Beautiful Mosaic

The words flow through my mind
Like the wind through the trees,
Dancing about like leaves on branches,
Flipping and flopping—oh, what a sight.
But this is dyslexia, if you must know.
I read and spell like a jumble, so slow.

My words come out twisted,
Like a tongue twister I can’t tame.
When I try to speak, my thoughts get flipped,
Making people giggle or snarl in shame,
Thinking I’m lazy, or worse—ignorant,
But that’s not it, not at all.

On top of that, my mind races,
A hundred miles a minute,
The creative side taking over,
My vision, a blur, as I try to finish.
Focusing on a task? What is that?
ADHD is what they say,
But I’m not hyper, not today.

At 32, I was diagnosed with this,
They called me lazy, but that wasn’t it.
I try so hard, but the simplest things
Feel like mountains, impossible to climb.
I am misunderstood,
They think I’m dumb,
But deep inside, I am smart,
If only they could see that part.

I’m trapped in a fight,
Yearning for someone to see me,
My heart tangled in a storm,
With all this comes anxiety and grief.
Triggers hit me hard,
But at least I stand,
I guess that’s something to be proud of.

Empty space fills my soul,
A part of me is missing—
My child and his soul,
Who am I behind this mask of pain?
Sometimes, I wonder about that myself.

I’m a puzzle missing pieces,
Maybe one day they’ll see me
Like a beautiful mosaic on the wall,
All of me, not just the broken parts.

The words flow through my mind
Like the wind through the trees,
Dancing about like leaves on branches,
Flipping and flopping—oh, what a sight.
But this is dyslexia, if you must know.
I read and spell like a jumble, so slow.

My words come out twisted,
Like a tongue twister I can’t tame.
When I try to speak, my thoughts get flipped,
Making people giggle or snarl in shame,
Thinking I’m lazy, or worse—ignorant,
But that’s not it, not at all.

On top of that, my mind races,
A hundred miles a minute,
The creative side taking over,
My vision, a blur, as I try to finish.
Focusing on a task? What is that?
ADHD is what they say,
But I’m not hyper, not today.

At 32, I was diagnosed with this,
They called me lazy, but that wasn’t it.
I try so hard, but the simplest things
Feel like mountains, impossible to climb.
I am misunderstood,
They think I’m dumb,
But deep inside, I am smart,
If only they could see that part.

I’m trapped in a fight,
Yearning for someone to see me,
My heart tangled in a storm,
With all this comes anxiety and grief.
Triggers hit me hard,
But at least I stand,
I guess that’s something to be proud of.

Empty space fills my soul,
A part of me is missing—
My child and his soul,
Who am I behind this mask of pain?
Sometimes, I wonder about that myself.

I’m a puzzle missing pieces,
Maybe one day they’ll see me
Like a beautiful mosaic on the wall,
All of me, not just the broken parts.

Heartbreak
Is everywhere like dropped dishes
She sits and sips her coffee
Appears calm and composed
Amid the shattered glass that today was, figuratively speaking
This time

She looks through her memory of today
And finds the pieces of porcelain that have pretty filagrees and bits of flowers
To laugh if she can
She looks aside from the pieces
To see what is not broken
Fixes her eyes on what is whole and real and doing well
She clutches those things in her hands
She has to be careful not to grasp them too tightly
In case even that
Were broken.

She waters plants
She sings songs
She breathes cold air
She plans a garden
She plans a project bigger than this day
She shops for dishes
She is defiantly hopeful

The church ladies said “what a devoted mother”
The neighbor said “your so busy all the time”
Truly
She’s running from one moment to the next preventing disasters & providing cues.
She:
Hugs this child and hopes it is somehow healing to them both
He:
Stares out a window quietly
No words
He is a mystery
Hope is present like a cat that doesn’t like attention.
She is sure
Today was “not that bad”
Brave face to the moon
She is sure
Another day will come
Soon enough.

Sometimes I cry silently beside you
But my tears burn loud like screams
Your ears are so hollow
Like my voice is shallow
I wonder if I’m talking in a dream
Because I don’t feel heard

My concerns bounce off the wall like an empty apartment
My worries shut away in a chest locked with a one of a kind key
Insecurities become secrets because only I listen to them

Hear me
Acknowledge me
Validate me

I’m drowning in your rebuttals
Your disregard seeps through my pores
I choke on your counter neglect

How do we continue on?

My perception of life allows insight into things that are often missed by others.

I choose to be silent, letting my written words say what takes my breath away.

I see the injustices, and relentless undertones. So many are inflicted by a hate that they have never had or known.

All for the sake of being different.

Looking away from a person who may have been born with deformities.
Blind, deaf or lame.
Even those who are impaired mentally.

There are times I burst into tears, but it’s not for me as much as it is for others.

Some consider me to be fragile or too sensitive, not grasping the burden it carries to care.

I feel crushed in return… getting a clearer picture of Yashua, connected by DNA, his blood running through my veins.

“But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5

Yes, Yashua is my brother, and God’s first Son.

I suspect for such an uncommon belief not to be received.

Saddened by the amount of misunderstanding of me it brings.

Aware of the way others look at me. Not so much about beauty, but this certain je ne sais quoi encountered by my presence.

Some have lashed out at me in hopes of a reaction, because I remain composed and calm during times of chaos.

I have been called the “quiet storm”.

Style Score 100%
(prior to final draft)

Dear Unsealed,
I do not know where to begin but I will begin to write as my subconscious dictates the story. I grew up when women did not have rights. Now in 2025 we are back to the same male patriarchal society. I felt very misunderstood throughout my whole life. As an empath and creative personality, I still feel misunderstood around judgmental people
I was led to believe that the man held authority over everything. Back in the fifties white male misogynist pigs dominated it. Now we are back to this same idiocrasy of white men wanting to dominate everyone and everything.
I, and other women were taught to get married, have three babies, buy a house, and serve your man cocktails when he gets home from work. Some households were extremely strict with their women. Women were not allowed to buy a house or buy a car until the 1970s. now we are back here again with white male dominance.
I was married at 20 for a brief period. The marriage was annulled due to incompatibility. The thoughts of some families were to marry their daughters off to a man to take care of them. If one is raised in this culture, you either accept it or rebel against the whit male patriarchy. I rebelled.
I am going to make this into a noticeably short story. My message to women of every culture do not let your man dominate you. Rebel against such nonsense. Men who want to control are very insecure and have severe mental issues of paranoia.
I would not have married the car race guy if my mom had not insisted, I needed to get married to fulfill her dream. I briefly accepted the mentality of that era. I was always in a fight or flight mode for many years.
I suggest to younger ladies do not succumb to the lunacy of a male patriarchal society.
My father was not like that. He wanted me to learn mechanical work. My mom was oh no I could not learn mechanics as I was prima donna girl. My dad and mom had an argument about that issue.
My philosophy is do not let anyone push you into marrying just to get married. Love is love. I am an ally of the LGBTQ people.
I now instruct people: we are one human being species with many cultures, ethnicities, languages, different skin pigmentation, and personalities.
What I learned through my years from 1949 to 2025 is do not let a man talk you into having his babies, especially if you just began to date. That is a red flag of dominance and how the misogynist sees your worth as a woman. I say block him on social media, refuse his phone calls, and ignore him if you see him out and about. Watch for red flags of narcissism in every relationship. If you are the narcissist then crumble the story, throw it away because a narcissist cannot change. If you are an empath, then stay as far away from the narcissist as you can. If you are not either of those personality types, then take heed to watch for red flags to prevent an abusive relationship.
My advice is to focus on your career, go to college, and refuse to acknowledge people who condescend you as a human being. Walk away from a future abusive relationship.
I was boy crazy at ten years old. I read teen magazines and idolized boys in the band. I matured young, as I began puberty at age ten. My advice to me would be to focus on writing for the teen magazine instead of being google eyed over the cuties in the band.
As of now I am 75 years old. I accepted a coffee date with an old guy. I told him someday soon. I have known him for two years. I want platonic relationships and at this age there is no intention of anything but friendship.
This concludes this short story, focusing on one aspect of my life among many others. I have a lot of stories to tell. I shall write them all one day. Perhaps I should include the X-rated too.
I have survived all those relationships as I have learned that I did not always make the right choices. As one grows up to maturity you learn to appreciate the times you made the correct choices and to always remember the consequences of making the wrong choices.

If you feel misunderstood, then analyze the situation or walk away.
Peace everyone!
Be yourself everyone!

Thinking about my goals for the new year makes me crouch in my seat when I should sit up straight proud because I got there

my brain BURSTS mulling over ANY AND EVERY GOAL so I take this time to look at them as a WHOLE

What do I have to do to complete this puzzle piece that is comprised of EVERY SINGLE GOAL

Being CONFIDENT and PROUD of what I have done should give me all the reason to continue to strive for SUCCESS this season

There is truly no reason why 2024 can NOT be a BREAKTHROUGH season

As I invision proceeding and SUCCEEDING in life the reason I haven’t had my break through moment is easy

My potential is like the AIR you can NEVER have too much to spare

I don’t dare to prepare to jump into the limit-LESS air BUT I am AFRAID of that STARE or smile that will inevitably be there (at least according to ME) to COMPARE

If I dare to run the race that is LIFE and I WIN I will FOREVER WONDER if crossing that finish line FIRST was FAIR

I think about EVERYONE ELSE who CAN be there

Most certainly the guy with the limp is NOT supposed to be there (or so MYSELF thinks)

But I tell myself if I do NOT run the race (LIFE) like I BELONG it will only be UN-used air and WASTED air just means in the end I did NOT care and I MYSELF CARE

So in 2024 I DARE to jump INTO MY limit-LESS AIR!

Another 1st of the year
Another round of
“”resolution-ists’ bullshit”

Another set..of another pair..
Of numbers.

No, no. No more numbers.
Just the year of
The More and The Less-es.
The Simples.

more kitchen ballet dances.
less quiet cries.
more lyrics that get ya
less of the ones
that were used..
simply to manipulate
you.
more ‘look how far we’ve come’ s
less ‘i’m supposed to be so much further’ s
More of the simply Simples.

More–
“i’m sorry i hurt you.”
“i’m here if you wanna talk.”
“we can get through this.”
“how can i help?”
“it’s gonna get better.”
“thanks for having my back.”
“i got you–always.”
“you’re stuck with me..”
“–promise?”
Always.

–xoxo A

The expectations I set forth
Will allow me to light the torch
To a productive and successful 2024
Far beyond my imagination
This is the year of fulfillment
This is the year of new beginnings
This is the year that my consistency pays off
This is the year my dreams are my reality
My destiny awaits
I cherish the days of people saying
I always knew you would
I always knew you were talented
Not that I need the recognition
But I would be grateful that they were paying attention
I’m ready to enjoy the talent I was blessed with
Sharing it with the masses
I’m ready for my creativity to be heard
As well as read in the pages of my 1st poetry book
1 of my biggest goals this year
Is to release a body of work
That represents me before I turn 40
This is the year
This is the year I dreamt of
This is the year that it all happens
Ain’t nothing going to stop me but me
That’s why this is the year of endless possibilities!

WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR TWENTY TWENTY FOUR?

Well, how about this…
To take all the things that are happening, and the things that actually happened, and then acknowledge the teachings that they are revealing, and reflect everyday, every experience you’ve observed, utilizing reachable goals or ambitions, like, learning a language, and acknowledging opportunities given, or actively offering gratitude or appreciation, and learning something for our routine that will train the ways that we experience everything, even negativity, to teach yourself the ways that we thrive through these waves will take the willpower that’s within, to then work towards the world that we want to watch evolve within eachothers worlds, then, to witness everyone experiencing new things that you’d find outside of usual realities.

So what’s my goals for the new year?
To learn why I’ve been getting these life lessons and why life has blessed them, to start meditating daily, para aprender más español, to see the offered opportunities as a port of unity that can help transform the views I see and want to see, to show gratitude for the small things in life, and appreciate all that life has to offer, to get disciplined with a healthy daily routine of eating and sleeping, and to start revealing the new styles of writing I’ve been blessed to find while trying to realign my mind, this poetry of acronyms that I like to call aftonyms, or aftonymbles, which is aftons scrambled acronyms, which is how i answered this question in the previous paragraph, and to hopefully inspire someone to try it as well. Also to sell atleast 100 of my books of poems called Poetic Diabetic, and to finish my second one called Aftonyms.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a beautiful year!

My mind as the farmer, and, my body as the land…This year, we both get a break; It is my fallow year. I’ve spent years planning, sewing, praying for rain, and harvesting my crops; moving through life as if it were a check off list to turn in once completed. I, like soil, am depleted. I will meet the weather patterns with ease, knowing I don’t depend on the rain. This year, I am a plot of land going untouched. I am reclaiming rest, remembering- it is work. I am gifting myself time to get back to my organic matter. I will accept the pauses that come along with the fallow; unlike lost income- my health cannot be replaced. I trust with time, the earth will replenish my soil. I will welcome each sunrise, simply grateful to see another day. I will accept droughts, floods, pests, and the scorching summer heat. This year, I will move slowly, breaking the cycles one season at a time.

Be here now. In the breath of the wind. In the rainbows of the sunset. In the expressions walking across stranger’s faces.

Be here fully. In the complexities of thought. In the vastness of space. In the smells from the kitchen.

Be here lovingly. In the softness of forgiveness. In the gentleness of joy. A hug, not a bow.

Time running out is such a gift; and this gift is a privilege to be alive for.

Dark nights of the soul can be so convincing. Let this soften me.

Let this remind me-

Hope paints strokes of colors on the horizon
When the rest of the world is dark

All for us
Inexplicable beauty
The fade-
so subtle
While the deep red keeps hanging on
The higher we rise, the longer the colors last

An ode to keep chasing sunsets
To go through life with eyes wide open
Welcoming light and chasing great heights
For this day…
Is a reminder of hope
Even the darkest depths of the sky

Let me live life deeply.

I have so many goals for 2024.
This year will be bigger than before.

I will continue to mentor ADHD youth.
Advocate for LGBTQ to speak their truth.

January, Career Day inspiring young souls.
February, I’ll accomplish one of my biggest goals.

In March, at a book gala with my own table.
April, youth art event, showing them of what they’re able.

In May, we’ll be on the cover of Rally Up Magazine.
June is Pride month, what a beautiful scene.

July, we have a pop up celebrating our success.
August, Unity Day for mental health awareness.

September, we’re traveling to Mexico.
October, who knows where this path will go.

November, I’ll be so grateful for the year that I had.
This year in December, the holidays won’t feel so bad.

New Years Resolutions –
One I accomplished no slack,
Each check off the box,
Each proud moment to look back.

But in the last few years,
I’ve been slipping and failing.
Because of the busyness of life
That can be both great and heartbreaking.

Goals for this twenty-twenty-four
Like anyone else has;
Weight loss, exercise, being healthy more,
Read books, invest in friendships,
Devotions, meditation, and journaling
For each morn to pass.

Don’t forget being on a forgiveness journey
—To let go of offenses, be set free
From those long ago did me dirty
And make me a better person who I ought to be.

Will add more as I have dreams
Of writing stories for the whole world to see.
One book idea of a decade,
A screenplay, two, or more with
Fantastic scenes.

Yes, I love stories
—especially with themes
Happy, sad funny, cry,
All to relate when life intervenes.

Now, the last resolution is only small,
“Life Dad up” is what’s written on the list;
As pieces of my world fall
Bit by bit through illness’s mist

It was one thing, then another,
Test given, test about
All came what was fully discovered:
Dementia. Was without a doctor’s doubt.

Just like any year we’re in
It’s born, then dies,
Was his disease that stayed with
No intentions for goodbyes.

My Dad, my once strong hero,
My fright, protector, and friend
In his place was someone different
In his dark corner—knowing he is coming close to a complete end.

I have no fears for when he goes
to After-Life and farther.
But the one worry I do have, is the day
he will no longer remember I am his daughter.

They say “You got your whole life ahead of you,”
Whenever I feel old
But “Life is short.”
Is the truth to be told.

“Don’t take the little things in life
Granted,” another to say.
‘Cause life is a gift, you never know
What comes in the day.

Knowing when it comes or unpredictable,
Emotions and thoughts come high and low;
Tempted to give in despair
My Dad tells me his prayers for me to know:

“I want to leave behind a legacy of love,”
“Have faith, trust, and pray,”
“Work in what you love doing,” and
“If you’re led to do something, do it today.”

Giving wisdom and advice for a lifetime
Like any parent would for their kid;
He’s said many things but few I keep,
I realized my Dad’s wisdom is never one to forbid.

So, I still follow my resolutions but with a hard,
Yet good, approach for the year:
To keep writing, and to be present with family—
Both of which I hold to my heart so dear.

I must not give up—no, I mustn’t!
My aim, my prayer, my wish, my goal:
Is to write, to publish, any story reaches the world
With heart and soul.

And for any story I write—-
For any to be published, seen, and read;
For my Dad to witness, be proud, for a writing that treaded
In sweat and love to spread.

A gift, a talent, from father to daughter,
Each story inspired is never in vain.
A legacy placed before me with much encouragement, support, and love—-
A secret of life makes me the richest to gain.