Hello world, I know you are probably wondering how’s life, what’s going on, what has been happening to me. We are beauty, We are one with ourselves without a doubt. Let’s begin to be in a world surrounded with true loving inspirational humans. To go through this chapter with no regret. I’m living life as time goes by with ambition, and conquering fears. I can be myself with no judgement. No fear or care of judgement from strangers who mean so little. I stand up for myself not so timid. Eighteen year old me was not ready for who i am today. I’m a published author now who knew that would be happen, I accomplished I’m very gratefully eccentric . I love myself finally after 22 years of not. I sang karaoke with the love of my life in front of an audience. I was confident I’m proud of that. I’m joyful, in love, and all i see are the beauty of everything around me. I met the most beautiful woman I’m spending the rest of my life with, She’s my always and forever & I couldn’t ask for anyone better than her. She’s my person, whom i can be vulnerable with always. To Mi Amor, the New job, The New opportunities , The New Special Memories I adore you. I’m looking forward to chapter 23!!! As we continue the journey, we now embrace life no longer dread it. I feel it, the wind from the trees everything so beautiful from the rustle of leaves, feel the ground beneath my fee ,the clouds moving slowly but surely, the stars shining brighter than ever before, to finally just get in touch with mother nature herself has truly been Exceptional. Who i am today & Who i was before i see the change ,the growth just to make it here. I know now that all the struggle & obstacles I’ve been through had to happen for me to be the beautiful, strong intelligent woman i am now & now i know that i have always been strong, I just couldn’t see the strength in me till now & for that i smile at this twenty-second chapter of my life.

Chapter 29

What can I say about this chapter of my life & what I love

This chapter — as many others — has tought me — so so much

Most of all—

It’s taught me to step outside — my comfort zone

Into an — unfamiliar place
Into the — complete — unknown

It’s allowed me to — crawl my way out of
— the abyss

& To open my self up — to the world again

It’s taught me — that It’s ok for me — to let you in

& no — it’s not easy to show myself
in my most vulnerable state — it’s never been

To let you have — a sweet taste
of my most — sour days — can be unsettling

Unsettling — to say the least

Sometimes you can tell still —
when my body’s — trembling

Or when my voice — shakes

But I learned — to simply just
— trust the process

in exchange — the power — I’ve gained
Is — Courage

What I love most about this Chapter — 29 of mine

Is that I finally let go of —
“my perfect plan — & timeline”

I learned to finally — resubmit myself — to God
In a way — I hadn’t done — for so long

I learned to heal some parts of me — that took me back — to little ol’ me — at 17

Even tho for years — that girl
has been gone

I learned to finally give up — trying to be her again

— just wishing & wishing

I know now — I’ll never be that girl again
but I’m no longer tripping

I can finally be at peace — to say goodbye to her & recreate myself

Trusting that me at 29 — has already made her proud

So what do I love most about this — Chapter 29 — I ask myself ?

That — a little bit of this
& a little bit of — that

Restored the hope back in my heart — that for years — I have lacked

& that — even on the days
When I felt — most alone

I never truly was — cause God
Neverrrr — Let Me — Go

I learned that — when God promised
to make a beautiful story out of me

He in fact — did not fold

Even tho at times — it felt like
my time was being wasted

It was simply just — a beautiful story
— still — in the making

All I gotta do now — is continue to let him take the lead

& not forget — like Miley Cyrus — always said
— It’s the climb

So I’ll keep on climbing

I’ll be patient Lord 🙏🏽
I’ll let you finish writing ✍️ 🥹

I wish I could send a letter,
to myself in the past.
I’d tell myself to let them go,
those women just won’t last.
My heart was set on nonsense,
I had no want to stay.
But I am so thankful,
that it didn’t stay that way.
Eventually I found the one,
that my heart calls home.
But I wasted so much time,
with women on my phone.
I guess they were each a lesson,
when I look in the mirror.
Each failed attempt at love,
made the right path more clear.
Well then, I guess I’d tell myself,
to stay away from drugs.
I got so caught up in meth,
I forgot who I was.
But if I’d never done the drugs,
I would never have moved away.
And if that’d never happened,
I wouldn’t be here today.
Moving down here,
is how I met my wife.
So I guess in a way,
the drugs gave me life.
Ok, maybe I’d tell the old me,
to stay away from those guys.
The ones that sell me drugs,
and the ones that tell me lies.
But years down the road,
some of those guys do great.
A few of them even,
had a hand in my escape.
Every loss I’ve had,
has led me to a win.
So I wouldn’t be where I am,
if it wasn’t for where I’ve been.
I guess I won’t send this letter,
I’ll let God make the plan.
I know I fell down a lot,
but I became a good man.

Listen up,
and listen well.
I’ve tasted heaven,
and I’ve walked through hell.
Life can feel,
so unfair.
It all becomes,
too much to bare.
I used to cut,
and scratch my skin.
I have faith today,
but I came from sin.
Sex was cool,
and drugs were fun.
Lying, stealing,
and carrying a gun.
I thought I was tough,
I thought I was hard.
My Dad would pass out,
and I’d take his car.
I’d be gone for days,
no plan in sight.
My Dad was home,
worrying all night.
Would this be the time,
that he’d get that call?
That I’m not coming home…
Not this time at all.
Prison or death,
was my fate it seemed.
A life after this,
was just a dream.
But I finally woke up,
so I could push this farther.
But that’s more than I can say,
for my dear old father.
I was a year off the drugs,
When Dad passed away.
I was there when he died,
and I miss him every day.
He never got to see me,
speaking to a crowd.
Or maybe he did,
because now, he’s all around.
I’m glad I straightened up,
before Dad left this Earth.
Your family deserves that,
they’ve loved you since your birth.
So hang up your guns,
and don’t take that next pill.
Because the streets will never love you,
like your family will.

Here we are
22 years later
We smile, show teeth
The glow is upon our face
In the mirror
We no longer critique ourselves so negatively
We see a perception of time that is you
Recognizing Beauty
To finally accept us
You Love You
This is the woman you’ve longed to become
Our soul is at peace
Subconsciously we can hear the joys of a no longer battle
With our Competing Minds
Within Loving me we feel alive
You notice when you love you that you feel everything ten times better
From The wind you hear ruffling through the trees
To the stars you see at night shines brighter than ever before
You laugh so effortlessly
You let yourself be loved
Inside you have this feeling of light
Light that is not hiding behind the shadows of reject, loss of self respect
No dim light in sight
Opinions have no effect if negative, you take it like a grain of salt
It’s okay if they leave, we let them
& Leva ( Live)
Our beauty, Our Love within continues to grow , to prosper
A Muse a perception of me of true harmony
Can you hear the angels singing?
Our skin tinglingly
Our hair growing
Our crown showing
Here lies me
Coming out of the shadows
Using voice of reason
Understanding loving within & what it means to be loved
A magnificent thing loving you is
How it can make you hear the birds chirping around you
The sun shining on you
It’s a bliss
A reality
We are now
Present &
I Accept me
I truly love me

I love myself cause God first loved me

I love myself because I didn’t like the old me .

I love myself because I am my longest commitment

But to love myself ain’t all rainbows and butterflies

To love myself means
to lose myself over and over again —in the process

I love myself because no one else was up for the challenge

I love myself because I wanna love you better and I can’t without it

I love myself because home should feel safe, freeing, and calming

I love myself because I don’t wanna keep on running

I love myself because I don’t need instant gratification

I love myself because I’m willing to wait and sacrifice for all things meant for me

I love myself because I owe it to myself to say goodbye to the old me

I love myself because I don’t wanna be 35, partying & hoeing

I love myself because I know what I want & I’m determined to work hard & go get it

I love myself because I can apologize when I realize of my wrong doings

I love myself because Depth — is hard to find

& Superficial — is depressing and boring

I love myself because Ik I don’t know it all
& Im willing to continue learning

I love myself because I love the world around me

I love myself because I’m humble and loving

I love myself because I want to give back & show my appreciation & gratitude to the one who
—despite my imperfections & flaws—

still chooses to love me ❤️🙏🏽

These are some of the reasons why

I love me

I’m lonely because my reflection has no one to hold
The outline of my ghost seen from air that is cold
The vacancy used to be home to love so bold
My reflection used to smile the same way the sun made nature happiness unfold

But it’s become a mirror of the Jamaican blue waters searching for something tangible in frustration
Anger has become a raging river of pillowcase tears spilling over the edge of my mind in desperation
It feels like fire burning my frozen fingertips to ash when my cloudy eyes began to leak precipitation
I hugged the numbness where my speech completes puzzle, and her fingerprinted lips became my long-forgotten embrace of sensation

Feelings have been evicted, because complacency in place of self-growth was more stylish
My living quarters are filled with the residue of erased poetry regrets because love is too expensive to furnish
I can’t afford to keep falling on this psychological couch only to flood my frustrations and not move forward and allow my purpose to be banished
Moving sucks, the packing of emotions and unpacking a reality that shares tents of bluish

So, instead I’ll just jump so I won’t have to ever slip again
Love doesn’t exist, I said as I got dressed in my final outfit of sin
I went out to eat for the last supper, fin
Then drove to the bridge to take a dive to the end

I jumped and felt the winds of fear flush reality back to my consciousness
The waves of laughter mist a reminder that life isn’t that bad when our voice says ha ha
The breeze of memories gives me a taste of moments I kept locked away for safe keeping
Forgetting where I put the key, like the lost famous recipe

Depression opens my eyes and I see the weight it bears but when I zoom out, I see my hand pressing down on my shadow causing the darkness to surround me
I’m falling and I can see the bottom increasing
The last memory I allow myself to have is: when I bought flowers for myself

Because the colors help me see the sunshine from the shade or moon from the dark
The curves remind me of the smile I still own
Lest I continue to lease short term happiness for joy
Every time I fall, I witness the natural healing of the body
Loneliness is walking on eggshells by your heels
But forgive yourself and the solitude of peace begins to blanket you and I again feel
I bought flowers to say I love you
And for that last second, I breathe into death and say life isn’t that bad
Concrete darkness crashes into dreams
And my eye lashes rise their rays as I awake to a new day
Cold panic sweats greet me but remember I can just wipe it away
I go to the restroom, brush my teeth, and recite my daily affirmations because today is not yesterday
I love me and add extra icing for the pieces I feel don’t belong
My heart still beats so I sing my song at the top of my lungs, like I’m in the car by myself
Some petals have wilted but a new season welcomes the future bloom
I love me and that’s enough no matter what anyone else thinks
I love me because God loves me
p.s. I had to jump to fall in love with myself…