Giselle,

I remember the day I met you
I know you do too
I was lost looking for the cafeteria and I saw you

That day was the first day in my new school as a freshman coming in midyear. I had nine more inches of hair, a bunch of metal in my mouth, two less teeth, and a shyness so natural to me I would never speak up in class (or dare to make a noise in a quiet room). But, something that day made me talk to you. I asked if you knew where the cafeteria was and that I was new. You said

no

You said

you were lost too

The best thing about this story is that we found each other when we were both lost. This may sound dramatic––and it kind of is––but I was truly lost in that point in my life. I was lost in this big city with no friends, no direction, but as God had it, you were new too. I’m so grateful for you. We grew with each other, laughed with each other, cried with each other, danced with each other, and we did all this knowing it was always meant to happen.
I don’t think I was me until I met you. You made me more bold. You gave me strength. When I was down about my talents that one day junior year and thought I had nothing going for me, you made a list of everything I was good at. You decorated it with your vibrant colorful pens, and gave it to me with a speech. I still have that list today and I’m still so grateful for it.
You always made me feel worthy and you have always grounded me. No matter how different we are, you have never judged me and always had faith in me. I know I would be a much different person if I never experienced your kindness, or never rapped the song Mona Lisa with you everyday on our way to school, or never cried with you over facetime because of IXL, or never graduated with you, or never asked if you were lost that day too.
You are the one person in my life I know I will never have to live without. Thank you for always being more than just a best friend to me. Thank you for being my life’s soulmate and my sister I never got to have.

Your forever person,
Braya

Doubt. That feeling of swirling thoughts, a floating stomach, a locked jaw… It’s amazing the sensory input your body creates when you are unsure of something. And equally amazing how assuredness feels so much more peaceful. We tend to second guess, invalidate, or discard reason when we chase after that feeling of assuredness, trying to make the best decision. And this is the reality of doubt, a distorted perception brought on by uncertainty and further exasperated by panicked attempts at diverting it.

Turning thoughts over and over again will not bring you clarity. You have to let things rest. You have to face your doubt head on rather than turning your back on it and chasing after certainty.

As someone who has lived in a constant loop of indecision, giving power away, regret, and rebellion, I know what it’s like to doubt yourself. I spent so many years weighing my choices against other people’s expectations that I lost my inner guidance. Doubting one decision and letting fear be my guide led me to doubting all my decisions because I was so unsure of what was correct for me anymore. This doubt and disillusionment caused me to rebel, to go further away from myself. I was chasing after assuredness rather than looking at what was holding me back. I had to break the cycle. I had to look at my doubt and question where it was coming from. I had to be friends with it.

I’ve been on a journey of befriending my doubt for three years now. What used to be a large, dark, gnawing figure is now more like an annoying itch or a scared kid who just needs some reassurance. But I wouldn’t be able to look at my doubt with this level of acceptance if I kept chasing the most correct and assured options to compare myself to. I never could have conquered and transformed my doubt if I didn’t befriend it.

While I agree with the general consensus “Don’t listen to those who doubt you,” I like to think that you should listen to your own doubt. Don’t take it as fact. Don’t let it guide your life. But listen to it. Take some time to figure out where your doubt is coming from. Then take some more time to figure out how you can transmute it into self-awareness. Don’t let doubt be your guide, just look at it as that a part of you that needs a bit more attention. A part of you that needs a friend.

To Those Who Doubt Themselves,

Most people never discover how far their talents can take them.

Instead, it is so easy to let doubt hold you back. It’s so easy to ponder if you are smart enough, good enough, or have the stamina to climb the mountain you see ahead. And, of course, it doesn’t make it any less daunting when you have naysayers – people who say you can’t do it. But what I want you to know and what my journey thus far has taught me is that you’re in control of your destiny.

There are so many instances in life where I was scared to pursue a challenge. When I got accepted to an Ivy League school, I didn’t think I was smart enough to attend. When I decided to start a business, I didn’t know if I had the experience or resources to pull it off effectively. And when recently, I decided to start learning how to code websites, I honestly didn’t know if my brain could absorb a computer language.

As I questioned my abilities in those circumstances, other people also doubted me. Here are just a few comments I heard from people:

“You’re not as smart as the other kids who go to Columbia. You won’t do well there.”

“Do you know how many people fail at starting a business? You’re wasting your time.”

“How are you going to learn to code on your own? There are so many levels to it. You’ll never be able to be proficient in it.”

Despite my doubts, and the doubts of others, I pursued each challenge anyway.

I repeatedly told myself, almost like a religious mantra, “If someone else can do this, I can do it too. If someone else can do this, I can do it too.”

I made the dean’s list every semester during my last two years at Columbia(I think). My very first post, when I started my business, went viral. And with computer code, I found a cheap course online, and I am enjoying learning to code. It’s actually coming to me pretty easily so far.

So, don’t listen to any of your doubters. They are projecting their fears onto you. Always have confidence in yourself because right now, you have no idea what you can accomplish in your life. But I promise you, if you take a chance, if you have a little faith in yourself, and never give up, you just might be one of the lucky ones to find out.

With Love,

To My Dear Little One,
I have waited for you for a long time. I pictured myself holding your little body and playing with you. I do so love my family and the thought of expanding my loving unit thrilled me to no end. After all I have 2 beautiful children that have always filled my life with so much joy. Adding a new person would only expand my world with new purpose and happiness.
Then it finally happened. The day I was waiting for with baited breath. You finally arrived. That very first time I held you was so sweet. My heart soared. You were so perfect. Now you are getting bigger and every day your smile brightens my day. I love our face-time meetings. I am excited to see the changes that happen every day as you get bigger and bigger. You are an amazing baby.
My love for you has added a new dimension to my every day life. You give me a moment of respite in my busy and sometimes stressful day. You are also so much fun to talk to in our baby talk love language. In addition, every day I try to think of a brand new love song to sing to my dear baby boy. My voice is terrible but you don’t seem to mind.
Thank you dear sweet little love for bringing so much sunshine into my life. To you my dear baby boy, as my sweet grandma Lottie would say to me in Yiddish ” Gut Guzunt” and much “Simchas” in your life.
Your Grandma,
Shelley

To people who are too hard on themselves.
When I meet young people who have low self esteem or lack confidence it makes me sad. I was raised with a lot of love so I always felt special. But many people come from homes where there isn’t a lot of support. As a result there is no one to bolster them up when they fail. I wish I could be there for all the young people who need someone to tell them its ok to have setbacks. I would tell them they must keep trying because eventually they will succeed. And I will always be there to catch them if they fall.
When I was a 7th grade teacher in New Jersey I had a student who was failing math. When I would meet with this young girl she told me she just couldn’t keep up with the class in this subject. She just felt getting a good grade would be impossible for her. She was sad and dejected. As a teacher, it was my job to bolster her up. So thats what I did. I gave her private tutoring sessions 2 times a week for several months. Slowly but surely her test scores went higher and higher. She started to feel more confident in her math skills. By the end of the year she had a B average in math. How very rewarding that moment was for both of us.
I have learned so much by just journeying thru life all these many years. We all have our own personal strength that we can tap into when needed. I also believe we are not an emotional island. We must all reach out and seek support. If your heart is open you will find that there is love all around you. You just have to be willing to accept the miracle so appropriately put by Hilary Clinton.. It takes a village.

To someone who is too hard on themselves,

You must be so anxious and stressed. You never seem to be where you want to be in life. I know how you feel because I have felt this way, too. My older sibling was always smarter than me. As a child, he did better in school than me, and as an adult, he certainly makes more money than me. It is as though I have had this bar way above my head my whole life. And no matter how hard I work or how many times I try, I never seem to jump high enough to graze that bar with my fingertips. And yet, I never stop trying.

Throughout my adult life, I have worked weekends and nights. I have lost sleep as thoughts of work ruminate in my head, and I have pulled all-nighters just because I have felt like I needed to get more done. All too often, I find myself exhausted, stressed, and frustrated. And I have come to realize that those emotions are not helpful. I started my company, The Unsealed, 3.5 years ago, and until this past weekend, I hadn’t taken one vacation.

An opportunity to go to Disney World arose. And seriously, who can say no to Disney World? I attended shows, tried out new rides, and ate at new restaurants for three days. It was so much fun. I gave my mind a break – a moment to live in the present and enjoy the people in my life and the blessings surrounding me. I drove home on Sunday. Now, it’s Monday, and I feel refreshed and motivated. The weekend made me realize how important it is to come up for air sometimes.

For so long, I put pressure on myself and never took my foot off the gas. But that’s not healthy or productive. So, if you’re like me and push yourself very hard, I hope you learn to be kind to yourself, take breaks, and live in the moment. When you take days off, don’t think about work or whatever you are pushing yourself to do. Give your mind and your soul time to refresh, recharge and recalibrate.

Your ambition probably won’t ever go away. But what I have come to realize is that if you want to do your best in life, it’s vital that you feel your best.

Don’t measure your success with someone else’s bar. Prioritize your health and your happiness. And always appreciate where you are, where you’ve been, and where you’re going.