your search for love, by your desire to be seen, understood, and cherished. From the very beginning, you will long for a love that feels safe, a love that feels like home. And because of that longing, you will make mistakes.

When you step out of high school, the first boy who tells you that you’re beautiful will catch your heart. Not because he is meant for you, but because you’ve never had that kind of attention. Your father loves you, yes, but you never truly understood what love meant outside of him. You didn’t know that real love doesn’t make you question. It doesn’t make you chase. It doesn’t make you prove your worth.

You will go through life choosing wrong, thinking that love comes with sacrifice, with giving too much, with buying things, overextending yourself—just to feel wanted. You will bend, you will break, you will carry the weight of others who never deserved to hold you.

But God sees you.

God will hear your prayers, even when you don’t know what you’re asking for. And when He answers, it won’t come in the way you expect.

Your first child will be a boy. You always wanted a girl, but God said no. He needed you to experience unconditional love, not the kind of love that left you wondering. He needed you to feel a love that is pure, unshaken, and constant. A son’s love for his mother.

And when you still don’t get it, He will give you another boy. Because you still haven’t learned what love truly is. You were still searching for it in people, in places, in relationships that were never meant to last. But these two boys? They will teach you what love looks like—what it means to be cherished without conditions, without proving yourself.

Even through the heartache, the rejection, the loneliness, you will always have them. They will remind you of your strength when you feel weak, of your worth when the world tries to dim your light.

But Anita, here’s the truth that will set you free: The love you’ve been searching for has always been within you.

You are love.
You are enough.
You are worthy.

No man, no relationship, no outside validation will ever define you. You define yourself. And when you finally align with the right energy—the right love, the right peace, the right abundance—it will all come to you effortlessly. Because it was always meant for you.

You got this, Anita. Even in your darkest moments, you got this.

With the deepest love,
Future You

Life has a way of forcing you into stillness. When everything around you crumbles, when the weight of the world feels unbearable, when you’ve given all of yourself and still feel empty—you are left with two choices: break, or rebuild.

I won’t lie. There were moments I felt like breaking.

I have battled PTSD, bipolar disorder, mood swings, and depression. Some days, I could barely pull myself out of bed. Some days, I felt like I was drowning in emotions I didn’t have the strength to explain. And yet, the world kept moving. Responsibilities didn’t stop, expectations didn’t pause, and people still pulled from me, unaware that I was running on nothing.

Last year tested me in ways I never imagined. I ended a relationship I deeply wanted. One I poured my soul into. And it broke me. Not just the loss, but the realization that I had given so much of myself, yet I was never truly seen, never truly valued. I walked away with nothing but exhaustion, drained of my love, my energy, and my spirit. And then, life didn’t give me time to heal. The weight of being out of work, the unexpected surgery, the long recovery, the piling responsibilities—it all came at once. I thought I could handle it. I thought I could push through, but when my body failed me, when I could no longer do the things I once did effortlessly, I had no choice but to sit in it. To feel everything I had been running from.

Preparing for my son’s graduation should have been a moment of excitement, a moment of celebration, but instead, I found myself withdrawing. I just wanted to be alone. I couldn’t explain it, but I didn’t want to be around people. That’s when I knew—I had to go back to therapy. I had to see my psychiatrist, get back on my medication, and take control of my mental health again. Because no matter how much I prayed, I had to also take action. Healing isn’t just spiritual—it’s mental, emotional, and physical.

And then this year, the surgery happened. I thought it would be simple. Something I could bounce back from quickly. But this surgery was nothing like I expected. It forced me into yet another level of surrender, another layer of patience, another reminder that healing has no shortcuts. I cry a lot. I get emotional, and sometimes it feels like the world is changing too fast, yet somehow, it also feels like we’re moving backward. There’s so much hate, so much anger, so much division. And as I get older, I realize that time moves whether we are ready or not. I used to picture myself in a different place by now. I thought I’d be married, settled, moving in a rhythm that felt secure. Instead, I find myself constantly adjusting, constantly learning, constantly relearning how to exist in this world.

And January—it never gets easier. In 2020, I lost my father. In December 2021, I lost my child. That kind of pain never truly leaves. It lingers. It shifts. Some days, it’s a whisper. Some days, it’s a storm. I wanted that baby so bad. So bad. And sometimes, that grief still knocks the air out of me. No matter how much time passes, I still feel the loss. I still cry. And I still ask God why. But through it all, my faith remains my anchor.

I am deeply spiritual. I trust in the Most High. I believe in the power of prayer, in the power of divine alignment. Not a day goes by that I don’t pray. I pray through my pain, through my uncertainty, through my grief. I light my candles. I speak to my ancestors. I trust that even in my hardest moments, I am never truly alone. And my advice to anyone experiencing something similar—love yourself first, pour into you, work on your healing, seek therapy, sit with your emotions, stop running. Search spiritually for God, pray, meditate, trust in divine timing. Don’t let your situation break your spirit. You are stronger than you feel in this moment. Always take a break for your mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Love will always come. You won’t have to chase it. You won’t have to question it. When it’s meant for you, it will align effortlessly. And above all, life is short—so enjoy it. Live. Love. Heal. Breathe. Be present.

I am still learning, still healing, still growing. But what I know for sure is this: I will not break. I will rise. I will love again. But this time, from a place of wholeness. And when the time is right, when my spirit is aligned, when my heart is open and whole—love will find me. Not through force. Not through desperation. But through divine alignment.

In the quiet embrace of the fog, the world is transformed into a dreamscape; shrouded in mystery and wonder.
It is a sanctuary to God’s creatures who roam and call it home,
and to souls who either melt in the embrace of natures hug, or thrive in it during a hunt in the wilderness, venturing deep into the veil of fog for prey.

Today, I stepped outside to experience the serene air kissing my skin, the fog blanketing the woods in front of me beckoned me with its allure,
my eyes also catching the gold and brown leaves, whispering tales of autumn’s end.

I look to see the bare branches reaching out like fingers yearning to touch the misty air,
and in that fleeting moment, suspended in time, I captured a glimpse of the desire that emanated from the trees.

Its a reflection of my aspiration, to embody that quality in my life, to reach out and languish into the fog, being alive yet one with it would be a dream— as that would mean I would be forever trapped in a state of serenity or peace.

And if dreams become reality, then I implore whoever sees me fading into foggy stillness to keep from reaching out and let me be,
for in that moment I am happy,
I am free.