Doubt. That feeling of swirling thoughts, a floating stomach, a locked jaw… It’s amazing the sensory input your body creates when you are unsure of something. And equally amazing how assuredness feels so much more peaceful. We tend to second guess, invalidate, or discard reason when we chase after that feeling of assuredness, trying to make the best decision. And this is the reality of doubt, a distorted perception brought on by uncertainty and further exasperated by panicked attempts at diverting it.

Turning thoughts over and over again will not bring you clarity. You have to let things rest. You have to face your doubt head on rather than turning your back on it and chasing after certainty.

As someone who has lived in a constant loop of indecision, giving power away, regret, and rebellion, I know what it’s like to doubt yourself. I spent so many years weighing my choices against other people’s expectations that I lost my inner guidance. Doubting one decision and letting fear be my guide led me to doubting all my decisions because I was so unsure of what was correct for me anymore. This doubt and disillusionment caused me to rebel, to go further away from myself. I was chasing after assuredness rather than looking at what was holding me back. I had to break the cycle. I had to look at my doubt and question where it was coming from. I had to be friends with it.

I’ve been on a journey of befriending my doubt for three years now. What used to be a large, dark, gnawing figure is now more like an annoying itch or a scared kid who just needs some reassurance. But I wouldn’t be able to look at my doubt with this level of acceptance if I kept chasing the most correct and assured options to compare myself to. I never could have conquered and transformed my doubt if I didn’t befriend it.

While I agree with the general consensus “Don’t listen to those who doubt you,” I like to think that you should listen to your own doubt. Don’t take it as fact. Don’t let it guide your life. But listen to it. Take some time to figure out where your doubt is coming from. Then take some more time to figure out how you can transmute it into self-awareness. Don’t let doubt be your guide, just look at it as that a part of you that needs a bit more attention. A part of you that needs a friend.