A silent thought that now demanded my attention.
The universe knew exactly how to reveal this to me.
A problem that I fixed had finally released me from its bind.
I was going home.
The road hugged my tires like excited friends reuniting,
Usually a 7 1/2 min walk, stretched to a 13 min run.
13 min , the length of a how to video that I’m sure I’ll be frequenting more.
The garage door
creaked opened &
I was ushered inside.
The love of my life,
I husband to her Bride
her face full of:
fear,
wonder ,
here,
follow me!
She exclaimed.
Every noise on the planet dissipated except our foot steps:
ile, carpet, tile.
The light switch felt like the weight of the world.
I found strength from your love to flip it.
A stranger awaited me in my own bathroom .
I was to confront this foe without any idea that my life had found the meaning i was searching for
A vacuum of time,
my life In the rear view.
Thankful that I saw words,
instead of lines on that clearview.
But I only see one, where is the “not?”
What a terrible malfunction,
how could they have forgot?
Then, the beacon of truth
began to break through the mystery.
Those 8 letters have the chance to
alter history:
PREGNANT
Every emotion that I’ve ever felt became
unified-
all the pain of my adolescence,
all the courage of my youth,
all the fun of my independence,
all the worry of my work,
all the adoration for your mom,
They All joined together
to bring me this unmatchable joy.
The true essence of what it means to feel happiness,
I get to be a dad to a beautiful Baby Boy.

Don’t Give Up, It’s a Lie
I’ll tell you a story. Four years ago, I sat at the end of my chair at seven at night. I was tired, no exhausted, desperate, fearful, and as hopeless as I have ever felt in this false world, I built around me and played a make-believe character in, and I knew. I don’t know how I hadn’t known before. Maybe I had. Maybe I had always known. But right then I knew for sure.

It was a lie.

It was clearer to me in that moment than it had ever been before. I knew it without a doubt in my mind. I knew it and nothing and no one could ever change my mind.

It was a lie.

I did all the things you should do in that situation. I bent my head and covered my face and prayed. I prayed and I prayed and then I prayed some more. Tears streamed down my face, dripping on my shoes. The harder I prayed the more I knew.

It was a lie.

I had come to this place, this holy sanctuary three years earlier, searching, pleading for healing. I’d spent twenty-seven months on my knees in earnest prayerful repentance. I’d sat in circles surrounded on both sides by sexual addicts, pedophiles, and the sexually broken searching for healing. I’d listened for the voice of God to speak to me and fix my brokenness. To make me whole, make me straight. I’d sung songs, read verses, prayed endless prayers and nothing. But I tell you that night as my tears ran off the sides of my shoes and dripped to the floor, I knew.

It was a lie.

There was no amount of prayer or repentance that could make me straight. There was no sickness to heal in me. There was no sin to forgive. I was a lesbian not a sexual deviant, a lesbian. Everything they were telling me was false.

It was a lie.

Today I know as I did that night that I am whole just as I am. I’m not broken. I’ve heard a great deal about reparative therapy and trust me when I say it doesn’t work. Whatever else you read, whatever else you hear, remember this, it is not true. You cannot fix a homosexual and make them straight.

Don’t Give Up, It’s a Lie!

Perfectly Equal

Once upon a perfect day
All were equal in every way

Not color nor gender
Did prevent the render

Of kindness and care
Bestowed on everyone everywhere

In fact, all differences at hand
We celebrated in fashion most grand

And an impenetrable sphere
Protecting both straight and queer

And those dark skinned and light
Surrounded our earth, preventing a blight

Which threatened evil and strife
Upon this our most perfect life

For hate may have been the prequel
But equal would be the sequel

On this most perfect day
Conjured and imagined my way

I am learning to love you.
I am learning to love your smile and the way your chubby cheeks make your eyes chinky.
I am learning to love the extra curves around your hips and waist.
I am learning to love your deep and rich skin tone and coily hair.
I am learning to love you because you deserved to be loved.
You deserve to be loved in a way that tailors to all of your love languages.
You deserve to to be loved because your first priority is the needs of others.
You deserve to be loved even when you don’t feel worthy.
Even when you don’t feel worthy I promise to never abandon you.
Even when you don’t feel worthy I will still speak to you like a queen.
Even when you don’t feel worthy I will learn to love you.
Because I love you.

Dear Me,

Self-love has been a journey of a million miles after being torn down time and time again, insulted, hurt emotionally and physically. Self-love is difficult when you’re used to being lied to so much that your mind suddenly becomes your biggest bully. As I wrote in my poem about bullying that’s entitled Target “[when] the weight of the impact hits you repeatedly you learn how to fall apart without learning how to put yourself back together.” Self-love, that’s the chapter I’m on right now. I’ve read the words of Scripture that say “love your neighbor as yourself (Mk. 12:31)” and prayed for the courage to love myself as deeply as I love others. I’ve sat in the Confessional where a priest in persona Christi (in the person of Christ) pinpointed that I don’t love myself well. I’ve made many a visit to my therapists office with a self-love workbook in tow hoping that learning about it will help me to live it. It’s not perfect but I am learning.

I love how I’ve been unlearning the things I’ve learned from those who were trying to steal my light.

I love how despite the setbacks and difficulties you keep trying to put yourself together after you fall apart.

I love how you will say yes to anyone who asks you to dance because you want everyone to feel what it’s like to be accepted.

I love how you are everyone’s cheerleader. You believe so ardently in the beauty of other people’s dreams.

I love how excited you get when you get good news—you can hardly contain it and you just have to share with someone.

I love how you refuse to let apathy consume you but how you feel deeply and unapologetically.

I love how you speak from the heart.

I love how you valiantly stand up for the things you believe in even if no one is following you.

I love your tenacious spirit, your determination, and grit.

I love your ambition and drive to accomplish wonderful and beautiful things.

I love how you have a mother’s heart even though you have no children of your own.

I love that you want to heal the whole world with love.

But most of all if there is anything I love about you it’s this.

That even though the world has been so unkind to you, you choose to keep your heart soft and to be so kind to everyone you encounter.

Darling there is so much to love about you.

And I know that sometimes you forget that sometimes so I wrote this letter to you so when you’re down or discouraged and can’t remember any reason to love yourself you’ll have these 13 reasons to choose self-love.

Sincerely,

Dear Miss Evans,
How is that natural remedy working out for you? As per our last self-reflection, you seem to be in great spirits. I wanted to touch base and let you know that your efforts are always showing. I remember when you first got into your 20’s, self-sufficiency became second nature to you. I have a question for you, how did you beat Miss Jazmine Sullivan to picking up your feelings? Are you sure you didn’t co-write that song with her? Just kidding, but honestly though, it used to be only you and Jehovah who knew how you felt. I wanted to give you your flowers and let you know that I am PROUD that you’ve gotten better at being more emotional. Girl, I thought I would only see that side during “that time of the month”. It must be that fiancée of yours always making you smile. I see that he ALWAYS brings the best out in you and loves you dearly. Every time you talk about him you light up like a firefly. I love how much y’all make each other better. I love that he encourages you to be yourself even when you try to hide it. I remember when it was like pulling teeth to get you to express your feelings. A few times I wanted to box you because of your stubbornness. However, I love that you are honest about your apprehension of emotional expression with your soulmate. Thank you for letting him in and getting to know you.
I love your empathy for other people. I remember back in your high school days when you just got along with everybody. Cheerleaders, jocks, art lovers, nerds, heck even the quiet kids, you just seemed to have a knack for being well-rounded. I see how much you consider other people’s situations and feelings. I know it comes from a good place within yourself however, you still must remember you have feelings too. I see that you have gotten better at taking mental breaks. I’m glad that you even took up a new hobby of creative writing.
Despite not always being able to express yourself emotionally growing up, I am proud that you have found a better outlet than your comfort snacks. You know that love-hate relationship you have with bread. I see you started to lighten up on your food choices and it’s showing in your skin. You got your skin-care regimen intact and that is awesome. Plus, your natural glow suits you.
After five years of this remedy, it has shown positive results in your whole aura. I love that your relationship with Jehovah has strengthened in the past couple of years. I see you studying your bible now and again. I’ve always loved your thirst for knowledge in all aspects of life. Spiritually, it seems like you have a better understanding of the human interaction with God. I pray that you continue your journey to understanding yourself and others.
Overall, the natural remedy of self-reflection, empathy, and understanding have been the greatest part of your journey. Keep up the great work and remember to pray.
Sincerely,
Your Inner Child

Hey girl, I see you.
I’ve been watching you since you came into this world.
Born to a single mother, to live the life of an only child.
You were unexpected but loved and spoiled nonetheless.
The only grandchild for almost a decade.
Truly loved, adored, and blessed.
I saw you then, and I see you now.

Always had a big heart, and a people pleaser.
An enormous love for your family, and a sensitive side like no other.
Filled with joy and ambition, yet also filled with fear and anxiety.
Shy about life, but willing to get out there and dance for the attention.
You embody dual personalities, a Gemini to your core.
A unique way of seeing more than one side,
as you explore the things that life has in store.
I saw you then, and I see you now.

I didn’t know it then, but I know it now.
I am in love with you.
You set the standard for the very essence of who I am today.
You have always been a dreamer, dreaming of a path full of love and success.
A dream you have reached and surpassed.
Creative and smart, always figuring out ways to get things accomplished
and always on a quest for knowledge.
As you transformed into a young woman and began to explore the world,
I watched and waited as you slowly unfurled.
If the world only knew your past experiences and all that you have been through,
they would never understand how you stand so beautifully poised, but you do,
and this is what I love most about you.
I saw you then, and I see you now.

You’re a survivor girl!
Abuse, abandonment, and a dysfunctional family curse are scars you will always wear
and burdens that you will always bear.
They are the medals you wear to showcase your ability to overcome
and proof that you will not, and can not, succumb.
The way you have fought through such adversities is only a testament to your strength and your willingness not to give in to the overwhelming thoughts deep within.
Now that you are in the fullness of life, as a woman who has grown,
I see even more compassion within you.
Your loving and adoring spirit has a vibe all its own.
I saw you then, and I see you now.

So look at you now,
as you stand in your truth and you live out loud.
Take a look in the mirror and see what I see.
A woman who loves to laugh and is not afraid to be vulnerable.
A woman who uses music to tell her story and soothe her soul.
I see you clearer than I’ve ever seen you before.
It’s in the way you care for others,
putting their needs before yours.
Making sure that your nearest and dearest loved ones
feel all the love that you have for them.
Sometimes they feel burdened by your love,
but honestly, you know no other way.
With much-given respect,
you go hard for them in every aspect.
Continuously praying that they understand your intentions
and know that your love for them is without conditions.

A wife, a mother, a friend, and most of all a woman of God.
Always praying for strength and peace.
You are truly the best thing in MY life.
I love you to my core.
I just want you to know that you are irreplaceable
and I will continue to see the beauty within as no one else will.
From the very beginning,
I saw you then, and I see you now.

Love,
Me

Photo by Bru-No from Pixabay

I’m lonely because my reflection has no one to hold
The outline of my ghost seen from air that is cold
The vacancy used to be home to love so bold
My reflection used to smile the same way the sun made nature happiness unfold

But it’s become a mirror of the Jamaican blue waters searching for something tangible in frustration
Anger has become a raging river of pillowcase tears spilling over the edge of my mind in desperation
It feels like fire burning my frozen fingertips to ash when my cloudy eyes began to leak precipitation
I hugged the numbness where my speech completes puzzle, and her fingerprinted lips became my long-forgotten embrace of sensation

Feelings have been evicted, because complacency in place of self-growth was more stylish
My living quarters are filled with the residue of erased poetry regrets because love is too expensive to furnish
I can’t afford to keep falling on this psychological couch only to flood my frustrations and not move forward and allow my purpose to be banished
Moving sucks, the packing of emotions and unpacking a reality that shares tents of bluish

So, instead I’ll just jump so I won’t have to ever slip again
Love doesn’t exist, I said as I got dressed in my final outfit of sin
I went out to eat for the last supper, fin
Then drove to the bridge to take a dive to the end

I jumped and felt the winds of fear flush reality back to my consciousness
The waves of laughter mist a reminder that life isn’t that bad when our voice says ha ha
The breeze of memories gives me a taste of moments I kept locked away for safe keeping
Forgetting where I put the key, like the lost famous recipe

Depression opens my eyes and I see the weight it bears but when I zoom out, I see my hand pressing down on my shadow causing the darkness to surround me
I’m falling and I can see the bottom increasing
The last memory I allow myself to have is: when I bought flowers for myself

Because the colors help me see the sunshine from the shade or moon from the dark
The curves remind me of the smile I still own
Lest I continue to lease short term happiness for joy
Every time I fall, I witness the natural healing of the body
Loneliness is walking on eggshells by your heels
But forgive yourself and the solitude of peace begins to blanket you and I again feel
I bought flowers to say I love you
And for that last second, I breathe into death and say life isn’t that bad
Concrete darkness crashes into dreams
And my eye lashes rise their rays as I awake to a new day
Cold panic sweats greet me but remember I can just wipe it away
I go to the restroom, brush my teeth, and recite my daily affirmations because today is not yesterday
I love me and add extra icing for the pieces I feel don’t belong
My heart still beats so I sing my song at the top of my lungs, like I’m in the car by myself
Some petals have wilted but a new season welcomes the future bloom
I love me and that’s enough no matter what anyone else thinks
I love me because God loves me
p.s. I had to jump to fall in love with myself…

Hey, Oz:

I know it’s been a rough start to 2024. The health issues with both parents carried over from 2023. The skies above have been cloudy and gray for so many days. And since the end of the holidays, the days feel the same. Wake up, go to work and go to sleep.

Add to that, Valentine’s Day is coming up. Which tends to add on an extra layer to the sense of doom and gloom already being felt.

But I’m here to remind you, you’re not nothing. You light up in the world in so many ways.

Whether it be your beaming smile in the most candid of moments. The words that you put out that offer hope, even during the most difficult of days. Or, being as relentlessly positive for everyone in your life. The presence you carry each day resonates with other people.

I totally get it. As much as you appreciate everyone’s kind words, it tends not to stick around for very long.

This is your inner voice saying that you matter. You always have and always will.

Now, go forth and be the light that you wish to see in the world!

I have spent most of my life trying to learn how to love myself.
After leaving an abusive relationship in January of 2001 I was a complete mess. I was a single mother of three little ones that needed me to pull through. There you will find your strength. Someone, somewhere, still loves you. Deep into your core. Do not be afraid to be who you are, because YOU are love.
I started to write poetry.
One lonely night, after my kids were in bed, I started to reflect. The darkness seemed to slowly fade away, and the following words flowed freely, and opened up my closed heart.
I felt compelled to share it with The Unsealed family. Here goes my heart.
Someone, somewhere out there loves you. They love you for who you are, and they love you for your heart. They love you for everything that you stand for, and that you believe in. They do not hurt you, but encourage you to follow your dreams. They will not tear you down, but will wipe away the tears. when you are too weak from crying, they will hold you. When you feel as if your heart is breaking, and you do not think that you can go on, there, you will find your inner strength. Your power, your truth. do not ever be afraid, to be who you truly are. YOU are loved by you.
You will embrace the changes, the struggles and those pains. Please, don’t you ever feel like you need to change to be loved. Love is who you are.
Your road has been hard. It has been paved with loneliness.
If being lonely is what it takes to find YOU again, then let it be. Don’t be afraid to travel this world alone. take time to observe all of humanity.
You have found that we are all different on the outside, but we all bleed the same. Broken people will hurt you often due to their own pains. You will learn to spot them. Careful who you let in. Do not be cold, that is not who you are. Expand love within.
When all is said and done, you will find that you have walked many journeys in solitude. Alone. You have learned that people, are people, they trip up just like you. You have learned that holding onto bitterness, and anger is a huge mistake. It will only hurt you. Knowing that you are unstoppable. You keep moving on. At the end of the road, you will find that someone, somewhere, has been with you through the battles and that they have loved you all along…

I wrote these words the night that I found myself again. When I realized that all I needed to do was to love myself. It is still an every day battle at times, but I love the woman that I have become. Thank you for reading. I hope that it makes a bit of sense to someone.