I anticipate your stems sprouting from the ground every spring, and I can feel you again. When summer approaches, your petals will showcase their beauty in the sunlight. I will close my eyes and take a deep breath, and for a moment, you are here in my arms. I imagine your bright blue eyes mirroring mine. Your smile is the brightest star in the sky. Your laugh roars, filling the earth with glee as you play with the other neighbor kids in nature. It is easy to get lost in the daydream.
Before you, I was giving my body away to men who didn’t deserve it. Drowning underneath insecurities and self-loathing, allowing myself to be treated as a piece of property that could be used and abused by men. Convincing myself that I wasn’t worth love, I kept telling myself that this was how I wanted to feel: worthless and nothing.
My period did not come. I kept telling myself, no, it isn’t possible. I was in denial. Adults have a superpower of lying to themselves, so incredibly powerful that they believe it until they can no longer outrun it. The truth will always rear its head, and it’s heartbreaking.
That morning in June, I awoke with intense cramps. I convinced my twenty-six-year-old self that my period was coming… three months late. Treating it as a typical day, I went to work. As I was Chatting with my coworkers, one of them being your father, about planning a fun night out, I felt a cramp, and a gush of blood erupted flowing outside of me. I ran to the third stall in the bathroom, and I saw it. I could no longer deny what was happening. I was losing you, Daisy.
Turning back into a childhood state of mind, I called my mother, and she rushed me to the hospital. Blood was seeping me through like a waterfall. When they came to tell me I was losing you, my heart tore in such a way that I am still unable to put into direct words. I hadn’t even developed the courage to tell your father you were coming; now I would have to say to him you were gone just as quickly as I accepted you were alive.
He was kind enough, but wasn’t the emotional support I needed then. He didn’t understand why I changed and didn’t want to be a “coworker with benefits anymore.” He got upset with me when I wouldn’t fulfill his desires, even though the doctors told me it wasn’t safe for me to do until I stopped bleeding. I did not want to be an object of his desire anymore.
I bled from June to August. Part of me didn’t want to stop bleeding because that would mean you were truly gone. I wanted even those parts of you to stay. The day the blood stopped, I put my hand on my empty womb and wept. It was two days past my twenty-seventh birthday.
I had spent most of my life avoiding any feelings of vulnerability. Losing you was the first time I felt every emotion in my body: sadness, anger, regret, and eventually relief. The truth is, Daisy, I wasn’t ready for you, and I will never know if that could’ve changed in time for your arrival. Granting myself to succumb to my emotions took me from a shell, and I embraced the complete existence of myself as a person and a woman.
After hours of self-reflection, I realized I was not stuck with anyone. Cutting the ties, I focused on building myself as a strong and confident woman. I promised myself never to give my body away until I could say to myself, “I love you.” Somehow, I got there. I felt the wind hit my face, and you said, “You got this, Mommy.”
Experiencing a miscarriage has given me unwavering strength to tackle obstacles that dare come my way. I am intelligent, I am kind, I am important. I am grateful for every ounce of pain and emptiness I felt in my body. Never again will I throw my feelings into a drawer and pretend they aren’t there. I can articulate when I am hurting and ask for support from people around me. The experience made me a whole person, not the robot society deems the most acceptable. My strengths and weaknesses make me whole, just the way I am. And Daisy, that is the most freeing feeling anyone can be. Through you, I discovered how to love myself.
You are the world, Daisy. I never gave you a name. I planted the prettiest seed to remember you, and will continue to bloom for you and me.
I am the girl that can come off a bit clingy
Often scaring those who cross my path.
My thoughts may seem a bit stringy
Coming off to one like a bloodbath.
I will shoot for the stars
Providing those I love with my support.
Depending who looks you can see the scars
This makes some want to abort.
Giving my all with folks that let her through
As they becoming a part of the life.
There are pieces only few knew
I will occasionally show it all within a rife.
No one can tell me who I am
I do not follow a diagram.
I absolutely relate to being the “clingy” friend. I wish I had your wisdom when I was your age. I loved it hearing for the first time tonight and I love it again reading and processing it in my own time.
The knight elevates the princess
tightening his grasp midair
while they are lost in the brown waves.
Shifting the thread of hair behind
to gain a surpass of what the wave has inside—
the knight elevates the princess.
Giddying as the knight’s veins come through
the heat in the room leaves them breathless:
while they are lost in the brown waves.
The beats sync
taking the space away
the knight elevates the princess.
The grin grows uncontrollably
the palms leaving a trace:
while they are lost in the brown waves.
Continuing to go steady
as they snuggle close.
The knight elevates the princess
while they are lost in the brown waves.
Have I ever told you how proud I am?
Of each of the battles you have overcome
She thinks that her life is not up to par.
She’s a writer now
While her sport history is no more
Have I ever told you how proud I am?
Living with the mind battles
Due from the moments God throws her way:
She thinks that her life is not up to par.
Still waking up
Pushing past the hardships
have I ever told you how proud I am?
Have you seen how far you have grown
moments you thought would never surpass
She thinks that her life is not up to par.
If she only knew how great she’s doing
Which I think we’re finally within the place
Have I ever told you how proud I am?
She thinks that her life is not up to par.
Following down a path
that was out of the ordinary.
Discovering herself threw all the wrath
Bouncing around such as a fairy.
The harmfulness inside
can consume her on the daily
She is no longer trying to hide
Realizing she probably was never gaily.
The spark of who she is becoming
Is bright within
Hearing the constant humming
Without all of the sin.
This girl is giving it her all
never worried on if she will fall.
Greetings, your celebration of resilience and authenticity is wonderfully written. It encourages perseverance and self-acceptance, highlighting the strength of embracing one’s true identity. I hope this becomes a reality and a source of encouragement for everyone in their self-discovery journey.
I want to try this again
The more I learn about who I am becoming
Making this a part of my routine
As I continue going day by day
To figure out the best version of myself
So let’s begin
Who am I?
I carry a big heart
One that can often be misused from those that surround me.
I do not put that shield on it.
I trust with the plan God already has made for me—
I am just living that piece of it.
I have goals
Ambitions
Dreams
All which one day I will succeed.
I am still so young
There’s a whole life ahead.
Yes I will get things wrong
It may not look like I know what I am doing
That is okay though
It is just going to build me.
I trust myself
I see my beauty within
Even if it’s not on a day to day.
I know who I can and want to be
So for right now I am just loving me.
I am grateful for the life that I carry
And who I am becoming.
Each day this is making me who I am
And I cannot be more proud of that.
Looking into the mirror
I see the smile from her.
The find feels clearer
I finally found where you were.
Noticing the smile
That follows around.
Anyone could spot it from a mile
Finding what startled her from the ground.
Did I mention the bliss
From you walking through that door.
It’s safe you will not be a dismiss
We are ready to explore.
The possibilities that are within
Not that I no wear you thin.
I keep being told that I’m too hurt right now;
However, I was for a long time.
In my time with you I lost myself—
to the point where I did not know who I was looking into a mirror.
I started to notice those signs while we were collided.
The fighting—over stuff that should not have been a thing—
All because I’m an “over-thinker” but I think you made me that way.
I could recite a conversation with us from the back of my head—
That’s because we were predictable—
Or what we would do when with one another— all points too—predictable.
I took a step back in our time together to see if it was me losing my mind or if it was caused by you.
I’ll be honest—I was hurt for 6 to 7 months before I called it over.
You had no idea though for parts—even though you should’ve because I was repeating myself time and time again.
Now that I’m free I live for me—
I’m happier now—
I work out—
I write—
I don’t plan shit out—
I don’t have a dress code—even though you said I could always wear whatever I wanted to but that was not the case.
I moved on while being in our shit show.
You were too blind to notice—
The pain I was enduring—
Too busy playing video games—
Leaving me in the shadows during our time.
You taught me some valuable life lessons—
ones that I will take with me.
Thank you for showing what I want in life—
Maybe one day our paths will collide but I’m stating that time from forever is done.
Thank you for the memories and the many things you have taught me throughout my high-school life—then allowing me in college to learn what I could not learn before we broke apart.
I’m appreciative of everything you have taught me throughout our time together—
You will be someone my future children hear about due to the amount of experiences we share.
But overall thank you for showing me what I need to look for in life.
You are no longer the thought that races the back of my head— I am free from you and all the pain you put me through.
I am not hurting—she was a while back—now I am living the life I deserve—I would not do anything to change that.
Greetings, the reflection on healing and growth after a painful relationship, inspiring resilience and self-worth. It’s raw, showing your journey towards happiness and self-discovery. Overall, it’s empowering and brave.
The spirit takes my soul back
to a day that was not long ago.
Sitting on a rack
as if there’s something that needed a show.
Remembering key phrases
that I would say.
The body raises
to realize it was my favorite day.
Twos flooded the room
as I would turn to you.
Watching our love start to bloom
then it was my cue.
Waking to the realization
there’s no need for any hesitation.
Greetings, your style is captivating, blending vivid imagery with nostalgia. It draws me into memories through concise phrases and rhythmic flow, evoking a sense of longing and reflection. Beautifully written.
Hey wassup it’s ya girl
What am I a radio personality?
Hi. I’m LaShae.
Wait. Yeah that
That feels comfortable.
Hi. I’m LaShae.
La like the note
Shae like the butter.
And I’m
. . .
Blank
God says,
I am that I am
But if I said it
Would it be blasphemous?
Even if I am?
Because I am that I am
And
I am Joy.
I am Smile.
Brittany said it was creepy
That I smiled so much
But Brittany didn’t know
I hurt the same ways she did.
She didn’t know my smile
Was as much a resistance
As it was for her to get out of bed some mornings
She didn’t know
I kept my smile because
Tracy loved my smile.
Tracy loved my smile!
She said it was the most genuine smile she’s ever seen
Which is the best compliment
Because her smile
Was the most genuine I’ve ever seen.
I am peace
Except when I am hungry
And I am always hungry
Beware of Junior’s warning
You better feed that gal;
I am gal.
As sister says,
When hungry,
I am Hulk;
I am pitbull.
Ya girl just likes to eat
But when I am fed,
I promise
I will be peace
Like Mable taught me to be
Peace:
Not the absence of violence,
But the presence of Justice.
So if no Justice
No peace.
I am starving
Pitbull for peace
Ready to Hulk smash oppression
See, Mable
Mable was a child
When Newark went up in flames
See
You don’t watch your home go ablaze
And end up staying the same
No
You arm yourself
Yes, with the whole armor of God
Like your mother taught you
But also
With a thicker skin
That none of this heat can penetrate
And with a weapon
She chose a pen
Much mightier than a sword
Her ink writing for peace
Not the absence of violence
But the presence of Justice
Her ink filled with the blood spilled in her streets
And then she would come to teach
All the little children, and yes, even me
That the power is in connections
That is what Mable taught to me.
Barbara taught me to hold my own.
Pete told me Fret Not
But Pray if you feel alone
Latierra and Ricky
Both taught me to wonder
And Serena taught me
That dancing is greater than pain
Ali taught me God will find you
Even if you’re in the dark.
I never met Maurice,
But his love is always in my heart.
Ulysses taught me always learn first
And Davey taught me to dress my best
Even when they do their worst
Ron & Vette taught me to be loud
Lisa and Al taught me love knows no bounds
Dog taught me to keep my friends close
Mo taught me that royalty
Can come from a crack that bloomed a rose
And Holis, God rest his soul,
May not be blood
But taught me what a man ought to be
I know you asked about me
But I am an unfinished story
The moral of my life
Isn’t complete
But I am that I am
And I am pieces of
Every person I ever lost
A puzzle
Amassing to one lone thought:
Love.
Please know that I am here,
Right by your side,
Even though you don’t see me near,
I promise I’m not that far behind.
Your love follows me everywhere,
As it will for years,
Were the perfect pair,
The couple everyone fears.
Some wish they were us,
But they don’t know what we’ve been through,
Even though they think they do when they discuss,
If they only had a clue.
That does not matter my love,
As you were the one who came and saved me from above.
Following your dreams… Now this was always some quite the controversy in my house growing up. One parent stating you need to dream big the world is your oyster–the other saying you do not want to dream too big otherwise you will get left behind. Now I am writing to you all to say live for you. That’s what I am in the midst of doing. I started with the bare thinking I could not do much more than being a student and going to school; however, in my time away I learned I should have always listened to what the first parent told me. Keeping my identity low as I do not want to cause any fusses in the midst of the beginning: I have so many dreams that I can not wait for all of them to see.
Do not be afraid to express who you are!
Sometimes it takes going away to see the light at the end of it all.
If you feel afraid: know I am in your corner.
I love each and everyone of you.
May you all walk through this world with the blessings you each deserve.
Heading into uncharted waters
without a sac that is weighing her body down.
The subconscious brings forth the auteurs—
no longer trapped in some town.
A narrow bumpy path lies in front
next to one that could have been the easy way.
While a stunt—
pushed her astray.
A knight sweeping her before the fall
catching the princess off guard.
Freezing so he gives her the shawl—
tightening the grip protecting her from debarred.
The sun rose in the east
as the butterflies increased.
Dreaming of my Romeo
as he appeared out of the blue.
Allowing a change in tempo
giving an experience that’s all so new.
In the midst of the fog
you swept my feet from under.
Often forgetting the monologue
due to our hearts starting the thunder.
Snapping away from the bygone
with my love alongside.
Creating a foundation we can build on:
both living for the ride.
Connecting through the depths of our eyes—
having the spirits harmonize.
I stayed in bed
until I reached
the outskirts of morning.
The birds gave pep talks
instead of songs.
I got changed
and found ten dollars
in my pocket.
It’s summer but it rained
and I wonder why nobody
has made laundry powder
that smells exactly like this.
I make the perfect eggs.
The toaster
that loves to burns the edges
leaves them edible.
I thank it for its kindness.
I go outside and jump in a puddle.
There is still that childhood dream
that it will be a portal
to an alternative dimension.
One where Netflix didn’t cancel the OA.
One where we could trade
our sadness for money.
Gosh, would I be filthy rich.
Me and the neighbour
do our awkward dance.
The small talk jive.
We bow and say
‘have a nice day!’
We really mean it.
I walk to the coffee shop
and the sky is still
rubbing sleep from its eyes.
The wind is playing solos
on telephone wires.
I hold the door for a stranger
and we share a smile.
I tell the barista a joke
and we both laugh
at how unfunny it is.
I take the ten dollars
and order a flat white, one sugar.
I say keep the change.
I find a bench, and I ruminate.
I realise
Happiness is right here –
why are we crying
like it is so far away?
I’m obsessed with your writing style. This is such a wonderful reminder to appreciate the little things.
Also: i, too, wish that Netflix hadn’t cancelled the OA.
Thank you so much. I cannot actually express how mad I am about the OA. I did it in such a calm and casual way in this piece but honestly, once a week I remember they cancelled it and I have to make myself a cup of tea and go listen to the birds. Such a cliffhanger. Netflix are savages.
Greetings,
Your ode is stunning, shows the magic in living in the little moments and to cherish them. You never know when you’ll be mourning an old favorite. My condolences.
As a writer, I often find myself discovering scraps of writing I have jotted down somewhere, or suddenly, a line will appear in my head that doesn’t fit anywhere or doesn’t feel good enough. Sometimes, I foolishly let it fly away because it wasn’t what I was looking for at that moment. I have pondered how we do this with so many things. We set expectations and order and refuse anything that breaks the pattern, even if the thing we are shooing away isn’t harmful but is healing. We become so strict within ourselves that we become the cause of our discomfort. We search for relief in one way and refuse to accept that anything other than that specific thing will help. There is a calming effect that comes with the familiar, but only because one thing helps us, it doesn’t mean something else won’t. Here is a little silly analogy. Only because you love fries doesn’t mean you can’t like mash. It doesn’t mean mash isn’t satisfying, even if fries are your favorite. The same goes for everything in life. Are you feeling sad? Then you probably know something that can help, but if you are being entirely honest, can you say you are open-minded and open-hearted to other options? We tend to dismiss things before attempting them and convince ourselves that something else won’t work until it stands no chance. I was against exercising for so long. Told myself that I hated it and did so with such intensity I couldn’t let myself feel how I genuinely felt. There was no benefit because I refused there to be one. I was determined for it to fail, so it failed; however, when I let go, gave it a chance, and approached it with openness, I learned it does a lot for my mental health. This is one example of many. It is strange how this links with my writing and how I have started writing down the notes I would abandon before, and the results have been incredible. Instead of telling myself they are awful and brushing them out the door, I let them stay a while. I give them room in my notepad and let them ruminate.
In summary, I am saying we are terrible at giving things chances, and we should open ourselves to everything. It is okay if you give something a genuine attempt and it doesn’t work out for you, but please try it. Download the running app, try those HIIT workouts, make that recipe you’ve been unsure about, and write the poetry you are sure will suck. In celebration of this, here is an ending of a poem my brain created that doesn’t have a body yet. Hopefully, one day, it will.
“Please call back later
I’m trying to sleep off the silence
And if you don’t understand
what I’m saying
Congratulations
You’re cured.”
(If you like this letter, I write these weekly on my website. I will post more here also, so make sure we’re friends.)
Ash, your letter is amazing. It’s true that we often ignore or overlook the potential healing and growth that can come from surprising sources. We become so set in our ways, clinging to what is familiar and comfortable, that we miss out on new possibilities. It takes courage to step outside our comfort zones and give things a genuine chance. Your…read more
It’s a perfect day, let’s go slay.
Waking up feels great, my body’s not in pain. My brain no longer insane, I’m tame.
I put my doc’s on and stroll out the door on this beautiful 80 degree day.
My gosh the beauty I see before me,
neighbors smiling and I am stylin’
Jeeps workin’ just fine wow that just blew my mind
I feel like I’m in a Muppet movie surrounded by singing
And dancing I feel fantastic not a bit sarcastic
nope…. no work today! Just me, myself, and I
Danielle, It sounds like you’re perfect day is an amazing day filled with joy and positivity! I’m glad that you embrace the beauty around you and enjoy your time off. It’s great to cherish the moments of relaxation and self-care. Keep that upbeat spirit going!
I like the way
You get gripped
In the palms of a man
Ravenous in his pursuit
To hold everything
From my neck
To my hips.
He takes his time
With you
Because he knows you
To be special
To be precious and beautiful
I’m sorry
I had to see your beauty
Through someone else’s eyes.
So now,
I write this poem with pride
Waving my pen like it’s
A flag for my flawes.
So let this serve
As a love letter
To my love handles
A memento
To my muffin top
A song for my stretchmarks
A poem for my pudge
Feels for my fupa
Cuz I ain’t missin no meals
Let this serve
As an apology
To some of the best parts
Of my body.
I was told to shame you.
Taught to be embarrassed
By you.
I’ve tried to chase you away
Dance you away
Bike you away
But you’re persistence
Perseveres –
And inspires me.
If you can hold on
Where you’re told you don’t belong,
Where might I learn to rise
Despite resistance?
So thank you.
Thank you for
Inspiring.
Thank you for
Stretching.
Thank you for
Protecting.
Thank you for
Making outfits
Someone else said
You would ruin.
Thank you for
Being there for lovers.
Thank you for
Being there for me.
More than just a body, you are soul beautiful. I am sorry that you felt sorry for seeing love through another’s eyes, beautiful mind. We are all learning and not a single one of us done. That was precious. I like it. Love yourself, love.
Poetry Picasso,Your beautiful poem celebrates and embraces every part of your body, including the parts society has taught you to be ashamed of. Thank you for the reminder to love and appreciate ourselves as we are. Your words inspire and empower.
This piece is so beautiful, unique, and authentic! I love all of it. You are amazing. Every bit of you. Thank you for sharing and thank you for being part of our Unsealed family. <3 Lauren
Hello, my name is Ash Raymond James.
Count the rings around my eyes;
they will tell you I’m infinite.
Thirty-three but endless.
I am six feet tall,
but I have sixty-foot confidence.
I am not capable of being embarrassed,
but have you seen the way I dance?
I look like I’m on fire
and I probably should be ashamed
but I often end up setting the night ablaze
because I have the sort of joy
that is contagious.
My favourite song is my own laughter.
I laugh at my own jokes until it rains.
The sky has a secret addiction
to dad jokes and other people’s happiness.
It cries out of pure elation.
Finds it insulting when people
don’t throw down in its puddles
so I shimmy a little
and I don’t care who’s watching.
I am the sort of person
who could accidentally start a flash mob.
People have the audacity
to tell me I have no rhythm
but I move to a melody
only a few can comprehend.
I think I am a little ahead of my time.
There is a chance I am from the future
or I could have just watched too many sci-fi movies.
It’s been said that my head is in the clouds
but I am actually wiping stardust
from my moustache, often
as I have always believed
if you aren’t going to pay attention
you may as well discover planets.
It took some work, but I finally understand self-gentleness.
My heart makes my mind breakfast in bed,
and my mind sings lullabies to my heart
whenever it can’t sleep and throws itself around my chest.
I learnt the secret to breathing
is realising you deserve every breath
and now I swim with the fishes
in my spare time.
The kindest thing I ever did was love myself;
the bravest thing I am ever going to do
is never stop
even when my every atom
is trying to convince me I should.
Hi Ash, I love this… the humor, gentleness and unique touches put into it… seems like it reflects the really dope individual that you are! Plus, I LOVE dancing lol it’s extremely joyful 😎
Ash! This is good! Never stop dancing. Never stop laughing at your own jokes. And if you start a flash mob, can you please make sure I am around? This piece made me smile on a gloomy Saturday. Thank you for sharing and thank you for being part of our Unsealed family. <3 Lauren