My love letter about me to you!
What I like about this chapter of my life is being honored to have my degrees and allowing my degrees to work with me as a full-time teacher! I want to say that I am in a wonderful time of my life! I am a wife, mother, mother in law and grandparent. I have raised three successful sons. I have been married for thirty-five years and am a proud mother-in-law and Granna of two beautiful girls!
It has been a lot of work taking care of me and the life I am in. I was a hard worker all my life. I have worked since I was a teenager. I was a babysitter, worked for low-income youth programs, worked at a fashion store, retail factory and so on. I attended a college out of my home state but transferred back to my hometown. I kept attending college but took time out to get married and raise my sons as a stay-at-home mother. In the back of my mind, I always wanted to finish college. Well, I did go back part time juggling my last son between my family as his babysitter to help me out. I did substitute along the way once my older two sons became full time in elementary school.
I ended up receiving not one but three degrees! I received my associate degree, then a bachelor’s degree which led to a master’s degree in early childhood. I say that to say this, my life went well and as intended, but with some detours, however, I completed a lifelong dream of receiving my college degree. I am proud of myself that with the help of my husband and family I completed my dream.
Did I say it was easy? No, it was a lot of hard demands, time, disappointment, uncertainty at times, and exhausting with three sons. However, was it obtainable? Yes, as I finished the course my confidence increased because the light was at the end of the tunnel. Do not give up too fast or not at all if you can, just change course and find another dream to go after!
To you, try to put your dreams out there so people can hear them, and to write them down so you have something to go by. Life will get busy and complicated as you age, but your dreams are still waiting for your return. Find someone or others who can encourage you to stick with your dream(s). Never give up the fight even if it is slow progress. My dream of getting my degree was a long one, and it took a lot of support, but I had to do the demanding work! You too will need to do challenging work as well! Do not get too discouraged but reach out to a loved one who has your back and work hard to make your dream come true! I believe in you, just as someone believed me! In fact, I had to believe in myself first before anyone believed in me! Go get your dream!! And you too will have the best time of your life!

Dear Charmaine,

What you love about this chapter in your life is it is believed to be…Pruning time! Pruning is something you found out that continuously needs to happen. You get cut down, cut back, trimmed on. It can come out of nowhere or you can see it coming. You realize that when you are serving God, get ready or don’t be shocked when it happens. He will cut you with things that are going to test your faith. To see if you are spouting words or believe what He says. No matter if it is your health, people, rejection, finances or whatever. He wants you to grow back stronger and more beautiful. He wants you to say “I have a TESTimony” My God brought me through!!! People trying to take your home you worked so hard for. Your insecurities that you allowed people to give you, questioning your ministry and self. Your children’s health, your marriage. Your rare, mysterious health issues. God is bringing you through them all. He will continually bring you through them all! You are here to witness God’s Goodness, Grace and Mercy. How can you do this unless you walk through some swaps, dirt, mud, been through some terrible storms. To say you are still here, you are still standing. God has brought you through. Even though you don’t want the tornado to come your way, you don’t want things eating at you or being cut down to start again. God is able!!! He is letting you be prune, so you can stand beautifully ready to be open again, to Bloom in another Season. Trust God, It is not what you want! But God knows it is what you need! So remember it is Pruning Time Again!??!
As I would say you are actually the perfect candidate for God to use. You have no special degree in any minister, no special teacher degree or a scholar. Not the popular girl and most experienced in life. That is where God gets His Glory from the normal, mundane, not so look at, not so talk about young lady. It is funny that you are someone who seems to be doing some stuff now. Things out of your character, realm of knowledge and expertise.You don’t have a degree in that. How are you going to tell others the truth about things? Well, God is the only answer to how. If you are a believer, it is the only answer that makes sense! That God uses the simple things of the world to confuse the wise. He also is using you again in sharing His Glory by using a health problem. He allows you to have this unique, rare mysterious condition. That teams of doctors are scratching their heads over. Questions of why it came, where it came from and now how do they treat you? There are no seemingly bad habits, no drug, alcohol, or smoking in my life. You are pretty much healthy and young. No high blood pressure, diabetics, no history of cancers in the family. “So what do I have and how are the doctors going to treat it?” So here comes God showing his miracle magic miraculous all knowing power! Showing them treatment to try, but ultimately He has to heal and save!!! That job forever belongs to Him. So, He wants you to testify of his goodness and grace! How often do you and others say no you can’t do this minister thing! God says Yes You Can!!!
When the doctors, professionals and you are all confused about what is going on in your body and why. God is here to say, “I AM NOT! I know all, I see all, I knitted you in your mothers womb. I made every cell, tissue and bone. Just look at me and I will show you how and why I am the chief physician who never lost a case!!!” You have to say Hallelujah Amen to that. So, this rare, unique, mysterious flower in God’s garden is destined to bloom. No matter how many storms come to destroy and cut you down. God controls storms, they cease at His command!!! So even when you are pruned again, because you will. You know who holds the future, your tomorrow and beautifully allows you to Bloom!!!
Love you and keep pursuing your purpose. You love this chapter of your life because God has pulled you through, made you see things you never thought you could face before and show you your strength in the midst of the storms.

Blessings,
Charmaine

So,
today I take my first extended walk
in my new neighborhood.
Along with fabulous loose-fitting pants & shirt
of upper-upper-middle age,
I am wearing one of those corporate sacs
offered at mandatory trainings I still attend
to support & enhance the skillsets I have & need
to keep the licenses I have & need
that support my house/car/insurance payments
& the demi-wildish lifestyle
of an intermittently aging hippie
who wants to keep working in the barren fields
of drugs and mental roadblocks
and to nourish her optimistic genes
as she attempts to keep hope & humor genes alive
so others can live weller, as she has
owning some of that history.
I love the bags. Groceries. Books.
Clothes for Goodwill or road trips.
I recognize this rehab emblem.
I have never been there so far,
even for a class. One can only hope.
Anyhow, the bags help me keep my car neat
or file papers I’m not sure about filing
in real-time-space,
and they’re wonderful if/when one has to move.
Always ready for a next time.
Downsize. I think I hate that word
but I’m good at it.

New neighborhoods,
like some new age numbers
mean change. Big ones.
Sometimes Loss.
Choose and throw.
Choose.
Throw.
And storage might need to be introduced.
Or more trash buckets.
And creative-use-of-less
becomes a skillset that earns
ice cream and or fig newtons,
always age appropriate.

I can’t drive today:
one tire has a nail in it and that garish
yellow emergency light goes on if I try,
which spoils any sense of comfort,
and it’s New Year’s Day,
so guess what’s open in a town as big my hand?
Yes, nothing.
So, I am taking a new-neighborhood walkathon
during which I notice I have an odd walk
which I blame on my left hip and leg
which seem to have lives of their own lately.
The hocus-pocus-body-folks would say
my inner Valkyrie female nature is
struggling/stuck/angry,
and it’s time for me to put down my shield and sword
and soak among Epsom salts and soft music
and allow what is nature to be nature.
My inner three-year-old,
who really runs the show is pouty,
and I am reminded that growth
& change happen,
no matter what.
Fig Newtons. Ice Cream.
Always appropriate.

Anyhow,
I realize I walk side-to-side like the local girl
who has the alt mind-set
which she announces at times, in intervals.
We know her and take care of her
(at a safe distance of course).
Sometimes,
she pulls or pushes a multi-purpose grocery cart
as she chatters to who-knows-who.
What is being said by her or heard by her
we are not clear about.
She doesn’t look at any of us. Ever.
Through, around, but never at.
Sometimes she has those big dark glasses on,
the ones used for eye tests.
Like mine.
Is that what people see
when they look at me?

She walks and rolls from side to side,
her feet tilted inward,
so her toes nearly meet.
No one ever wants to be in her way,
although we are not sure she sees us.
She does see something though;
that we know.
She takes right of way.
Local drivers know her; others
figure it out, fast.
That’s how I “met” her.
Coming out of Winn Dixie parking lot.
She walks carefully
through marked parking lot spaces,
always within the lines.
I am impressed with her sense of being.
We do not matter. Also, we behave.
So, is what it takes to survive these times?
I shall keep my odd walk
and see what happens.
I will apply the dark glasses,
the kind used for eye tests.
The big ones.
We shall see.
(That would be I and my psyche.)
A man walked towards me today,
near the turn circle in the new neighborhood,
and smiled, as if to talk. I smiled.
He walked into the park instead.
I suspect it was the glasses.
I might be too oldish.
For what I wondered.

I put the four books
stashed in my impressive green bag
into one of the two neighborhood
donation library boxes
after I checked to see what was inside –
my give-away books
were better than all the rest.
Nothing for me to take away. Today.
This life continues to offer lessons.
Good.
I am still open to change.
Fig Newtons apply.

I could use somebody
Not for a moment in time someone who’s all mine
you know they’d have to be pretty divine
a being in search of their highest self

you know spiritually inclined not just running around here low level with a dirty mind

But I need them truly concerned with elevating and transcending that little thing that you all consider time

Your avatar t doesn’t matter I’m concerned about the here and the there after
I called that our spiritual chapter

So the question is can you hold my hand , when I’m not me….
when I’m slaying my pain but still riddled with those things called grief and anxiety

When those emotional pain hits my gut
So bad bad they don’t wanna stay inside of me so I throw them up

but all I need you to do is be there
maybe hold my hair
just exist with no twist of your arm no red flags and no
Alarms

just long loving arms
Of spiritual devotion to the laws of the universe
I manifested this with my 123 love potion

Now guide this twin flame on it’s love ocean

A goddess love requires devotion and that’s to the ancestors of love/light to honor them you should do it well and treat me right

And if you do I’ll make sure I give you some like every other night

because the reality is… I could use somebody
somebody not to use me
but just to be…with me

And that’s on TruSpit

Oh what a time,
a time of curiosity
letting your hair fall differently each day
passionate words drifting from your soul
Into this world of constant stimulation
Hoping that you will bring a light to the minds of those who live in the dark

You are shining so brightly
Being yourself looks really good on you
You are growing and evolving
Becoming a woman of the divine
Allowing the simple pleasures of life
to bring light and joy to your heart inside

I love the way you laugh,
And share your love with others
You are truly so caring
You are learning to love
Letting your heart fill with joy
as well as the tears and the sadness
and the pain of all the years before

My love you are so strong
you forever stand tall
As you know you are made
To bring so much more

To the people around
Who wondrously wander
Hoping something will catch their eye
You are here to remind them
That their fire lies inside

Oh my love, my admiration for you runs high
A pure soul that never seems to dry
Keep shining your light
And just know
that your fire lies inside

Coffee.
Window watching.
Staring.
Seeing.
Always coffee first.
Sunshine. I see sunshine.
My eyes and brain and spirit
are very happy.
I go to the nearest chair
on my quasi-porch
and slowly absorb the coffee.
Ah hah,
I am ready:
messy red sneakers
and happy socks,
whooshy pants,
and a bright pink tank top.
I’m going to my version of heaven,
an island
still underdeveloped enough
to be magical.
I know it won’t be long
before it’s buried under the selfishness
of people,
so I put in all the time I can get.

I drive the bridge at illegal speeds
and sincerely hope
the State Patrol is nowhere
near me.
I notice other cars
and wonder if the passengers
will run over my spirit
by getting off at my island.

Well far out,
they keep going
and I’m the only car heading to the gates.
Used to be a state park. Now Real estate.
Good Real estate.
Still gated.
Good real estate.
Getting pricier.
Good real estate.
I have a sticker on my windshield,
so the gates part for me,
like I’m Moses at the Red Sea.
I drive
carefully;
State Patrol is everywhere
on this side of the gate.
They even have a building and parking spaces
near my first stop, the ladies’ bathroom.
Door slam #1.
Now, more able to drive carefully,
very carefully. SP everywhere.
Left turn into the historic district.
Yay, parking space.
Door slam #2.
Keys attached to the medallion around my neck.
Yay, I’m free.

I walk through the commercial area,
with the signs and stores
and quick cafes and outdoor
seating and price signs
everywhere.
Rabbits, squirrels, and I.
No people yet. (I’m not people.
I’m a leaf.
I’m a squirrel.
I’m the air.
Spanish Moss.)
No people. Yaaaay.)
I walk.
Small breezes pat my face,
fluff up my hair,
blow out my whooshy pants.
I shuffle along.
No people. Too early.
I walk.
I hear me breathe.
I walk.

I smile.
I watch the waves
dance in and out
and hear them bark at me,
welcoming me
as long as I don’t talk back.
I don’t. They carry on.
I hear seagulls.
I walk.
I see trees.
They see me.
Oh no, a human coming at me
from the opposite direction.
Yay. A non-chatty one.
A brief-waver. A smiler.
A me-form.
And we pass.
I walk.
I sniff.
I walk,
I stare and smile. I walk
I walk until I realize
I’m sweating
and thirsty
and sweating
smiling.
I find the water.
Walk. Walk.
Smile. Sniff.
Part human, part dog.
A friendly labradoodle thinks we’re family.
Owner is not pleased.
I smile and move on.
Dog wants to continue talking
so I wave. Owner waves.
Dog smiles. Dog gets it.

I finish my travels
as the hotel-stayers
and visitors
and locals
decide it’s time for breakfast
and begin to make too much noise,
so I find Luther, (the car)
and put on The Grateful Dead,
open the sunroof and
say goodbye to the family
and let them know
that, like Arnold Schwarzenegger,
I’ll be back,
whether they like it or not.
Like family.

Dog and I say so.

To Whom it Concerns and Dear Self,

I am to whom it concerns.
I have so much that I still need to learn.
I’m living in the now, not before or the after.
This is what I love most about this chapter.
To whom it concerns and dear self,
This chapter is titled health.
I am achieving my goals with stealth.
These feelings that I’m feeling were once felt.
This chapter that I love most is new to me.
I am myself and myself is who I choose to be.
Life is short so therefore I am living it fully.
I am constantly growing, and I am loving who I grew to be.
I mentioned before that this chapter is titled health.
Life is difficult and it can hurt like a snapped belt.
Life leaves visible bruises and unseen welts.
This is to whom it concerns and dear self.

By Kelly M. Wolff

In the garden of my late twenties,
Where dreams weave through realities,
I stand, a creator, a learner, a leader,
Crafting my path with the hands of a dreamer.

Each day a canvas, my career the brush,
Dipped in the hues of knowledge, a quiet hush.
With every stroke, I grow, I thrive,
In this dance of creativity, I feel alive.

Challenges rise like mountains steep,
Yet within me, a resolve so deep.
To climb, to conquer, to reach new heights,
Finding strength in the toughest of fights.

Impact is the echo of my silent roar,
Touching lives, opening a new door.
In this chapter, a rebranding so bold,
A story of transformation, waiting to be told.

As twenty-eight whispers of time well spent,
I gaze toward thirty with pure intent.
A decade looming with promises anew,
A journey of becoming, a perspective true.

In this blossoming, I find my grace,
A higher self in time and space.
Strong, unswayed by the external din,
Rooted in self, a radiance from within.

With every heartbeat, I fall deeper in love,
With the person I am, the skies above.
Pride swells like a tide, vast and wide,
In who I’ve become, I take immense pride.

That Time I didn’t give up.
I was in crisis feeling lifeless, but that didn’t mean that I loved life less. I just know I had to pass life’s test.
I had more blessings to go in my cup.
I had so much love.
Which is why I’m grateful for that time that I didn’t give up.
That time I didn’t give up.
Let me count the ways.
I gotta give God Praise.
I cherish my life that can’t be erased.
Remember you are strong and you are more than enough.
This life is so crazy rough.
Which is why I’m grateful for that time I didn’t give up.

Growing up, I had to tell myself during my teenage years and as an adult, that I was enough!
I remember back then when my self-esteem was determined by what others thought about me, the choices I made and if I was good enough for them instead of for myself. I remember wanting to be like my mother and my brothers. They all attended a school of higher learning. I recall going to my mothers’ graduation as a young teenage girl. She was a divorced mother of five children. She beat the odds and became a woman with a two-year associate degree in social work. Both of my siblings seemed to do everything right. Unlike them, I seemed to struggle with learning. I always had to double study for everything. My family seemed so perfect that I put myself down. Then, after high school, I ventured out to become a college student myself. It was not easy. I had no money. I got loans and Pell grants. I had to work and study. I often had to study all night, in libraries, my dorm room to pass a test. I finally got to be like my family, I thought! Extremely optimistic and then I became very unsure. I wondered was it just as hard for my family too? At college, I found myself very alone and missing my mother and the crisp scent of blankets of home. Instead, I was in a dorm with crickets and the smell of mold. Don’t get it wrong, I liked college life, it just became too much for me all alone. I eventually moved back to my home. Now, my education was in jeopardy. My expectations for myself seemed doomed. But the story did not stop there. I remembered I had a dream.
I met a man along the way, and we decided to marry. With two children and a third on the way, I remembered I did not finish what I had started. This time I had to juggle my family. I eventually would go back to college. I completed the course work for an associate degree just like my mother! After which I started to substitute in schools. I went on to complete my bachelor’s degree in business education. As my children grew older, I needed a flexible job. I read about a program that could help me become a teacher and receive a master’s degree. I said to myself, as I had lacked confidence along the way all along, because learning was hard for me especially with juggling kids now. Well, this program worked! I graduated with a master’s degree and became a teacher. I often doubted the process. I doubted my dream, but I say this to let you know, life will not always be easy. You may have goals in your life or future that you may wish to dream of. Well, today that dream can become a reality. With hard work and dedication, asking for guidance, and receiving help along the way, you too can benefit in the end.
You got this! Keep your head held up high, stay strong, try to ignore the negative thoughts, and persevere! Self-talk positively to yourself, positive affirmations to yourself! You can do it! Make good choices, try hard and do not quit, dream big and apply yourself. With the pressures of today for example: peer pressure, body image, family, friends, belonging, exposure to drugs, relationships, social media school concerns, and money struggles just keep trying. These are all real concerns that are staring you in the face, do not ignore it, seek help, and remember your dream! You are allowed to dream but think about making it happen! Had I not remembered my dream and I looked back to see what others in my family succeeded in doing and not myself, I would not be a teacher today. Self-doubt is real, peer pressure is real. I too had to fight. I cried to sleep. I had negative thoughts, telling myself during the process, “You cannot do this, you are a low-income family, you have children, just quit and go on.” But then, my inner strength kicked in and it told myself “Hey! You can do this!” Tell your beautiful self the same thing. I can work hard and never stop! I am not going to give up until my dream becomes a reality. Life is hard, but somebody must do it! Why not you! You too can make it! Decide what it is you want, go for it, take a chance, and do not stop!
You got this! You are enough!
By, Angela Pinkins

In the dawn of 2024, a canvas unfurls,
With goals profound, like precious pearls.
Self-love, like a compass, guiding my way,
In the gentle embrace of a brand-new day.

Within, I seek a love so deep,
A promise to myself, a secret to keep.
Mirror reflections, it is a start,
Loving every piece of me, a work of art.

In the tapestry of dreams, a vow I weave,
To embrace imperfections and in them, believe.
Stars in my soul, twinkling bright,
I continue on this journey of self-love’s light.

Acceptance, the bridge, to hearts that care,
In 2024, love is in the air.
No fortress of doubt, no walls to build,
A dance with hearts, the space is filled.

With open arms, I welcome the tides,
Affection and warmth in love’s sweet strides.
In this chapter, I choose to receive,
Love’s symphony, in which to believe.

Nurturing my mind, a garden of thought,
Seeds of wisdom, lessons sought.
Books and knowledge, like rain on soil,
A fertile mind, a lifetime to uncoil.

Learning and growing, expanding my view,
In the vast expanse of the intellectual brew.
A sanctuary of thoughts, a haven of peace,
Nurturing my mind, the quest shall not cease.

2024, a year of growth and bloom,
A tapestry woven with lessons from the gloom.
In self-love’s embrace, I find my might,
Accepting love, like morning light.

Nurturing my mind, a scholar’s quest,
In the pages of wisdom, I am truly blessed.
The mind, a garden, thoughts take flight,
In the canvas of dreams, I find my light.

So here’s to my 2024 journey, a story to tell,
In the symphony of life, where dreams swell.
I set my intentions, a heartfelt decree,
For a year of love, growth, and wisdom, to be.