Dear Chloe Hayden,

You don’t really know me and you’ve only responded to some of the things I’ve tagged you in, but I’ve been a fan of yours for about three years now. Even though we’ve never officially met, we have some things in common; we’re both autistic writers, actresses, and advocates. We’ve both challenged how autism is represented; you’ve done so through your book and your appearance on Heartbreak High, and I’ve done so through my articles and plays. I may not be as well-known as you, but I admire you and hope to do what you’ve already done. I aim to have a published and well-reviewed work about autism, and I would love to play an autistic character who truly challenges how autism is portrayed in the media.

I’ve recently ordered your book and can’t really comment on it yet, so I’ll talk about your character Quinni from the Heartbreak High reboot. The moment you made the announcement about your casting, I was hyped. I was never really into teen dramas at any point in my life, but I was willing to give the show a chance because you were in it. I’m glad that I did because not only did I get to witness an amazing show with excellent writing, but I got to see the best depiction of autism I had ever seen in my life. I’m sure plenty of viewers have already told you this, but you have no idea what Quinni means to me.

I was diagnosed as autistic somewhere around the age of three, but my parents didn’t tell me until I was seventeen. At that point, I was already an outcast with very few friends. Since I grew up with a secret negative view of autism, I didn’t take the delayed news of my diagnosis very well. That is, I didn’t take it very well on the inside. I looked surprised and confused on the outside when my parents told me the truth, but my insides were slicing themselves up from the center and working their way up to the barrier between my skin and muscle. Sorry for getting a little graphic, but that’s exactly how I felt, and it took me years to finally accept this part of myself.

The main reason why I took the news so hard was because of the lack of proper representation of autism I had growing up. The bit of representation that I did see on TV was just recycled Rain Man and not really anything I could really relate to. Although I did grow up with some autistic-coded characters who were similar to me like Lilo from Lilo and Stitch and Ariel from The Little Mermaid, there were no autistic characters that made me say, “Look! She’s just like me!” If I had seen an autistic character like myself on TV before my parents delivered the big news to me, then maybe I wouldn’t have slipped into an even bigger depression.

If the Heartbreak High reboot had come out when I was a teen, it would’ve helped me through a lot. I could’ve shown some scenes from the show to my friends in order to properly explain what I went through on a daily basis. Only one of my high school friends knew the truth before I finally came out of the autism closest in college, and maybe the Quinni scenes would’ve made me more confident to come out sooner. Every scene that she appears in just oozes autistic accuracy, but there’s one scene in particular that I need to praise. No, it’s not the “Ok Sia” scene that everyone talks about, although that scene is straight fire. I want to talk about Episode Six where Quinni gets to meet her favorite author. The entire episode was relatable from Quinni getting ready for the day to her suddenly having to fit Sasha into her plans that she had set weeks or even months ago to the pure joy on her face when her favorite author encouraged her to write a book. The scene that I want to point out is when Sasha pulls out the victim card and tries to blame Quinni for taking her to the book signing, even though she invited herself to the event that her girlfriend had planned to go to even before they started dating. Poor Quinni just assumed that Sasha actually wanted to go, only to be gaslit as she’s joyfully declaring that she wants to write a book. Her own partner couldn’t even be happy for her and only cares about a party. Then Sasha acts like it’s so hard being a neurotypical person with an autistic partner, but Quinni points out that she’s the only one of the two who actually has to live with autism and runs home in tears.

This scene hit me harder than any other scene in the show because I’ve been there so many times. I’ve lost count of how many times someone I cared about offered to do whatever I wanted to do, only to gaslight me and act as if I’d forced them to do it. I can do whatever my loved ones want me to do without admitting that what they’re putting me through is pure sensory hell, but I’m the villain if they offer to do what I feel like doing. It’s like whatever makes me feel comfortable or happy is wrong. It’s a situation that just about every autistic individual has been through, and yet I hardly see it depicted on TV. I can imagine how hard it must’ve been to film that scene, so I applaud you for bringing it to life. It’s a common autistic experience that more neurotypicals should be familiar with.

I know that you already know this by now, but you’ve changed autism representation for the better. I really hope that I could follow in your footsteps and bring a new autistic icon to life. Keep doing what you’re doing, love.

Your fan,
Catherine Burford

Historically anytime I really desired to do something that I really wanted to do I just did it, even though sometimes there would be doubt I would still do it. And anytime I just stayed in my comfort zone I almost never got what I desired. So now that I’ve experienced both getting out and staying in a com fort zone I know that going for what you desire is better than the regret of doing anything. Cause then you’ll live in regret, which weights tons
Right now as I write this letter I’m doing something that’s out of the box for me, which is a program I’m taking which once I accomplish I know it will make me a much better person. Also I desire to take this program for a long time and now I get to take the program after a long time attempting to find it.
Every time I go out of my comfort zone overall I actually always feel incredibly thankful that I took that jump because if I didn’t or refuse I know it will be on my mind until its accomplished one way or another.

Overall through the course of this letter I highlighted the consequence of now going after your dreams and staying in your comfort zone so with that being said I desire to say this last thing. Jack Canfield once said “You are not allowed to have a dream that you can’t make come true”. So go and accomplish your dream “You can’t spell the word goal without the word GO” so go do it, manifest it, accomplish it. You Can Do It!!!
P.S that last quote was one of my own.

Hello everyone, first this is the first letter I’m posting on this so please don’t be too judgmental lol. Kidding aside, let me tell you a little more about myself I suffered a devastating lower back injury from a car accident I suffered when I was 13 years old. It turned my entire life into a tailspin downward for a decade I was in a wheelchair in severe pain in my lower back and extremities to the point where I needed to use a wheelchair to get to the bathroom in my own home!!!! My social life was non-existent and no Doctors would do anything to help me because of my age. All they would do is drug me and put me in Psychiatric wards and never believed that I had pain, I heard so many times, “He’s a kid, he don’t know pain” so many times I wanted to go home and cry and many times that’s exactly what I did. At the same time I was prescribed numerous prescriptions harmful drugs that had massive side effects and had me throwing up and getting me immensely sick. I spent night after night in various ER’s around the Western New York area including out of the area such as Boston, Rochester and Cleveland but none were willing to do what it took to help me. But I finally found the right Doctors after a decade that felt more like an eternity, after an eleven-hour procedure I can get around, walk, move and actual live life again after watching so much of it go by my bedroom window. I am now pursuing my lifelong dream of becoming a sports play by play announcer and got to spend this past summer announcing games for the Batavia Muckdogs a local baseball team here in Buffalo as I work my way up to one day hopefully becoming a radio play by play announcer for Major League Baseball. However, I am also writing this letter to lend an ear, what makes this community great is that we all bond over the trials and tribulations of life and within that we become closer as potentially friends. During my medical ordeal I thought about committing suicide three different times but I thought no there is a better way. But, I’ve certainly been through my ups and downs in life and I know that sometimes just having someone to listen makes all the difference, so if anyone needs somebody to listen or just needs a friend I’m available and willing to help when I’m not calling games of course lol. But I am here and want the members of this community to know that I am here because I know dark times in life and not just my own physical health, I’ve dealt with alcoholic family members, family members who survived domestic abuse and a lot of other dark and scary and downright sad and messed up things this world can thrown upon a person. And when you get swept up in the darkness, sometimes you just need someone to know you care. Unfortunately, I know how quickly life can change in the blink of an eye. I’ve lost family members to covid and even in my own life, one second I’m perfectly healthy coming back from religion class on a Sunday and the next second I get in a major accident that flipped my life on its proverbial ear. And just the rapid and sudden change of life can be a ton and overwhelming to deal with, I know that feeling firsthand and again I am willing to listen to those who may be dealing with that currently in their own lives and again I am here. Again I understand that you do not know me and I would never ask any of you to share anything with me you don’t feel comfortable sharing. I’m just offering a friendly ear to listen and I think especially with the hard times this world has seen the last couple years whether it be the pandemic, the Russia-Ukraine Conflict, or just flat out life itself I believe we can get through it so long as we all support each other and listen to each other in times of need and great distress. So I would like to extend the olive branch and offer my friendship to anyone who feels the world is against them or they have very little company in their own lives I know what that feels like and if I can help you guys from feeling the almost hopeless isolation I felt for so long then that will make my day and hopefully make yours as well. One last thing to conclude my incessant ramblings, I think I speak for everyone when I say what a wonderful person Lauren is for putting this all together making this forum possible, she has been nothing but kind to me my entire time as a member of this community and I’m sure she has done the same for everyone in the Unsealed Community, Lauren you should be very proud of yourself for what you have accomplished and are accomplishing with this, the world needs more people like you!!!! You are a true angel. Once again, my name is John and I want to thank you guys in advance for listening to my long-windedness, I truly do appreciate it. I know it has been a while since I posted my first letter but I felt given the nature of this community I felt it necessary to offer a potential friendship and just to have another person in your corner when it feels like you have no one. Remember you are not alone and you truly matter, even though life may do things that make you feel that you don’t you do. I’ve been there and that’s why if you need someone to listen I’m here, I’m just a letter away. On that note, that’s it for me for now, feel free to reply or reach out guys if you ever need someone to just listen. I look forward to interacting with you guys very soon. Your friend John Carubba

As most young children, I had many different dreams for my future. For a while I was completely set on being a princess. I mean, who doesn’t want that true love that’s portrayed in all of the Disney movies? Over time I ditched the glitz and glamour dream for one a bit more adventurous: I wanted to be a spy! As expected, I didn’t end up pursuing that dream, but I definitely was an observant child. As I grew older, I toyed with the idea of pursuing a career as a teacher. I thought about what subject I’d teach, and for a while I said English and creative writing were my favorite, but that was until I found myself loving my psychology class. The idea of understanding how the brain worked and how people operate was so interesting to me, and over time it has become so much more for me.

Truth be told, I never saw myself pursuing a career in psychology, and honestly, I still don’t! I could have gone to a university and dove into the field, but I knew that meant more school and taking on thousands of dollars in debt. Instead of doing what everyone else was doing, I did what I felt was right for me, and that was working full time and moving out of my parents’ place. At 19, even though most of my friends were either staying with their parents or living in a dorm, I still felt that I was getting out of there too late. Since the age of seven, I had been living with functioning alcoholics who didn’t seem to enjoy each other’s company. I witnessed angry arguments, suffered emotional and verbal abuse, and knew too much about adult issues as a child. I knew that being in that space with my parents was not healthy for me, and I had to get out as soon as possible. As I sit here at 27, after going through years of being on different anxiety medications and seeing different therapists, I feel so blessed to live in a time where mental health is being discussed, and I want to be part of that discussion.

In my parents’ generation, and really all of the older generations, mental health was not something that was well known or talked about. People didn’t discuss how childhood trauma affects you later on in life, or how there is usually a psychological reason for addiction, so they all did their best with the information they knew. Nowadays, there is more access to different types, of therapy, as well as helpful resources that are free online. When you know more about yourself and how your brain developed, it makes it easier to understand yourself. For me, growing up in a chaotic environment had an effect on my nervous system, and this was something I discovered once I was living out on my own with my boyfriend. I was so ready to escape from the constant screaming and arguing and just be with the person who made me the happiest. Going from chaos, to a quiet, loving environment was everything I needed, but it didn’t feel that way at first.

Once we were settled into our new apartment, I had a sense of relief and I felt like I was finally in control of my life. Unfortunately, early on it was apparent that I was obsessed with control and I still felt this irritability and anger deep down inside me. I’d find myself having many “off” days and days where I would have complete breakdowns, and it honestly only made me angrier because I couldn’t understand why this was happening. I felt like my brain was on fire and I was constantly racing some imaginary clock that I could never catch up to, and I was always so hard on myself. It wasn’t until I saw a therapist who actually listened to me that I actually felt like I understood myself. She explained how being in an unpredictable environment as a child can lead to the need to control, and helped me find healthy ways to cope with my anxiety. I finally started feeling like there was hope for me and I would be able to live happily without medications, and I am lucky to say that I am doing that today.

Seven years ago, I embarked on a healing journey that I am still on today. I tried different anxiety medications over long periods of time, and even took breaks when I probably shouldn’t have. I saw therapists that I didn’t find helpful, and still hung around toxic people. I still had my breakdowns, but breakthroughs as well, and I over time I learned to acknowledge those. Over the years, I had questioned many things about myself and my life, but there was one thing I knew, and that was that I wanted to raise a family in the future. When I was thinking about my future, I knew that I wanted to be a calm mother who didn’t project her own anxieties onto her kids. I knew that I wanted their father to be someone who I enjoyed seeing every day, and we’d have a love that our children would admire and strive for. I knew that if I wanted these things in my life, that I had to be dedicated to my healing and mental health.

I’d like to say that I was going to therapy for me, but it initially was for my boyfriend. I knew I had a great person by my side, and he truly deserved me at my best self. He didn’t have to deal with my angry outbursts or my coldness, and I didn’t want to keep giving that to him. He saw who I was beneath all of the anxiety and fear from the beginning, and to this day, he still helps me in every way he can. At my lowest, he helped me set up my appointments and would accompany me to them, and today he appreciates and acknowledges my growth. I look forward to the future to when we have a family of our own, knowing we will be able to take the knowledge we have and raise our children in a healthy, loving environment. Of course, life still has challenges, and there is always going to be growing to do; now that I have developed better coping skills, I am able to look to the future with visions of hope and positivity, rather than fear and anxiety. Learning from my therapist taught me so much about myself, and I truly believe everyone can benefit from therapy. Unfortunately, not everyone has access to therapy, which is why it is important to spread awareness by spreading our stories and sharing resources.

My dream may seem like a simple dream: have a husband and some children- but it is so much deeper than that. Of course, that is my dream for myself and my future family, but overall, my dream is for everyone to be their best selves. Some people may feel like they don’t deserve it, or maybe it feels like healing will be impossible, but this is the best time to do it. People may feel there is still a stigma around going to therapy, but there is nothing wrong with wanting better for yourself. Mental health is finally being talked about more regularly in media and on larger platforms, and the more awareness we spread, the more of us can heal. I truly believe that if everyone learned how to love themselves and stop judging themselves so harshly, the world would be a better place. I honestly also still believe that we all deserve that love that princesses get in the Disney movies! This is why I joined this community, and this is why I continue to raise my voice about mental health and spreading love- I believe that we can all be a dream.

As far as a childhood dream, there was always baseball player or basketball player. Things like that. But at about the same time I realized those were far fetched, I realized that all I really wanted was to emulate my parents and make them as proud of me as possible. I realized that nothing would be more important. Seeing how they took care of me and my brother and sister made me know that this was all I wanted. And everything would fall in place after that. Modest? Maybe. But it was plenty enough for me
I guess the challenges of realizing the dream came in the form of every day life. The struggles. The potential wrong paths to hopefully not go down. Situations that would arise that would test my resolve to do what my parents would do. Then as I grew older and didn’t have kids, I was never able to think like a parent and put myself exactly in their shoes. Being on my own at college was when I first had to think “what would mom and dad want me to do”? Because they weren’t there with me.It took some getting used to.
My why is pretty simple : just to be the best Jim Corrao that I can. Like my parents, I live a pretty modest life. They had their fun w gambling trips, golf trips for dad, things like that. But they always put us first and never let anything distract them from taking care of us. I try to do the same with people around me- take care of them, support them. Just be a good person. Live a good life, be a good brother and friend , and make my parents proud. That’s what drives me
I’m glad I have my why because it made me what I am today. Perfect? Not even close. Were my parents perfect? Nope. But as they got older and nearing their passing, I knew that the only thing to do was be with them and do whatever possible for them. I did that. And I will never have regrets in that regard. They are gone now, but their voices are as vocal as ever in my mind. Still helping me. To help them and still hear them is why I’m glad I never gave up on my why. Thanks for laying the blueprint mom and dad. Love you and miss you. But I still hear you 🙂
James Corrao

Dearest she,

I never took the time to thank you; You have carried me through these trials with patience.
I have bled, scarred, and rejuvenated under your tutelage.
I am grateful for your reminder to be better than the shadows that have always followed me so diligently; while darkness spread, you molded caves of truth. As you roamed in the deep crevices of my sentiments, you fabricated dimensions of safety. Cautiously translating those corrupted images into languages only you and I could ever comprehend.
Frankly, I am pained by the routes you have taken. These heels, carved with your roots, still seem to find their way through the trees. I turned a blind eye to the breadcrumbs of my ancestors while passing the familiar yet empty roadstead, only for the outcome to be the same. I am grateful for your beautiful insanity, courage, and your uniqueness.
Carefully cultivated on your terms, I carry your teachings with me as I do my mothers.
I stand forever indebted to you for never shielding me from opportunity.
Your passion has kept me in constant fruition. There is no one I would rather travel through this metamorphosis we call life. I may not have treated you with the fairness you deserved throughout these years.
You have never disregarded my tears.
You have used them to water my fears so I may face them with you by my side. You have demolished my dragons. Your sword has yielded my path towards greatness.
Someone once said that in unity, there is strength, and together we are one.
This matrix may be deadly, but all my strength has come from the cries of our wars.
I am she, you are me, and we are together. There is no “one” dream. I have many. I will keep pushing and shoving through the heavy waterfalls I blindly throw myself in.
I know now that the love I found within you, self, I am strong and can do it all.
Thank you.

@writerjordanohalloran @oneturbobenz @algonzalez @jordanwalker @jordynjacobson @ciarapray @emdissocool @lulli101 @elizalila123 @dburtz @janetbanks @janettesegura @japarker1962
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To The Unsealed Community ,

I usually say my childhood dream was to be a sportscaster, and while that’s true, it was only part of the dream. The vision, the goal, has always been much bigger.

Since I was a little- four or five years old, I would tell my parents, “One day, I am going to change the world.”

It’s cheesy and cliche, I know. But it’s also true. I had so much ambition. At eight years old, I would stay up all night worrying and thinking about my career.

When I would tell my mom, she would respond, “What career? You’re eight!”

She totally didn’t get it, and both my parents did what they could to try and convince me to take some pressure off myself, which I never did.

I have no idea where this desire to succeed on a monumental scale came from, but it’s always been there for as long as I can remember. The drive. The hunger. The desire. And, unfortunately, the constant worrying about how or if I could make this happen.

While I have checked off a few boxes regarding my goals, including attending an ivy league college and becoming a sportscaster, there is still so much more I want to do. And I certainly thought by my 30’s, I’d have this whole changing-the-world career path all figured out. While I have made progress, I am still trying to piece it all together.

In pursuit of my goal, I started The Unsealed, a platform for people to share their truth in the form of open letters. Through these letters, I hope to amplify voices and inspire people around the globe but I have made so many mistakes. Every day, I am still learning about entrepreneurship, marketing, and online communities.

Every second I am scared. I’m afraid I won’t figure this out. I am scared I will make a wrong decision, making what feels like this Jinga tower I am building come crashing down. I know that applying for a job with a designated set of tasks, “normal” hours, and a consistent paycheck would be much easier. But that’s not my dream.

So,I keep pushing and do my best to lean away from my fears and into my confidence. And with each challenge that arises (and there are many), I draw motivation from several different places.

Many of you have shared with me that The Unsealed has changed your life. It’s made some of you feel seen. It’s made some of you feel heard. It’s influenced at least one of you not to take your own life. On the days I am tired, and in the moments I am scared, I think of all of you.

Then, there are my parents. They have poured their time, their heart, their soul, and their money into my dream and my happiness without ever asking me for so much as a penny in return. They read all of our stories. They come to every single zoom. They share all of my posts. My mom has spent hours helping me email schools and writing programs. I so desperately want my parents to see my company take over the world because I know their wishes are for mine to come true. On the days I am tired, and in the moments I am scared, I think of my parents.

Lastly, I have worked so hard. I have sacrificed relationships, time with my friends, the opportunity to make more money faster, and who knows what else to pursue this crazy dream. I want this. I work every day – seven days a week, often typing away until I fall asleep fully dressed with my computer by my side. I love what I do. I love my mission. I love what we have already accomplished and what I hope my company will one day achieve. I owe it to myself to keep going – to not give up on the days I am tired, and in the moments I am scared.

Dreams don’t come true quickly or easily for most people. And that’s why for most people, their dreams will always be just a dream. But every day, I am glad that I haven’t given up on you, my parents, or myself because even if I don’t change the whole damn world, my work, my heart, my passion, and my resilience is already changing many lives, including mine.

Thanks for being here on this scary but beautiful journey. This is just the beginning.

With love, hope, and faith,

As babies we are programed with nursery rhythms, “1st comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.” Then as children we go to school and are given unrealistic goals to meet with minimal help. Told that we need to get it all done in preparation for college and the work field. If you want to have children, as your programmed too, then you must go to college. However, in order to go to college, you have to work yourself to the bone studying to guarantee a scholarship, have loaded parents or work and take out loans. Don’t worry once you’ve gotten your degree in your desired field you will have enough debt to owe the government until you die. Good luck staying afloat with all that debt, plus your responsibility to be a spouse and parent. You see in my hometown, the hood if you will, we weren’t the richest and our community had very little funding. So you learn how to survive in school like you do in the outside world.
Where I come from, mental health was “all in your head,” so people didn’t know how to cope. We just learned how to survive, alone and as a community. I’m grateful for my home community, for without them I wouldn’t be where I am today. This action, learning to survive, in the mental health world is a coping mechanism; this helps us adapt to our circumstances, just to go through the motions in life and do what we need to do. To the outside world, this may look like a older sibling stealing food to feed their family, or impulsive behaviors, and it is 100%, adaptability.
As I stated before, I learned how to survive in school. This started after a very traumatizing event happened in second grade. We were instructed to read aloud during reading group time, and I was the 6th student out of 6 students to read. While, my 5 classmates read ahead of me, I focused on ensuring my sentence was perfect, because I wasn’t at a 2nd grade reading level yet. My time came, I read my line and there was a single line left. What I didn’t take into account was that Ms. Grossi was going to demand I read the next sentence too. I began to have, what I now know to be a, panic attack. I slowly and extremely softly began to read the words, sounding them out one by one. I could hear my classmates now making fun of the fact that I couldn’t read. My teacher is standing over me, tapping her foot on the ground, all I can do is try to block out everything and continue. I can feel Ms. Grossi’s impatience growing large enough to fill the room. “Louder please!,” Ms. Grossi shouts just as I get myself out of my own head. I begin reading louder and I’m actually really proud of myself. Until, boom, I’ve hit a word I must sound out.The immense amount of self embarrassment hits me like a 10 foot high wave crashes down on a surfer. Funny thing is, still to this day my brain wont reveal that word to me.
The amount of embarrassment in this moment, makes sounding the word out, out loud, debilitating. Here I am, back under the pressure, trying to get it together; sounding out in my head, over and over and just not getting it. Just then, Ms. Grossi, throws her hands in the air slamming one on the desk as she screams, “Come on Antoinette! My hair isn’t gunna get any grayer!,” it was then that I completely shattered. Even though my mom stood up for me when I told her, it just wasn’t enough. That incident severed a nerve and the damage was unrepairable. This triggered my survival mode in the school world. I managed to even get into all honors classes in 7th grade, by surviving. Do not get me wrong, I had some phenomenal teachers along the way that truly loved and poured into me. They’re apart of that community I expressed gratitude for earlier.
As so many people know, academics are not the only thing children have to survive in the school world. You also have people to survive, and I wasn’t very good at fitting in. I don’t see things like the rest of the world. I see the good in even the most evil. I think the world would be a happier, healthier place if we all loved everything and everybody. I absolutely despise cliques, and everyone whose been to high school knows that is clique central. I was the biggest social butterfly you would have known, I was friends with at least 1 person in every “clique” in high school. But with this care free nature comes an abundance of negative energy or evil eye. I was always bullied in school, someone convinced me to go to a soccer game after school when I was in 6th grade. I went and had a blast but had to be home by a certain time, so I left before the game was even over. As I was leaving, I was jumped by 4 girls and 2 boys. Pinned on the floor, face down being kicked a punched. I ended up with a concussion, a restraining order against the main girl and short a few friends, since they set me up.
In high school, a girl use to follow me home. One day she found out where I worked and showed up to fight me. Of course, I was in uniform and I needed my job to eat and provide for myself, so I couldn’t do anything to her. Then she walked up to me and hit me, if it was not for my manager that may have ended very differently. So you see, between surviving academics, I was on a 1st grade reading level in 9th grade, and surviving bullies, I was done. At 16, after completing my 9th grade year, I decided I was an adult and didn’t have to deal with school anymore. I enrolled and very quickly dropped out of GED classes. However, I did enroll and complete my certification for nail technician and I even got licensed. Didn’t matter though, I didn’t like it and didn’t pursue it. I managed to do all of this before I even turning 17, ha.
At 17, I found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. This was everything I ever wanted, to be a mom. I was about 6 months pregnant, on my lunch break, when my hormone enraged brain had an “Oh, crap!,” moment. I dropped out at 16 years old, after completing my 9th grade year, leaving school at a 1st grade reading level. My daughters father whose about 6 years older than myself, dropped out at 15 years old after retaining 7th grade 3 times. I knew for an absolute fact my daughters father couldn’t read, plus I could not read. We are bringing a child into this world, and our job is to teach and guide her. How can we do this if neither of us are even literate enough to read a report card? My neighbor was having a yard sale, she had a box of children’s books. I asked the priced and she said that I could have them for my daughter. Little does this woman know, I bought them to teach myself how to read. Every single night, from that day forward I read. I read out loud, I stumbled and had to search the internet and dictionary for meanings and pronunciations of words, but I read. And every night and even during the day my daughter heard her mommy read to her. My daughter will forever be the blessing of teaching me my strength and endurance to want something. I had never wanted to read nor learn to read, let alone self learn, but I knew she deserved better than that!
In the end, it has really been an essential tool for my life, my growth and my family. Learning to read has been an absolute blessing. I know this was my journey and how it was supposed to play out. Realistically, if I didn’t experience where I came from I wouldn’t know how to be better for the future. And if I didn’t have my experience with this world and my own struggles I wouldn’t be well equip to fight the same system, for my children, that let me slip through the cracks. I can say proudly because I experienced what I experienced in life, I was well over equip for the battles my children have and will continue to face.
I’ve always wanted to be a change, what I didn’t realize is the change would be in me. I didn’t realize 14 years ago, when I became a mother, that what I am here to do is break generational curses within my family. Maybe even help a few people along the way. Don’t let anybody, including yourself, dim the light of your dreams. And always remember; our dreams aren’t always what we expect them to be, rather they are what we are meant to be.

XOXO

Dear Mrs.Shumsky,
When I entered your 4th grade class way back in the fall of 1960 I was the most quiet, shy and insecure little girl. So shy, I never spoke to any adults ever except my parents and grandparents.My teachers leading up to 4th grade were cold and distant and probably did not like me because I was a weak student with very sloppy handwriting. I probably required more attention then other students and that meant more work for prior teachers. But you, Mrs. Shumsky, saw something sweet and vulnerable in me. I think you saw some actual potential because while other children were reading at their desk, you brought me to your desk and quietly tutored me. You helped me write my cursive letters correctly. You helped me improve in math. All this attention made me feel special and hopeful that I could succeed in school. The piece de resistance was being handed the lead role in our class play. I was to be a weeping willow for Arbor Day. This simple gesture made me incredibly happy and gave me the most valuable gift, a hint of confidence. I still had a long way to go but Mrs.Shumsky, you put me on the right road to a more fulfilling, “step out of your comfort zone”, life. Thank you my dear sweet teacher.

Shelley Ann Kalstein
Memories from 1960
P.S.165
Kew Gardens, NYC