There were 72,647,690 people who voted for a candidate that has worked to divide us. There were 67,961,962 who voted for change. Who despite the fear of the unknown chose to do their part and try and make change. It’s easy to focus on those that chose hate. I can’t believe that that many people in this country hate others so much. I am choosing to believe they are scared. They chose fear. Fear of things they don’t understand. They chose ignorance. They chose not to try to understand.

They chose something I don’t understand.

67,961,962 chose a minority female to be their leader. I’m going to choose to focus on that. There is 67,961,962 who tried to make a change. We don’t know if it would have been beneficial. We don’t know if it would have truly kept us safe and moving towards the future. That alone is scary. Change is scary. Sometimes even when the known is bad it’s easier to stay than to risk the change.

It’s why people stay in bad relationships. It’s why people keep relationships with friends and family members who’s morales don’t really align. The fear of what making a change might bring. What if it’s worse? What if the change is wrong? What if I end up alone?

As someone who has made a lot of change and has struggled through it. I think change is always good, even when it’s not. The thing about making changes is you can just keep doing it.

You need to separate your ego from your choices. It’s okay to admit you were wrong. It’s okay to say you can’t do something you thought you could or that it didn’t work out the way you thought it would. It’s okay to reevaluate and change over and over again.

I’d rather admit I was wrong and keep trying to figure out what is right over and over again then try and fool myself and everyone around me that it’s right.

There’s so much strength in quitting, in failing, in starting over. You learn. You change. You grow.

You can’t ever get back up if you don’t fall.

I left a really secure job in June trying to pursue working for myself. I wanted to have more control over my schedule, work less hours, have more time to focus on my health and other creative opportunities. I spent months planning and finally took the jump. Things were harder than I thought they would be and that’s partially because I started to doubt myself.

All the doubt that others had put in my head started to take over. I started to see everything from a scared mindset. I ended up going against my original boundaries and goals and made my life harder. My body reacted really poorly. I barely slept, could barely eat, threw up every morning. All of this made it even harder. I then felt a lot of shame. So much shame for failing. Felt stupid for changing and trying something.
I reached out for help. I relied on my community and I made a plan. I changed. I keep changing over and over again. I fall back and doubt. I go into bits of shame but I’m quicker at coming up from it. I’m quicker at accepting that change is good. Change is important. Change is part of life.

Nothing is permanent and you can always make a difference

So to the 67,961,962 who voted for change. Who weren’t afraid of our differences. Thank you. We’re not alone. We can still make change and we can stand together again.
To the 72,647,690 who didn’t please don’t be afraid to change your mind. If you don’t agree with the things that this presidency does don’t hold onto your ego. Reevaluate. Make change. Make our government work for us.

Personally, I have been having a lot of difficulty everywhere. It began Tuesday night. Words got really difficult to produce, I was in my bug eye lack of blinking face, my oral motor skills were worse than normal (I could not drink out of a cup without spilling all over myself). My head started to throb, I took my migraine medication and went to sleep very early. I woke up the next morning and was still experiencing migraine symptoms. I didn’t really understand why my attack just would not end.

I looked at the results of the election and felt nothing. I thought.

So there are three things that come with autism that I think have made this election especially difficult: Interoception difficulties, rejection sensitivity and, justice sensitivity.

Interoception is the ability to perceive and be aware of internal body sensations.

We use these to know what were feeling, what we need etc. I, like many autistics am not very good at identifying or labeling my emotions/feelings. Let’s be real I suck at this. I am 30 years old and only now realizing what signals my body sends me to tell me I’m hungry. I think partly because I have a hard time actually sensing the things from my body, partly because I take things very literally. My stomach doesn’t “rumble” when I get hungry like I thought it would, I get tired, it gets harder to speak, I have an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I often would think I was feeling anxious and/or tired and reach for a cup of coffee or try and identify why I was feeling anxious, inevitably making me feel more anxious. I’ve now realized this is how I sense hunger and try and eat something- it feels like magic. On my second reflection on this I am realizing that I am so unaware of my bodyily sensations that I don’t feel them until they are way more severe like the complete shut down I go into when I haven’t eaten. I don’t necessarily notice what my body feels like when its angry, scared, sad. I don’t always notice that my heart is racing, or that my breathing is quicker. Sometimes if I do I don’t necessarily know why and it may take hours or days for me to identify that those were due to a feeling of anger or scared.

Rejection sensitivity is intense emotional reactions to perceived or actual rejection or failure.

This is extremely common among autistics and then can also be associated with shame. I don’t want to feel completely devastated and like my entire world is ending when plans I was looking forward to get changed or canceled but I can’t help it. As an adult I can logically ration with myself but it doesn’t change the effect it has on my nervous system. Even the perceived thought of a plan being change I can literally feel throughout my entire body as if there is this sludge filling up inside of me. I now often know that my reaction may be larger than someone else and that can lead to a lot of shame. I didn’t think about the fact that if my candidate didn’t win I would feel rejected.

Justice sensitivity autisic/adhd persons tend to have a stronger sense of justice and morality and contrary to popular belief stronger empathy than others. I think this can partially be because of my black and white thinking I can have a hard time seeing things I think are 100% right from other peoples points of view. I also feel extremely deeply about those things. Things that may not necessarily directly effect me feel as if they’re happing to me.

So all of these things combined have lead to a really confusing few days. I didn’t even realize that the uncertainty of the election was weighing on me. Some of the stress triggered a (migraine) attack or maybe thats how I sense sadness/anger/fear? I spent the day feeling very unsettled and like I had a migraine attack. I tried to do everything I could to help how I was feeling. I journaled, I rested, I went for a walk, I did tai chi, I layed down, I made sure I was eating nutritious foods, maintaining hydration but, I couldn’t feel regulated. The last thing I knew to do was to be around safe people. So I went to my partners house; it was at that moment that everything hit me. I started sobbing; snot everywhere. We went for a walk and I was able to talk and as I started to talk about what I was thinking about I was able to label things… a little.

Now it is Thursday, I am still feeling it. I understand why I am feeling it and that it just will effect me more than a neurotypical person. So I am spending my time regulating my nervous system. I am giving myself grace. I am taking time to physically rest, nourish my body. I am using all of my comfort items, spending time only around safe people, connecting to people who make me feel good via phone, hugging my stuffed squirtle extra tight, listening to podcasts about my special interests, spending time sorting simple items, wearing clothing that I find comfortable, painting, dancing, writing. Reminding myself this won’t last forever. I will feel more regulated again and as the great Justin McElroy said “I’m gonna wake up and keep trying to and do good and no one gets to vote on that”.

Lately it’s like everything in government is abortion, extortion, and distracting the masses, while the leaders take a portion of the proceeds they send overseas. Doing whatever they please, while ignoring those on our own shores who have needs. There’s nothing I abhor more than to watch our nation bleed, as our leaders continue to bite the hand that feeds… No taxation without representation. A term which should be so ingrained in us, it shouldn’t need explanation. Our forefathers found the only solution, was to rise up in revolution. They made their declaration known, and fought to create this once great nation. Yet here we are today dealing with inflation, moral deprivation, an over run border, and everything we were founded upon in disorder…
The heart is wicked and full of deceit. For a moment of comfort during distress, we’ll lay our rights at another man’s feet. Selfish, self-centered, self-righteous beings who are lovers of themselves… it’s funny how quickly others we’ll forsake. To take all that they have to take. Until the will of that person finally breaks… Even an honest and pure man given power, can have these thoughts start to bloom until they flower. One will seek to further his control over his brother’s soul. Even if they’re from the same mother, and their corpses both lie in the same hole. For pride is their father. And to truly care for another, to them, is really quite a bother. They only seek to further their own gain. Meanwhile doing whatever they need to do to keep hold of the reigns. No matter the sorrows nor the pains. They care not as long as they still carry their title tomorrow…
The whole situation leaves me grieved. To see that our streets aren’t the only places flooded with thieves. As a kid I never would’ve believed that we’d be in the state that we’re at. It’s as if we’re divided more than ever, over everything, especially between republican or democrat. Has this thought ever occurred to anyone else? That maybe, just maybe, the left wing and right wing belong to the same bird? That maybe we’re just pawns in their game? I’m not the type to be given to conspiracy, but it’s like slowly we’re slipping back into a state of tyranny. Where are the ones who care about the common man’s well-being and security? Instead our leaders create bills with their agendas written in obscurity. Where are the ones who walk upright, and in purity?
I’ve witnessed first hand with my own eyes
just how our government and media lies.
Feeding us bits and pieces of truth and misinformation, leaving us to have to follow the clues…
I still remember a Russian man telling me “if you want to know what’s going on in your own country, watch foreign news.”
Or going to a far less wealthy country, and found it quite bizarre to see their currency was worth more than ours…
I’m not saying that I’ve seen the writing on the wall…
But I fear if things don’t change soon, our once great nation will fall

This Planet is under an invisible force field of electro-magnetic waves of a holographic system. To the eyes of many, everyday life is lived in a routine fashion of duality in an infinite cycle of death and rebirth in an omnipresent universe of interpersonal evolution for the ever changing transient beings that we are.
“But through the breath of nature, the lens of extra perception expands beyond the pixelated world of what truly is a non-reality, as it breaks the defense shield of the Elites false normality, exposing the darkest degrees of a lewd Lodge of slitheran whose agenda is to soul snatch the pure nectar of the youthful adolescent in a covert operation to feed the cold blooded entity with a hallow glitch of a stare.”
A mind altering system, of muted subliminal tones to fragment the subconscious of all; with a joyous yet baneful mask, “similar to those faces they wore during the ancient Greek theatres marveling in the guise of laughter, as if it was a land where there was no time”. Under Forced control, with out the remote control, it’s mind bending.
For they find solace in constantly modifying todays hash tags ,like it’s a closed caption to a cliffhanger of a dark mantra to the soundless crimes they commit. For it echoes a deaf tone to muted ears, A lost child sobbing in the shadows of is own abyss. Why must society continue to ignore and be blind to the horrors these Dark Lords encrypt?
Its a Slow dance that is so dense, you can barely see the movement as it shifts. “It is the purity within That vial of nectar that drives those sex demons they possess rampant, somehow its a plot twist to being stuck in between the devils grip. ” Though it is Grim, it is truth that must be unveiled. Like pouring rain flooding the ground , an earthly sound, with clouded skies when the Heavens drown the bloodshed spilled upon the rotten soil to wash away the raging anger of yester years sorrow when they took away the old Queens Crown.
But like sand through the hour glass,
The thinning of those puppet strings hum sounds of harmony like a violin streams screaming swing low sweet chariot ( Because we want every bit of our existence to be free like once again).
Free from the shadow figures body jumping into empty humans as they multiply the supply of rebellion in baals court. Something like A Mighty morphing entity Or so as they pretending to be…
“They find strength in numbers, until one dies then the spirit goes out on a hunt to re collect the next vessel it sees fit to proceed on as a henchmen on the quest.”
But Even the shadows of the main shadow will come to surface with the light of truth before all to see. “They find those with a silent nature a threat, something like me.
Im agile with the gaze of a jaguar , like eyes written on the wall, a witness to there ghoulish acts of psychopathy , a dormant trait I see hidden behind those lazy eyes.”
This is the upside down world, where smiles are really frowns And hand shakes are binding spells for the princes of darkness to hold your gifts and talents in the palm of there hands, its a sizzle in your wine glass like poison for you to drink, Dont blink”. Keep your eyes on the wooden boy who was carved from the hands of another man.
Geppetto was a strange fellow, a forefather who has molded the minds of todays ring of elite Pedos. A Charismatic Puppeteer pulling the strings slithering its tongue in the ear with the charm in his music like the Pied piper in a field of poppies , never fear just beware.
Stand tall and Stand strong, Roar like a lion so that they scurry away and exude the Goddess that you are, like a gleaming Star of shooting fire from far far away.

Dear Janice Burgess,
I hope this letter finds its way to you in heaven. I meant to release these words months ago, but events during the summer made me lose sight of them until today. So, please forgive my lateness.

Since you passed away in March, several talented people have also left this earth, such as Rico Wade, James Earl Jones, Maggie Smith, Dikembe Mutombo, and, recently, John Amos.

It saddened me that it wasn’t until the news of your passing that I learned that you were the one who created the cute cartoon show The Backyardigans.

I was entering my 20s and living with my oldest sister and niece in Maryland when I discovered your show. My niece and I enjoyed another kid’s show called The Wonder Pets. It took a little while for me to get into that show, but once I did, I wanted it to the point where I believed I enjoyed it as much as my niece did.

It was a blast watching the three main characters in The Wonder Pets have adventures and talk to other animals in their world.

Once I was eager to watch The Wonder Pets, I noticed your show, The Backyardigans, would come on before The Pets. It looked interesting, but I wondered if I would like it as much as The Wonder Pets. I’m so glad I was wrong about that.
Slowly but surely, my niece and I would start watching The Backyardigans as much as The Wonder Pets.
Listening to the theme song of The Backyardigans was always a great way to start the day when I was babysitting my niece. It was also fun to see what the main characters were up to in the episodes we watched together.

Watching my niece light up when your show and The Wonder Pets came on TV made me light up. I saw how happy you made her. She’s 16 now , which is mind-blowing to me. But I’ll never forget those times I had with her watching your show and The Wonder Pets early in the morning.

So thank you, Ms. Burgess, for creating a show that gave me memories with my niece and all the other work you’ve done. Just from looking at some of your photos online, you looked like a sweet person who gave other people joy.
 Rest in power.

Sincerely,
Gerald

Give man a weapon & put him in an environment with just the right amount of fear & danger. Train them to suppress all their emotions so half of them suppress their integrity, empathy & respect. So they can abuse & suppress women. The body that was given the power to birth new life had to learn to suppress the natural instinct to nurture because we wanted better lives. So half of them will then birth new life without the capacity to nurture. Co-existing with kids, having more so they have each other & letting them become products of their neglectful environment. Give us easy access to guns, give us corruption in our local governments. Give us poverty, lack of resources & watch how we willingly do questionable things to survive. Watch how we turn against each other, normalize hate & pass it down for generations.
They created a zoo with just the right amount of lack to make a man just one inconvenience away from snapping. We can’t trust our neighbors. Our senses are screaming for us to step back & LOOK at where we are. We are so weak & hopeless that instead of coming together- we let others suffer alone because we are just one circumstance away from being in their shoes. We can’t always trust the system to serve Justice & prosecute fairly- at the same time. We can’t trust the men & women sworn to protect us. We can’t trust that our representatives will hold them accountable when we demand Justice because to hold them accountable would be to count their own days in office. The people calling us to war on their behalf are the savages. The monsters are the people that take tragic events as marketing opportunities. Not the children born into chaos, or the victims of mass shootings here at home.
Gangs fighting for territory protecting streets that are built with houses they tax us on. Streets that we are taxed to drive on. Destroying your youth’s lives while your government makes money off the very thing you claim is yours. While the system abandons the care we are owed in exchange for their power. Care that they tax us on but seldom give. Nothing material belongs to us and we are taxed even when our bodies expire. Some of us had to fight for the right to our own autonomy.
We want reform from an organization that has shown us repeatedly that we have been trained to accept pretty words with no action because in a matter of minutes somewhere in this country we are turning on each other & we’ll forget the real problem. Their thoughts & prayers & staged speeches are evidence that they don’t have the work ethic or integrity to be sitting in those positions. The current system isn’t working, it hasn’t worked for decades & and we can’t keep riding out this wave. Please connect to that pull inside you that is the divine trying to bring light to the world. Please ask for a cease-fire. Please begin here so that we stop creating more work for humanity. These struggles have gone on too long & there is a lot to do but it CAN be done. WE have the power in our hands, more so if we join together. Lets use our voices to advocate for those in suffering. The world is abundant to those who take the opportunity to receive & sustain the new life we deserve. Let us all step away from the daily routines we were forced into. Let us create a better world for the younger generations. We have the power & the opportunity NOW. Older generations sowed the seeds for us. It is our duty now to remind “leaders” that we abolished slavery in the 1800’s. That we see beyond the new age slave structure they created. That we all bleed red. That we want a different Rome and we are done being the machine that creates theirs. Let them use their offices as colosseums so they can settle their own battles. We the people, want peace back.

Dear Cranberry Sauce,

It’s that time of year again to embrace you with an open heart. A lot of your fans are ready to devour you. Good memories of you flood my brain and give me happy thoughts. I’m eager to make more memories of you this holiday season with turkey, stuffing, candy yams, macaroni & cheese, and mixed vegetables.

Like biscuits with honey or cereal with milk, you and those foods work well together. You all are The Avengers of Food. Touching souls and hearts during the holidays. This is the perfect time for you with so much negative news consuming the world.

I believe cranberry sauce with Thanksgiving/Christmas can stop the wars that give the Earth sleepless nights. Maybe instead of sending money/resources, Congress should send lots of cranberry sauce cans overseas. That with some warm holiday food could take the blues away for good. One can only hope.

In the meantime, typing words and hoping they can help turn the negative tide will continue to be the game plan for now, and Thanksgiving/Christmas food with cranberry sauce.

Sincerely,

WE SAY THAT OUR ACTIONS ARE DONE IN THE NAME OF GOD.
The almighty creator who can do no wrong and across all doctrines
speaks of mercy, peace, and humility.
What kind of benevolent God would sanction this?

Did God tell you to murder babies in their sleep?
Incinerating incubators
Massacre lives that have yet to begin
while mothers hold their dead children
Feeling like failures for not being able to protect them
from a fight they never even asked to join?
Did God tell you to
plant an air strike against a hospital of the weak, and sick who are already fighting
death long enough to see the sunrise tomorrow?
Did God ask for any of this?
Or maybe you don’t really mean the version of ‘God’ you claim lives in the sky
and you secretly mean yourselves?

Governing entities gone mad with power
corrupted by corporate greed and claims to land that existed for centuries before a single person propagating or being subjected to this conflict were even an inkling of a thought.
Religion has become so embedded in the framework
of our governments that they’ve twisted the script,
used the Bible as a liability
and manipulated every single one of us
into thinking that the circle of men pulling strings
behind comfortably closed closets are God.

They don’t want you to pray for your own well-being
They want you to praise them
And think that continuing to behave as pasteurized cattle will help you fulfill God’s will
When in reality, you’re just giving them what they want.
More power
More control
More land.
If we don’t stop them here,
they will keep going.
Ravage every corner of this Earth
claiming to create the promise land
but the only thing that will be promised
is their claim to even more land.

HOW MANY MORE BABIES HAVE TO DIE BEFORE YOU SEE THIS?
How many more cultures have to be eradicated before you finally believe
what is happening on every one of our phone screens?
Of course we can deny confidence in the death toll of people we don’t even see as human beings.
What makes you feel they are any less human than me
or your own mother?
Because they were born on the ‘wrong’ side of a border?
Was that god’s mistake?
Is it because their family’s family picked the ‘wrong’ religion to follow?
Was that god’s mistake?
But oh no, I thought God didn’t make any mistakes????
So please,
tell me when you’re ready to admit if whether this is really God or have you been using him as an excuse?
We all know what true
but real change won’t come until you acknowledge this. #freepalestine

Last night, I didn’t sleep well, as I had several nightmares. I was haunted by the endless images I saw in the news: A young woman’s naked, lifeless, unconscious (possibly deceased) body being paraded around as a trophy after Hamas attacked young people at a music festival in Israel, a 25-year-old woman begging for her life as she was taken as a hostage and babies whose faces were covered in dust and blood from the bombs thrown near their homes.

When I awoke this morning, I immediately read the news to see the latest. And while the horror continues on the other side of the world, I was also disheartened to learn that hate was just outside my doorstep.

People at rallies down the street from where I slept last night are wearing, holding, and celebrating images of swastikas and promoting anti-semitic rhetoric. For the first time in my life, I was and am scared to be Jewish.

While I have been doing my best to educate myself through the news, friends, and online resources, I am not going to sit here and pretend I fully understand the conflict between Palestine and Israel – because I don’t. And I know that it’s natural and easy to see the world through the lens of my own experiences and identity.

However, we all, myself included, should see and feel our humanity reflected in every person on this planet. And act accordingly.

As I try to process these last few days, the violence happening in the Middle East is not just about me, or any one group of people or politics. This cruel attack on innocent people is about all of us. It is a threat to all of humanity.

No child, no person, whether they share my background or not, whether Palestinian or Israeli (or any other culture, race, or religion), deserves to live or die in such an inhumane way.

There are a lot of issues we can’t and won’t agree on in this world. But we universally should believe in and tirelessly advocate for love, compassion, and peace for all people.

And sadly, right now, that’s not the case.

I am scared and heartbroken as I pray for the victims of violence, our world, and humanity.