Hey All!

The challenge for this contest was to write a letter to your younger self. All the letters are amazing. Check them out and vote for your favorite.

Judges will select a winner, who will win a $400 prize. Also, we will have a bonus prize of $100 for whoever receives the most votes. Member votes count five times as much as non-member votes.

Voting ends  October 1st, 11:59pm Eastern Time. 

We will announced our winners October 3rd! 

Good luck!!!

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To the mommy’s girl in her twenties,

I’ve been writing now for about two years because of everything I have experienced. I don’t think we ever felt the whole dear diary thing. I think writing these letters is a concept worth trying. After all those years of struggling with prompt writing around 2016 it no longer existed. Hopefully this letter will make it a little bit easier to navigate through your twenties and obtain that degree.

Identify your toxic traits, we don’t have a lot queen trust me. You have to be consistent with being better versions of us in order to help others do the same. That toxic behavior will not pour out into your thirties. Let’s start off with my favorite Mom. If anybody knows mom like me it’s you. Yes it’s safe to say mom’s love was a bit smothering. Not all the time, but I am proof that no matter what we go through emotionally I will never regret putting mom first. I was with mom until the very end it definitely brought pain with peace. This healing journey I began in 2017 has really helped me thrive in our thirties. Mom will forever be our greatest teacher of life she also liked to write. Ask her for help in writing her stories I forgot so many and of course I’m missing those. There will be bad days but don’t ever leave moms side no matter how hard it gets. I highly suggest taking more breaks it is more important than you think. Especially for our mental health, please take the time for yourself! Not on anyone else, alone time with you. Not on those late night drives either. By 22 you already understand deep down how those types operate so try not to attach too many feelings. I tell you this, the love that you need will find you it will find us even when it seems like you failed. I will say this we didn’t even have to waste all that gas queen! Speak up more and keep asking for help with mom as well. I cannot exactly get into details of what’s to come but you and that bullfrog will be caring for mom in her last years of life. Very few regrets, on my bad days the list might be a little longer.  Yes I’m sorry but we have those days. Days where we feel defeated and let depressive thoughts fill our days, weeks sometimes the whole month. The amount of time I spent on certain things like depressive thoughts and certain people could have been poured back into us somehow. But knowing what I know now I’m trying to spare us a little bit of heartbreak that I’m still struggling to heal in our thirties. We try not to be reckless over here, meaning we react less. Leave people where they want to be left and really focus on what it means to love unconditionally. A losing season will come and the hurt will be unbearable you do become vulnerable a short period of time. But again, it’s all part of our story. It will not make sense right way but believe you me I can bet you a bottle of Hennessy it does. It will be okay, you stay blessed in so many ways and most importantly we overcome so much because of our faith. Stay committed to the church. I admit not making it a priority in my twenties has made me delayed with being closer to my church family. The love is always there, on time and most importantly it’s unconditional. I’ve learned the power of prayer which helps me stress less and pray about literally everything. Always be grateful for good and the bad. Our values may not be for everybody and that’s okay. I have yet to find a soul that’s as deep and genuine as ours. Caring too much will be a distraction and will consume your time in trying to save people. You can love and support people from afar, remind them you’re still rooting for them. Prayers are the best form of love you can give. Go to church queen learn the Bible just listen already! Utilize the world wide web. You can be anything you put your mind to be. Go to school focus on your career, your education that’s something I’m definitely missing that in my thirties. I will be a college graduate in our thirties I owe this to us. That degree(s) will take us places I know it will. The feeling of going back to school does not compare to previous first days of school.  Do you remember being in elementary school and those writing prompts would always make us want to cry? We thought something was wrong with us because we couldn’t tap into our creative side? If the elementary version  of us could see me know she wouldn’t believe that I was a future version of us. I enjoy writing so much now and I know you would enjoy it too. You can start by writing me a little more if you have the time. I’m not a fortune teller but I would love to make the time to respond and be as helpful as I can be. Remember we’re not changing the future. Because I truly believe we were meant to go through everything we have gone through so far. May you stay grounded and positive take that walk you have been itching to take. You know the one that park with the lake. Remember stress less and pray about everything. May you be blessed always in all ways. Hope to hear from you

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Dear Little Sunshine,

The world might not make much sense to you right now and I know you are just trying your hardest to find a place where you feel seen and heard in the way you see and hear other people. I can’t promise you that people won’t break your heart or mislead you, but I can promise you that every twist and turn you take will be your very own journey into a world that makes sense to you.

You’re going to be known as the helper before you ever truly feel helped. You are going to the big cousin, big sister, best friend, and even the parent sometimes. And you are going to be great at it because you have a natural ability to connect with and care for people. There will be a lot of times where you feel like too much is being expected of you and that you just can’t do it anymore. I want to let you know that for every moment you push through, you grow into a stronger version of yourself and encourage others to do the same.

Little Sunshine, I need you to know that you light up rooms when you walk in. I see the way you bring love and inspiration to people three times your age. I see the way you check in on others to make sure everyone feels included. I see that your mind never stops racing and your body never ceases to move. I see that you are as full of love as you are fearful of it.

I know those around you are impressed by your self-sufficiency because they don’t know it was your only option. I know that you’ve been given too much responsibility at a young age and just want to make mistakes. I know you feel neglected, but still show up for everyone. I know it hurts to think you always have to give more than you can receive, but I want to assure you that your incessant desire for curiosity, connection, and care will motivate you to be a pillar of love and creative expression in the lives of others.

That light you shine because you feel so overlooked, will teach others to unashamedly be themselves. That depth you possess because you’ve seen so much in such a short amount of time, will teach others to take time to learn themselves. That warmth you radiate because the world is just so cold, will teach others to be kinder to themselves.

So, when your heart hurts, don’t turn away from those in your life who never did you wrong, remember to lean into the love that surrounds you and multiply it. All the boys and girls, friends and foes, family members and strangers, who made you question your heart, hold them closely like they couldn’t hold you and I promise you that your life will be so much better because of it. I don’t ask that you stay strong and silent when the world doesn’t give you what you need, I ask that you stay soft and resilient. I ask that you continue to be an example of the shining, permeating, unwavering love you wish to feel. You will change the lives of so many others because of it.

I love you, Little Sunshine and I am so proud of you

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Dear me, thank you.

I remember when you were starting school in third grade; transitioning from being home-schooled to public school, the same year that you bawled your eyes out because the doctor said needed eyeglasses. I mean, once you realized you were allowed to pick out your own frames, your tears cleared right up and those round, dark pink frames quickly became yours! Being excited about the new element added to your style, Dad didn’t have a hard time convincing you to get a super short haircut…but don’t worry, you never, ever did that again! However, I do admire the confidence that you had going into that school- knowing you didn’t have any familiar faces in class, but still having no problem being your authentic, weird self. I’m proud to say we do have that confidence today, but that unfortunately we did lose it a bit in-between.

Getting through middle school wasn’t bad. You did well in school and you got along with your classmates, but what you lived for was hanging out with your best friends back at the apartments that you grew up in your whole life. Having friends in the apartment complex made it easy to say that home was such a fun place to be, even though deep down you knew that inside that two-bedroom apartment, any happiness was gone after 6pm. You were lucky in a way, it’s not like your parents were leaving you with random sitters while they went out to the bars like your neighbor friends dealt with, instead your parents would just drink at home, and you had to be witness. Your parents seemed to care more than the other parents because they were always helicoptering around and trying to keep you safe, but that started to bother you more and more as you grew older.

When it was time for high school you started to feel suffocated. When you observed the younger neighbor friends having more freedom than you, it felt unfair! They could take their bikes to the store down the street before you could, and they’d all talk about their Facebook accounts while your parents were telling you that you couldn’t have one for another few years. The anger inside only grew as you finally got more freedom, because that only came with constant texts and calls asking for pictures to prove where you were. You weren’t out doing drugs or partying, you had good grades, but you were treated as if you were not trust-worthy or responsible. It didn’t help that your parents’ anxiety of the world worsened, as well as their anger towards each other. At home, you unfortunately had to hear all of it, and it had more of an effect on you than you knew.

As you overheard the loud, explicit sluts being spat back and forth, your body was coregulating with their anger and angst. As you overheard horrific truths of family pasts, your brain processed these things in an unhealthy, self-limiting way. As you started to join in on arguments trying to mediate or defend, you fed into your already developed control issues. There is a reason that psychologists tell parents not to involve their children in adult issues. This was in no way your fault, but when you finally were able to escape, you quickly learned that it was your responsibility. Although it feels easy to blame your parents for your anxiety and depression, it feels so much better once you realized that they were doing the best they could with what they knew, and it feels even better when you realized that you were the one in control of your life.

You escaped your parents’ home at age 19 and moved into an apartment with your high school sweetheart. Even though you had never had a boyfriend throughout high school, when you saw him come into your class junior year and you got that feeling that you had to talk to him…you were right to go with your gut. This man has been such a blessing throughout your life, even though at times you didn’t treat him that way. There were times where your anxiety got the best of you, your anger issues were not managed well, and you felt completely out of control. There were times where you found yourself in panic attacks, crying so hard to the point of headaches, but you made it through, and he was there the whole time. He was so patient with you, and although there were rough times during the relationship, he never left your side. Even though you thought you were such a burden and terrible person to be around, he never saw you like that-he saw you for you.

You had a hard time accepting this love for many reasons, but the main one being that you did not love yourself. Your brain absorbed Dad’s constant comments like “You dumba**” or “Stupid b**ch,” even though those were never true. You took on blame and guilt for things that didn’t even involve you, and it aided in the self-loathing patterns. I won’t sit here and say that at age 27 you’re completely healed of all traumas and you float through life with no problems; you still have triggers and definitely some control issues, but you are healing every day. After years of trying different medications and therapists, you’re feeling regulated without prescription drugs, you have a therapist you love, and you are finally feeling like that confident, curly-headed eight-year-old girl with glasses strolling into her first year of public school. Looking at you, I see that you always confidently knew yourself, and you trusted your gut. You tried to stay out of the way of chaos and remain in your own peaceful world, and that is something we still practice today. As I continue to heal my nervous system and work on self-love, I have realized that I truly can trust my gut feelings; and for that, I thank you.

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