Dear Me,

Self-love has been a journey of a million miles after being torn down time and time again, insulted, hurt emotionally and physically. Self-love is difficult when you’re used to being lied to so much that your mind suddenly becomes your biggest bully. As I wrote in my poem about bullying that’s entitled Target “[when] the weight of the impact hits you repeatedly you learn how to fall apart without learning how to put yourself back together.” Self-love, that’s the chapter I’m on right now. I’ve read the words of Scripture that say “love your neighbor as yourself (Mk. 12:31)” and prayed for the courage to love myself as deeply as I love others. I’ve sat in the Confessional where a priest in persona Christi (in the person of Christ) pinpointed that I don’t love myself well. I’ve made many a visit to my therapists office with a self-love workbook in tow hoping that learning about it will help me to live it. It’s not perfect but I am learning.

I love how I’ve been unlearning the things I’ve learned from those who were trying to steal my light.

I love how despite the setbacks and difficulties you keep trying to put yourself together after you fall apart.

I love how you will say yes to anyone who asks you to dance because you want everyone to feel what it’s like to be accepted.

I love how you are everyone’s cheerleader. You believe so ardently in the beauty of other people’s dreams.

I love how excited you get when you get good news—you can hardly contain it and you just have to share with someone.

I love how you refuse to let apathy consume you but how you feel deeply and unapologetically.

I love how you speak from the heart.

I love how you valiantly stand up for the things you believe in even if no one is following you.

I love your tenacious spirit, your determination, and grit.

I love your ambition and drive to accomplish wonderful and beautiful things.

I love how you have a mother’s heart even though you have no children of your own.

I love that you want to heal the whole world with love.

But most of all if there is anything I love about you it’s this.

That even though the world has been so unkind to you, you choose to keep your heart soft and to be so kind to everyone you encounter.

Darling there is so much to love about you.

And I know that sometimes you forget that sometimes so I wrote this letter to you so when you’re down or discouraged and can’t remember any reason to love yourself you’ll have these 13 reasons to choose self-love.

Sincerely,

A passion so deep, it indulges in the most.
Infatuated with the lust life brings and the thoughts it hosts.
A passion so deep, it indulges in the most.
Head over heels in this rat race they boast.
A passion so deep, it indulges in the most.
Unconditional acceptance from the highs and lows.
Leave no room for judgment, whether bitter or love.
A toast for the unconditional love.
A passion so deep, it indulged in the most.
Body positivity now so mighty and haute.
Self love is key to staying afloat.
A passion so deep, let it indulge in your truth.
Reveal your potential and see your way through.
For these are the things I see within me, do you see them in you?

My dear lovely,

Has another year passed already? Look back, you’ve come so far. Don’t linger too far behind my dear. The future is bright. I am so proud of who you are becoming and the progress you have made in the last 365 days.
There are more reasons I am proud of you than there are droplets of water in the ocean you love so much.
The curves of your hips, thighs, and stomach as you pursue the things you love is an inspiration to me. I cannot linger enough in your presence. Those chocolate eyes could pierce the soul of the soulless. The curls of your hair tease the wind with their beauty. Your bright smile brings joy not only to me but to all those you love and all those who see you.
Your puzzled frown when you don’t understand something and the smirk when you do, all make me happy to my core. You are the most lovely one I have had the pleasure to see every day.
The core of who you are is pure gold and you weather storms like the seasons coming back each time, stronger, better, and more vibrant. You are fine liquor, age only enhances your features.
Your mind is so complex and you are smarter than anyone gives you credit for. You are wise beyond your years. Your open mind and heart will one day find its way home, wherever that ends up being.
You are one to be envied. The confidence in your stride as you take on each day is unmatched. I turn in wonder when you enter a room. You are fierce and strong. You are one in a billion and yet you are not alone.
You love deeper than the ocean and forgive more than the sun shines. The moon guides your heart back to me, every time I fancy that I have gone too far or hurt you too deeply.
My favorite time of day with you is the morning coffee and the eggs and bacon frying in a pan. I adore the late night camomile tea with the book in hand and the weekly Epsom salt baths. I will always take good care of you.
When you drift into paused consciousness tonight, remember these words. You are a goddess of written text, a queen of beauty, the master of balance, and the heir to a world of unknowns and learning. I will cherish your heart and soul with every breath and to the beat of your heart.
I will love you until I journey to the path beyond time.

Sincerely,

Your forever love

Dear Miss Evans,
How is that natural remedy working out for you? As per our last self-reflection, you seem to be in great spirits. I wanted to touch base and let you know that your efforts are always showing. I remember when you first got into your 20’s, self-sufficiency became second nature to you. I have a question for you, how did you beat Miss Jazmine Sullivan to picking up your feelings? Are you sure you didn’t co-write that song with her? Just kidding, but honestly though, it used to be only you and Jehovah who knew how you felt. I wanted to give you your flowers and let you know that I am PROUD that you’ve gotten better at being more emotional. Girl, I thought I would only see that side during “that time of the month”. It must be that fiancée of yours always making you smile. I see that he ALWAYS brings the best out in you and loves you dearly. Every time you talk about him you light up like a firefly. I love how much y’all make each other better. I love that he encourages you to be yourself even when you try to hide it. I remember when it was like pulling teeth to get you to express your feelings. A few times I wanted to box you because of your stubbornness. However, I love that you are honest about your apprehension of emotional expression with your soulmate. Thank you for letting him in and getting to know you.
I love your empathy for other people. I remember back in your high school days when you just got along with everybody. Cheerleaders, jocks, art lovers, nerds, heck even the quiet kids, you just seemed to have a knack for being well-rounded. I see how much you consider other people’s situations and feelings. I know it comes from a good place within yourself however, you still must remember you have feelings too. I see that you have gotten better at taking mental breaks. I’m glad that you even took up a new hobby of creative writing.
Despite not always being able to express yourself emotionally growing up, I am proud that you have found a better outlet than your comfort snacks. You know that love-hate relationship you have with bread. I see you started to lighten up on your food choices and it’s showing in your skin. You got your skin-care regimen intact and that is awesome. Plus, your natural glow suits you.
After five years of this remedy, it has shown positive results in your whole aura. I love that your relationship with Jehovah has strengthened in the past couple of years. I see you studying your bible now and again. I’ve always loved your thirst for knowledge in all aspects of life. Spiritually, it seems like you have a better understanding of the human interaction with God. I pray that you continue your journey to understanding yourself and others.
Overall, the natural remedy of self-reflection, empathy, and understanding have been the greatest part of your journey. Keep up the great work and remember to pray.
Sincerely,
Your Inner Child

Hey girl, I see you.
I’ve been watching you since you came into this world.
Born to a single mother, to live the life of an only child.
You were unexpected but loved and spoiled nonetheless.
The only grandchild for almost a decade.
Truly loved, adored, and blessed.
I saw you then, and I see you now.

Always had a big heart, and a people pleaser.
An enormous love for your family, and a sensitive side like no other.
Filled with joy and ambition, yet also filled with fear and anxiety.
Shy about life, but willing to get out there and dance for the attention.
You embody dual personalities, a Gemini to your core.
A unique way of seeing more than one side,
as you explore the things that life has in store.
I saw you then, and I see you now.

I didn’t know it then, but I know it now.
I am in love with you.
You set the standard for the very essence of who I am today.
You have always been a dreamer, dreaming of a path full of love and success.
A dream you have reached and surpassed.
Creative and smart, always figuring out ways to get things accomplished
and always on a quest for knowledge.
As you transformed into a young woman and began to explore the world,
I watched and waited as you slowly unfurled.
If the world only knew your past experiences and all that you have been through,
they would never understand how you stand so beautifully poised, but you do,
and this is what I love most about you.
I saw you then, and I see you now.

You’re a survivor girl!
Abuse, abandonment, and a dysfunctional family curse are scars you will always wear
and burdens that you will always bear.
They are the medals you wear to showcase your ability to overcome
and proof that you will not, and can not, succumb.
The way you have fought through such adversities is only a testament to your strength and your willingness not to give in to the overwhelming thoughts deep within.
Now that you are in the fullness of life, as a woman who has grown,
I see even more compassion within you.
Your loving and adoring spirit has a vibe all its own.
I saw you then, and I see you now.

So look at you now,
as you stand in your truth and you live out loud.
Take a look in the mirror and see what I see.
A woman who loves to laugh and is not afraid to be vulnerable.
A woman who uses music to tell her story and soothe her soul.
I see you clearer than I’ve ever seen you before.
It’s in the way you care for others,
putting their needs before yours.
Making sure that your nearest and dearest loved ones
feel all the love that you have for them.
Sometimes they feel burdened by your love,
but honestly, you know no other way.
With much-given respect,
you go hard for them in every aspect.
Continuously praying that they understand your intentions
and know that your love for them is without conditions.

A wife, a mother, a friend, and most of all a woman of God.
Always praying for strength and peace.
You are truly the best thing in MY life.
I love you to my core.
I just want you to know that you are irreplaceable
and I will continue to see the beauty within as no one else will.
From the very beginning,
I saw you then, and I see you now.

Love,
Me

Photo by Bru-No from Pixabay

I dont tell myself no anymore.
I dont fear the devil at the door
Cuz I asked the world for bread and got a stone
& I refuse to be alone
See, this is the love I show to me
The greatest form of bravery
To shine so bright that everything grows
A fountain that never ceases flow
This sunflower spirit reaches for light
An inextinguishable will to fight
& when shadows come
my face still turns for sun
Who needs many roots when your held by the sky
With energy that’s riding high
I’ve learned the art of balancing
There’s equal peace and passion inside of me
No matter how high I’ll never fall
There’s clarity in standing tall
So I don’t say no to me
I radiate self loyalty
That kind of faith is kinetic
I’ll watch it ignite you in ways that are prophetic
See now I love stones
I move through them so others can grow
Holding all the shades of me
All the shadows casting free
Groundwork- this is fuel
Soil to reach & feel through
See I’m in love with the sun
& the sun is me
& I can follow that heat with longevity
Extend that heat with loyalty
Wrap myself in shadows & shine
Cuz I don’t need more light
I dont tell myself no
I love the depths of shadow.

Untying the knots from my own shoulders
& neck
Healing the parts I deserve back
Shaking my hips for no one else
Relighting the fires I once forgot
Returning to balance all by myself

Steam rises from the porcelain
I take a deep breath and submerge

Water envelops me
Cleansing my pores
Massaging my thighs

A flood of calm seeps into my mind
Dissolving my worries
Sanctifying my psyche
Giving birth to myself

The hot spring arrives
I am surrounded by pines and snow fall
I exhale