This set of mountains
moves west, and wester still
until they move north and south
following the six directions.
Their crags speak to the sky
of the events below,
all in the rocky languages
poorly understood by those bound to two feet.
Caressing the earth in moccasins,
he, or was it she
looks about in the craggy heights
for a handhold
in the pegmatite faces of canyons
the reds and blacks in the most deeps,
those purples of sheerness
keeping the less adventurous at bay.
Coming down to the valley
below the gorges of distance barely seen
she, or was it he, knows
that off in the yonder reaches
there might just be a place in that bigness,
to drive their thoughts to.
An abandoned two story ranch house
sits the still, its invisible solitude
quiet now of children’s voices.
The hand split shingles on the roof
still keep the weather out
both the harsh winter snows and warm summer rains
don’t touch the singularity of a dry interior
as if waiting for the family to return
from where they disappeared to, so long ago.
That ranch house perched on the mountain side
has the cook house and porch attached
where a descendant has placed new tin
over it. Then left it again.
And there, under that
is the place where the questions
may have gotten answered,
and maybe not,
perhaps just having raised those inquiries
into the meanings of the lives lived
under the eaves.

I have learning disabilities, it’s not one that can be spotted by looking closely at the features of my face. And because it remains hidden I fear that sometimes I am misunderstood because of it.

When I share that I have a learning disability I fear that people see me through a different lens than they previously did.

I’ve had family members who have known about my learning disabilities tell me they didn’t know I was smart enough to make it on the honor roll even though I made honors every single semester of high school.

When I tell people I have a learning disability it’s as if they expect me to then cause a disturbance and act out. But I sit there quietly absorbing everything.

When I tell people that I have learning disabilities they immediately start putting limits as to my abilities and what I can and can’t achieve. So it’s easier to say nothing and silently prove them wrong.

When I tell people that I have learning disabilities people tend to assume that my IEP and accommodations exempted me from hard work. I HATE when people assume that. I worked twice as hard as to learn the topics. And even though my accommodations lessened the amount of math problems I had to solve I would sometimes end up doing more than what I was assigned so that I could make sure I mastered the concept.

When I struggle with learning or doing a task because of my learning disabilities people get frustrated with me and tell me that this should be easy. But in actuality my brain works differently and I may need to see it done a couple of times or have it explained in a different way in order to understand.

When I tell people I have learning disabilities they tend to cheapen my achievements as if I weaseled my way through a Master’s program and was handed a degree instead of earning it myself. In reality though I worked countless hours to make my way through grad school and to end up where I am today.

I had a boss who upon finding out about my learning disabilities made some distasteful and unprofessional comments about them as if I were bad and defective and not fit to serve in ministry. Oh the irony that this was after we had done a whole Inclusion Initiative geared towards people with disabilities. She barred me from helping with it.

When I tell people that I have learning disabilities they often tend to question or doubt my capacity for leadership. But I can still lead and I lead with a greater empathy and understanding because I know what it’s like to struggle.

I wish when I tell people I have learning disabilities they would see me for who I truly am…..

An intelligent
Inquisitive
Attentive
Hardworking
Tenacious
Creative
Problem solving
Professional
Empathetic
Leader

Who demands and deserves respect
And who can do whatever she puts her mind to.

My most greatest love on God’s earth is spending time with my daughter and grandkids. I’ve gone through many trials and tribulations that could complete my life span dealing with illnesses. Through it all, I’ve had the greatest moments that could never be replaced. Moments that made me completely forget about thoses ill times, as if they weren’t even there. Time with my family helps me mentally, as well as emotionally, giving me the greatest joy ever. A total display of filial affection. A feeling like no other. Never wasted. During these times, there’s no pain, no worries, because I’m protected. I’m free to have fun, feel loved and appreciated. There’s time when I’m alone dealing with the mishaps and tragedies of my life. I’m a strong individual, but I’m even stronger with the loves of my life. Thoughts of any other trails in your life, any lingering destruction waiting to happen, means nothing during precious moments. There’s no fear, only Joy. The moments are everything. We’re creating lasting memories. Everything we do is done as a whole. We’re developing adaptability, strengthening relationships beyond measures. Creating futures for lasting relationships. The true meaning of love, where no one is left behind. Love and care is continuing to be bestowed upon me. Life’s greatest blessing. Life is the most beautiful, filled with family. No bond is greater!

It’s the weight of blankets in the morning’s hush,
The birdsong presented in the dawn’s first blush.
The cold floor beneath my waking feet,
The lingering scents that make spaces sweet.
The warmth of sunlight slipping through the blinds- a quiet echo of simpler times.
It’s the something in everything, subtle yet bright,
Existing without need for sight.
The way life hums in moments small,
A quiet presence embracing all.

I love books but the Only One Thing
Is the Love story of God, that to me brings:
Peace and Joy, Contentment to the full-
Like carrying a baby on a baby stroll.

That’s One Thing, that is more than a thing
Always blows my mind, with exciting dreams.
Though not regular dreams as when one sleeps,
Their the dreams of imagination-
That eternal relations keep.

This library daily I seem to walk into
Holding life barely by the Word of Truth.
This thing is a box I’m locked inside,
Never can I get out, It is the place I hide.

But there is always light on the inside,
That from the top it clearly shines.
When I look below I see nothing at all,
For the only place to go, is upward climbing the wall.

Neither can you see in the dark
But the speed of light ran, and has me marked.
Inside this box that happens to be a Book;
Instruction number one is just to simply look.

Then I learn, listen, and live-
No words of my own for you to give.
And no not at all am I ashamed of this,
Nothing belongs to me, I’m lucky to exist.

Though may I hear no luck in vocabulary
I’ll only fear God, but not a fear that’s scary.
Rather a love-try of mutual respect,
One that walks with me and never neglects.

A new life, a new mourn,
In a hidden concealed heart…
But always the same Christ,
Teaching my foolishness to be smart.

I just cannot get out of the Bible,
Shoe-tying knots… For a long while.
Walking into this Cannon of Truth,
Is yes and amen to all good that’s due.

Neer’ would I ever want to be released,
That for me is not a good thing.
I’ll stay chained, a slave of this Book,
Where I know Jesus saves every direction that I look 🙂

2-23-25

Dear Writing,

When you came into my life in a new way seven years ago, I didn’t know then that it would be the love I wanted and needed. We became acquainted again thanks to a mother figure who showed me how glorious and attractive you are; inside and out.

My eyes became new when I saw you through her testimonies and words. Sadly, she would stop showing you around because her life became busy. Months passed by, and I kept hoping that she would show you around again, but there was something about you that kept calling me.

After wrestling with these new feelings, a lightbulb finally went off in my head to speak to you myself. When I started talking, you talked back with emphasis and enthusiasm. You allowed me to be a part of your home. You even introduced me to many people who would enrich my life in ways I couldn’t imagine.

Even though I would quickly become addicted to you, even over text you, it didn’t scare you off. If anything, you encouraged me to speak to you more, even at midnight. I’m terrible at saying the L word, but I hope I show my love for you and all you’ve done for me during our run together.

Your presence has given me the vitamins needed to thrive every day. Because of you, I have a much clearer vision of my creativity inside me. Without you, my life would be dramatically different in the last several years. I wish I had seen you in this light many years ago, but I guess I needed to do some discovering to find you.

I could thank you a billion times and it still wouldn’t be enough. When I read pieces from other writers who share their love for you, I truly get it. So, thank you, writing. I salute you, and I’ll keep honoring you for eternity.

Sincerely,

Gerald

Addiction

I’m an addict
And I know it!

I revere two of the three Cs:
Coffee, candy, and cigarettes.

I love my coffee alone with my contemplation
Of life, likes, posts, news, like a great commotion,

Flitting from one to the next trying to see
What’s best before I rest to be free.

Posts galore and replies of mine
Make my day, as the taste of Coffee

Feels like a sinful pleasure.
With my dark drink, I bite into chocolate,

And drift into a coma at heaven’s gate.
I savor the sweetness along the strength

Of body of the coffee and it’s bitterness.

Life with the morning rituals
Cake, candy, chocolate, coffee and sweets

Is like life without a hero like Ferrero,
Or Cadbury, Mars, KitKat, and Aero!

Raising the bar in a day filled
With noise, poised to litter the mind

With fear, worry, and being drear!
So my habitual start is set in stone:

Coffee, contemplation, quiet that have
A lead to social media, news, where I refuse

To succumb to its dadarkness
That needs to twist your morning addictions

Into a depressive, foggy darkness.
Let your coffee’s wisdom fill
Your empty cup with hope that will

Reject solidifying into despair,
But reaches in your depths to repair.
©️ Malak kalmoni chehab ©️

The View

Wow, it’s insane how the world looks at you .
Do you think you’ll be enough for maybe one or two.
Is it too much to ask to see you just more than once?
I can’t imagine what you have to go through inside to present yourself
These people must be dunce if they don’t want you.

I love opening the door and smelling your scent
The smell is on my pillow from having you close to me
If I have you too much, I might have to repent

I’m super lucky to have you all to myself
I’m not selfish, but with you, I have to be .
You’re so fit, dark like chocolate, juicy meat on your body.
I rather have you any day over a plate of shellfish.

Do you know when I fell in love with you?
I fell in love with you as a child.
I took one look at you and said “you’re going to be all mine “and that’s true.
I couldn’t wait to become an adult and see how you grew. How you flourished.
I love you even more as an adult.
Who would have known.

People fight over you all the time.
I can’t blame them.
You pair so well with a glass of wine.
I love seeing you come out, and it’s actual steam coming out of you because you’re so dam hot !
You’re beautiful, soft and well matured.
You’re moist and refreshing and the best cure.

The scent of cloves as you walk by
The smile on my face when I see you.
When we are in a restaurant, and I’m with my friends, I count the minutes to see your sexy blend.

You sit well on top of colored grains
My heart can’t take it anymore.
I’m going to go insane.
As you come over to me, I lose everything in my brain.
Is this what actual love feels like?

I enjoy you, I love you, and I can’t get enough of the view.

I have to have you
I’m sure you do too.
Look at you!
Look at that view!
Oxtails, rice and peas with plantains too!

God is great, fear is a liar, Grace wins.

At first it won’t make sense.
I overthink so much until I make myself sick—

I often think about all the what ifs and all the coulda shoulda beens

Playing images in my mind that break me down to the core…

The images that bring out the waterworks & leave your eyes sore.

The kind that have u grieving over something that may or may not be yours…

Now you’re left with this weight on your chest & a knot in your throat

The tears streaming down your face, re-living the pain

—over — and over
— and over again…

I beat myself up not knowing wether I’ve done what’s right or wrong

Too afraid to repeat past patterns
Too afraid to throw myself back into the fire
Too afraid of the damage that can still be done after already going thru so much pain & sorrow.

I remember what happened the last time.
& the time before that & I can’t help but think—

What if it happens again
—God
I don’t know if I can handle it.

They say old keys don’t open new doors .
They also say leave old shit in the past .

Each situation is its own.

What if what failed back then, works for me now?

People wonder why I’m such an over-thinker
I hope you can see for yourself-how

Look at what I just said—
—Shits always contradicting & confusing

It’s all a case by case basis
—and none of us have the recipe for each situation

All I know to be true — is you God

But I can’t always see you.
— and at times I struggle to feel or hear you…

So I pray & pray.
Hoping you’ll hear me say.
I need you.

I need you now as much as I did back then —

I need to hear you loud & clear again .

Like that day in my bedroom.

You gave me a quick glimpse at my future but it quickly escaped to

All a sudden I received a message but I don’t know where it came from?

It said to me…

Do you really think that laying something down at his feet —

Reaching out to him daily.

Choosing not to move-until you receive clarity.

Trying to let him take the lead…Will somehow cause you to lose something?—

To lose something thats destined for you ?…

Absolutely not. On the contrary.

He will bless you for your obedience.
For you guarding your heart.

For you refusing to accept-less than what is right
— and not giving in to what is not .

— and I know it will hurt to hear this but if it’s lost— it wasn’t yours to keep to begin with.

I know it’s hard to be still but don’t stress it.

Gods got this.
He knows best not only where u are but where you are going.

— God is great, fear is a liar, & grace wins.

One day you will see you are not alone & you have never been…